My filthy capitalist dreams can ride on the wings of religion. Maybe.

June 22, 2007 8:01 AM

I would like to form a new religion for personal gain, and am wondering how to go about it. Legally.

Nobody will be duped, it will be tongue in cheek, but I want to be able to get away with some semi illegal things under the guise of protected religious worship. I've heard of religious organizations which have won the right to do hallucinogenics, for instance, as they have claimed that its use is central to their faith, thus protected. I've searched the web but haven't come across concrete info about how to procure this sort of status.

posted by my homunculus is drowning to law & government (29 comments total)

Upon review I would like to add that nobody will get hurt, either. The only laws which would be broken are gambling laws, for what it's worth.
posted by my homunculus is drowning at 8:07 AM on June 22, 2007

I don't know much about this, but one thing I would research if I were you would be tax-breaks for religious clergy and organizations. I would think that would be the most sensible path to figuring out what the government considers a "religion".

After some quick googling, I found this nytimes article, but I'm sure there's more out there, too.
posted by Zephyrial at 8:17 AM on June 22, 2007

I think it will be hard to do what you want with a new religion. If you research the cases where religions have been allowed to violate criminal statutes, they typically involved a lengthy history of such activity.
posted by dcjd at 8:29 AM on June 22, 2007

Also, winning the rights you seek may involve going to court several times to establish your status. The litigation might be pretty pricey.
posted by jquinby at 8:30 AM on June 22, 2007

I found this cheesy site which may help. Sounds a bit dicey to give them your money.. but then again, that's sorta what you're planning, right? ;-)

As far as trying to start a "church" where you can all hang out and get high.. legally.. well, I suspect, my friend, that is a pipe dream.

This is a bit tangential, but the Universal Life Church has a pretty extensive web site and may have some info for you. They're pretty much the quintessential example of a real, but well, made-up church, that has become very successful (I'm a minister myself in the ULC).
posted by elendil71 at 8:38 AM on June 22, 2007

My impression was that Scientology was actually tongue-in-cheek, a least to the extent that LRonHubbard found a market for bad science fiction and dubious inventions and then proceeded to laugh his way to the bank. But along the way they had to spend the fortune to get recognized, and then another fortune to intimidate those who, appropriately, pointed and laughed at them, and at this point they are considered rather scary and not very funny. So maybe better and cheaper to just keep doing semi illegal things under the radar.
posted by troybob at 8:41 AM on June 22, 2007

...for pure capitalist gain, however, you can easily take advantage of the popularity of existing religions without having to start a new one. My own brilliant idea for selling the promise of care and board for pets left behind after the rapture was, unfortunately, filched by profit-obsessed believers. But there's plenty more ideas to be had in that market.
posted by troybob at 8:50 AM on June 22, 2007

Buy a biography of L. Ron Hubbard.

I think it helps if you can find something that your religions is against. E.g., Scientology seems to position itself against, and as an alternative to, psychology and psychotherapy. Therefore it picks up a lot of fragile people with issues, who really need professional help but who can be separated from their cash instead.

Researching Ponzi schemes and other pyramid organizations may also help.

Not sure about the lawbreaking aspects, particularly psychoactives. I thought it was just a few traditional Indian tribes in the Southwest that got to do peyote and mescaline, or something like that, and they're "churches" with essentially closed membership, existing only on tribal lands, continuing practices that have been done basically forever. Not sure that you're going to be able to pull off something like that.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:10 AM on June 22, 2007

You're going to have to prove that you're preserving a long and valuable cultural tradition of gambling for spiritual enrichment. Which was far from easy for the religious groups who had actual traditions of drug use in certain religious ceremonies to back them up, by the way. Those weren't merely the invented claims of clever drug users like you seem to suggest.

I think you're on the wrong track entirely. There must be easier legal loopholes out there that don't involve trying to exploit a legal exception made for the practices of a few Native American groups. Filthy capitalism will most likely need to find a different set of wings.
posted by Tehanu at 9:47 AM on June 22, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'm pretty sure there's a reasonably high standard as to evidence that this is actually a faith. As in, statements that you intend to found this for your own personal gain and to circumvent existing laws would be fairly strong presumptions against it actually being your faith.
So, step 1: completely dissociate yourself from this AskMe, create a new identity, and come up with a convincing conversion story. E.g., "I was watching reruns of Bob Ross on PBS and one of the happy little trees began speaking to me. It told me I was to watch Bob Ross every day while smoking a bowl. On the 10th day, it handed down the 4.20 Commandments, which are these: 1. Don't bogart the joint. 2. Don't let the Man get you down. 3. Be a happy little tree wherever you are planted. 4. Play the slots whenever possible. 4.2. Duuuuude. It is my genuine belief that I must do what the Happy Little Tree tells me to do, and thus I must be free to gamble to exercise my faith."
Step 2: Be prepared for lots of persecution from the cops and the courts until you eventually make it to the Supreme Court, who may or may not decide to hear your case. Hope you win. Pray to the Happy Little Tree.

IANLRH (L Ron Hubbard)/IANAL.
posted by katemonster at 9:48 AM on June 22, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

The Church of the Subgenious is a for-profit religion and may be similar to what you are trying to achieve.

Praise Bob.
"The less you understand Slack the more it understands you!"
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 9:49 AM on June 22, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Or, what Tehanu said.
posted by katemonster at 9:50 AM on June 22, 2007

One way to do it:

Become an extremely influential and well-known scholar and theologian, as well as a prominent clergy member in an already-established church. Then break off from that church, taking followers with you. By the time that becomes an option, you'll be well-versed in religious doctrines and will be able to decide the grounds for your secession on your own.

Of course, you still won't be able to do drugs legally, but you'll have your own religion, and by the time you're enough of a theologian to do it, you probably will have decided that illegal drug use isn't a great idea anyway.

The government isn't big on giving breaks to obvious sham religions. So you need to commit yourself to several decades of serious study and hard work. Good luck!

Of course, if you're just trying to gamble legally, you could move to Nevada and apply for the licenses.
posted by The World Famous at 9:54 AM on June 22, 2007

Yeah. I wouldn't worry too much about your illegal activities being sanctioned by the government.
posted by devilsbrigade at 10:00 AM on June 22, 2007

I hate to join the naysayers, but trying to start a new religion just ain't as easy as it used to be, say, around the time Mormonism was started.

I'd advise reading some books on First Amendment Religious freedoms, and the court cases that have occurred regarding them. The type of rights you're attempting to gain are, as others have said, really hard to get without proof that they are key to your religion, along with a lack circumstantial proof that you just decided to call this a religion in order to get high/bilk people for money, etc.

As for the drugs usage rights...that ONE article about the guys being allowed to use peyote is *it*, as far as I know. It sounds awesome that they're allowed to violate federal drug laws because of religion, but like all things, there's a WHOLE bunch more than what you've probably heard that makes a serious difference.

You're probably better off making a club, a la the Masonic Order, that does stuff in secret and requires its members to pray for certain death if they reveal what they've seen.

Lastly, I gotta ask you, tounge-in-cheek or not, do you really want to mess with this stuff? People take religions very seriously - and while you may plan on making this as crazy as possible, if you want to succeed, you're going to have make it semi-plausible. That sets you up on a slippery-slope to injure people, something you don't want to do. It just sounds like a bad idea, all around.
posted by plaidrabbit at 10:08 AM on June 22, 2007

in the 1980s i looked at whether starting a religion could save me any money on income tax at all, and concluded that it could not.
a gambling church might be easier since you're just taking money off a greater fool, not uncle sam himself. raffle-type games are illegal in many places, but maybe if you just changed the nomenclature...don't say "buy-in", those are "alms". you never win a "jackpot" but you may receive a "blessing" bestowed upon a lucky congregant once a week...right after the monday night football game! for heaven's sake, don't call that 10% you raked off the top "vigorish", that's for your "parsonage". i have no idea if this will fly, but if it does and you can coordinate the blessings with the fortunes of my favorite sports teams, and if you accept paypal, heck, i might put some alms on your altar once in awhile.
posted by bruce at 10:09 AM on June 22, 2007

You will be definitely challenged as to your legitimacy if you try to engage in activities that are proscribed by law, but may be allowable under freedom of religion. There was a story not long back about a college student who got his dad to buy him an off campus house and tried to found a religion as a means to circumvent the zoning restrictions on how many unrelated people can live in a single family house, so he could have all his drinking buddies live with him.

didn't work, too well
posted by edgeways at 10:12 AM on June 22, 2007

I did a little research into this years ago when I wanted to start the Resurrection Connection (we take your life savings and hold them for you for your next incarnation, minor a small service fee of course). I can't remember all the details but recall coming to the conclusion that it just wasn't possible without buckets of money.
posted by JaredSeth at 10:18 AM on June 22, 2007

minor-->minus, obviously
posted by JaredSeth at 10:19 AM on June 22, 2007

What youre looking for is called "New Age." You profit off books, spiritual/energy seminars, retreat packages, crystals, etc. The established religious people aren't so easy to game. New Agers, western people into eastern spiritualism, etc are ripe for the milking.
posted by damn dirty ape at 10:25 AM on June 22, 2007

The newage thing is definitely a solid direction...if you could find a way to combine that with the internet to create a purely digital religion it would be like growing gold in your backyard. Then you might set a precedent for establishing a popular international online religion and using that to petition for government recognition--particularly if you could get some kooky foreign countries to do so first.
posted by troybob at 10:46 AM on June 22, 2007

Also, if you have any sympathetic friends who are with child, you might consider the happy arrival itself as a religious event. The appearance of a savior is, historically, the ne plus ultra of establishing a religious following. You could webcast it and hire Industrial Light & Magic for appropriate effects.
posted by troybob at 11:02 AM on June 22, 2007

(Assuming you are in the US.) I'm not an expert on this, but I think the Constitutional case for free exercise challenges to generally applicable laws was squashed by the Supreme Court in Employment Div. v. Smith (rejecting challenge to denial of unemployment benefits for religious drug use). However, the relevant statutory law may provide some kind of religious exemption, as the tax code and apparently the drug laws do. (You could check to see whether your local gambling statutes have a church bingo exception, or something.)

There is also an interesting legislative experiment you might be interested in, the federal RLUIPA (I'm not an expert on this either, and what follows could be off-base). Simply put, this law gives religions a powerful defense against zoning regulations, even when they're part of a generally applicable zoning scheme. A religion (perhaps especially a minority religion?) could use RLUIPA to defeat adverse zoning as discriminatory by meeting a comparatively low standard of proof (fudging a little here). To me, this seems like a business opportunity: religion-based real-estate developers should be able to use this legal advantage to undertake projects that would be impossible or cost-prohibitive for regular developers. Step 3, profit.
posted by grobstein at 11:21 AM on June 22, 2007

See also.
posted by klangklangston at 12:13 PM on June 22, 2007

Thanks everybody, I have a couple of links to share with those of you who we'ren't aware of any religious groups using drugs without the benefit of long tradition. Now, mind you, it looks to me like these people are doing it sincerely, and are not out to just worship a sacred bong deity or something.This Church uses DPT, which if you know anything about it, you know is a pretty insane little chemical whose effects have been likened to demonic possession and transportation to other dimensions, all in quick blinding bursts. This is also an incredibly new drug, invented by Shulgin in the last couple of decades (I believe. Don't hate me if I'm wrong). It's closest analogue is DMT, which is the major psychoactive component of ayahuasca.
Another example is this little church, whose members not only use Peyote right here in the good old U.S.A., but even named their church after it.
And since so many people mentioned good old L Ron, I have to point out that his "religion" is totally, obviously insane, morbidly so, yet he has used it and his "religions" tax exempt status to amass a freaking empire. He had his own navy for cryin out loud!
posted by my homunculus is drowning at 3:22 PM on June 22, 2007

According to that site, DPT is not illegal in the U.S.
posted by The World Famous at 3:34 PM on June 22, 2007

In case you haven't, read Heinlein's "Stranger In a Strange Land". Note the "Fosterites". Or is your idea rooted in the Fosterites in the first place? The gambling thing sounds that way.
posted by Goofyy at 11:42 PM on June 22, 2007

When you do finally get 501(c)3 status, let me know. Maybe I'll feature your group as a new religious movement on my show. E-mail is in profile.
posted by parmanparman at 11:54 AM on June 23, 2007

You could look towards the bottom of this page to find some inspiration.
posted by Quonab at 1:33 PM on June 25, 2007