Why did they make fun of me like that?

June 20, 2007 11:42 PM

Strangers have mocked me twice in the last week in the same way. I'm wondering how pervasive this phenomenon is.

Sunday, as I was walking down the street, a man yelled to me, "Hey, you dropped something!" And I turned quickly around to look, and I hadn't dropped anything. I looked towards the voice, and it was a man in a truck sitting at a red light with his two buddies. They just sat there and laughed at me, while looking at me as if to say, "Yeah, you didn't drop anything. What are you going to do about it?" I stared at them incredulously for a few seconds and then went on my way.

Today, in a completely different part of town, the same thing happened! I was walking down the street, and a man leaned out of his truck as he was speeding past to yell, "Buddy, you dropped something!" I remembered the earlier occurence and I knew that I hadn't dropped anything, so I didn't even look in his direction and kept walking. He yelled "you're a fag!" as he drove on and realized that I hadn't fallen for his trick; I guess he thought calling someone a fag is a good fallback for making someone feel bad when the first plan goes wrong. In any case, if I was curious before, I was most curious now.

I have never heard of this particular thing happening to anyone before. Ever. Neither has anyone else that I've talked to about it. It's hard for me to imagine the thought process that goes into it. Could there be a "joke" that required less effort? You could do it 200 times a day if you wanted. And now I feel like the social custom of letting a stranger know when he/she has dropped something is being threatened.

Both were white men, in work vehicles, in their mid 30s, I'd say. These events occurred in Columbus, OH. I'm a tall slim nerdy looking guy, 25 years old. Both times I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and carrying my backpack. I was near a college campus both times, so it's not like I wandered into the wrong neighborhood or something. I'm not actually gay, if that makes a difference. Is it a class thing? Misplaced homophobia?

I realize that people yell things at people from cars; I have a particular loathing for that special sort of asshole who likes to yell drive-by-catcalls at women. But why did these men yell this, of all things? And why at me?

posted by Kwine to human relations (41 comments total)

Let it go. It was just a coincidence.
posted by quadog at 11:55 PM on June 20, 2007

I wouldn't read too much into it beyond 'assholes being assholes'. Perhaps it was just a coincidence that they yelled the same thing at you. It might be that the "you dropped something" is the current trend for assholes in your area.

You might try wearing headphones while you walk so you can drown out any would-be assholes. Or you could carry a gun and take pot-shots at the next fucker that messes with you.
/disgruntled jogger
posted by puke & cry at 12:00 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

It's apparently a joke used by some Howard Stern hangers-on (search the page for "dropped something"). I have no idea whether that's the origin, though.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 12:08 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

the weirdest i've ever gotten was the surprisingly specific tip, "wear looser pants, you look like a fag!". the car actually stopped in front of my path to say this and then sped off.

this took place in a college town in ohio as well. i was into the indie/emo kid fashion and got heckled at *least* once a month, sometimes several times a week. the majority of the guys there were the stereotypical fratboy-looking type, so i stuck out more.

i moved to a liberal city and here it's only happened once in about a year. i was completely shocked and the difference in the general mood of the city. the lack of of diversity in some parts of the midwest (and elsewhere im sure) is disgusting, and just breeds this kind of thing.

as for why they chose "you dropped something", their sense of humor peaked out in 3rd grade and this is the first thing that popped into their head, like "your shoe is untied".

it's just an extremely juvenile joke, and they get a chuckle, maybe impress an equally dim friend, and probably forget it 2 seconds later. i advise you to do the same.
posted by white light at 12:18 AM on June 21, 2007

I agree with everyone that it's probably just coincidence. I used to get all sorts as a regular hitchhiker in a different country years ago.
You may be comforted by my best anecdote. One car-load of lads did the oh-so-hilarious pretending to stop trick, then drove off shouting abuse and giving me the finger. They were so busy doing this they hit the metal reservation barrier on the side of the motorway slip-road, totalling the front end of their crappy car. I hung around long enough to point and laugh before legging it as they piled out of their new wreck in a right marther. Good times.
posted by Abiezer at 12:29 AM on June 21, 2007 [7 favorites]

Some random chick did a variation of this to me last weekend - "Hey, be careful, there's dog shit!" There wasn't. I imagine in some circles that's entertainment.

*shrugs*
posted by Space Kitty at 12:34 AM on June 21, 2007

Next time this happens, stop, bend down and pick up an invisible tiny object between your thumb and forefinger, hold it up to them and shout, "Is this a piece of your brain?"

With apologies to Basil Fawlty
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:49 AM on June 21, 2007 [5 favorites]

My immediate reaction having read your story but none of the comments yet was, "I'll bet Howard Stern said this on Friday". I don't actually listen to Howard Stern, have never heard this bit, and in fact have no actual evidence at all.

But having read Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America's link, I bet I'm right.
posted by IvyMike at 12:58 AM on June 21, 2007

Yup. Sounds like Beavis and/or Butthead finally got a driver's license. If it happens a third time, there's some kind of wacky low humor phenomenon occurring in your area, and you should contact an anthropologist immediately.

When I worked at UPS, I remember a guy yelling my name urgently from one of the vans. When I turned to see what the panic was, he just said, "Hi" and smiled, then went back to work. 'Course, I actually laughed at that one, myself. Inclusive low humor, I suppose.

Maybe a bit nit-picky, but "misplaced homophobia" is a truism or something -- I mean to say, it's all misplaced.
posted by Bixby23 at 12:59 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

wgp - or a loud, "Holy shit, a hundred dollar bill, thanks guys" might work too.
posted by Abiezer at 12:59 AM on June 21, 2007

Was your fly down?
posted by puddpunk at 1:17 AM on June 21, 2007

Pretend to pick $10 up and say thank you.
posted by A189Nut at 2:16 AM on June 21, 2007

I routinely wear fitted black jeans and occasionally wear black hoodies or a leather jacket with them, whilst riding my bike around town i have occasionally had "HOPE YOU FALL OFF AND DIE YOU EMO FAG!" yelled at me. Once I was almost hit by a red-light runner, who then leaned out and yelled "GET FUCKED YOU EMO!".

I dont listen to emo music, but I find these situations funny, perhaps I made someones day?

Don't take it negatively though, it'll spoil your day! They probably did it to 10 other people down the road until they get someone reacting badly to fulfill their mission.
posted by chrisbucks at 2:50 AM on June 21, 2007

My partner and I used to get this shit in LA. The fact we were gay didn't seem at all obvious, to us. We may have been guilty of walking in LA, which was odd for white people in the neighborhood. Didn't bother me, I grew up with crap like that, but it was puzzling.
posted by Goofyy at 2:56 AM on June 21, 2007

I've experienced that type of harassment in blue-collar communities here in Massachusetts where "learned folk" are in the minority.
Try to remind yourself that these are simple people who may resent you for what you represent. Ignore them.
posted by tom_g at 4:01 AM on June 21, 2007

I've found some returns related to "Opie and Anthony". This Youtube video was posted on an Opie and Anthony fan site, for example.

Apparently, there's no "there" there; it's just utterly mindless humor, as far as I can tell.
posted by taz at 4:07 AM on June 21, 2007

People with such insecurities that make theirselves feel better by making someone else feel foolish.
posted by bethrossrn at 4:12 AM on June 21, 2007

This phenomena can be summed up in one word: Morons.

Specifically, there seems to be more of them around these days and they appear to be more moronic than ever. I blame it on the failure of our education system (and the Republicans of course).
posted by worker_bee at 4:21 AM on June 21, 2007

Addendum: For more on Morons, check the sites referenced above on Howard Stern and Opie & Anthony. They would appear to be the idols of Morons all over the country.
posted by worker_bee at 4:22 AM on June 21, 2007

Both were white men, in work vehicles, in their mid 30s, I'd say. These events occurred in Columbus, OH. I'm a tall slim nerdy looking guy, 25 years old. Both times I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and carrying my backpack. I was near a college campus both times...

It's a class issue. Period. Next time yell "Go study for your GED." They're in someone else's truck, at a red light. What are they going to do about it?
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:35 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

Testosterone fueled boredom. Nothing more. We have above average levels of both testosterone and boredom here in Columbus, so I wouldn't worry about it. When this happens to me, I always smile and wave in a goofy, exaggerated manner, like I just saw my best friend. This always seems to really disappoint the hecklers.
posted by Otis at 5:11 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

ah, rednecks. ignore them. that's probably an old locker-room shower joke. they probably also use it on women in short skirts.

don't obsess. prevail.
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:26 AM on June 21, 2007

maybe they wanted to see your ass (I'm piggybacking on thinkingwoman's idea).
posted by desjardins at 5:38 AM on June 21, 2007

"What, so you can look at my ass when I bend over?"
posted by electroboy at 5:58 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

you do NOT yell anything back at these people. anyone who got shit in high school can tell you that.
posted by white light at 6:06 AM on June 21, 2007 [3 favorites]

Are you sure that it was not the same guy both times?
posted by bkeene12 at 6:11 AM on June 21, 2007

In a truly perfect world, perfect in all respects, I could shoot these people for sport.

...as we are not in a perfect world, with similar episodes I've simply followed Otis' example: big wave, huge smile, and "Gosh, thanks a lot guys! You're the best! I can't believe you took the time to say that! Your mommas must be SO proud of you!"

Ya gotta go for the gusto, and sound so ridiculously happy it'll give 'em cavities. I cannot tell you how rewarding their expressions are. I even wave at them when they drive away, just to add that extra layer.
posted by aramaic at 6:14 AM on June 21, 2007

Here’s how I’d deconstruct it:

Maybe they were threatened of your intelligence. You said you’re a nerdy looking guy, and that you carry a back pack. Maybe these idiots thought that by telling you that you’ve dropped something, and making you turn around, they’d be pulling one over you—outsmarting you as it were. But why did they specifically use the words—Buddy, you’ve dropped something. Maybe because, in order to pick up something that you’ve dropped, you’d have to bend down, and in doing so you’d be lowering yourself, and maybe on some subconscious level that would make these men feel good about themselves: that they were superior to you, and not the other way around. And by calling you a fag it just proves how low they were willing to go to get on your nerves. Good for you for not falling for it.
posted by hadjiboy at 6:20 AM on June 21, 2007

Whenever people say random, offensive, stupid, or insulting shit to me in a day-to-day setting (on the street, in the hallway of my dorm) I'll do one of three things: [a] flat out ignore it, [b] laugh to myself at how dumb they are, or [c] give them a so-big-you-can-tell-it's-fake smile and a thumbs up.

Generally people are just bored with their lives and think it's fun to piss people off. Why bother giving them the satisfaction?
posted by Zephyrial at 6:52 AM on June 21, 2007

This has happened maybe 3 times in the last month to me while I've been riding my bike through my neighborhood in chicago. It's mostly snotty neighborhood kids though. They really get a kick out telling you that you dropped your pocket.
posted by Sreiny at 7:12 AM on June 21, 2007

I got something close to this when I was 12 or so. I was walking along, and this older girl said "Hey, you dropped your..." at which point I turned around to look, she finished the statement with "pocket." It was too late, I had already looked, and she and her friends started laughing, saying "Dumb broad." Surprisingly, it really, really upset me at the time.

Some people can only make themselves feel better by giving themselves the illusion that they have power over others. Don't let it get you down, it's just a really stupid joke.
posted by piratebowling at 7:19 AM on June 21, 2007

I spent much of my childhood, up through Junior High being taunted and ridiculed.

I learned that in certain social groups, one MUST make fun of outsiders. Please, I'm not condoning it. I'm just saying that it's a social norm in these groups, and if someone wants to be a member, he must participate in these hazing rituals. If he doesn't, he'll be kicked out of the group. A few times in my youth, kids came up to me in private and apologized for teasing me, explaining that they had to do it or they'd lose all their friends. Of course, I told them to fuck off and die, but I didn't think they were lying to me.

Now most people aren't very creative. And people in those types of social groups tent to be particularly stupid and unoriginal. But they still have to taunt if they don't want to lose their status. So what would you do if you needed to taunt someone but couldn't come up with anything witty? You'd say something stupid. And you'd be backed up by all your buddies who also have to say stupid things.

Also, if you're drunk or high, stupid stuff seems much funnier than it actually is.
posted by grumblebee at 7:45 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'd just flip them the bird. Then again, that's just me, if they stop and come after me they'll get their ass kicked.
posted by spacefire at 8:03 AM on June 21, 2007

Uhh.. it goes both ways. I live in SF, dress rather unexcitingly (Ann Taylor?) and get picked on by hipsters on a semi-regular basis.

The other night I was walking my dog when an obviously drunk, super loud, fashionable gay guy passed me and said, "Nice shirt."

I thought it strange -- my shirt was nothing special. Clean, it fit, it didn't class with anything, was new-ish.

As he walked away out came a braying, "NOTTTT!" to his little friend group.

Standing in front of my house I felt pretty brave, so I shot back, "Don't be so fucking rude!" and he was pretty shocked. Apparently, the NOT was for the benefit of his friends. He kept repeating, too drunk to dampen his voice, "She wasn't supposed to hear that!"

People are jerks. If you don't fear for your physical safety, call them out on it.
posted by cior at 8:19 AM on June 21, 2007

It's a class thing, with a bit of homophobia mixed in. Sorry that happened to you. BTW, I would not advise wearing headphone unless you're certain of your physical safety -- if you're in a somewhat rough area, it can make you look like an easy target.

cior, as a queer man who lives in SF, your story makes me cringe -- so sorry that happened to you. And speaking of going both ways, here in the Mission, the venomous vibes that the uber-hipsters emanate toward the rest of the (mostly hispanic, working-class) neighborhood is just astounding.
posted by treepour at 8:42 AM on June 21, 2007

you do NOT yell anything back at these people. anyone who got shit in high school can tell you that.

I disagree, very strongly. Ninety-nine percent of this type of stuff is idle bullshit - challenge it. It's not about (again, ninety-nine percent of the time) whether you're big enough to physically whoop their asses. What they want is a fear/apprehension/confusion response. You deviate from that, they're utterly lost. They got no Plan B.

Having said that *do* choose your battles, *don't* attempt this when drunk or high, and *don't* get all Zelig on us. *Do* stand up for yourself when someone fucks with you for no reason.
posted by trondant at 10:11 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

My most recent experience of being accosted on my bicycle happened around 1:00 PM on a weekday while I was waiting to cross the street next to Seattle's most famous Greek Orthodox church.

A little Honda just packed to bursting with five young men was coming fast down the street I was waiting to cross, and when they were about 20 yds. away they started yelling 'yo, yo, yo-- shit!' A little puzzling, but I thought 'OK, here we go,' and when they slowed down, I really got ready, and something flew out of the car and landed on the sidewalk next to me as they sped up again and left. It was an unopened full sized bag of (my favorite!) potato chips, and I realized they had been yelling 'yo, yo, yo-- chips!'

As I ate the chips a couple of hours later next to the fountain at Seattle U, it occurred to me I might want to dress a little better for my little bicycle excursions, not that I didn't appreciate the charity, and to try to think a little better of my fellow human beings, as well.
posted by jamjam at 10:43 AM on June 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

you do NOT yell anything back at these people. anyone who got shit in high school can tell you that.

Being one of those guys who frequently "got shit" in high school, I can tell you that this may not ring true. A few years ago, a situation occurred where I was publicly ridiculed by a complete stranger... similiar to what has been discussed in this thread.

For no real reason, all of those bully incidents from school flashed through my head, and I walked up and punched him in the nose as hard as I could. After that, I proceeded to beat the holy hell out of him, arms flailing, legs kicking, teeth lashing... visualize the final fight scene in "A Christmas Story..." Then I just got up, walked away, and realized later that I had never said a word to the guy.

Now, it may have been wrong to do something like this, but... good lord, it sure felt good. I walked around for days feeling better about myself than I had in years.
posted by bradth27 at 11:30 AM on June 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

Oddly, the exact same thing (2 guys in different trucks) happened to a friend in southern Ontario yesterday. I wonder if there was a signal from the talk radio moron HQ.

All I can offer on this subject is this:
Down the street from my old house was a group home for unfortunates of some description (I never got the details). This old man used to sit out on the porch all day; shabby clothes, looking out-of-it. I would give him a little "howdy neighbor" wave from across the street when I was walking past. Then one day I passed on the sidewalk directly in front of his porch, and I turned to smile at him and he gave me a nasty leer and said "Hey, yer slip's showin'!"

I thought, "wtf?" and looked down at my blue jeans and back at him. And he cackled maniacally and pointed at me, turned to invisible friends -- continued to laugh, pointing, as I walked away. Later I saw him do this to pretty much any other female who passed by his porch, regardless of age or what she was wearing. Most had the same reaction - "wtf?" followed by "ok, bye".

So just think of it that way. These dudes are still going think that's funny when they are 85 and the rest of their mind has gone, and it will make their neighbors pity and avoid them.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:43 PM on June 21, 2007

Um new things often come in twos. I will encounter something new twice usually within a few days or a week or two and then generally never again. It happens that often that long ago I'd just assumed it was a rule, like the laws of nature or something.

For example a friend told me about a movie - Death Race 2000. Never heard about it before. Days later an unrelated person for whatever reason thinks to mention it and ask me if I have seen it in the course of the conversation.

Haven't heard a peep about it since (this was several years ago) and nobody I've ever mentioned it to has even heard of it either.

Maybe it happens to me more than you but *shrug* weird new things just come in twos.
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 11:57 AM on June 24, 2007

Um new things often come in twos.

Sorry, but that's pseudo-science. It makes no sense at all. At best, you could reasonably claim that the human mind tends to notice new things more when they come in twos than when they don't. I'm not sure that it's true, but it's more likely to be true than a magic force that pairs up new events.

Don't believe me? Email 20 friends and ask each one to make up 10 nonsense words and send them to you. Each one will be something new. Tally up the results and see how often a word shows up on two -- and only two -- people's lists. See how if the number of times that happens is statistically significant (e.g. there are significantly more pairs than there are solos or triplets).

I'd stake my life that you could also try this with common words and the results would be the same.
posted by grumblebee at 2:15 PM on June 24, 2007