Please help me find a therapist.

May 7, 2007 12:35 PM

Please help me find a therapist.

Full disclosure: I'm a therapists worst nightmare. I have an extensive, confusing, and difficult mental health history that includes serious mental illness from which I have been symptom free for close to six years now. I refuse to take medications and have walked out on several therapists over the past few years who have forced the issue. If I were to relapse, I'd be willing, but I'm not in eminent danger of doing so. I've just had a very trying past six months.

Now that I've gone through some serious changes in my life I am lost, alone, and feel unable to follow the good advice I've been given by friends, family, and yes, even you AskMe. Don't misconstrue that statement. I've allowed myself a world of hurt, but I've taken the appropriate steps to make it stop, but the hurt doesn't go away quickly. I want someone to talk through what I'm feeling, someone who is not a friend or family, and someone who can give me some insight and hope from their professional experience.

There are other complications that make choosing a therapist difficult. I am uninsured, but can pay cash. I'm in the process of moving in the next month or so, but feel the need to start talking immediately, even if it's temporary. I am open to using public services, where I qualify, getting insurance, finding support groups, and whatever else might be available. I have the time and the will now to try anything to help begin the healing process.

I've seen the APA and Psychology Today articles and have begin contacting therapists from the search on the PT site. I am not really certain what I'm looking for. What's put me over the edge is the end of a relationship, but I want to find someone to help me, not the relationship.

Thanks for your help.

posted by sequential to health (6 comments total)

I forgot to add that I am open to specific recommendations in the Connecticut River valley: north central CT and Western MA. I'm also open to talking to someone in Boston as I am there two days a week for the time being.
posted by sequential at 12:45 PM on May 7, 2007

As someone who has also had contentious relationships with multiple therapists and multiple pharmaceuticals, I may provide better sympathy than advice.

Shrink-shopping is inherently exhausting and expensive and it can take several weeks before you have any idea who you are talking to. But this can be minimized -- if you do your research and pick up the phone. First of all, figure out what you want. Cognitive-behavioral therapy? Psychoanalysis? Someone who is goal-oriented and will give you homework between sessions, or someone who will gently excavate your childhood? It's hard to know what you want, and even harder to know what you need, but if you have some idea of what you are looking for you will be able to whittle down your list of potential therapists pretty considerably by looking up their approach or speciality.

Then with the remaining list -- phone. Shrinks will charge you for breathing the air in their office, but are often okay with short telephone conversations -- not about your issues but about their headshrinking philosophy, experience, etc. I could have saved myself lots of money, time, and pain if I had done this and not gotten stuck with therapists that I didn't realize were completely wrong for me until two months in. (At which point I was too depressed to start all over again).

You might still end up with someone less than ideal, and have to try again, but just the act of going to therapy is self-nurturing and self-affirming, so you should go -- even for a week before you move, or even to someone who doesn't seem like a great fit (just keep looking afterward, and be honest with your shrink about their inadequacies -- they are used to it and can make good referrals).
posted by bluenausea at 1:07 PM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

You have my sympathies. I've never found a therapist I thought was worth a hill of beans...although, to be fair, my sample size is fairly small. All of them were drug pushers, when what I wanted was a behavioralist...apparently an impossible thing to find.

Bluenausea makes a valid point I had never considered, which is to pre-interview them on the phone. I didn't know they would do that. Great advice there.
posted by dejah420 at 1:40 PM on May 7, 2007

I got on the local Craigslist and asked for referrals and then I interviewed a few. Most in my area gave a free chat over the phone or session before I had to decide. In the end I found somewhere that also charged on a sliding scale. If you have a specific issue (death of a parent, eating disorder etc) ask if they've experience of treating those particular issues. I also made a list of the most pressing issues in my life, which helped focus my mind. Also, what bluenausea sez: I knew I didn't want the type of therapist that was all warm and fuzzy and full of compassion. I wanted someone to kick my ass, psychologically speaking, and that helped when choosing someone. I found a fantastic therapist, and it made all the difference. Good luck.
posted by poissonrouge at 1:57 PM on May 7, 2007

For what it's worth, I've contacted 9 therapists in the area via the PT search. Most have written back at this point, some to make appointments and some to discuss what I need. It's going to take some time to sort through the responses, talk on the phone, and make some initial appointments, but I'm encouraged by the process.

I've received a couple of responses via email, so thanks to those who didn't contribute here. I was hoping there'd be some more immediate relief, but I'm very happy to have gone about this in the manner suggested above. Thanks!
posted by sequential at 8:52 PM on May 7, 2007

Perhaps these links can help:

http://www.massgeneral.org/madiresourcecenter/

http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/just-ask/
posted by cashman at 9:39 AM on May 8, 2007