How to find time to do everything in life?

August 4, 2007 11:36 AM

Not-enough-hours-in-the-day-filter: Any advice on developing/maintaining skills which require daily practice/effort, while balancing other priorities and time commitments (heath, family, creative pursuits, etc.) ? (specifics inside)

There are about a zillion things I want to do in my life, but with some thought I can distill it down to a handful of priorities. These are not simply "pastimes", but skills that I want to actively maintain and develop over my lifetime, and which require DAILY, dedicated time and effort:

(in no particular order):

SKILLS/HOBBIES to practice daily:
-Work out at the gym (to lose a significant amount of weight and maintain physical health for myself, my wife, and--eventually--children)
-Compose music (for personal pleasure and occasional freelance work--this is my passion, but it often falls by the wayside when life gets busy)
-Practice one or more musical instruments (to maintain my skills on my primary instruments and also to learn a new instrument every once in a while)

FAMILY/HOUSEHOLD
-Spend time with my wife (and eventually children) and maintain our relationship
-Keep up with chores and do projects/maintenance around the house, yard, etc.

CAREER
-Teacher planning (I am a high school teacher which requires some "homework" nearly every night--planning lessons, grading papers, keeping records, etc.)

ADDITIONALLY:
-Meditate daily
-Read/contemplate/write/journal/pursue creative interests
-And, I strongly desire to begin training in a martial art


I work approx. 7am-4pm as a high school music teacher, and often have evening rehearsal commitments as well (7-9pm once or twice per week). By the time I squeeze in a workout, this leaves very little time to practice anything else on my list, let alone spend time with family, pursue more casual interests, or have any "down-time" for relaxation and recreation. In the meantime, months and years pass and my most important skills go undeveloped.

I realize that the life I am describing here is not particularly extreme, and that most people are able to balance their career, family, health, hobbies, and creative pursuits in some way. How?

I'm not necessarily looking for time-management tips (I have read and partially implemented GTD and tried several other techniques, and tried several pieces of software for scheduling, goal-setting, motivation, etc.) I suppose I'm looking more for philosophical input, advice from personal experience, and practical suggestions for keeping up with stuff on a daily basis without squeezing together an unmaintainable schedule.

posted by Alabaster to sports, hobbies, & recreation (20 comments total)

I'd suggest working on anxiety issues. What gets in my way is procrastination--a byproduct of anxiety. Learning that anxiety is a part of life and to be accepted, not fought, allowed me to cut procrastination out almost entirely.
posted by Ironmouth at 11:47 AM on August 4, 2007 [2 favorites]

Since you want to lose a "significant" amount of weight -- a goal best obtained through a significant investment in exercise -- I'm thinkin' that exercise is a top priority and time commitment.

The best way to jump start an exercise commitment is to get addicted to it, heart, body and soul. To the point where you'll feel a little "off" if you don't get your workout.

Start slowly at the gym, or running in the 'hood, and work up. Keep at it. Eventually it'll get under your skin. At this point, you won't need external stimulus or motivation, because you'll feel yucky without the routine workouts.

It'll take time to get to this point, but once you do, you'll love it.
posted by Gordion Knott at 12:07 PM on August 4, 2007

Slow down.

You're a teacher, husband and father. That's three full time jobs right there, trying to do more is just setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. So keep it loose and flexible.

Engage your family in some of your activities. Work out with the wife and/or kids. Take a martial arts class with the wife and/or kids.


You'll have more time once the kids are grown.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:11 PM on August 4, 2007

I'm not actually a father yet, I'm just keeping that in mind as I imagine my future and all the things I want to fill it with.
posted by Alabaster at 1:06 PM on August 4, 2007

But your point is well taken.

Still, there are plenty of husband-fathers out there who manage to practice an instrument daily, engage in other creative pursuits, play a sport, etc. without sacrificing family and work life.

I'm not asking to perform miracles, just for advice on balancing my priorities on limited time.

To the first responder: it's not that I procrastinate--I'm not looking for advice on staying motivated. I'm looking for advice on "fitting it all in" in a balanced way without going insane.
posted by Alabaster at 1:11 PM on August 4, 2007

1. LOG OFF THE INTERNET.

You'll have so much more time once you do that.
posted by Doohickie at 1:34 PM on August 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Accept and prioritize.

You can't do everything on your list. You'll kill yourself trying and you'll drive people away from you too. I used to try to squeeze everything in, but eventually you reach a point where everything you do is mediocre. I'll use me as an example - 60 hour a week job that I love, graduate student, marathoner, volunteer, friends, SO, family. That's a full schedule and I had to let go of other goals - daily practice of Spanish and Italian with a goal of fluency, 3x weekly dance classes, additional profession certifications, etc. It's a bummer, but even the best scheduled and most productive person cannot do everything.

Decide what's important and focus on it. Let other stuff slide for now. You can always reprioritize to move other goals to the top of the list.
posted by 26.2 at 2:32 PM on August 4, 2007

I'm a mom who, until a semester ago, was working about 1/2 time as a college teacher, raising two preschool-aged kids fulltime, and looking for time to 1) exercise; 2) write; 3) be more thoughtful about my spiritual practices and 4) have some solitude and down time. Probably there are more pieces than that.

What has helped me move in some of those directions is to take small, specific steps and set up outside accountability. For instance, for a writing project I've been thinking about for awhile but not doing anything with, I recently started a blog. I'm pretty sure nobody in the world is reading it, but my sense of obligation--wanting to keep it regularly updated--is helping with this early stage of floundering around looking for my direction with the project.

Also, stating really plainly what I want to my partner and asking for his help has been useful. "I'd like to be finding some time to do X. How can we do that?" Right now, I have a standing Tuesday night all-to-myself night while he hangs out with the kids, and I'm mostly using it for quiet down time.

Having babies has made me learn to trust, too, that life is long, and one way of balancing is to let things come and go in their season. That's not so good for exercise, sure, but my writing life has waxed and waned, and I'm also recognizing as I get a little bit older (I'm almost 42) that my life also has annual rhythms and even longer ones than that. So it's not necessarily that I have to find a way that every week of my life includes biking, writing, being with the kids, having some down time, working on a quilt, baking something from scratch, reading a really good novel--but that a certain time of year, I might be cooking more and at another time of year I might be getting outside more, and at another time writing steadily for a few weeks at a time. It's hard to trust those longer cycles, but as I have more of them, I'm beginning to.
posted by not that girl at 2:39 PM on August 4, 2007 [2 favorites]

exercise is good, but I would try to cut your exercise time. if you get serious about a martial art you might not have to go to the gym, especially if you also diet to control your weight issues (i seem to remember reading something about moderate changes in diet making a much bigger difference in weight than moderate changes in exercise). if you must do weight training or another form of exercise, see if you can get the equipment to do it at home, because you will save time by not actually having to go to the gym.

also, if you can afford it, pay someone to do anything you don't have to do yourself or isn't personally fulfilling (like probably housework).
posted by lgyre at 3:57 PM on August 4, 2007

As a H.S. teacher, maybe you have more time off in the summer?

Seconding Doohickie; getting off the internet and turning off the TV might help if you are spending much time with them.

Also, is your wife on your side in terms of doing these activities? That's important.

You may have to compromise on some of your goals. Trying for too much can cause frustration.
posted by DarkForest at 4:09 PM on August 4, 2007

You can maintain your relationship with your wife and eventual family if you sit down and eat dinner with them every night, and do at least one fun thing with them on the weekend. Also, let your wife claim a couple of hours of your time a week for what she wants the two of you to do. That time will be worth a lot to her.

You can probably find a few minutes to meditate every morning, before there are any other claims on your time.

Me, I prefer to knock my work obligations out as soon as I can after coming home, with an eye to doing only what's absolutely necessary.

As far as the rest of it, you're not going to be able to do everything every day. I'd suggest going through phases where you concentrate on one thing. Do just enough of the others to keep from losing your skills altogether, maybe just on the weekend.

I like to make lists with two parts - things I have to do, and things I want to do. I reward myself for finishing the things I have to do by doing something I want to do. That keeps me doing things.
posted by found dog one eye at 6:04 PM on August 4, 2007

Advice is personal, in the giving and the taking of course. But here is my input based on some experience:
Compartmentalize. Family, work, hobbies etc cannot mix, on the emotional level. You may need to learn to clear up your mind, as much as possible and dedicate yourself in each endeavor separately. It's easier said than done, I know, but practice helps and that is by far my most insightful offering.

Be realistic. If you really want to do everything "well", you will have to accept and expect that there are going to be periods, shorter or longer, that you might feel like not doing everything. Or anything. It is okay. Let go for a while. For instance, when a kid comes along, you might have to reduce other activities simply because you will be too tired to pursue them. Be prepared for the worst case scenario, that there might be something that you will have to give up entirely.

Be fair. Make sure that the people around you (your spouse, your friends, your kid, your boss etc) are okay with your doing so many different things. In other words do not be selfish. Multi-tasking is often challenging on the person but the others too. At the same time, people tend to criticize more and sort of expect more of you if they see you holding up under pressure. So, don't rub it in the slackers, you know! I am only slightly joking here.

And one more thing, vary your "routine(s)" and be kind to yourself, listen to how your body and mind respond to what may prove overcommiting. Don't push it. Life, we got only one to live, should be fun, right? Right? And if it feels like ready to snap, fuck it all, and come to Florida, where I'll be a happy beach bum already :)

Heh. In case it's not obvious, I am personally not entirely burnt, but, well, sort of golden roasted...
posted by carmina at 7:20 PM on August 4, 2007

Does the maths even work? You work 7-4 = 9 hours. Assuming 8 hours sleep, that only leaves you seven hours for the rest of the day. Assuming 1 hour for morning brekky/shower etc. and 1 hour for dinner + prep + clean up you're down to 5. Then probably two hours for work planning (IANAT, but I've lived with them) and you're down to 3. Then an hour for the gym, and you're down to 2. If you then want to practise an instrument, that's another hour. You now have one hour to meditate and recover from the ridiculously over scheduled day you just survived.

What I'm trying to say is that there is no way you could do everything you want to do daily. Maybe as a single person with no friends, maybe.

So, suggestions. (I love organising other people's lives, so please excuse me if I get carried away).

- Firstly, turn off the TV and disconnect the internet. Or at least limit both severly.

- If you're serious about losing weight, then this has to be a high priority, after your career and wife, obviously. The most likely options for scheduling in exercise are on the way to, or on the way home from work. In an ideal world, you could ride or walk to work, but as a teacher, you probably need to carry to much. If it were me, I would plan to go to the gym on the way home on days when I didn't have an evening engagement. Three times a week is plenty, especially when you're first starting out. Then try to increase the amount of incidental exercise you do. If your wife is up for it, try to do one active thing on the weekend together: walk somewhere, go iceskating, go swimming.

- Make one afternoon or evening on the weekend work time. Try to knock off as much school work as possible during this time. Any leftover time can be used for composing/practising. Try to be more efficient with your planning/marking - do more at work, get very organised before term starts, and you might manage to claw back enough spare time to compose more often.

- Save the musical hobby for your holidays. It's the only perk of being a teacher, the holidays. During holidays, practise every day, take lessons in the new instrument, and practise that everyday. Compose to your hearts content.

On preview, a lot of this has been said already.
posted by kjs4 at 8:46 PM on August 4, 2007

I always highly recommend the book 'Refuse to Choose' . The author gives specific strategies for keeping track of all the things you'd like to juggle...even if you have to save some of them for next year.

Also, this thread.
posted by sLevi at 8:48 PM on August 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

One more suggestion: (this exercise comes from the book the Artist's Way) For one whole week, read nothing, and watch no TV. That means no newspapers, no books, no internet, no movies. The original purpose of this exercise as I recall is to cut off outside noise and allow your creative mind to relax and then begin working.

I highly recommend trying this out. When I did this exercise, I was shocked at how much time was freed up, and how much I was able to accomplish. I hold that week as the 'gold standard' now of how much I know I am capable of fitting into one small week!

This experiment will give you a very good idea of how much time you could actually devote to the things you want to do, if you make them higher priority than the internet and TV! And, it will give you a start on actually doing those things, which will inspire you to continue.
posted by sLevi at 9:34 PM on August 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Small tip: multi-task. eg Commute via public transport and write lists/mark papers/prepare lessons or "read" online books while exercising/walking to work.
posted by b33j at 10:12 PM on August 4, 2007

I have admired (but, caveat lector, not yet tried) Life Balance, a piece of software by Llamagraphics. Briefly, it allows you to fit your tasks into an outline under (a convenient small number of) your top-level interests like 'self-development', 'job', 'family'.

Now you're already thinking, 'Awww, man. Planning software? Go, on with ya.' Well, OK. It does do the time-management stuff you're imagining. You tell it if the task has any prerequisites, or is on a deadline, or can only be done in a certain place or during certain hours, etc., so the program can get it into/out of your face as appropriate. In that dimension, it appears to have all the features you'd need.

But more importantly, you tell it how much effort (time, mental energy) the task takes. Every time you check off a task, it updates a (weighted, moving) tally to show how you've balanced your efforts among your top-level interests. It compares that tally to the balance you tell it you want. And it reshuffles the to-do list to promote the tasks that are in deficient areas. (It takes approaching deadlines and such into account, too.) You can do whichever task you'd like, but the top rows of the list probably offer good advice.

The tactical advantage, of course, is a little more 'mind like water': It unclutters your head not only of your tasks, but of your concern for the lifestyle that those tasks comprise. The strategic advantage, if you're like me and if using Life Balance is like I think it is, is that it undistorts your view of time: It does force you to confront the limits of your resources, but it also helps you give yourself credit for using them, and sets you up to make plans for using them better, as you define that, without snarking at you.

I have the dangedest time with all these things I want to do, and with worrying about the fact that I can't do them all, and with my slightly excessive hatred for doing things that are necessary to a goal but not sufficient for it, and I end up ... well, on the Internet. Er. Anyway, I am seriously contemplating going to Life Balance, if only because it could keep me dancing from interest to interest and force me to acknowledge that the combined pressure from all of them would not allow such niceties as sleeping and bathing, but also force me to see that I can get some good done even if I reduce the frequency with which I hit some of them, and let me do that <sinatra>Myyyyyyy Waaaaaaaaay.</sinatra>

I've written a five-paragraph testimonial and I haven't even used the software yet. And I wonder where my time goes.
posted by eritain at 11:42 PM on August 4, 2007

I can answer the workout one (as someone who is absolutely abysmal at discipline or regular schedules): get a personal trainer.

It's expensive, which is partly how it works. All you have to do discipline-wise is show up once a week, and how much money it costs you when you don't helps substantially to prevent you from skipping or forgetting it.

So far I've maintained a regular workout for much longer than I ever previously managed on my own (I'm 41).
posted by lastobelus at 6:29 AM on August 5, 2007

I did not notice the workout part... I lost significant weight (after childbirth). The one thing I know is that dieting took a big toll in my ability to concentrate and do some physical stuff. And it can affect you phychologically. But it might just be me. Try to lose weight *slowly* over an extended period of time. Couple of pounds a week is normal rate, I think.
posted by carmina at 7:24 AM on August 5, 2007

I think the conventional lifestyle in our society (full-time job, mortgage, kids) is pretty much *designed* to leave you with zero free time, probably because most people with a lot of free time just get themselves into various kinds of trouble. So if you want to pursue all kinds of hobbies and interests, you may have to consider a radical change to a lifestyle more off the beaten path.
posted by mcguirk at 7:28 AM on August 5, 2007 [1 favorite]