I'm fine, really...

June 22, 2007 11:47 PM

My move is exactly 7 days away. I have a short fuse which I NEED to curb. Please help me to do so...

My parents are amazing- let me say again they are AMAZING!!! They have already made 2 trips- 5 hours each way to get a few loads of my stuff. I absolutely appreciate every ounce of help they give me. They paid for 2 cargo vans for the day of my move (NJ to VA). I love them dearly... but I have a terribly short fuse. I get grumpy and snippy rather quickly when stressed. Just in those 2 quick loads that they took care of I got grumpy. They will be my sole means of- well everything in this move so... please help me A.) Not get so grumpy on 'move day' B.) If I do get grumpy, not to snap at them C.) Deal with- My dad always has the very best of intentions, but not always the best of executions (which my mother agrees but finds it easier to play along in spite of the occasional backfires that occur)

Share with me your moving stories and how you got through it all...

posted by MayNicholas to human relations (25 comments total)

Chill pills.

Don't drive.
posted by flabdablet at 11:55 PM on June 22, 2007

Count to ten, in your head. If that doesn't take long enough, double numbers until you can't anymore, that should bring the analytic side of your brain into play against your emotional side. Say to yourself, meh, this irritates me but I can be adult about this and ignore it. Say to yourself, my dear parents are putting themselves to a great deal of inconvenience to help me move. I am quite possibly irritating them just as much as they are me. I owe them courtesy right now.

Take a deep breath over 4 beats, hold it for four, let it out over four. Repeat four times. Doing that will probably be more annoying than anything your dad does.

Bite a pencil. I know, i know it sounds stupid, but apparently it invokes the same muscles as a smile, and that apparently sends endorphins to the brain.

Don't pay so much attention to how you feel. How you feel is how you feel, what really counts is how you act, and you are way too old to be giving in to the impulse of throwing a tantrum.
posted by b33j at 12:13 AM on June 23, 2007

oh and I moved about 27 times by the time I was 28 and I got through it by working my butt off, and being prepared - lots of lists and a care pack: thermos of coffee, some chocolate biscuits, that sort of thing, for a natural break in the proceedings. The worse move was when I was 6 months pregnant, with a broken leg and my husband had moved ahead of me, to find us a home 1000 miles away and left the packing for me. It pretty much sucked.
posted by b33j at 12:18 AM on June 23, 2007

I don't see a short-range solution, therefore, I'm with flabdablet.
posted by wsg at 12:36 AM on June 23, 2007

* Eat well. Have plenty of portable and healthy munchies on hand so no one gets the blood sugar grumpies.

* Call a time out. When you feel your irritation rising, take a short break. I'm English, so I am constitutionally obligated to mention the curative powers of a nice cup of tea (solution to all the world's woes!) but it really works. Substitute coffee, cocoa, or chamomile if you prefer. A hot beverage is preferable to a cold one, as you generally can't gulp it. Leave the scene of the crime to enjoy it, even if it's just another room.

* No alcohol! Save the beer for the housewarming barbecue that you'll throw in a few weeks to thank them for their help.

* Tell them what you said above... that they are amazing, that you appreciate everything that they do, and that you really really apologize for the grumpiness you've already shown and the grumpiness you'll no doubt show on the big day. They no doubt know all about your short fuse, being your parents at all, but they'll appreciate knowing that *you* know about it and that you are trying to get the better of it.

* Supplies. Sit down and think of all the things you think you'll need... tape, markers, boxes, moving blankets, etc and get them ahead of time. (Get lots of markers. They tend to get lost, and when there's not a marker to hand, boxes don't get labelled.) I like the pallet wrap (industrial strength saran wrap) that you can get on an easy dispenser from a Uhaul store. Particularly helpful for holding together bits of disassembled furniture. Oh, and a basic first aid kit with bandages and ointment for the inevitable cuts and scrapes.

Good luck. Moving sucks, so you have my sympathies.
posted by happyturtle at 12:39 AM on June 23, 2007

Having moved a bunch of times over the course of my recent university career, two key things will get you through: taking breaks and turning off your brain. Moving is hard because it's a literal pain to carry lots of heavy things, but otherwise it's actually a fairly simple problem. So take breaks to take care of the body (let's go for lunch/coffee/rest).

As for the "turn off your brain" part, moving goes much quicker when you reduce the whole down to little blocks of "how do I get this object out of the house and into the van?" By thinking of the problem in these small chunks, you'll find that the day goes faster (in a good way) and you won't be nearly so worried about the big picture. Plus it's easy to see progress when you think of how many objects you've moved and how many you have left.

Planning helps a lot with this—pre-pack as much as you can, keep a list (mentally or otherwise) of what needs to get into the vans, and make a note of difficult objects so you can think of a game plan beforehand. The goal on moving day is to stress your body but not your mind—it should all be very mechanical and thoughtless. If you're doing it right, it'll all start to feel very zen.

Until you move the couch. That never feels like zen.
posted by chrominance at 12:59 AM on June 23, 2007

Last year we moved cross country with my husband's parents helping. It took 3 days of hard driving in 100+ degree weather and we had a breakdown that forced us to spend a lot more money than we'd planned getting a new van. (Also, it was our personal truck, so it really hurt.) We also had two sad cats along for the ride. And of course, we were leaving all our friends and family and heading off into a scary unknown (jobless, homeless, the works).

But we were happy, mainly because we contrived to be. We stopped when we needed to, we had nice dinners together, we took the time to look at some pretty stuff by the side of the road. We had a ton of books on tape (a godsend), lots of good cd mixes, tons of water and little comfort foods. But mostly it was about treating it like a rare chance to spend some uninterrupted time together, and simultaneously about a certain detachment. During a long move, just like when you are travelling, you are outside the daily hassles of life. There's no work, there's no dishes, there's no wondering what you'll be doing. That's something to savor.

Too, if you're moving away from your family, that's a detachment in itself. You can look at all your parents' well familiar flaws from a distance -- all the things about them that drive you crazy, well -- you're a grown up now, with quirks of your own. Laugh at them. The times you'll have with them when you are all together, away from extended family -- just sitting around a table eating together, or looking at the scenery, or just talking -- will only become fewer and farther between.

Forgive me for being sappy but I am remembering what it was like to stand on the coast with them when everything was said and done, just looking at all that beauty we'd driven so far to see. We cried when we all said goodbye and hugged each other over and over. We'd had an adventure together. It was a beautiful thing.

Best of luck to you.
posted by melissa may at 12:59 AM on June 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Your parents know you fairly well by now. Yes, try to treat them well, but no, don't worry that they will abandon you for ever for an accidental cross word.

To cut stress, try to cut down the number of decisions that need making -- eg don't try to sort stuff at this stage, just move the lot if you can, otherwise do a broad sweep of stuff that can be stored for a month or two.

Concentrate on the vision of the future in a month or two when things will have fallen into place and all will be going well, not on the chaos of the intervening weeks.
posted by Idcoytco at 2:57 AM on June 23, 2007

All the advice above, plus:
Start the day with $200 in twenties in your front pocket. Every time you get snippy with them, or short, or otherwise visibly/audibly grumpy in any way, take a twenty and move it to your back pocket. At the end of the day, use the money in your back pocket to buy them something nice IN ADDITION TO whatever you were already planning on doing for helping you move.
posted by inigo2 at 4:21 AM on June 23, 2007 [5 favorites]

staying organized will help keep things from going off the rails.
exercise will help you burn off some of that anxiety.
good sleep and avoiding lots of sugar will help--you don't want to be tired or have a sugar crash.

i am a big fan of st. john's wort. it really works.
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:48 AM on June 23, 2007

When you feel yourself get exasperated, focus on the end goal. Somehow, someway, at some point all your stuff WILL get to VA from NJ, and you WILL be all done with moving. Have some sort of mantra that you say in your head (such as "I love my new house") while you're breathing deeply.

And, don't get so freaked out about freaking out that you freak out.
posted by desjardins at 6:43 AM on June 23, 2007

Well, you can go two ways. You can try and cure this naturally, and I'd look at your diet (more fibre). Or you can see about getting medication. Even a relatively small dose of something like Prozac will help. Personally unless you know there's something you're doing wrong in your life (ie spending 14 hours a day in a dark room watching movies), and are otherwise healthy, I'd see your doctor and explain your problem. We're lucky to live in a time with good medication. Make use of it.
posted by humblepigeon at 6:48 AM on June 23, 2007

Just went through this myself. For me it wasn't about buying enough rolls of packing tape, it was GETTING ENOUGH REST. I had to allow myself the right to turn everything off sometimes and recuperate.
posted by turbojav at 7:12 AM on June 23, 2007

Many great ideas above. Also, get enough sleep the night before, even if that requires benadryl or some other sleeping aid.
posted by theora55 at 7:28 AM on June 23, 2007

Thanks guys. I will make sure to get LOADS of sleep this week. Thankfully I'm not working so there will be no packing left for the actual move day, just the actual moving. I have to keep an eye on my folks too, since they like to push, push, push till it's done at the expense of themselves (I always get worried when they won't slow down- they are both overweight, my mom has a bad knee and my dad has a bad back). This is part of why I get aggrevated with them. I love them and don't want them to hurt themselves. I will take the St. John's Wort suggestion. I forgot that stuff existed! Nothing stronger since I have to drive (I get the added joy of a car full of an overly excited dog and 3 crying cats- no they aren't really bad at all- well the dog is because she gets soooo excited and talkative then she knows we are going on a trip).

Since everything will be ready to go that day, any suggestions on arranging things in the apartment to best suit loading the vans? I'm sure a good organization strategy would help cut down the stress as well.
posted by MayNicholas at 8:02 AM on June 23, 2007

I get this way when I am dehydrated. I don't even feel thirsty. I know when I am thirsty now by seeing if the people around me seem stupider than usual. If they do, it's time for some water. And I agree with what somebody said above about diet. Fiber, no refined sugar. I get a nasty sugar crash that makes me unpleasant to be around.
posted by selfmedicating at 8:17 AM on June 23, 2007

Yeah, my suggestion was going to be to eat a good breakfast and snack throughout the move as you need to. The only time I've gotten frazzled to the point of tears in a move happened when I was trying to just plow on through and get stuff done instead of listening to my body saying it needed food. (And, uh, a very recently ex boyfriend was helping me move, so that amped up the stress a little.) Maybe keep some peanuts handy for a quick protein fix. And water, lots of water.

Also, maybe apologize in advance to your parents. Just say something like "I hate it that the stress of moving makes me snappy. If I get grouchy with you I don't mean it, and I really appreciate how much you're helping me out." Family will forgive a lot. That's what they do.
posted by MsMolly at 8:49 AM on June 23, 2007

a series of slow, deep breaths. set a count-off number that is good for you (5 - 10) and make sure they are done slowly and fully, concentrating only on breathing until you make the full rep.

this instant remedy provides you with a full physical and mental break, if only for a few seconds. enough to hopefully help push you on to get back to the task at hand and not dwell on whatever set you off.

or when pushed to a breaking point, force a little smile, roll your eyes up toward the sky and quietly say "WHATEVER!!!" to yourself (or out loud if no one within ear shot would be offended). a little levity and ability to laugh at things goes a long, long way.
posted by kuppajava at 8:56 AM on June 23, 2007

This wont be a hot idea if you are driving, but kava kava is amazing. After an especially grueling day at work or school or both nothing calms me down (Aside from sweet, sweet gin) quite like kava. It will calm you down, make you feel alright, and hopefully keep your cool.

your local health food store should have it. HerbPharm and Gaia Herbs both make an especially killer capsule. If you don't mind the very taste of nasty you can get the powder version by Kava King which will make you as calm as the Buddha.

godspeed.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:09 AM on June 23, 2007

(I get the added joy of a car full of an overly excited dog and 3 crying cats- no they aren't really bad at all- well the dog is because she gets soooo excited and talkative then she knows we are going on a trip).

Do the cats travel well? We had a move once with two cats... one was as happy in the car as most dogs, and the other one was terrified. We didn't realize how bad it would be for her in time to get tranquilizers from the vet, but we phoned the vet for advice, and he recommended children's benedryl syrup. It worked great... she slept through the entire trip rather than being traumatized.
posted by happyturtle at 9:12 AM on June 23, 2007

Yes the cats do travel well thankfully. I have a huge cage for the three of them. They meow a bit in the begining, then they settle down and chill out. The dog is fine too once she gets over her initial excitement of going for a ride.
posted by MayNicholas at 9:35 AM on June 23, 2007

I think this is a good idea -- Also, maybe apologize in advance to your parents. Just say something like "I hate it that the stress of moving makes me snappy. If I get grouchy with you I don't mean it, and I really appreciate how much you're helping me out." Family will forgive a lot.
posted by salvia at 10:55 AM on June 23, 2007

The last box into the van is the first box out at your new place. What will you want first? Coffee maker? Clean sheets? Teddy bear? Office-style clothing?
posted by Cranberry at 12:47 PM on June 23, 2007

I agree with these, as they work best for me too: Make sure you are well hydrated throughout the day and have a hearty meal before departing & snacks along the way, plus definitely apologize and say how grateful you are in advance.

Also, take a vitamin b complex first thing in the morning and half way through your day. It's a big time stress buster for me.
posted by zarah at 7:41 PM on June 23, 2007

Plan lots, but don't expect everything to go perfectly. Packing tape will get lost, people will run late, things will end up in stupid places - try not to have a meltdown by expecting a certain amount of set backs.

If your parents working too hard freaks you out, try to make them stop for lunch and the odd cup of tea. But remember, they're adults, and should know their own limits, so try to respect that. My Mum prefers to push through and then collapse - it's just what she does, and all the worry in the world isn't going to change that.

I haven't done much truck packing myself, but when I've watched, they stack the boxes as a wall at the back, then the tall thin stuff, then the large stuff, then toss the soft stuff in on top. But IANAMover. Suggest googling.
posted by kjs4 at 1:09 AM on June 25, 2007