Should I visit my almost estranged grandmother?
July 13, 2007 11:23 AM Subscribe
I'm moving across the country. I haven't seen my 70 year old grandmother in 5 or 6 years. Should I make the effort to go out of my way and see her before being thousands of miles away? Of course, there's quite a bit
posted by plaingurl to human relations (6 answers total)
She is my paternal grandmother, and my only living grandparent. (Both of my grandfathers died before I was born and my maternal grandmother died when I was 13.) This alone should be enough to justify me going out of my way to see her before moving. However, there are a few catches.
When I was 18, my father got diagnosed with cancer and died three months later. I saw my grandmother at the funeral, and maybe once since then. After that, her communication with my family (my mother and two sisters) pretty much stopped. I realize that burying a child is an extremely difficult thing to do, and think that it may have just been easier for her to cut off ties. I also realize that we should have probably tried harder to keep in touch with her, but we didn't, and you can't change the past.
As I neared my college graduation, I decided to restart communication with my grandmother. I'm not very good on the phone, so I started sending her letters. For the past two or three years, I have been sending her cards with letters updating her on my life at Christmas, Easter, and Valentine's Day, and sometimes other times if I think about it or find myself at a card store. I always make sure she knows how to get in touch with me, and she's never responded.
I have two options for the move:
Should I stop and see some friends of mine from school, who I am still in touch with, since I will not likely be back on this coast for years and none of us can really afford cross-country travel? Or should I go out of my way to see my grandmother, knowing that her health is not that great, without even knowing if she'll want to see me?
Unfortunately doing both is not an option. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?