Need advice/lawyer but can't say why

July 2, 2007 5:25 PM

I'm pretty sure the solution to my real problem is "find a lawyer" but how do I find a lawyer with the right expertise when I don't know any lawyers and don't want to go around telling people my problem? Advice from anyone familiar with this issue is also appreciated.

My teenage daughter has been struggling with some very serious psychological issues for the past year. She has been getting intensive support (therapist, psychiatrist, two different groups plus a range of medications) but there have been a lot of ups and downs. Most recently, she suddenly decided that her father must have raped her - once, a number of years ago. This kind of accusation is not surprising given her diagnosis and her therapist has been handling it appropriately.

However, I'm very concerned that at some point she will get fed with grown-ups "not believing her" and will directly or indirectly get (California) Child Protective Services and/or the police involved. If that happens, I want to know how to make it go away as quickly as possible. I need someone with the right expertise but don't know how to go about finding it (certainly not going to ask friends or post on a community bulletin board.) The accusations are 100% false but that may take time to sort out and for her sake, as well as ours, I need to minimize the damage to our family while that happens.

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posted by anonymous to law & government (12 comments total)

Sweet merciful christ. Get thee to a family lawyer immediately. I realize that there is a certain amount of embarrassment, but this type of situation could spiral so out of control that you would do yourself an extreme disservice (as well as the father, if he is innocent) in order to save face.

After getting a lawyer, I recommend a therapist for yourself. This is an awful situation and I wish you all the best, but posting anonymously on the internet is not the solution. Find professional help immediately.
posted by purephase at 5:38 PM on July 2, 2007

Contact the California State Bar, they should have a referral service. You will want a criminal lawyer with experience with sex offenses.
posted by miss meg at 5:39 PM on July 2, 2007

Yes, family law, AND professional help for you. This is not just to help you through this (good idea), but also to build a professional relationship with someone beforehand so you can establish credibility if you need it.
posted by kch at 5:47 PM on July 2, 2007

It sounds like she may be a victim of False Memory Syndrome, possibly implanted by a therapist. There are attorneys who specialize in defensing against this sort of thing.

A relative of mine was once having some hard times as an adult dealing with a lot of issues. Her therapist suggested that her symptoms all pointed to sexual abuse. She became convinced that another (older) male relative had molested her when she too young to remember, possibly even as an infant. It took a lot of work to convince her there was no basis for this, and thankfully she never told anyone but me, and quit the therapist, but is took many months.

You say the therapist is handling it appropriately, so I assume she has either just made this up on her own, or it may have been suggested by someone else, or something she read.

Just to say: it happens, and to the "victim" it is very real. And it is indeed common enough that there are attorneys who deal with it on a regular basis.

This might be helpful.
posted by The Deej at 6:01 PM on July 2, 2007

I have interacted twice with CPS -- once on the defensive, and once in trying to help a friend's child. Here are my impressions.

• CPS is not a bunch of complete idiots, and are very well aware that false (or mistaken) accusations are made. They may be required to investigate, but they are not a lynch mob -- perhaps in part because...
• CPS does not have time on its hands. They are perennially underfunded, have huge caseloads, and have all the really horrific current and ongoing abuse situations they can handle, thank you very much, to need to get very proactive on allegations of past abuse. Moreover...
• CPS is all about family unification. Raising one's own children as one chooses is a fundamental human freedom, and our laws give natural parents a lot of protection. Some people think that the toothlessness of CPS is a problem, but your situation demonstrates why it is important.

I imagine that your daughter's therapist/caseworker could set your mind at ease. Rather than lawyering up now -- which might seem a little odd, considering that your husband has neither committed any crime nor been accused of one yet -- working with your daughter's team to try to rebuild the trust between you and her seems like the step to take.
posted by Methylviolet at 6:40 PM on July 2, 2007

Family lawyer? Good Lord no, you need a criminal defense attorney experienced in false memory syndrome. Usually the poor defendant gets blind sided and has to search around for the right person. You can get one on retainer now, just in case, and they may have some practical knowledge as well on how to head off a confrontation. Good luck.
posted by caddis at 6:56 PM on July 2, 2007

I am a criminal defense lawyer. This is a difficult situation with a number of possible outcomes. To be sure that you get the outcome you seek, you must recognize that you, your husband, and your daughter have competing legal interests, and you should seek advice from a lawyer who represents only you on how to proceed.

If your child contacts protective services, and protective services determines that her case is serious enough that they seek legal custody, your child will most likely be appointed counsel. She will need counsel to advise her on her options and to advocate her position. In most states, you and your husband will also be appointed separate lawyers to represent your interests. It is important that you have your own lawyer to advocate for your interests. For example, if your husband did abuse your child and the state took legal custody of her, you may want to argue that she should be placed with you (and not in a foster home) even if it means he would have to move from your house.

Many times parents who are not appointed counsel hire private lawyers to represent them. Family lawyers with experience in dealing with child protective services are the best lawyers to deal with cases involving child protective services.

If your child accuses your husband of abuse and he is charged with a crime, your husband will need a criminal defense lawyer. Depending on your family income and California's laws, he may be appointed counsel (granted a public defender). If he is denied counsel, he should hire a private criminal defense lawyer who has more than ten years of experience and who has tried a number of cases. He should not hire a lawyer who has little or no trial experience. (In my opinion, criminal defense lawyers who "plead out" all their clients are not providing quality service.)

Take care.
posted by kellygreen at 7:02 PM on July 2, 2007 [2 favorites]

caddis said: Family lawyer? Good Lord no, you need a criminal defense attorney experienced in false memory syndrome.

While prudent foresight is probably not a bad idea, no criminal charges have actually been filed so seeking criminal defense may be a little rash at this point. Most family attorneys will provide helpful advice about how to proceed with (and hopefully avoid) the unpleasantness of criminal proceedings. The child has not gone to Protective Services yet, IANAL but simply advising the father of the situation and seeking advice from a family lawyer seems like the best course to take in order to try to avoid any future unpleasantness that will (hopefully) not be necessary.

I certainly hope that the child's accusations are valid. As I mentioned in my first post, the OP should definitely seek therapy to examine the "100% false" statement.
posted by purephase at 7:41 PM on July 2, 2007

I'm going to second pretty much all of what kellygreen said. Please pay careful attention to two important issues:

1) Should a government entity become involved in your family's affairs, your legal interests will not be aligned and you will all - you, your husband and your daughter - need to seek separate counsel.

2) In terms of attorney expertise, again, as kellygreen said, family law attorneys are best suited to represent your interests in custody matters and in dealing with entities such as child protective services. However, should criminal charges be brought against your husband relative to her accusations, you are going to need a criminal defense attorney to represent his interests.
posted by smallstatic at 7:46 PM on July 2, 2007

Sorry, one other thing, for referrals check lawyers.com and the California Bar Association lawyer referral service.
posted by smallstatic at 7:53 PM on July 2, 2007

"While prudent foresight is probably not a bad idea, no criminal charges have actually been filed so seeking criminal defense may be a little rash at this point."

This is not true. A man accused of abusing a child should seek advice from a criminal defense attorney as soon as the child makes the accusation. At the very least, the man should seek counsel before family members make statements to child protective services or to a family court.
posted by kellygreen at 7:59 PM on July 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

The best way to find a good lawyer is to ask another lawyer for a recommendation. Find a moderate-sized law firm in your town at lawyers.com and see if you can identify the most senior lawyer who does criminal work. Call him (or her) and ask for a recommendation, other than himself. Do not accept this lawyer. His only role is to make a good recommendation of someone else to you.

The worst way to find a lawyer: the yellow pages.
posted by yclipse at 5:08 AM on July 3, 2007