Will my crazy older cat be a bad influence on my kitten?

June 7, 2007 4:01 PM

Will my older cat socialize my young kitten to be too rough?

I'm a first time cat owner so I'm a bit long winded about my cats' potential "problems." Forgive me. So I recently adopted a female cat about 2 years old. Three weeks after I brought her home, I adopted a 3 month old male kitten to keep the older cat company after I noticed that she had more and more pent up energy. The older cat and kitten playfight all day long and my older cat has become infinitely sweeter and affectionate to me. Gone are the days of ankle mauling and sneak attacks on her humans. those are now reserved for the kitten. Its been two weeks since the initial introduction period which took 3 days. There were no hissing or growling from either party and the older cat even lets the kitten eat from her bowl and use her litter box. But the older cat does not let the kitten groom her (which I've seen him try to do and it was tragic to see him rejected) or cuddle next to her (but she will let him lie down next to her). Zero maternal instinct from the older cat. She either just swipes him with her paw or if she's in the mood chase him around. But being the baby that he is, he loves any attention from her. My question is this: will my older cat's less affectionate behavior socialize the sweet kitten to grow up like her? she uses her claws and teeth to communicate and play with me. She's cold and standoffish even though she follows me around the house. she also usually does not allow strangers to pet her longer than 5 seconds and even with me does not let me love on her more than 5 minutes before she warns me to back off with a gentle nip. That's how she is and i love her to death but i dont want the boy kitten to grow up like that if i can help it!

posted by ceesbees to pets & animals (11 comments total)

You have nothing to worry about. Cats are weird. They will war one second and fall asleep next to each other the next. I wouldn't be at all concerned about the wrestling, it what cats do.

Based on your description, it sounds like everything is fine. Make sure you play a lot with the new kitten, have him get used to being handled. But the fact that he has her to play with will probably be enough to keep him from being aloof.

Though, to be honest, there isn't a lot of control you are going to have over this. I have four cats, the oldest hated me. Now as he's gotten older, he's a big lazy sack of cat that sleeps on my feet. The second oldest hated me, because I wasn't my wife. Now she sleeps on my feet next to the first one. The third oldest loved me because I was new and helped rescue him as a kitten, now he wants nothing to do with me.

The best way to ensure that your cats love you and pay attention, is to be the one who feeds them. That works ever time.
posted by quin at 4:21 PM on June 7, 2007

If the older lady is fixed there's little chance she feels anything but acceptance toward the kitten. That said, it can take time for things like grooming and snuggling to happen. It still might!

Getting a second kitty was the best thing I ever did for my dude - you've done the right thing!
posted by loiseau at 4:40 PM on June 7, 2007

How long have you had the 2nd cat? It could be a long courtship, so to speak.

Here's something to consider: YOU are the alpha of the tribe. If you're giving tons of affection to Mr. New Kitty, the older cat will see him as competition. Things will settle down, but make sure you're giving both cats attention.
posted by mkultra at 5:00 PM on June 7, 2007

I think you're fine. They sound like they're really getting along well (given that they could be trying to fight/kill/eat each other). Okay, so the older cat isn't going to let the young one groom or cuddle. Sucks, but at least they play together. That just means the older cat doesn't think of the young one as a littermate.

I think the only thing you need to do, is make sure that you give the kitten all the love and affection that it's probably not going to get from the older cat. The younger cat is going to be looking for a source of affection as well as play/entertainment; if the other cat provides play, then you can be the affection. (Which, at least with most cat owners I know, is what they'd rather provide anyway!)
posted by Kadin2048 at 5:39 PM on June 7, 2007

In my opinion, regardless of what you want to happen, most cats have a solid and innate personality core from birth that won't change. You can modify some of their behavior, but there's at least 50% of their little psyches that boils down to "That's how that cat is". So while Cat Jr. might watch Cat Sr. and conclude "Biting and scratching is fun!", it's equally likely that some of her more noxious traits won't sink in at all, because Junior is just different from her.
posted by Midnight Creeper at 6:30 PM on June 7, 2007

Like others, I think this is largely out of control at this point. Being affectionate with your kitten will help, though.

As Midnight Creeper says, cats have different temperaments and I agree that a lot of it's determined by birth.

However, a cats ability to socialize with humans is heavily influenced by their early socialization with humans. As a non-expert, I'm not sure when that critical period begins and ends; but it may be the case that by three months it's largely ended. You should look that up or wait for someone to elaborate here. If the kitten is still in that critical period, you need to spend time playing with the kitten (but don't teach the kitten that human hands and feet are cat toys!) and being affectionate and not leaving it to your adult cat.

With both those things in mind, I think I can safely say that your adult cat's relationship with humans is only, at maximum, a very minor factor in determining how your kitten will relate to humans. Innate personality and early socializing with humans matters far more than any influence from the adult cat.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:54 PM on June 7, 2007

My cats are mother and daughter. They never cuddle up together and when they do wash each other nine times out of ten it turns into a fight. (usually one gets the other in some kind of headlock and forcibly continues the washing - it's very funny)

How long have you had the 2 year old? I've had my pair about six months now, and the older one is just now over the past month or so beginning to seek out company and cuddles after initially being very standoffish. She might just still be getting used to you (and the kitten).
posted by corvine at 5:28 AM on June 8, 2007

Don't worry about it too much. If he does start to experiment with biting and scratching there are some minor things you can do to discourage it, before it becomes a habit. If he scratches you, either tap the back of his paw or grab his paw and squeeze gently (most cats don't like this). If he bites, give him a sharp tap on the nose (again most cats don't like this). If you do this every time, he should get the point that it's not cool to bite and claw you, and at the very minimum doing so will bring something unpleasant.

If you catch either one of them clawing the furniture (doesn't sound like it yet) you should probably get a spray bottle and mist them in the face every time you catch them at it...
posted by anaelith at 7:54 AM on June 8, 2007

I just want to chime in that you are lucky they are getting along so quickly. It often takes longer! I bet the actual cuddling/grooming will come eventually.
posted by radioamy at 11:21 AM on June 8, 2007

It makes complete sense that Older Cat won't let Kitten groom her. Grooming is a sign of dominance amongst cats, and by rejecting the Kitten, the Older Cat is saying, "I'm not going to be dominated by you."

she uses her claws and teeth to communicate and play with me.

probably because you can't understand cat-ese. Kitten instinctively understands it, though, and now that Older Cat has someone to "talk" to, this may subside. But more likely, this behavior is because you're not taking no for an answer. Ignore Older Cat when she gets aggressive. Cats don't use their claws when they play. She's trying to tell you to back off - respect that, and she'll come looking for attention when she feels like it. And don't get into the habit of trying to pet Kitten out of a bad mood, or you'll get another rough, unaffectionate cat.
posted by desjardins at 11:30 AM on June 8, 2007

I should add that my two groom each other, now that they have the whole dominance thing worked out (the kitten ended up being the Alpha; my older cat is just too laidback to care if he's kicked out of his favorite spot).
posted by desjardins at 11:32 AM on June 8, 2007