Employee Pit Fight

May 31, 2007 4:53 PM

how would you moderate this conflict between two employees?

I am in an office of three people supervised by one boss. The other two ladies, Marge-in-Charge and Aida-Attitude, hate each other. While the boss and I were at a meeting this morning, they finally had the showdown that has been brewing for weeks that culminated in a huge shouting match. These people love to tell me about the dastardly things the other does and what a psycho-bitch the other is, which commences lately whenever Marge or Aida leaves the room. The boss and I had another meeting across town and I took a moment to tell her of the situation and that she should talk with them. She hasn't.

Marge is convinced that the boss is in Aida's pocket because Aida is a kiss-ass (she is) and that anything Aida said will be taken as fact (probably not). This notion hasn't been made any better by the fact that the boss has not talked to them in any organized fashion and that Aida has gone to the boss behind closed doors to tell her side. Frankly, I am pissed that the boss didn't act on my advice and talk to each alone before they had a chance to approach her themselves and now Marge is all up in arms and upset. I am thinking about moving into the closet. How would you have handled the role of the boss and what would you do if you were me?

posted by Foam Pants to human relations (12 comments total)

If I were the boss, I'd fire them both.
If I were you, I'd tell them both that I refuse to speak to either of them until they get this nonsense sorted out.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:02 PM on May 31, 2007 [1 favorite]

It's really a terrible situation to be in. However, be patient and give the boss a few days to sort this out. Perhaps she plans to fire them or have an intervention, but needs some time to plan it all, or get clearance from HR. If nothing happens by this time next week, sit down with the boss and tell her how much this is affecting productivity in the office and speak from the monetary/effectiveness standpoint. If it affects the bottom line, it's easier to get something done. Good luck, you have my sympathy!
posted by MeetMegan at 5:25 PM on May 31, 2007

If I were you, I'd stay out of it. All that can happen is that you say something and both Marge and Aida attack you. And your boss will feel like you undermined her authority. You boss should definitely intervene or tell both women to take a trip to HR. For now, all you can do is continue to express your frustration to your boss and hope she does something.
posted by HotPatatta at 5:57 PM on May 31, 2007

As a boss, I would hate to have to adjudicate some childish squabble. It's not really even your boss's problem unless it's affecting their work or caused by unclear roles or expectations. If anything, I'd make a short speech about how I expect everyone to act like professionals and rise above personal issues to get the work done.

And MeetMegan's right -- rather than approaching your boss with "here's some advice," I'd say "hey, this is making it really hard for me to get anything done."

In the meantime, what about just nicely declining to talk about it with either of them, like "I know, I know, she drives you insane. Anyway, about this project... "
posted by salvia at 6:03 PM on May 31, 2007

Stay out of it, don't talk to the boss any more about it. The danger here is they'll resolve their differences over a new hate object: you.

On preview, I see HotPatatta said the same thing.
posted by atchafalaya at 6:35 PM on May 31, 2007

As a boss it's their responsibility (and sometimes legal duty) to address the situation. Otherwise they risk the possibility of a lawsuit due to a hostile work environment. Personally, I would discuss the situation with each individually giving them the professionalism speech. The discussion would go something like this (both employees would basically get the same speech):
"As an employee in my department I expect you to maintain a level of professionalism far above this conduct. It is irrelevant who was right and who was wrong when you get into a screaming match that disrupts the entire office. If an incident like this occurs again and you feel the need to escalate you need to step away from the issue and bring it up to myself or HR. This conduct is not acceptable and I will proceed with disciplinary action if it continues."

As an employee, follow meetmegan's advice.
posted by Octoparrot at 6:41 PM on May 31, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Hostile work environment" doesn't just mean a workplace in which people behave with hostility. It's a specific legal term referring to a workplace in which a person experiences harassment, intimidation, or oppression. The federal laws that govern hostile work environment do not require employers to maintain a standard of civility, but rather require that the conduct of one employee towards another not be so objectively offensive as to alter the conditions of employment and impinge on the offended party's ability to do his or her job.

In other words, it has nothing to do with whether people are nice to one another, or whether they conduct themselves professionally, or whether they behave like two year olds. In most cases, the hostility must be based on age, race, sex, or some other legally protected characteristic in order for an attorney to be willing to take the case or a court to be willing to let a lawsuit go forward.
posted by decathecting at 7:05 PM on May 31, 2007

We had a similar situation where I work a few years ago.

Two secretaries could not (or would not) get along and it was driving the entire staff batty. At the end, the boss took the two of them aside and said: "Either you two sort this out and resolve it today OR you come and tell me tomorrow which one of you is leaving."

They ended up resolving the issues on their own and are still both working together today.

As a staff member, the most I'd say to the boss would be to mention how the fighting adversely affects my work productivity.
posted by aedra at 8:10 PM on May 31, 2007 [1 favorite]

You can't resolve their differences, and you shouldn't try.

Your three main concerns are your job, your relationship with your boss, and your comfort level in the office. Thus, unless their spats directly affect your work, you shouldn't mention it again to the boss. Offering further advice or complaints introduces the risk of alienating your boss, who may begin to feel that you are judging her competence to deal with the issue.

Finally, regarding your comfort level, absolutely refuse to engage in conversation with Aida about Marge, and vice-versa. Tell each of them, "Look, I like you, and I know you have issues with Aida/Marge, but I'm taking myself out of this because it makes me uncomfortable, so I can't talk to either of you about the other. At all. We can talk about anything else, but not that." And then follow up. As soon as one of them starts in, tell them, "Sorry, kiddo - we're not talking about this. Tell me what you're doing this weekend, instead (or somesuch)." If they try to bring it up in the guise of work-related problems, tell them "You'll have to talk to the boss about your problems with Aida/Marge. Next?"
posted by taz at 12:54 AM on June 1, 2007

Have you thought about workplace mediation? Mediators sit down with the two warring parties and help them sort out their problem peacefully. If you look around, there's probably a community dispute center around that would mediate the case for free...
posted by shivohum at 5:51 AM on June 1, 2007

Marge storms into your office and says, "Did you hear what Aida did? That backstabbing b---- told Harry that..."

You face your computer screen, hold up your hand, and firmly say, "I don't want to be involved." If she persists, you look at her directly and say "I'm not interested in hearing about this."

Repeat as necessary.
posted by desjardins at 6:42 AM on June 1, 2007

You! Stay out of it. There's nothing you can do to help and lots you can do to exacerbate the situation.

I'm the head of HR at a 1500 employee company. The manager absolutely needs to get involved by first listening to them each individually. Then he/she needs to say, "Part of your responsibilities is to create a positive work culture. Your anger/argument affects our ability to service our customers (this way.) Go home tonight and think about if you want to work here or not. If you do, you will meet with (enemy) to work out an action plan about how you will resolve differences. You guys will then present it to me together. After that, if either of you come to me, or complain to another coworker, without following the action plan, you will both most likely be terminated." Then he/she has to follow up on it - and make absolutely sure they both understand that if one goes, they both go, so there's no point in trying to backstab.

That's worked for me, but generally only after I've fired one warring pair per company that I've worked at so people know I'm serious. It's harsh but this crap can waste WAY too much time and money. You can always train a new person to do their job functions.
posted by pomegranate at 6:46 AM on June 1, 2007