Where does a gay Minneapolitan look for a LTR?

August 26, 2007 8:01 PM

Advice for a gay man looking for long-term-relationship oriented prospects in the Minneapolis Metro area.

I'm asking on behalf of a close friend. He moved back to the Minneapolis metro several years ago. I have to say I think he'd be a great catch: he's a well-educated, well-read professional who takes great care of himself and works out, and he's also a truly good and sensitive person. But he's having a hard time finding decent dating prospects.

He's not much for bars and clubs. He has done a fair bit of chatting and met with several people through gay.com, and tried profiles at match.com and yahoo dating. A problem he particularly talked to me about is people he's met through these sorts of venues showing little interest in or even aversion to long-term commitment, which is really what he's looking for. It's not that he's insisting things start right out on these terms, but he's having trouble finding men who even see it as a desirable outcome, and he's at a point in his life that it's really what he wants out of a relationship.

So, any advice about how he could expand his connections? Online dating amenable to gay and commitment-oriented? Tips particularly for the Minneapolis Metro scene but not focused on bars and clubs? Thanks for you advice.

posted by nanojath to human relations (7 answers total)

For starters, tell him to get off gay.com as fast as possible. It's the right place to go if he wants a quick hookup, but he's pretty much never going to find a relationship there.

I used to live in St. Paul, and I found it hard to meet men without pursuing the online options. There are a fair number of bars, but they seem particularly focused on, shall we say, short-term commitment. It's odd, because the Twin Cities are ridiculously gay-friendly, but there somehow aren't as many opportunities to meet men out there, in my experience.

He might do better with coffee shops; Vera's and Wilde Roast are big gay hangouts. Barbette used to be full of gay guys back when it was still Cafe Wyrd, but I'm not sure if that's the case any longer.

Otherwise, I met a lot of guys through MySpace and Friendster. He can also try spending time working for the Minnesota AIDS project, singing with the Gay Men's Chorus, or doing something for the Mayhem, the Minneapolis gay rugby team.

No matter what option he chooses, remind him that he's going to have to be proactive. Even when you're a great catch, you still need to fling yourself in order to be caught.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 8:26 PM on August 26, 2007

What about trying to meet men at cultural venues and events -- the theater, museums, gallery openings, readings, concerts, wine tastings, etc.? I always think trying to meet people that way (whether platonically or romantically) can be a better bet than bars and clubs because the event immediately establishes that you've got something of substance in common besides being single.
posted by scody at 8:31 PM on August 26, 2007

The Minneapolis gay men I know in long term relationships found love in the gay chorus or in gay rugby or involved with something similar.
posted by glibhamdreck at 7:00 AM on August 27, 2007

Not Minneapolis-specific, but I'll mention chemistry.com. It costs money and I have to say, I was not impressed for my first few months on it. But it eventually paid off. Might be worth a shot.
posted by veggieboy at 8:14 AM on August 27, 2007

how about a gay activity group, like rock climbing, mountain biking, kayaking, etc.? getting involved in something or being active is typically a sound way to meet other people...
posted by kuppajava at 2:46 PM on August 27, 2007

I have a friend who plays on a gay soccer team in the Twin Cities and tried a gay running group. They exist, but I'm not sure how he found out about them. Craigslist? He hasn't found love yet, but at least he's out there.
posted by moreandmoreso at 9:30 PM on August 27, 2007

Thanks for all the responses.
posted by nanojath at 8:00 PM on August 28, 2007