How can I convince distant co-worker her to take a leap of faith on me?
May 13, 2007 9:58 PM Subscribe
I normally don’t date co-workers. But I've recently became smitten with a distant co-worker. We've become great friends in the past month and I asked her out tonight. ... but I received a mixed response. (See full post for the whole background) What should I read into her reaction? How can I convince her to take a leap of faith and just try it out? And/or what should I do next, if anything?
posted by jkl345 to Society & Culture (41 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I normally don’t date co-workers.
But recently, I’ve become very friendly with a female working at my job. We’d been distant friends through friends for about a year and recently over the last month have been hanging out more and more. We now talk almost daily. Joke around. Go out (in groups and sometimes solo) and have a great time. And I thought we were really connecting. I’m smitten with her.
TONIGHT’S MAIN ATTRACTION:
So tonight I asked her out… Like out on a formal date.
At first she cracked a big smile and said yes. Then paused and said she was concerned about the dating work people thing … and then there was a long awkward pause and smiles… so I said, “Well, no pressure, think about it and we’ll talk.” We smiled and she agreed to that and leaves for the night.
20 minutes later, she calls me and everything’s great and jovial on the phone. She tells me how she digs me, my worldview, hanging out, my friendship, etc.. “This is awesome,” I’m thinking. Then she says she doesn’t want things to go bad at work, so we shouldn’t date. She said she didn’t want to give me the b.s. ‘lets be friends’ line… because she likes me and wants to get to know me better, but she wasn’t sure what to do. The only thing she was sure about was that she didn’t want things to progress and then end and get awkward at work.
THE WORK SITUATION:
We work in totally different departments. We report to different bosses in different sections of building. Our paychecks are printed in the same building and in my few years working here, I’ve only worked on a project that she was involved with 3 times.
I know it’s generally not a good thing to date co-workers but I think we have distance that could fix a lot of the problems that occur when co-workers in cubicles next to each other date.
I have known many people that have worked this out responsibly by acknowledging the work-relationship hurdle. In fact, in the business I’m in (journalism) MOST of the people (including the leaders of our paper) are married to others in the organization or at competing organizations. It’s weird. Journalists tend to only be able to date other journalists (because of the horrible hours/personal values/job demands/etc.).
What should I read into her reaction? How can I convince her to take a leap of faith and just try it out? And/or what should I do next, if anything?
Part of me says, “It sounds like she’d like to try, but you’ve got to fight for her.” She’s kinda cynical and I love her for that. So I think she’s just shutting it down before things have a chance. I know she wants a bold, assertive guy. And I’m normally the kind of guy that’s close friends/crushes on a girl for a while until it develops into a relationship. (My last two relationships were like that.) This time was different, because we connected so well and so fast … I told myself to just step up and lay it out there. And here we are.
Another part of me says this is just an easy way out for her to say no (instead of her saying I’m too old/young/ugly/stupid/whatever).
Any help/anecdotes/advice on what to do or how to date someone you work with are greatly appreciated!