How to get a new identity in Canada?

May 21, 2007 2:35 AM

I've got a friend who wants to have a new identity. He currently lives in Canada, and wants to stay living there, but still wants a new identity... What is the best way for him to go about doing this? He can't go through "legitimate" channels, as he has a criminal record, and would like to travel to the USA. He can't get a pardon, since his offense (?) was committed within the last few months.
posted by Vamier to law & government (7 comments total)

If he can't go through legitimate channels, he's breaking the law. Please don't use Ask MetaFilter to help you break the law.
posted by fandango_matt at 2:45 AM on May 21, 2007

Maybe you friend is a character in a book?

What is his nationality?
posted by atrazine at 3:18 AM on May 21, 2007

First off, forget about going to the US. Your friend's first concern is going to be staying out of the way of any and all government officials, and border guards post-9/11 are some of the most suspicious bastards you could ever meet. So nix on the travel.

Next, a new identity. Your friend's on the books now, and that's a big problem. He's recognizable. He'll need a new face, so massive plastic surgery is probably what's called for here. Failing that, some self-inflicted mutilation ought to to the trick. His fingerprints are also on record, and unfortunately, fingerprints are very resilient. Cutting, burning, acid; they've all been tried before, and fingerprints just come back. Your friend will probably want to sever the first joints of all his fingers. Painful and inconvenient, yes, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Finally, once your friend is physically unrecognizable, he's still going to want to stay out of sight forever. Fortunately, it's possible to do that in Canada. Consult this map. The Northwest Territories and Nunavut are all but uninhabited, and there's some good space in northern British Columbia and northern Manitoba as well.

Hope this helps!
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:35 AM on May 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

SO first, he has to hitchhike through Nova Scotia and get picked up by a guy who looks just enough like him. There has to be a flat, and then your friend has to throw his ride into an oncoming car (it's not clear if he kills the ride first or just hip checks him).

The car the ride has been thrown in front of crashes spectacularly in a field. So, there your "friend" has two possible I.D.'s. He finishes changing the flat, gets back in the car and on his way.

Uh, there's a scene in a bus and some other stuff, and then Angelina Jolie gets involved... (I changed the channel here, I'll admit)...

No, this is too ridiculous. I mean, you aren't serious, are you?
posted by From Bklyn at 4:00 AM on May 21, 2007

A fascinating problem, truly, made difficult by that pesky thing called modern law enforcement. On the other side of the aisle are numerous crooks and charlatans, ready to separate your friend from his cash, leaving him with nothing in return, or worse, documents that won't stand up to the light of the half-moon, much less daylight.

Might be just easier to gain some maturity and live with his past. Assuming he's young, in a decade or two, most folks will be willing to pass off his recrod as youthful indiscretion. Meanwhile, I think you'll find some people are about trying to get people with criminal records treated fairly, once they've "paid their debt to society". Probably worth supporting that cause, eh?

The alternative is similar to what From Bklyn describes. This is a version of what is called a "take-over", where you assume someone else's identity. Doesn't have to involve murder, which will give you worse than a mere criminal record (like, life in prison). I read about it somewhere, long ago, either in a magazine or possibly a cookbook (yea, I read that cookbook. Curiosity, you know?)
posted by Goofyy at 5:29 AM on May 21, 2007

So, your, um... "friend" wants to "change his identity? I assume what you really mean is that he wants to conceal his criminal past. There is almost certainly no way to do that legally.

However, if he really wants to get away from his past, start a new life, get a blank slate, the best way to do that is to move somewhere far, far away, like a new country, one that won't care about his Canadian transgressions. Someplace like North Korea, perhaps.
posted by mikewas at 5:30 AM on May 21, 2007

Flagalicious!
posted by matty at 5:30 AM on May 21, 2007