Comments on: Gah

Question: Gah

CoinOp — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:41:00 -0800

(PISS FILTER) A guest just relieved himself on my futon.

Happened within the last hour, I'm so mad I can hardly contain myself. I stripped the bed and promptly threw the blankets in the wash. However the mattress has been soaked through. Besides burning the futon, what are my options?

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:46:04 -0800

Previously

By: LobsterMitten

LobsterMitten — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:46:52 -0800

I'm so sorry. A first few places to look...
how can I clean urine out of my couch?
dog peed on my couch
cat peed on my bag
cat peed on car seat

By: pieoverdone

pieoverdone — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:49:50 -0800

Make him buy you another mattress.

By: amyms

amyms — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:51:39 -0800

I agree with pieoverdone's answer.

By: hortense

hortense — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:55:13 -0800

Continue soaking with sparkling water,TheCO2 breaks down the piss smell a bit, then lots of sunshine. pieoverdone has a good point.

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:57:47 -0800

Channel all of your anger into laying down the law (gently, if possible), and then don't make a big deal of it. They're probably dying a thousand deaths right now (for more reasons than one, I suspect). When your guest is awake/sober/remorseful, make it clear how they can fix it, and be firm. They very likely don't want to get into an argument with you about what's "fair"...but be fair. I think that pieoverdone has it.

By: Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America

Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:58:35 -0800

This won't help you now, but for the future, you can buy waterproof mattress covers that are perfectly soft and not even a little crinkly.

Also, if they're still around, chewing them out might make you feel better.

By: nomisxid

nomisxid — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:01:00 -0800

How "soaked"? Working at summer camp, we frequently had kids who'd wet the bed now and again; we usually had acceptable results with simple sunshine, wind, and time.
some suggestions in this thread over at ask-yahoo, er answers-yahoo.

By: showbiz_liz

showbiz_liz — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:08:08 -0800

I'm confused by the category you posted this in... was your guest human or not?

By: metasav

metasav — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:20:55 -0800

Human or not, it's all about sunshine now. Pray for a few sunny days, or...what pieoverdone said.

By: ORthey

ORthey — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:26:38 -0800

My guess is it's a cat or a dog.

By: CoinOp

CoinOp — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:40:41 -0800

Sorry, human ... anger got the best of me with tags. :/

By: LobsterMitten

LobsterMitten — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:43:12 -0800

(hey, CoinOp, would you mind also tagging it "pee" and "urine"?)

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:43:45 -0800

Besides burning the futon, what are my options?

1. Come to terms with the transient nature of all things... if your futon hadn't been peed on, it would nevertheless eventually fall apart and decompose.

2. What's bettter, a peed futon and you angry, or a peed futon and you calm and happy? At this point a non-peed futon isn't an option, so which of those two are more suitable?

3. Would you feel better if things were even? You could pee in his suitcase / backpack.

By: indienial

indienial — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 23:28:15 -0800

Try bicarb soda and sunshine. If that fails, there's a product called Nil Odor, which is very effective— a few drops will get rid of any stench.

Good luck.

By: missmagenta

missmagenta — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 00:14:40 -0800

I dont know if you have FeBreeze where you are but its great for getting the smell out of things you can put in the wash. It wont get rid of any stain but as indienial suggest bicarb might get it out.
I dont think having a go at your guest will help, it certainly wont turn back time and make the futon any less peed on. He feels bad enough - or he will when he's sober.

By: mostlymartha

mostlymartha — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 00:16:43 -0800

As mentioned in some of the above links, a very generous soaking of Nature's Miracle (and the very long time it takes to completely dry) works as well on human pee as it does on animal pee. It's also does a nice job on drunk human vomit smell as well.

By: Roman Graves

Roman Graves — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 01:04:21 -0800

Don't go through all the trouble of cleaning it. This guy is buying you a new mattress.

By: bifter

bifter — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 02:29:58 -0800

New mattress, yeah. Otherwise best not to wet the mattress further as it just spreads the smell (but if it's soaked through... well...) Usually works best to painstakingly wick out us much wet as you can with towels, until no futher moisture comes up, liberally sprinkle the soiled area with bicarbonate of soda (it's a deodorant), then after a while hoover it up and leave the mattress in a well aired place to dry (preferably out in the sun). Don't even think about putting it back on the base until it's totally dried through - leave it for a couple of days at least.

By: singingfish

singingfish — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 04:12:35 -0800

urea breaks down into ammonia and then into nitrogen. You can speed this process up by sticking it in the hot sun and you should be fine.

By: boomchicka

boomchicka — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 04:13:36 -0800

New mattress, definitely, and ASAP.

By: jayder

jayder — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 04:47:43 -0800

Even if you manage to achieve some semblance of cleanliness in the futon, you will always think of it as "the piss-stained futon." You will not feel comfortable sleeping or sitting on it. You will not feel comfortable having guests sleep on it.

Get a new one, regardless of whether the guest pays for it (which he should).

By: TrashyRambo

TrashyRambo — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 05:24:25 -0800

Clean it as above then sell it on Craigslist (they need never know). And get the guy to buy you a new one.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 06:04:19 -0800

Assuming this is a post-drinking pee, odds are it was 99% water anyways, and did not have a strong pee odor. For whatever that's worth, anyways...accidents happen.

By: Nathanial Hörnblowér

Nathanial Hörnblowér — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 08:24:56 -0800

Please do not sell it on Craigslist, even after it's been completely cleaned, without full disclosure. Or at least put it in the Free section and have the guy buy you a new one.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 17:09:10 -0800

Offer to sell the mattress to the guest for the price of a new one.