26 year sobriety gift for dad?

May 7, 2007 2:20 AM

My dad will be sober for 26 years in a couple weeks, and being that AA is such a huge part of his life, I wanted to get him something really special. I'm not familiar with AA so I was hoping to get some suggestions both from people in the program as well as general ideas about a gift.

I don't think he knows I even know when his 'birthday' is, so I know it will be a huge surprise. I was hoping to get something personalized. Thanks in advance for your suggestions!!

posted by camfys to human relations (16 comments total)

I'm not a friend of Bill W. myself, but I have acquaintances who are. From what I gather, the 90 day pin is important to many new members, not as an achievement bonus, but as an honor marker, as explained on this site, which has some anniversary pins (but nothing for 26 years, per se):

"The idea and design of an AA pin was dreamed up by a New Jersey member who had 100 run off by hand and presented them to friends in the movement and to all sincere incoming members in his group. That was about 1945. Eventually, the supply ran out, but the idea of an AA pin intrigued members everywhere, and the demand for more persisted. So the design was copyrighted, and distribution of the pins was undertaken by Alanon Association, 384 Seventh Ave., Newark, N.J., which is comprised exclusively of members of Alcoholics Anonymous in good standing in their respective groups. ( Side note: NA meetings now held there also. ) Next, a custom was started among many groups of presenting a pin to each member as he or she achieved three months of continued sobriety. In a little ceremony, the group chairman made the presentation or the sponsor, at the start of the meeting with the admonition to "Wear It With Honor." This means, simply, that in case of a "slip" the member is honor bound to leave off wearing the pin until he or she has again achieved three months of unbroken sobriety.
( The manufacture and distribution of the pin is entirely in the hands of AA's. )

This is direct copy of a leaflet provided by: Alanon Association**, 384 Seventh Ave., Newark, NJ - 07107"

I'd suggest leaving the visible emblem stuff, if any, to his AA friends, and perhaps writing him a nice letter, describing what his choice for sobriety has meant for your life. I'll bet that such a letter will be read many, many times, in private moments you may never hear about.
posted by paulsc at 3:05 AM on May 7, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I'm 29, so I have no memories of my dad being anything but sober. The letter is an excellent idea; I'm just not sure it's something I'm capable of doing. I'm crying now just thinking about it. I realize how much it would mean to him, because I have saved all of the cards he has ever given me and read them often. It would just really be difficult for me.

As far as leaving the emblem stuff to his AA friends, I'm certain he doesn't share the date with them. We've talked about that before, usually when I'm patting myself on the back for something, lol.
posted by camfys at 3:45 AM on May 7, 2007

From what I know about the issue, I think making a big show of the accomplishment goes somewhat against whole internal and personal nature of being sober. I think the point is to treat being sober like a normal part of life, as opposed to separating it out as a something unique to celebrate.
With that said...

If you DO know his "birthday"...maybe simply take him to dinner. A nice evening together talking and laughing. Never mention his sobriety. Maybe just a simple "I'm proud to be your son, Dad." at the end of the evening.

I know, as a father, hearing that would mean more to me than any gift. It would certainly reinforce the good I've tried to do in my life.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:44 AM on May 7, 2007

There's lots of websites that sell recovery gifts, which range from the very tacky to the classy, but of course such things are a matter of taste and, not knowing your dad, it'd be hard to recommend something recovery-related without knowing if he'd like a hand-tooled leather book cover or a "Bill W Rode A Harley" baseball hat.

Does he pick up a chip (a metal coin) each anniversary? They're usually given away at meetings. If not, you can buy really nice enamelled coins online, some with the year of sobriety on it, and others just bearing a message. (If you do get him one of these, unlike the plain metal chips, they are not designed to be carried in the pocket with a handful of change, as the enamel will wear off.)

How about a watch (commemorating both the passage of the years and the AA message of 'One Day At A Time' with an inscription on the back?) You could get a nice watch from a local jeweller and have it inscribed with his sobriety date.

Or a personalised coffee mug.

I usually celebrate my AA birthday with friends who are also in recovery, and I know I didn't like it when a non-AA friend tried to commemorate it (but then he is a bit stalker-y anyway, so it was probably more to do with that). I don't have family living near by, but if I did, I would like them to share in my AA birthday too. I bet your dad will be very touched to know you've remembered his day.

I would say DO mention his sobriety, and let him know how much you acknowledge that the person he is today is due to him being sober this last 26 years and how proud you are of him.

Ok, I'm tearing up now, so I'll stop typing.
posted by essexjan at 5:08 AM on May 7, 2007

what he accomplished is literally priceless, so it's kind of redundant to give him something crazy expensive. if you can put down to paper what his sobriety -- and the normal life he gave your family instead that the peculiar hell that is alcoholism -- means to you, good. if you cannot -- not everybody is a writer -- just tell him what difference he has made in your life, and how hard it must have been for him to quit and to keep staying away from booze.

then take him out to do something fun he really appreciates -- golf, sailing, hiking, a great movie, a concert, whatever.

the letter and/or your telling him what his sobriety means to you is the greatest award he can get from you.
posted by matteo at 5:27 AM on May 7, 2007

Personally, I see my sobriety date as a spiritual birthday, so something meaningful - a spiritual book you have been enjoying for example - rather than something AA related. Recovery stuff veers into cheesyness and if your dad doesn't even celebrate with his sober friends, then it sounds like cheesy is not his thing.
posted by shothotbot at 6:29 AM on May 7, 2007

For my 26th AA birthday, my wife threw a small dinner for me and my two closest AA pals. It was a surprise but it was really nice. I really like the earlier suggestion of a letter to him. I know that when my daughter gets older and she chose to write such a letter, I would cherish the hell out of it. Maybe coupled with a nice dinner out, it would a great way to bookend the celebration.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:43 AM on May 7, 2007

I would second the letter and taking him out to dinner idea. I think this kind of thing would mean the most to him.

From my experience in AA, people quite often get a medallion/chip given to them on their sobriety birthday. If you don't think that one of his AA friends might give one to him, I think it would be a nice gift. You can get them with the number of years the person has been sober engraved on it and I know loads of AA members like to carry theirs with them in their pockets on a daily basis as kind of a reminder of where they've come from and how far they've come. If you're looking for something small to perhaps slip into a card, I think it would be a lovely gift.

http://www.network12.com/medallions/aamedallions.htm
posted by triggerfinger at 6:59 AM on May 7, 2007

I have no AA experience, but it would seem to me that a "chip" is a more appropriate gift from another AA member/from the group. So if he didn't get one from the group, it isn't the same getting one from a family member. At least, that's my take.

I'd go for the dinner.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 7:55 AM on May 7, 2007

far less than 26 yrs myself, but what would be most meaningful to me would be something personal. Trust that his AA buddies will get him the coin, and the AA swag but get him a symbol of your thanks to him for being there for you. What are your common interests, what did he teach you about, what does he stand as an example to you as? I'd suggest your gift would mean the most if it reflected these things, as after all the program is there for those of us who need it to help us stay sober, yes - but also to live a useful life and build stronger more meaningful relationships with those we love.
posted by jeffe at 7:57 AM on May 7, 2007

How about asking if you could interview him, to record for posterity (and possibly grandchildren) what it has meant to him to be sober? Perhaps an audio interview if that's doable, or maybe just the gift of a really nice leather journal for him to tell his story in.

As I father, I can tell you how extremely flattering it would be if my son asked me to put down my life story in some sort of permanent record, so that his kids can learn about their grandpa in a way that they might not otherwise be able to.
posted by jbickers at 9:46 AM on May 7, 2007

I'd get him this:

http://www.recovery-world.com/Recovery-Hats-8.html
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:11 AM on May 7, 2007

I like the watch idea. Good for him!
posted by clh at 10:25 AM on May 7, 2007

I would be concerned that he hasn't actually been sober for 26 straight years. What if he slipped for one day 10 years ago? He may not want anybody making a big deal about his "birthday" because he failed a time or two.

I would suggest not making a big deal out of the 26th birthday, just thank him for being there for you and ignore the booze altogether.
posted by Megafly at 12:49 PM on May 7, 2007

I agree with writing him a letter. I know that you've said it would be hard for you, but honestly, it would be the most appriciated gift you could give him.

If you really can't bring yourself to write it, maybe you could put together a scrapbook of photo's of the two of you, or important events in his life. Let him know that you were glad he was there for them, that he is very important to you. That you are proud of him.
posted by thebrokenmuse at 5:55 PM on May 7, 2007

From a friend:

"Tell him to ask his dad when his birthday talk is, and tell him he would like to go to it, and just get him a card and say thanks.
Anything material is pointless compared to the support going to the meeting would give."
posted by davey_darling at 8:15 PM on May 7, 2007