I have the face of a teenager

July 12, 2007 7:34 AM

Can I have trimmed facial hair for work? I look so young without it and I feel really self conscious when I am clean shaven....

I am in my mid/late 20's and still haven't managed to gain that 'weathered' look that most men seem to have. I tend to combat this with a little bit of facial hair. I couldn't grow a proper beard (probably) but I do have reasonable amount of facial hair in the key areas.
Every once in a while though a business meeting comes up where I've felt like I should be clean shaven. The only trouble is I feel really, really self conscious when I have a clean face. I look pretty young (probably about 19/20) without 'stubble' and I'm very aware that's the sort of age I must appear to whoever I am meeting. I have a junior management position in London and I work with people probably generally 30-40. I'm so self-conscious without it and I can't seem to get around it, knowing that people must be judging my competency on how young I look. It affects the way I feel, speak and conduct myself.
Is some trimmed growth acceptable at work? Can I get away with it or should I just forever more sit, knowing I'm being judged at various meetings and black tie functions?

posted by anonymous to society & culture (24 comments total)

Facial hair doesn't make you look older- it just makes you look like a young guy with facial hair. You say you can't grow a full beard, which leads me to believe you have some patchy areas. And nothing looks younger than, "Look, Ma, I can grow bits of hair on my face!" Proceed with caution.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:38 AM on July 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

Having the face of a teen-ager and being self-conscious about having the face of a teenager are two different things. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when your self-consciousness influences the way you talk or act, which is what people will really judge you by.

Perhaps find a close friend to talk to about it or see a therapist. Confidence comes from the inside out, not the outside in. (sorry for being trite, but I think it is true, albeit trite)
posted by GuyZero at 7:45 AM on July 12, 2007

This is hard to respond without knowing the extent of the growth.

I'm going to disagree with TPSH a little here. I can't grow a full beard, but a goatee and mo are no problem - and they do make me look older. Of course, I have no real need to look older. The opposite, if anything, but I'm lazy. (I only grew them due to a drunken faceplant and the inability to shave afterwards due to scabbing). Is that what you mean, or are we talking about soul-patch stuff?

Summary though: if in any doubt - shave. If you feel self-concious now about looking a bit young (which everyone has done), imagine how you'd feel if someone slights a somewhat-crap beard.

(also, regarding your last sentence: you'll be getting judged either way. If you're going to be doing these things, you're going to have to cope).
posted by pompomtom at 7:51 AM on July 12, 2007

I both agree and disagree with Pink. Facial hair can make you look older but only if you can grow it properly. I look far younger without mine but I'm prematurely graying as well, so more hair=older in my case. I'm a prof so I can't comment on acceptability outside the ivory tower.
posted by monkeymadness at 7:54 AM on July 12, 2007

I have this EXACT same problem. I'm 21, young-looking face, constantly getting carded and people telling me i look like 17/18. I grow a little hair on my chin to counteract it, which I think makes a big difference (it's not patchy). However, I was recently hired as an electrical engineer, and pondered shaving it. Luckily, the firm I work for is quite laid-back and I don't feel out of place at all.

I say do whatever makes you feel most confident.

PS - are you as sick as i am of people saying "oh, you'll appreciate it when you're older! then you'll still look young!" SHUT IT I DON'T CARE.
posted by lohmannn at 8:12 AM on July 12, 2007

Unless you have a job that specifies in its dress code that men be without facial hair, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to have it.
posted by fallenposters at 8:15 AM on July 12, 2007

If you can't grow a "proper" (what) beard, then don't do that, or it'll make you more neurotic. Maybe you can rock a moustache or a van dyke or something. If you want a "weathered" look, get out near the sea and spend time there.
posted by boo_radley at 8:18 AM on July 12, 2007

Beard growing:
If you start growing it at the beginning of a long weekend or vacation, and keep the edges neatly trimmed, it will look quite beard-like at a very early stage (a few days) provided you can supply the hair.

Being judged:
With maturity, you learn how to say "fuck 'em" to strangers' knee-jerk opinions. This is why old men wear socks with their sandals.
posted by cardboard at 8:26 AM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

The biggest problem about facial hair is you can't just have it. You have to own it. Shape it.

Seriously, if you're all wild and patchy, PSH is right, you'll just look like a young guy with bits of hair on his face.

If you're trimmed and well-groomed, whatever kind of bear you have* well, then that can add a few years to your face.

* I'll admit personally, the soul-patch seems to be a pretty self-conscious style which I don't dig.
posted by canine epigram at 8:39 AM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Oh cripes. Whatever kind of beard you have.
posted by canine epigram at 8:39 AM on July 12, 2007

I'm seconding monkeymadness. Facial hair, if properly kept up can make you look older and perhaps help you feel like you fit in better with the 30-40 year olds. My advice though, is get someone who can honestly evaluate how you look (at last resort perhaps go to a hair stylist or the like). My roomate in college decided to grow a beard because his girlfriend liked it, but it looked kind of...stupid in my opinion. So get it checked out by someone you trust.
posted by jourman2 at 8:48 AM on July 12, 2007

My husband also has this "problem" of getting carded despite being over a decade past that age. It helped (imo) when he grew long sideburns. I've also seen him with a beard and though it took awhile to grow in, I thought it also added a little age. But try longer sideburns first, especially if you have patches elsewhere and/or don't see facial hair at work.
posted by artifarce at 9:06 AM on July 12, 2007

(He went from no sideburns at all in this case, so depending on what you have already, this may not work)
posted by artifarce at 9:09 AM on July 12, 2007

Keep the stubble. If your boss dislikes it, they will say something. Your being uncomfortable due to the way you look is going to distract from your ability to manage and do your job.

Keep your stubble neat and trimmed. Dominicans and Puerto Ricans do this and it's affective. Have deliberate straight edges along your facial hair and definite zones of "hair" and "no hair" zones. Keep the hair at a buzz cut level on the face - no stray elongated hairs and no patchy areas.

One worry is to watch out for ingrown hairs along the neck area but you should know how to handle this by now.
posted by Stynxno at 9:44 AM on July 12, 2007

anon's response:

Appreciate the input MeFi - When I say 'can't grow a beard' I don't mean I have a wispy few hairs that I'm hoping do the trick. My coverage is reasonable - My neck, lower jaw and chin / goatee area are covered - I just mean I think a 'proper' beard would be roughly twice the hair and covering my entire cheek! It looks kind of trendy I think when I grow it a bit. The sort of growth I mean is that classic 2/3 days growth, 5 o'clock shadow that is probably easy for other guys, but the concern is that people will think it's not appropriate for business on me. I keep it tidy when its like that and don't let it get to a point where someone might think I'm trying - and failing - to grow a beard. If it helps, with the growth I am sometimes either assumed to be the right age or slightly older. Rarely does that happen when I am clean shaven. Just want peoples interpretations of the acceptability of that in the world of business. Thanks.

posted by mathowie at 9:50 AM on July 12, 2007

My facial hair is not very strong or full. I use an electric beard trimmer so my facial hair is always at least a third of a millimeter long. I use a normal razor for the neck and a little bit under the chin so it looks trimmed and clean.
posted by PowerCat at 9:58 AM on July 12, 2007

I would go past the 2/3 day growth to the 5 day range, and then keep it trimmed to around that length. If you can grow a short beard to a decent density, this would make you look older. It avoids the problem of 2/3 day stubble, since scruff of that length could make you just look lazy and unkept. A week's worth of growth makes it look like a choice.
posted by craven_morhead at 9:59 AM on July 12, 2007

I opt for the van dyke, and I shave the rest of my face only once a week. Because I hate shaving, but also don't want the full beard, although I had that for years. With the Van Dyke, the not shaving doesn't stand out as much.

I haven't gotten any negative feedback, although my job doesn't require me to meet and greet much.
posted by genefinder at 10:40 AM on July 12, 2007

Serious laziness and a general disdain for shaving has seen all manner of silly facial hair grace my chin. I've had a goatee, a Van Dyke, a soul patch, 5 o'clock shadow, 10 o'clock shadow, and for a couple of days, I rocked a handle-bar mustache.

I'm a supervisor in a communications company, I've never had anyone say anything, other than to remark on when I change it drastically.
posted by quin at 11:36 AM on July 12, 2007

Despite what previous questions may imply, I'm not wholly retarded regarding this subject. I think a well-trimmed goatee and mustache would be fine, provided you didn't go for a too artsy look (if you aren't in an artsy setting).
posted by schroedinger at 11:47 AM on July 12, 2007

Grow it, trim it, go to work, and ask some co-workers (including superiors, not necessarily those that you work directly under through) who you think will (a) give you a straight answer, and (b) not respect you less for having asked.

Don't explain your reason for asking, your worries, etc, just tell them that you'd like to present yourself well at work, and does this trimmed look work for that, or would you be better off clean-shaven.

Factor for tact and politeness. See if there is a consensus.

(If there is not a consensus, it means it probably doesn't matter very which which one you pick, so quit worrying about it :)
posted by -harlequin- at 4:47 PM on July 12, 2007

Sorry to piggyback this question - but this is a serious issue in my life as well - very serious -

How the hell do you keep a 4 to 5 day stubble at that length? Even if anon keeps the shadow look (which is cool) how can you maintain? I always end up having to shave - I get two or three days a week where I'm happy with my protobeard, then four days of growing it out after a horrible day of bald, pudgy hairless babyface.

Seriously - electric razor? What brand? This is vital info. I think anon needs it as well.

Anon - I also don't get full hair coverage on the cheeks, but everywhere else looks good. Example. But it's difficult to maintain that length. When I worked in sales, I had to shave all the damn time, and I hated it. Eventually left that job - now I can do whatever I want with my facial hair - important thing is to keep the neck trimmed.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 2:12 PM on July 18, 2007

B_B, for a long time I used a Wahl electric clipper (The same one I use when I shave my head.) If you take off the plastic length guard, there is a metal cutting edge that is adjustable from no stubble to a millimeter or three. It works great.

Recently I found something similar to this at an antique store and have switched over to it almost completely. It's basically the same as the electric, it's just hand powered, and I feel it's a bit more precise.
posted by quin at 2:56 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Facial hair doesn't make you look older- it just makes you look like a young guy with facial hair. You say you can't grow a full beard, which leads me to believe you have some patchy areas. And nothing looks younger than, "Look, Ma, I can grow bits of hair on my face!" Proceed with caution.

Couldn't disagree more...

Anon - I completely get your quandary here. I used to do the 'shave when I have to' thing but mostly have 2 days of growth (using a cheap beard trimmer from Tesco) to take the edge of the young look. I think everyone just thought I was scruffy, I'm not sure what was worse.

I think you just have to shave for important meetings. A friend of mine had a similar situation. He grew as full a beard as he could.

The results are down to personal opinion I guess.
posted by tomw at 8:53 AM on December 3, 2007