Is it bad that I want to bicker?
July 17, 2007 4:45 PM Subscribe
Is it a horrible idea to date outside the personality type you're most attracted to?
posted by dorothy humbird to human relations (31 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
So, for most of my life I have been intrigued by the sort of antagonistic love affair embodied by Rhett and Scarlett, Han and Leia, Prof. Higgins and Eliza, Rochester and Jane, Petruchio and Kate, Benedick and Beatrice. I tend to be drawn to guys who have an air of [more or less] commanding self-assurance and who are willing to challenge me on my ridiculousness, bicker and banter with me as well as have healty intellectual debates.
Of my two most significant romantic experiences, the one long term relationship I've had did not especially follow this pattern, while a few months of dating another chap more closely emulated the gold standard, and I found it delightfully refreshing.
Now to the present: I've got a crush on a chap in my circle of friends, who is not so much a Han Solo as a Luke -- which is to say, pretty awesome in his own right, just a substantially different personality: less confident and commanding, more introspective and sensitive (obviously, there is a balance). He's really attractive, and can make me laugh. I like talking to him about the things that fascinate him -- if there's one thing I require in a person I'm going to involve myself with, it's that they be passionate about something. We have very similar tastes in media (movies, music), and both heartily enjoy outdoor pursuits -- I mean, we're in the same fairly close-knit group of friends, so clearly we share some interests. We have good dialogue in emails, on the phone, in person. I'd be perfectly happy just being friends, except I'm frequently seized with the desire to pounce him and take things to a very non-platonic level.
The crush is mutual, to the extent that he has admitted he likes me; however, I told him that things couldn't work out because I was a) still hung up on my previous relationship (I was), and b) too uncomfortable with his being a year younger than me, and feeling like I needed someone older (by several years, preferably).
...but, it's been a few weeks and while I'm not shaking the crush; I AM re-thinking my earlier statements. Ex-chap is looking less and less of a tragic loss, and current chap is looking significantly less young and naive now that the ostentatious flirting has died down.
I'm only in my early 20's, so I figure there is something to be said for trying it before I knock it, right? I'm just concerned that I have these doubts beforehand, as it makes me feel like anything I'd be getting into with him would in some ways be an experiment. (But then... dating kind of is, right?)
Insight and advice, anecdotes, horror stories welcome -- should I just see where things go and stop agonizing about it (I do like him, after all, and you're only young once!) or should I hold back and not muck things up?