That

July 7, 2007 6:38 PM

I often find myself having to call my friends to hang out, rather than them calling me. I also seem to often be the last one to write when exchanging e-mails or messages with people I've known in the past. Sometimes they don't even write back a first time. Or they don't write after a couple of exchanges, or several, but it's not uncommon to stop hearing from them altogether.

I'm a fairly easygoing type and don't consider myself too boring or too chatty. Do I just have really bad luck with knowing people who are bad at getting back to others? It's become such a common occurence, but I can't put my finger on any particular causes.

I think I'm fairly friendly and thoughtful, and always have the best interests of others in mind, and maybe to some extent I'm too selfless, and I'm not the most assertive guy out there. So I do feel like I get walked all over, and I often find myself wallowing in my misery as a result of feeling forgotten, ignored, left out, or just feeling like others don't even know I exist. I know that my closer friends might be busy with their everyday lives, but I'd figure they could still find some time to return my calls or e-mails and check in, and they rarely do.

And just to encapsulate how bad things have been going, I recently moved to a new state with a female roommate who I'd known for a few months before, and while we got along perfectly early on, it's not uncommon for her to not acknowledge my presence, even though early on in our friendship, she knew I was insecure because of this very issue. She encouraged me and told me that some people just aren't worth all of your emotional investment. So I thought she'd be different. Yet now I'm starting to wonder if even she's worth it.

She did say beforehand that there'd be times where she might be upset about something else, and might ignore me, which was understandable. But for the most part things are going well for her now, and while she even said it was nothing personal, I still feel like she'd just rather not have anything to do with me. Otherwise, she's really great and fun to be with, and I miss that companionship. I haven't found work yet, so she's pretty much my only friend out here, and I'm not the type to seek out a lot of friends, just to stick with a few close ones.

So without coming off as pathetic and lame, how do I deal with this situation with her? And overall, how do I deal with the lack of correspondence with old friends?

posted by TheSecretDecoderRing to human relations (27 comments total)

If it is guys not responding, don't sweat it. Most guys read a message, think I'll send a reply, then forget about it.
I bet they will think nothing is wrong next time you see them.
As for your room mate? Maybe you are just coming on a bit too strong as you don't have any other local friends? It will probably chill out when you have more on with more people.
If you want to hurry this up, get a temp job or volunteer.
posted by bystander at 6:44 PM on July 7, 2007

I've had guys and girls both act like nothing is wrong, which at least makes things less awkward at the start of the conversation. But with most of the people, they're the types I'd never run into in person.

The roomie does need her space and privacy at times, and I think I've done a good job of respecting that, and accommodating her. I don't really hound her about anything. And I always follow her lead if she does want to greet or talk when we see each other around the house. I should add we're both in our very late 20s, so we're not exactly kids, but maybe not exactly fully grown-up either. I'm not in a rush to meet new people, I know (hope?) that'll come with time.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 7:13 PM on July 7, 2007

funny how perspectives differ.

because to me it is women, especially those under 30, who will continually flat-out ignore messages, than act like nothing is wrong when they see you in person.

My general experience is: some people are just like this. Call it "flaky", "casual" or whatever, but that's how they are and you won't change them. My own brother and I talk about once every six months- not because we don't get along, but because he simply DOES NOT answer emails as a matter of policy.

if you are an enthusiastic, outgoing, friendly person, that is a good thing. You just need to accept that not everyone in the world is the same way, and learn to give for its own sake, without feeling bitter if it isn't reciprocated by everyone.
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:14 PM on July 7, 2007

or more succinctly:

it's probably not you, it's them. Enjoy people for their good qualities and try to resist the urge to "keep score."
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:16 PM on July 7, 2007

I've read that they've studied people with busy social lives, and found that a huge majority of them were extremely active in calling or emailing their friends and setting things up; it was nowhere close to a 50/50 exchange.

Which would lead me to believe that the majority of people don't return calls or emails, and you should probably not take it too personally. And I certainly often let email exchanges die because I worry that responding again and again, if there's not an actual question to answer or a plan to confirm, seems overly aggressive or chatty.

If I were you, I'd just put my cards on the table. Call your friends and say, "Hey, I'm feeling needy. Talk to me." Or, when you email, let them know you're a bit at a loss socially and really in need of friendly conversation. What you want doesn't sound out of line, but what you're getting doesn't sound particularly unusual. So you're going to have to ask for what you want.
posted by occhiblu at 7:20 PM on July 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

My wife and I have noticed many of our old friends dropping off the radar during the past 10 years. My pet theory is that as a lot of them get snarled with personal problems and are whipped by the daily work grind, and simply lose the motivation and self-esteem to keep up with personal contact. Also friends do just drift apart and lose their common ground. I've noticed the friends who DO keep in contact are invariably the ones who are orchestrating their life well and seem content or satisfied.

That said, if you come across as needy, people might be backing off and might not have the emotional energy to deal with it. I don't really know you so I have no idea whether that might be an issue, but it's worth considering. Have you all broken out a bottle of wine or some beer and loosened up a bit? Maybe things are too stuffy and there's no real common ground.
posted by rolypolyman at 7:22 PM on July 7, 2007

I find that many social groups will, through some process of natural selection, end up with a de-facto co-ordinator. That person would seem to be you.

They don't have to initiate things because they know you will, and because - due to this fact - you are also probably somewhat of a hub. Vicious circle.

Also, some people don't feel the need to check in with their friends all the time, since they have lives of their own.

But still you do sound like you're coming on a bit strong. Why does this worry you so much? That might be more about you and your life outside of these friends, more than the friends. Are you someone who has trouble being alone?
posted by poweredbybeard at 7:44 PM on July 7, 2007

It is part of growing older- as natural as getting pubic hair. You are right at the beginning of it. As you close in on your 30's you are going to see a lot of this. Friends will just seem distant or uncaring. I wouldn't be too worried about it. It is just another stage of life.

It might be that you are a bit behind on the curve that everyone else in your circle is experiencing. Once you get a solid job and begin your life you will see what is going on much more clearly.

There are also people in this world that value their friendships, they are the ones that reach out often and tried to hold it together. Don't fret, these are good people to have around. Be glad that you can recognize the importance of friendships- don't see it as a handicap or something wrong with you. As the years go by and you reach your mid 30's you will be able to appreciate the situation you are in for what it was.
posted by bkeene12 at 8:05 PM on July 7, 2007

gosh, if my roommate had asked me why i was ignoring him, even nicely, i would be a little weirded out. think about it--you guys are in a relationship (albeit platonic) from which neither one of you can easily escape. the last thing you want to do is make her feel trapped with your insecurities! also, if you are both straight, she may have fears that your preoccupation with your friendship may lead to something more sexual and awkward. so she's probably keeping her distance until she can get a better read on you.

i think you need to leave her be and make more local friends.
posted by thinkingwoman at 8:10 PM on July 7, 2007

Hey. I feel like this, all the damn time. The only thing that helps is to get out enough that you don't have time to wallow. (Yeah, I know, I had a bunch of stuff planned, too, that just fell through.) Oh, and keep your expectations very, very low... er.. It's kind of like rolling dice, you get a bunch of worthlessness and maybe two or three friends that you can really count on, and you just have to keep on gritting your teeth until you find those three. But be strong!

You know what the worst bit is, though? When you find someone who wants to spend all of their time with you, and you end up pushing them away because..well..they're a scary freak, or you're not into them, or whatever....and then you start wondering if you come across like that to most other people. (Or maybe worse, when you consider keeping them around, knowing that they're a scary freak/not someone you're into, just because you're having a really bad time of it and at least someone likes you, even if it is just that person who's following you in traffic, shouting about how they want you to come home with them, who you've never met... [That actually happened, I did actually consider it--for about half a second, before sanity kicked in and I fled. But the fact that I considered it at all is pretty bloody scary.])
posted by anaelith at 8:31 PM on July 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ditto. Story of my life. I decided to stop being the one to call people for a while. Lost some of my oldest friends over the last 2 years when I realized that they have yet to call me on their own... which is sad. Why should I ave to be the only person who puts in effort to keep a relationship going?

I've wondered the same as analaeth, where when someone smothers me if I'm that bad. But I don't think I am at all. I've come to realize that people are often just incredibly self-absorbed or flaky and many don't want to put effort into things that don't fall into their laps. Do I want to be like that? No. So I've decided that I will keep putting efforts into my friendships because I ENJOY IT and not because I expect anything back. And if I stop enjoying it or I realize that I think someone isn't worth my efforts or doesn't appreciate me, I cut the cord a lot sooner than I used to.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:59 PM on July 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

To respond to poweredbybeard, I know there are some people who have the problem of being that "go-to" friend who's expected to arrange things, but I'm not that. She lives out of town, so when she does fly in, we'll all end up doing something quite a bit. But the rest of us who were at home would rarely get together otherwise.

As for coming across as needy vs not looking needy enough, I think I'm in the latter. I'm fine spending time alone, and while I'm sociable, I'm not the outgoing, party type, so perhaps I just came across as someone who didn't feel the need to always be involved, at least in my school days. And maybe that's just carried over to now.

It still leaves me wondering about the people I only knew slightly in person, or haven't seen in years, or only met online. We can have completely engaging exchanges, and then all of a sudden it cuts off. If we ran out of things to discuss, then yeah, I can understand.

And I suppose sometimes it could be a technical problem, and they just assume you were the one who stopped writing, and they themselves don't want to look desperate by inquiring what happened. That's probably the worst dilemma, and there've been times we realized it happened and it was resolved. But that's likely not the case with venues such as MySpace, where you can tell if they read your message or not.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 9:53 PM on July 7, 2007

Oh, and to respond to thinkingwoman... Like I said earlier, I've always respected her space, so I don't think I've been clingy or stifling. And she knew I was an insecure type at times, which made me more confused by her behavior. One of the things that prompted the question was that she had a (male) friend staying over a few days, and while I had no problem with it, she didn't introduce us, and didn't say a word. It was awkward for me, and maybe him too.

But she and I actually just discussed it a few moments ago, among other things, and she said she was just bad at introductions, and was too preoccupied with his stay. She's admitted she's not good at communication in some areas. It really can come off as flaky or rude, but I think she's sincere. I guess we're polar opposite on the empathy scale, so it stands out more to me. So things have improved in that department at least. And it only took, oh, an hour... Is that a metafi record? :)
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 10:11 PM on July 7, 2007

I think it's really just a matter of giving people close to you the benefit of the doubt. I know that sometimes a friend won't return my calls - but unlike a date who didn't return a call, this person was probably just [one of a number of things: having a crappy day, didn't feel like talking to anyone, out with their significant other.]

I don't know that this exactly applies in your situation, but from what I'm reading, you're placing a lot of effort and time into thinking about what is happening on the other person's end, rather that what you yourself are doing to remedy the situation. People aren't going to call you back sometimes - this is OK. And people can sense that you sense that this is not OK, and puts pressure on the relationship/ friendship.

So go with the "easygoing" side of your personality, but really, you might have to turn into the "planning" type of friend in order to get what you want out of these friendships. People are lazy, people have their own lives, but specific events and, say, dinner parties can get them out of these ruts and maybe back into a "friend" type place in your life. you just have to make an effort on your end.

And I can't stress enough, don't take it personally, and give that other person the benefit of the doubt. Just think about it as a great, fabulous thing that you and so-and-so will perhaps reconnect at another point in your life. drjimmy got it absolutely right - stop keeping score. That's not what friends do for one another!
posted by ethel at 11:19 PM on July 7, 2007

If I can be frank, voicing such concerns with people like your roommate and others is only going to make the problem worse. you are very quickly going to be labelled as 'that guy we HAVE to invite or else he will crack the shits'

This is whats really happening.

1. Friend decides he isn't invited out enough.
2. Friend voices his concerns, usually using passive agresssion or sulkiness
3. Everyone else assures him that he has 'equal status' in the group, and that it is just as easy for him to pick up the phone to organise something.
4. Face saving event is then organised.
5. Social event is invariably awkward, people walk on eggshells
6. Entire group sees each other less often for fear of offending anyone with all the politics involved.

Another vote for drjimmy.. stop keeping score.

Another point.. you dont mention much about your age and your life circumstance. I remember when i was in my late teens and early 20s when seeing friends and catching up was everything to me, every weekend. But things change, i work in a professional job, long hours - oftentimes the last thing i want to do on a friday night is go out. Think about where your friends are at in their lives. Its hard enough finding time to see people, let alone a friend who might have more time on his hands and who whines that nobody sees him.

Just tread carefully when broaching this with people
posted by TheOtherGuy at 2:00 AM on July 8, 2007

I agree with occhiblu

I changed from being introverted to extroverted, and I discovered that some people don't respond or initiate things my themselves.

Call rather than email them. Talk to them only in person.

Also, make sure what you are organizing is worth other people's while. For instance be a guy with lots of girlfriends. Be the guy with a car or some other technology other people want. Do things that'll help people's careers, or that challenge people.

Don't think about it too much too.

You may need new friends. I had friends for years who I would try to work with on projects and they'd never want anything to happen. I at first blamed myself, but when I found friends who shared my enthusiasm it made all the difference.
posted by niccolo at 5:21 AM on July 8, 2007

The part that concerns me here is

'I think I'm fairly friendly and thoughtful, and always have the best interests of others in mind, and maybe to some extent I'm too selfless, and I'm not the most assertive guy out there. So I do feel like I get walked all over, and I often find myself wallowing in my misery as a result of feeling forgotten, ignored, left out, or just feeling like others don't even know I exist.'

This particular combination of character traits can lead very quickly to being the kind of people that other people think of as 'someone who will be there when you need things done' and not much else. As noble as it seems, being unassertive and 'always there for people' comes off as 'i have no life or confidence in myself and i hope to buy your love through all the stuff i do for you', which can be very grating.

Basically the short version of my advice is 'grow a backbone'. Friendships arent only about all the nice things you can do for other people, they're a two way street. You need to make your needs known. This is not the easiest thing to learn, and a bit of therapy may be helpful, but it will lead to much more heallthy friendships.

Unfortunately, your current crop may have already locked this behavior into their minds. Sorry.
posted by softlord at 5:37 AM on July 8, 2007

TheSecretDecoderRing, how were you brought up?

I was an only child of sort of old-world parents. (I have a brother, but he's eleven years younger than me.) Please and thank you were really important. Responding to invitations was a must, etc. Meanwhile, I was growing up in this post-60s, stick-it-to-the-man, casual world.

To this day, I'm stunned, like a deer in the headlights, when someone doesn't hold the door open for me, when someone doesn't let me exit before they enter, when someone gets in my way by walking on the wrong side of the stairs, when someone says, "Hey! How do you get to 6th Street?" (since I always say, "Sorry for bothering you, but could you give me directions to...") when someone doesn't respond to my email or return my call. Maybe some of my peeves sound overly fastidious to you. People are SO different from each other in matters of etiquette.

Though there are plenty of rude people in the world, I'm slowly seeing it mostly as a culture difference. Politeness CAN be a matter of utility (e.g. it really helps traffic if people keep to the right side of the stairs), but it's mostly a matter of custom. It's SO hard to remember that people who grew up in the same country and generation as you might be of "a different culture."

See this AskMe thread as an example of how far apart people can be on these issues.
posted by grumblebee at 6:00 AM on July 8, 2007

I recently had a casual friend get pissy with me for not returning her calls right away (or at all sometimes) and not wanting to hang out more often. She lamented to me how she missed the friendships of her early 20's, when she had girlfriends over at her house all the time and available whenever she needed to talk. My reaction to this whiney outburst was to start avoiding her even more because I found the confrontation and neediness very annoying.

Reasons I might not call someone back:

1. We don't have anything in common. I am busy and don't feel like spending time hanging out with people who don't share similar interests. In my early 20s, this lack of stuff in common could be remedied by a night of heavy drinking and drug use, but as a more sober and grown up person, it's just not that fun for me to hang out with people who aren't into the same things.

2. I'm married and have a lot of family obligations. I don't have a ton of free time and have to be picky about how I spend it otherwise I won't get anything done.

3. Clinginess is really annoying to me. I don't need friends who want to talk on the phone or hang out every day. I'm very independent and enjoy being alone from time to time.

4. Going to the bars and clubs has lost its appeal. If someone is calling me just to go out drinking, I'll probably start ignoring their calls. At this point in my life, I'm more likely to want to meet up for lunch, to exercise or to do a specific thing (like go to a lecture or check out an exhibit).
posted by pluckysparrow at 8:04 AM on July 8, 2007

I haven't found work yet, so she's pretty much my only friend out here

... and once you find work, you will be counting on your job to supply you with new friends. This doesn't always happen. Go find a way to make new friends now. There are plenty of threads about how to do this in a new city.
posted by yohko at 8:07 AM on July 8, 2007

pluckysparrow, thanks for the report from the other side of the fence. If you care, I do think there's a way to placate people like me (and the OP) without giving up tons of valuable free time.

If I write someone a long email -- or leave a message for them on their answering machine -- I am TOTALLY cool if I get a two-sentence email from them saying something like, "I'm sorry that I can't spend longer on this, but I'm really busy right now. Know that I'm thinking of you." That's all I need, and I'm happy. Obviously, you shouldn't do this with people who have no intention of hanging out with, ever.

I actually write the two-sentence thing often, because I'm really busy. It's the best I can do. But I do at least that, because I don't want friends to think I'm ignoring them.

When someone doesn't reply at all, it feels like I've walked by them on the street, said "hello" and they just kept walking without even looking at me. As if they don't acknowledge my presence as a fellow human being.

I've had times when I've gotten so busy that I can't even spare the time for the two-sentence emails. So once or twice, I've sent out a single email to all my close friends saying, "Sorry if I'm out of touch for a while. I'm working on complicated projects that take all my time. You're still in my thoughts, and I hope you understand. I'll be in touch when I come up again for air."
posted by grumblebee at 8:40 AM on July 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Certainly, I'm no authority on the subject, but perhaps it will help you to know that you're not alone feeling this way. I do, too, though not nearly as much as I did when I was younger.

I do think that, somehow, people seem to sense when I am coming to them with a sense of troubled neediness and, quite frankly, I think it turns them off. The only answer I've had for myself is to get to a place in my own life where I don't _need_ so much, then reapproach people.
posted by tcv at 9:15 AM on July 8, 2007

I agree with the sentiment that this is just how the majority of people act and you shouldn't take it personally. People are busy, they have their own lives going on, and they probably aren't trying to send any sort of message by not responding.

However, you said "I'm not in a rush to meet new people, I know (hope?) that'll come with time." and I think meeting new people is EXACTLY what you should do. And it doesn't just happen on its own. You're not living in a college dorm- you're in a new city and you need to make an effort to form friendships. Maybe you will make some friends at your new job, but it's no certainty. Join a club, take a class, play a sport, go to social events (gallery opening, whatever) that interest you. Call, e-mail people. Some won't respond. Don't worry about it. Some will, and some of them may become good friends. Your roommate sounds like a flake- forget about her for now and concentrate of forming your own social network.
posted by emd3737 at 1:29 PM on July 8, 2007

I know how you feel. I have thought about this quite a bit and wondered if it was me, or if it was that alot of my friends were... unable/unwilling to organize things.

It is taxing organizing things the majority of the time, when it is not returned by others either returning the favor.

I've had a few friends who were perennial leeches... they didn't have a social group of their own, their social group consisted of people I knew/brought in. They were just there, and didn't add anything to the group other than the fact that they were another body. After a falling out, they had no social group.

I've seen other people who are the de-facto planners/organizers operate and they seem to be the person people call to get in on things, when people want to get in on things. Its interesting when these people become tight with other people who are in the same position, because their groups mash up in interesting ways and these people become constant companions.

I'm still a college-aged person/student but I work as well, so I have alot of friends with no money, friends with plenty of money, and friends with lots of time and friends with no time. It seems that there are a number of factors which will make people come to you, which seems to be what you want, but the main 3 are that they'll have fun through you, meet new cool people through you, or meet a significant other through you. This is just my experience. I know I've been put in the position where I've become someone's new best friend because my good friend was the apple of their eye.

As for people not returning contact, I find this extremely annoying. Ignoring voice mails, to me, is almost the same as not saying hi when you see someone in public. Even if it is 3 days later I'd like a return call. Its all about how much people respect you and need/want your company, though, I suppose.

My advice is:
1) Avoid the unwanted, undesirable, unfun, uninteresting
2) Seek out desirable, fun, interesting people
3) Cultivate what brings people to you
4) Find activities that don't cost money, because you don't work
posted by mhuckaba at 2:09 PM on July 8, 2007

I think the biggest problem here is that you are in a new place, and although I don't really know from experience (my only new places had built-in friends...college, etc...), I can only assume that it's hard to break in immediately and fall into a social group. Therefore, it only makes sense that initially you might have to do a fair amount of the legwork to get out and be social. The people you are making friends with probably already have established social networks...and sometimes making new friends can be work because it's a change of what they are used to. I'd say keep pushing, because it's as good for you as it is for them.

As for keeping score, I've done this too, and with better friends you start to figure out who is worth it and who is not. As for people you meet off myspace and such, it's definitely not out of line to send a follow up message if they drop the ball, but don't be obsessive about it either. (No emailing after 3 days freaking out on them!) Just wait it out a bit, and then drop a line saying, "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while, how are things?" Or possibly even dropping the first part and just pretending that it's your turn to email them back...sometimes people just need a nudge and things get started again. If it's always like that, well, find someone else?
posted by jetskiaccidents at 2:14 PM on July 8, 2007

I've been on both sides of the fence. A friend moved back to town. After a few weeks of "welcome back" activities, we all went back to our busy, exhausting lives and already full calendars. She felt neglected and like she always had to be the one who called. We had a talk in which she said she felt abandoned by everyone, and I said I did really value her as a friend and would try harder, but I just had a busy, exhausting life. From then on, I felt guilty every time we hung out for not having hung out sooner and for not wanting to hang out more, and in the spirit of clearing the air, I said so, and she said "well, if you feel bad when you're around me, we don't have to stay friends." I tried to explain that wasn't what I'd meant, but by then things were so awkward that we didn't talk for an entire year.

On the other side of the fence, when I moved out of my old house, I really missed my old housemates, since I'd gotten used to seeing them every day. After being the one to call a few times, and then not getting a few calls returned, I started waiting for them to call me, then I began to feel really hurt that they didn't want to hang out more. It must be personal since they see other people -- why do I have to go to their house if I want to hang out? -- etc. A whole head trip built up around it, and talking to them about it didn't change how often they called me one bit.

From all this, I came to three conclusions: one, my first friend's neediness and my own later neediness were mostly about her and me, not so much about the relationship -- in other words, I had to solve my problem by saying "hmm, I'm lonely" and looking across the entire spectrum of my life for solutions, rather than by expecting my old roommate to call more and getting mad when she didn't meet my expectations. Two, if I do want to be friends with people who are busy or flaky (and who doesn't get busy sometimes?), I'd just have to be the one who made the effort, and I couldn't take it personally. Three, I had a new appreciation for my friends who had been making the effort for years without my noticing.
posted by salvia at 2:23 PM on July 8, 2007 [3 favorites]

Grumblebee: My parents are immigrants, and they were relatively hands-off in terms of raising me, trusting that I'd realize proper values and such. If I were being rude, then yeah, they'd deal with it. But they weren't constantly on me to be overly polite. I certainly notice when the occasional stranger is rude, but I usually shrug it off. But it's different when you feel like people you do know well don't acknowledge you as much as you'd expect.

I don't think I've really been "keeping score," it was mostly just me noticing the gradual but consistent trend of not hearing back from otherwise polite and thoughtful people that I get along with, and it just piles up after a while. If it was just the occasional non-response, I'd easily attribute it to a variety of factors.

As for me being in a new town, I could've asked the same question a year ago back home. I've always felt like this to some extent, but it's so much more prevalent now with e-mails, social sites, and cell phones. And the roomie situation sort of became the tipping point, since it was someone I'd actually see in person regularly. But I kind of know where she's coming from now, at least.

I'm certain I never come off as needy or clingy with friends. More the opposite. There's the casual "don't be a stranger" stuff, but that's it. And maybe they just assume I'm perfectly fine with not being in regular contact... That's how some of them are with each other. And even they'll say "Oh, you should call me up!" or "Write me an e-mail!" And once I do, it might take a while to hear back, if ever. And it kind of repeats itself. It's most frustrating when it's clear you expect to hear back sooner rather than later, but don't.

There seems to be conflicting advice between voicing your concerns with people, and just accepting it and not coming off as desperate or stifling. I think for me, it's just adding this problem with my friends, along with the more casual acquaintances, that makes me wonder. And yeah, it can be kind of upsetting... We all need human contact to some extent, right? But it's been nice hearing that so many others here are in the same boat in some ways.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 12:33 AM on July 9, 2007