Too Soon for a Widower to Date?
June 3, 2007 7:15 PM Subscribe
How soon is too soon to start dating after the death of a spouse? All the websites I've read have been for widows and widowers and tell them not to feel guilty for moving on with their lives after the passing of their loved one. But surely there really *is* such a thing as too soon?
posted by jennak to Human Relations (38 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
A month and a half ago, my stepmother passed away after a short but difficult bout with cancer. I helped out with arrangements, and tried to comfort my dad during the days after her death. She was a difficult person to get along with, and as a result, me and my entire extended family have had a strained relationship with him. It meant a lot to me that we could become closer during his time of need.
I've noticed over the past weeks that he has been out a lot (he's never home when I call), and he recently mentioned that he's been going out with the (very nice) single next-door neighbor about three times a week.
Last week, he called me out of the blue and asked if I would mind if he pursued an annullment from his first wife (my mother). I don't really mind, and I was a bit distracted because I was working, so I told him go for it.
But in talking with my grandmother this weekend, I discovered that he is dating the neighbor, and more importantly, learned that this is why he wants to pursue an annullment (as the neighbor is Catholic). I'm fairly certain that nothing was going on before my stepmother's passing.
He told my grandmother that he won't do anything for 2 years, but I'm still concerned. I tried to call him to talk to him directly about the matter (my stepmother's voice is still on the voicemail), but he's been out so much, I haven't been able to reach him.
I can't figure out if my reaction is because we became close and now I feel like I'm back on the outside again, or if my concern is legit. Isn't 7 weeks too soon for him to be dating?