How to make an ape look schmick.

May 23, 2007 5:21 PM

How to make a big oaf look presentable, even sharply dressed, on a sustainable basis.

Need to look sharper and more professional for position. Bigger guy. Lives in Melbourne, Australia. Dealing with low-grade depression and anxiety issues. Just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to keep myself looking good!

posted by mikeybidness to work & money (17 comments total)

Shave and a haircut. Shave again in the afternoon if you have a tendency toward 5-o'clock shadow, and give your hair a quick comb while you're at it.

Iron your clothes. Wear leather shoes and a matching belt.

If you can afford it, get your clothes altered to fit you. Most people who look disheveled are really just wearing ill-fitting clothes.
posted by jjg at 5:30 PM on May 23, 2007

Don't wear pants with pleats. Always go with flat front.

Keep stuff (cell phone, pager, keys, etc.) off your belt.

Pay attention to eyebrows and nose hair. Invest in a good personal trimmer.

Keep your shoes polished.

It is always better to arrive over-dressed than under-dressed.

Don't be afraid to add a splash of color to your outfit (neckties are an easy way to do this).

Does "dealing" with anxiety and depression mean you are getting it treated? If not, do so. It helps your self-esteem and makes it possible to appreciate how sharp you will be looking very soon.

Good luck!
posted by 4ster at 5:36 PM on May 23, 2007

yep, good grooming, ironing, and tailoring are the best things you can do for yourself.

get your eyebrows done (it works wonders) and make sure your clothes fit properly. get them taken in if necessary, or buy some larger stuff if necessary. keep it clean and ironed. if you have the cash, use a laundry service. just make sure to hang everything up.
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:47 PM on May 23, 2007

Tailored suit/sport jacket. Store staff will be happy to help you out, and it's generally expected that such a garment will be taken in or let out based on your needs. You can still look spiffy even without a tie, hide a ton of imperfections, and have extra convenient pockets to boot. And reaching into a jacket pocket looks more suave than grubbing around in a pants pocket.

Ask the people at the store about shirts, too. Off-the-rack shirts are often just big rectangle flour bags with sleeves. Ask for advice, spend maybe just a little more money, and get shirts that fit better.

It can be done--just look at the oafs and schlubbs who sit on a typical corporate board of directors. They manage to look sharp, even though you probably would not want to see them naked getting out of a bathtub.

(That's sort of expanding on what jjg said.)
posted by gimonca at 5:48 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Regular haircuts. Go in for regular "business cuts" where they clean up your neck and side burns.

If you can afford it, send your shirts out to be cleaned and pressed. Nice shoes and a nice watch go a long way.

Pinstripe suits slim. Navy pinstripe is a classic. Look for vertical stripes on dress and casual shirts also.

Avoid short-sleeved shirts. They only emphasize the thickest part of your arm. Long sleeves rolled to the elbow or forearm look better and sexier.

Forgo tucking in shirts if you can avoid it. Especially on non-work days. Don't cinch your belt too tightly.
posted by LoriFLA at 5:49 PM on May 23, 2007

Stop thinking of yourself as a big oaf, Ya big, loveable man!

Also: suspenders (braces) make one feel more at ease than a belt.
posted by longsleeves at 6:25 PM on May 23, 2007

I would add nice, well-polished, or at least clean shoes to the list. Making sure that you are not wearing dirty, scuffed shoes is one of those small signs that you are developing a sense of pride.

When it doubt, opt for black shoes. You should have both casual and dress shoes.

My shoe bugaboo: big fat worn soles. You don't need cruel shoes, just reasonable soles brushed off daily.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 6:43 PM on May 23, 2007

Be careful with some of the advice here. While flat-front slacks are fashionable these days, they don't flatter most bigger builds -- the lower belly strains against the front, big thighs lead to weird angles, etc. (Yes, I'm a big guy who's tried on a lot of pants.) At least in the US, pleated slacks are still standard for men in most professions, so otherwise-flattering pants shouldn't be tossed aside over a few pleats.

Clothes that would be considered unstylish or frumpy on a smaller man are considered professional on big men because expectations are pretty low. While a more tailored look makes sense if you're aiming for "sharp" or if you're dressing reasonably well now but getting complaints, my experience is that a lot of big guys dress poorly because they don't know where to shop. (Once again, I only know about the US, but specialized big-and-tall shops are essential...and charge accordingly.) A quality off-the-rack shirt in the proper size along with flattering off-the-rack slacks, a bright-white undershirt (if you wear 'em), a nice belt (get a wide one to avoid the "tied ham" look and, LoriFLA nailed it, don't cinch), coordinating socks and shoes would be considered quite professional in 98% of US work environments, and (speaking from experience) sharp in a fair number.

Oh, and be careful with big-guy cliches like vertical stripes, untucked shirts, and braces. They all have their place, but a guy in a circus-tent-striped untucked shirt screams "I'm touchy about my weight". Pinstripes may take curvilinear forms on a poorly-tailored suit. Etc.
posted by backupjesus at 6:59 PM on May 23, 2007

if you wear 'em

And please do! They serve multiple useful purposes. Preventing your nipples from being visible through your shirt is a particularly pressing one, and they also smooth you up and prevent your shirt from sticking to you.
posted by redfoxtail at 7:17 PM on May 23, 2007

I'm in the U.S./ East coast, and pleated-front pants are certainly still frequently worn, but are a sign that a man has no idea what's in fashion nowadays. If that's not a concern (and it need not be!) then go for it. If you want to be "in style," go flat-front.

And nothing will make you look fatter than clothes that are too small. Wear stuff that fits you now, not the way you want to be after you lose a few pounds, and you'll look smart.
posted by chowflap at 8:26 PM on May 23, 2007

At least in the US, pleated slacks are still standard for men in most professions,

Not in New York City.

IMO, pleats can actually magnify gut/thigh problems.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 8:28 PM on May 23, 2007

Wow. 4ster nailed it pretty well. For general presentability, I'd add a few "good habits"-- try to maintain good posture, and cultivate a pleasant speaking voice-- a deep, resonant, and relaxed voice can really change the way you are perceived by others.
posted by Maxwell_Smart at 8:56 PM on May 23, 2007

Here are a few previously asked questions from AskMe that might be useful as you think more about these kinds of issues about how to dress etc. (Not snarking; it's an excellent question and there are lots of resources - check out the one linked behind "Here" for an especially long nice answer)
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:25 PM on May 23, 2007

In terms of sustainable, head into shops like Myer (even Target) when they've got sales on. In fact, even Lowes have a pretty good range of big mens wear. I find that Lowes have a really good range of basics (pants, jackets etc) that are relatively cheap. They have shirts, but they aren't normally as nice as the ones that you can find in Myer during the sales.
posted by cholly at 11:31 PM on May 23, 2007

Someone called?

Yeah, no pleated pants.

Also, do not adopt a "unique" style. You do not need the color of your shirt or a bizarre tie to stand out; it's generally just distracting.
posted by oaf at 3:16 AM on May 24, 2007

Artifice_Eternity, I should have said that pleated pants are considered reasonably professional in most professions. Having spent a lot of time in New York in pleated slacks, yes, I looked uncool, but I did eat lunch at the Condé Nast cafeteria several times without being physically removed by security for my fashion faux pas.

I agree that pleats don't help the gut and thighs, but finding any dress pants that are cut to fit my shape (while I have a gut, I'm also just generally big) is enough of a miracle that I can't be picky about pleats. Wearing slacks that are 4-6 inches too big at the waist is not an option, and a tailor's response would be to pleat the pants. Oddly, finding jeans and casual pants is not difficult, so I assume most similarly-shaped men either go custom or don't take jobs that require dressing up.

While I agree with oaf about uniqueness, don't be afraid of color, either. Appropriate use of subtle colors and/or subtle patterns sends a message that you put some thought into how you dress. Then again, maybe I'm just hoping my shirts distract from my pleats.... *sigh*
posted by backupjesus at 6:28 AM on May 24, 2007

Next time you're feeling like just hanging out with your computer (you did say you had some depression/anxiety, and the Internet is a common comfort for this), look around for pictures of similarly-sized guys & check out what they're wearing. Really study it. Colors, details (how the pants/shirts fit, where they hang loosely, what color tie with what color skin/hair/pants, and how does it look to you). It may take a while for you to even have an opinion, but that's OK -- just look at first. It may also take some ingenuity to figure out how to search for relevant images -- convention blogs? Oscar night images? Fashion sites? Executive photos from corporate sites? Web sites geared to large guys? Big & Tall store web sites? You may have to use your cleverness. It's a challenge (or it might be easy).

You could also try to pick up some men's fashion magazines -- or even _any_ fashion magazines, or any glossy magazines. It may take a bit of filtering to find photos that show guys shaped like you, but these may be higher-quality than what you find on the net. Also, it can be fun to sit on your couch and look through magazines.

(Beware of subscribing to magazines. You will get so much junk mail. I always just buy individual issues.)

This research should be tempered with reading some of the links given above, which describe other people's tastes and what's current. You may also develop a sense of what will _stay_ in style, so you won't have to get a new wardrobe every few years.

Anyway, once you've done enough looking around, shopping for nice clothes will be more fun, because you'll be able to look at some new garment and see how nice it is, visualize yourself in it, and feel good about making a great choice.

You might particularly enjoy shopping for that nice pair of shoes. My guy loves shoes!

This "research phase" is something you can do even if you're feeling kind of unmotivated. And it's not just a time-filler; it's extremely valuable.

alternate suggestion: If you have more money than time, you could hire a wardrobe consultant / personal shopper. That could be really fun.
posted by amtho at 6:44 AM on May 24, 2007