Rule of thumb about who to invite at work to your wedding?

July 9, 2007 6:30 PM

How do I decide who at work to invite to my wedding? I'd love to invite everyone on my 20 person team - even the ones I only have worked with with five minutes here or there (Most of them.) But I'm afraid by inviting them, I may be making them feel obliged to come, lest I get offended. (I wouldn't at all.) Is there some sort of rule of thumb here?

And what about my boss's boss, who I've had a total of maybe 4 minutes of conversation time with (99.9% chance he won't come, mainly because he doesn't know me and doesn't care). But he ultimately is the person who hired me since my boss is a contractor and not fully my boss.

...My motivation is that I am wanting to have a good relationship with everyone since I really like my job and want to stay.

posted by parma to society & culture (16 comments total)

Unless I was friends with a co-worker outside of work, I wouldn't expect to be invited to their wedding. And in all honesty, especially if I didn't know them that well, I wouldn't want to go, either.
posted by sutel at 6:35 PM on July 9, 2007

The rule of thumb is to invite people you are close to.

Unless you are very good friends with your coworkers, like sutel said, I wouldn't invite them. When you invite people you're not really close to, it winds up seeming like fishing for presents. You could invite your boss only, and that would be appropriate, but if you invite some of your team and not the others, that might be awkward. And I wouldn't even consider inviting your boss' boss.
posted by tastybrains at 6:40 PM on July 9, 2007

Could just give a blanket invite (informal, via email). Lets everyone know they are invited if they would like to come, but nobody would feel bad for not coming.
posted by jpdoane at 6:47 PM on July 9, 2007

My motivation is that I am wanting to have a good relationship with everyone since I really like my job and want to stay.

People should be invited to your wedding because they love you, you love them, and you're asking them to support your marriage. Or because you're related to them and your mom said you had to.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:57 PM on July 9, 2007

do you have a particular subgroup you work with most? i think it's okay to invite some and not others, as long as there's a natural division. otherwise, i would just invite your closest work friends and make sure they know you can't invite everyone (just say you don't want to seem like you're fishing for presents) and they should be canny enough not to spread it around.
posted by thinkingwoman at 7:06 PM on July 9, 2007

See, I don't know, my brother invited everyone he worked with, and he had the best wedding I've ever been to. Though he didn't have a very typical job. I guess it all depends.

I wouldn't want most of my coworkers to go, but then, it's not like I'm a lifer or anything. It's all context. Pick people who would contribute to the atmosphere of celebration.
posted by blacklite at 7:06 PM on July 9, 2007

I invited one work person to my wedding: we did stuff outside of work - and continue to, even though we haven't worked in the same place for more than a year - and we'd been friends for a couple of years already.

I'd vote no to using a wedding invite to solidify work relationships (unless it's a supervisor - that's a trickier situation). Use your work to solidify your work relationships. That and the occasional drinks-after-work thing never hurts. As with all advice here, YMMV.
posted by rtha at 7:10 PM on July 9, 2007

I would invite them all. I think the real issue is the gift. You don't want to look like you are trolling for gifts by inviting randoms. I would invite them all but make it clear no gifts expected.

If you do not invite them all, invite the ones with whom you have a relationship and your boss and boss's boss.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:14 PM on July 9, 2007

My friend put up an invite on the wall of where we worked and sent personal invitations to the people that she really, honestly knew and loved. That way, no one felt left out and no one felt like the were obligated,
posted by thebrokenmuse at 7:27 PM on July 9, 2007

i would avoid inviting everyone - it could look like you are grabbing for gifts.
posted by MeetMegan at 7:34 PM on July 9, 2007

A friend of mine wanted to invite all her co-workers, but couldn't afford to provide dinner for all of them. She just posted a flyer in the break room and sent out a mass e-mail saying that she was getting married and was inviting everyone to come to the after-dinner dance part of the reception to party with her. Lots of people came since there was music and free beer, but it wasn't the type of thing that made you feel terribly obligated.
posted by christinetheslp at 8:01 PM on July 9, 2007

Definitely not the boss' boss, who barely knows you. Yes on your boss, yes to the people whom you like and whom you interact with regularly. Remember, they may spend weeks listening to you talk about your upcoming wedding (I would feel very rude talking about a party or whatever to people whom I wasn't planning to invite.)
If you have the money and room on the guest list to invite them, and would enjoy having them there, then why not? They can always politely decline if they don't want to go.
posted by emd3737 at 8:27 PM on July 9, 2007

a mass e-mail saying that she was getting married and was inviting everyone to come to the after-dinner dance part of the reception to party with her.

I like this idea but how does that work if you have it in a hall with an open bar? Doesn't the caterer charge the open bar by the head?
posted by any major dude at 9:51 PM on July 9, 2007

You can always sub-group, where the people you really like and know well get invited to the whole thing, and the rest get a cursory "No gifts!" invite to the reception or whatever. (If you say "No gifts," it'll reduce the weirdness).
posted by klangklangston at 12:50 PM on July 10, 2007

I've been invited to (and attended) several "work" weddings. I've enjoyed one or two, but I'd have been happier not to have been asked to any of them. Some co-workers feel lke they can't decline an invitation, especially if others from the same group are going. I've gotten calls from some saying, "What are you giving? I don't want to seem ungenerous compared to co-workers." We all end up sitting together and that's only as much fun as any work party. Seriously, at least consider the question, "How bad would it be if I left my colleagues off the guest list?"
posted by wryly at 2:51 PM on July 10, 2007

Weddings are complicated and time consuming to prepare for, and to be at. The best ones I've been to are small, personal, and everyone has a strong connection to the bride or groom. It gives everyone who attends a good feeling to be able to talk to you for a little while at least at the reception, and when you think back on it or look at pictures I think you'll enjoy seeing people you actually wanted to attend.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:59 AM on July 12, 2007