Who can help with my crippling fear of flying?

May 4, 2007 10:58 PM

So I'm afraid to fly. Are there therapists or professionals that will actually help with this? There's more

I currently work a job that requires occasional but not regular travel. I am absolutely horrified of flying and it's caused at least one "career limiting move" where I refused to take a trip. I can see that rationally I have nothing to fear considering the safety of commercial airflight but I have serious issues with flying. Are there therapists or other professionals that can help with this?

Please don't try to quote statistics or other information that will change my attitude. I know this is an irrational fear and I have tried going the route of reviewing statistics and it does no good. I think I need professional help but am at a loss for finding a therapist that actually could help with this. I am in the Denver, CO area if that is important.

As a side note, I flew quite often in my youth and had a few bad experiences that I believe have contributed to this fear. One example includes an extremely bad landing in poor weather that involved regular flyers praying in their seats next to me. The other involving a very long flight where everything was great then we had sudden drops in altitude or something that resulted in a roller coaster type effect that scared teh beejezus out of me. While I think these issues contribute to the problem I do think I have underlying anxiety issues that need to be addressed. Suggestions???

posted by Octoparrot to health (24 comments total)

IANAD, but sounds a lot like classic phobia. Any therapist specializing in anxiety disorders should be qualified to give a proper diagnosis and help you. Phobia is a type of anxiety disorder. If you'd like to try to get an idea about what's happening to you and what you can do to take back control over the fear, Bourne's Anxiety and Phobia Workbook is well-regarded and has been pretty helpful for me (phobia) and a friend (agoraphobia).

You can safely ignore anyone who tells you to get over it. They have no idea what you're talking about. Phobia is a complex psysiological and psychological response that taps directly into a biologically hardwired fight-or-flight instinct. It's not something that someone can just be talked out of.
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 11:19 PM on May 4, 2007

This article about the career-limiting nature of fear of flight might be helpful. Check the sidebar for treatment options.
posted by necessitas at 11:23 PM on May 4, 2007

Cognitive behavioral therapy tends to work for anxiety. At least it has for me. You might take a look at Feeling Good by David Burns to get a sense of how CBT works. Though it's focused on depression, the insights/techniques/methods can be applied to anxiety as well.
posted by treepour at 11:27 PM on May 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Well, the UK is far ahead in this department with Aviatours and Virgin Atlantic running special programs for nervous flyers that top out with a charter flight. It's baffling why nothing like this has been done in the U.S. However if you can make it to the UK, this would be an option.
posted by rolypolyman at 11:55 PM on May 4, 2007

I know someone who spent a long time dealing with this and eventually found that medications were the best option - specifically an SSRI/NSRI (can't remember which) to treat generalized anxiety plus klonopin when actually flying.

Good luck!
posted by pombe at 11:57 PM on May 4, 2007

Oh... I stumbled across this. I can't vouch for it, but it may be worth a look.
posted by rolypolyman at 11:58 PM on May 4, 2007

Do you experience anxiety in other situations or just when faced with a flight?

After going on medication for panic attacks and general anxiety I found that my fear of flying evaporated. It was an almost magical transformation - I was drinking coffee and reading a newspaper at the airport when I suddenly realized that I was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper at the airport.

I've turned into the guy who casually reads the paper while the plain bounces through turbulence.

I'm not necessarily endorsing medication, but if you're experiencing other symptoms of anxiety it might be worth discussing that option with your doctor or therapist.

Good luck!
posted by aladfar at 12:29 AM on May 5, 2007

As a child, I was so scared of flying that I would vomit for about a week before I was due to get on a plane. At some point I finally just refused to fly and there was nothing my parents could do about it. Fast forward about 20 years and one of my best friends was getting married overseas and there was no way I was going to miss her wedding. I met with a cognitive-behavioral therapist once a week for about six weeks and she helped me figure out what it was I was panicking about and how I could cope with those feelings. I find now that I actually enjoy flying. Having said all that, I do have a prescription for Ativan that I get filled every time I fly, just in case I have a panic attack.
posted by atropos at 12:49 AM on May 5, 2007

Two anecdotes in favor of the treatability of flying phobias:

I know someone who's afraid of flying and having therapy type treatment for it (which has worked up to taking otherwise-enjoyable sightseeing trips in small floatplanes; I'm kind of jealous since I don't have a fear of flying and that sounds like fun to me). It seems to be helping.

And I have another friend, who's on psych meds for other reasons but as a happy additional benefit the meds almost eliminate her irrational phobia. SSRIs are supposed to be pretty good for treating phobias in general, I hear.
posted by hattifattener at 12:53 AM on May 5, 2007

I spent many years being fine with flying, only to have a couple of bad flights turn me into a nervous wreck. Unfortunately, I fly a lot for work. I did spend nearly a year in therapy dealing with many anxiety issues, including my fear of flying, but there was no change in that area. Given the other widespread changes in my life this was surprising, but I just accepted my fear for what it was, and went and got some ativan from the doc. Good luck!
posted by poissonrouge at 1:05 AM on May 5, 2007

Someone in my life has the same problem. She's working on it but is back to flying. I called a few flight schools and found one where the owner had a relationship established with a psychologist. It's important because this gives you access to a plane without having to fly, so you can get comfortable in the environment without the stress, and build from there. We discussed doing a short little flight -- couple times around the airport, and then something for an hour, etc., basically just slowly building up to a full flight.

The first 'class' was Flight 101 with a concentration of safety aspects. We didn't end up needing to go further than that. :-) Only downside was I realized I want to learn to fly. $$$$ - Yargh!
posted by jwells at 5:29 AM on May 5, 2007

I used to have the same fear. As soon as the door closed and we began taxiing I was a wreck. Taking off was the worst part, that total feeling of a loss of control. I was white-knuckled all the way. Like you, I knew the statistics and I knew how irrational my phobia was but it didn't matter.

So I took flying lessons. I found an instructor who was patient and who understood how afraid I was. The first several lessons I was a basketcase, all tense and jumpy. Eventually though, the fears went away and I got to where I really enjoyed being up there. It took me twice as long to solo as most students but being alone in a plane was quite the achievement for me, considering how bad I was before.

My next commercial flight was a pleasure and I've been fine ever since.

It's not exactly the cheapest way to get over a fear, but it worked.

Now if I could only get over my bug phobia...
posted by bondcliff at 6:15 AM on May 5, 2007

Like you, a terrifying episode during landing made me afraid of flying. My gp prescribed me a very mild benzodiazepam. I know, it's nasty stuff and you get hooked quickly, but it works like magic. It breaks the fear loop that you get into: from nervous to anxious to afraid to panicking and back again (you probably know what I'm talking about).

Instead, I hover somewhere between nervous and normal when flying. It makes a big difference - big enough to endure two transatlantic flights (one 12+ hours!) last year, and I feel that I'm gradually getting less panicky about airplanes as well. Last time I flew I even got brave enough to not take anything for a four hour flight - and I didn't dig my fingernails in the seat once!

Just stay off the benzo's when you're not flying, and don't drink when you take any.
posted by NekulturnY at 7:06 AM on May 5, 2007

Like you, I used to be extremely afraid to fly. I took radical measures in my mid-20s: I went to a local airport, took ground school, then learned how to fly. After that first flight, I was more elated than scared! And I continued on, until all the fear was replaced by excitement.

I reasoned that, if I understood how flight works, then I would be able to fear it less. And that worked very well for me.

My fear was mostly the loss of control - of putting my life in the pilot's hands. Once I understood the mechanics of flight, and how a plane is flown (and hung out a bit with pilots) the fear abated.

I fly a lot on business. Over my life I've covered hundreds of thousands of miles, going to 25 countries. I am so glad that I did this when I was young and had the time (and it was cheaper then, than now). It's wonderful to take my assigned seat and pretty much fall asleep once the seatbelt is fastened.
posted by seawallrunner at 8:46 AM on May 5, 2007

I have this same fear. I feel for you. My fear of flying came after successful flying for many years in my youth. A few rough flights, but nothing terrible and then suddenly I was paralyzed by fear. There is very rarely anything rational about fear of flying and few people that understand that.

I sought help from a therapist for my fear. I saw her for 8 months. She didn't do anything for me, but she did recommend me some resources that did.

She recommended Don't Panic by R. Reid Wilson. This helps in general with anxiety issues. There is a chapter on fear of flying but the whole book contributes to helping your fear. It gives you the tools you need to calm yourself, the tools you need to cope and the tools you need to physically settle yourself. Read the book several weeks before your flight so that you have time to practice these processes that act as your tools toward insuring a successful flight.

An even better resource for you is a set of tapes by the same author, specifically designed for fear of flying. Achieving Comfortable Flight by R. Reid Wilson. It's a little out of date, but the information is still relevant. The tapes cover technical aspects of flying, gives you coping tools, and guides you through an audio tour of a flight, narrated by a veteran pilot.

This sounded hokey to me at first but it really helped. On Sunday afternoons I would drive out to the airport and watch the planes take off while listening to the tapes. The comforting, confident voice of the pilot combined with the surprise at the sheer number of planes that take off just in one hour (with obvious precise efficiency) helped me the most.

Some facts I clung to during my flights that made it more bearable:
-Planes don't fall out of the sky--in fact, even if something did happen to the engines, they could safely glide to a landing anywhere within 400 miles (I think it was that far, I remember it being quite a distance).
-Pilots don't want to die just as much as you don't want to die
-The redundancy in checking the airplanes between flights is very thorough
-Every time something bad happens in the airline industry, steps are taken to make sure it never happens again
-There are millions of people in the air with you at the very same moment

My GP also gave me baby doses of Xanax to take during flights. As much as I hate to admit it, this does help. I had to take much more than she recommended me to, though. You'll feel a little loopy when you get off the plane, but it's worth it.

I've gotten a lot better than I was with the help of these. It seems like the weeks leading up to the flight are way worse than the flight itself. I'm not totally "normal" yet but I think that comfortable flight only comes with practice.

Yes, it sucks, but you have to take more flights. If you read the books and listen to the tapes then you'll get the tools to read the signs that your body is giving you about your anxiety and you'll learn how to stave off the dreaded panic cycle. If you can learn this process and utilize it, even for a little bit during your flight, you've made some progress and the next flight will be easier.

One more thing-- please also read through Captain Stacey's fantastic (and free) online Fear of Flying course. I have printed this off and taken it with me on some flights and found it very interesting to read and also very comforting. That site also has an online forum that you might find helpful.

I'd like to wish you good luck and if you have any questions, my email is in my profile!
posted by bristolcat at 8:48 AM on May 5, 2007

I have a similar problem. My doc prescribed Xanax and it works pretty well. I fly very relaxed now and often don't even remember the flight.
posted by ikkyu2 at 11:12 AM on May 5, 2007

Thank you all for your insightful and understanding comments! Lot's of great information.
posted by Octoparrot at 11:16 AM on May 5, 2007

I did an overthephone consult with Captain Bunn at Fear of Flying and it saved my life! He's fantastic, it was worth every penny.

I also use 1 mg of xanax, but have to say that just the xanax alone without having done the therapy wouldn't have been enough. The xanax calms me down in order to put Captain Bunn's techniques into practice.

Bristolcat has some fantastic information in his/her post. I'll also add that my biggest fear is turbulence. As fast as you fly, the air up there is as thick as jello. Dr. Bunn had me visualize the air as jello, and the plane like the piece of fruit grandma puts in the jello - it may bounce around, but it's physically impossible for it to just fall to the bottom of the cup. I love this visualization, it always helps.

Also, I keep a cup of water on my tray table - it may feel like I'm bouncing and falling 500 feet at a time, but notice that the water never comes flying out of the cup - that's how much you're actually moving.

I also highly recommend this book.

Good luck - you can overcome this fear!! I know it!!
posted by OhPuhLeez at 11:29 AM on May 5, 2007

Another vote for medication and therapy! My therapist taught me some breathing exercises and I have a scrip for Ativan. I take one before each flight, and it has completely changed my apprehension of flying. I was in a plane crash, which made me very anxious about flying, but I need to fly for my job. Ativan makes it manageable, if not enjoyable to fly.

I also comfort myself with statistical fallacies about the lowered odds of me being in a second plane crash.

Best of luck addressing your anxiety.
posted by gingerbeer at 11:36 AM on May 5, 2007

I know you already marked best answer but this just came in my inbox and I figured it couldn't hurt to share.

From Daily Candy Travel: Fly Anxiety
You’d love to visit Beijing. And Bucharest. Oh — and Bahia. Too bad you’re deathly afraid to fly.

Chicken. (Well, you and about 54 million other Americans.) Flying is one of the safest forms of transportation — second only to the elevator and escalator. You’re more likely to get in a car crash, which makes the drive to the airport the most dangerous part of your flight. Of course, that doesn’t ease your dry sweats at check-in. And since vodka and Xanax will get you only so far, it’s time for better coping strategies.

Average Aerophobes
*Opt for the biggest aircraft and a window seat close to the front (you’ll feel less turbulence).
*Tell the flight attendant and the pilot that you’re afraid. They’ll talk you through the weather, the equipment, and address specific concerns. (They’ve done it before.)
*When you do experience turbulence, roll with it. Literally, sway with the movement of the plane. And pretend you’re going over potholes in the sky.
*In-seat strategies: Breathe deeply and listen to calming music to block out minor sounds and annoying neighbors. Try herbal remedies. Use the airsick bag to prevent hyperventilation.
*Avoid caffeine but drink lots of water: Dehydration increases anxiety.

White-Knuckle Flyers
If you’re even more averse, the Achieving Comfortable Flight pack of booklets, tapes, and cards was created by a former pilot and a psychologist to teach you about the machinery (planes have back-up systems for nearly everything), pilot training (as intensive as a doctor), and storms (the FAA requires avoiding them by twenty nautical miles). You’ll also learn positive imagery techniques. Don’t laugh.

Panic Buttoners
Download pilot and therapist Tom Bunn’s Soar podcast for tactics on conquering your fear of losing control. His soothing, paternal voice will have you gliding through check-in, turbulence, and landing. Want more attention? He also does weekly telecoaching and private consultations.

The Last Resort
For the truly terrified, the Fear of Flying Clinic offers training weekends (provided you can get there) with a pilot, flight attendant, airline mechanic, and air traffic controllers, all of whom explain safety, aerodynamics, and weather — much of it inside an airplane. Orientation flights are optional — and seriously helpful.

Now get your head in the clouds.
posted by lannanh at 12:19 PM on May 5, 2007

I forgot to mention one of my favorite things - listening in to the pilots! Some airlines and planes offer it (United for one), and I find it very reassuring. There's nothing like listening to the calm, even bored, voices of the pilots and air traffic control as they talk about vectors and altitude. I discovered that they spend most of their time discussing upcoming turbulence and avoiding it by changing altitude. As a result, I know that they are working to find the smoothest air, and often know ahead of time if we're going to hit a patch of bumpiness. Their complete lack of panic is very reassuring to me!

As a bonus, the pilots often ask for and get updates on big sports events happening during the flight, so you may be able to hear scores for the World Series or NBA finals as you fly!
posted by gingerbeer at 2:01 PM on May 5, 2007

Most people go to the Mad Russian to quit smoking, but he cured me of a flying phobia. If you're anywhere near Boston it's worth a try!
posted by mintchip at 7:24 PM on May 5, 2007

Emotional Freedom Technique
posted by goshling at 10:52 PM on May 5, 2007

Let me start by mentioning that a few years back I was heading to Florida for a wedding. The flight from Rochester to JFK was smooth as glass, but I spent the whole flight CRYING and holding on to the seat in front of me for dear life. I then decided there was no way I could get on the second flight, and we rented a car and DROVE to Flordia. THAT'S how afraid of flying I was. It took about 5 Xanaxes to get me on the plane in Florida to get us home, and I was STILL terrified the whole way.

Others have recommended books and tapes, I'd have to recommend you see a therapist. I checked my local airport's website and found they offered a Fearful Flyers "class". Since my wedding in Vegas was the same time the class was being offered in Rochester, the instructor offered to help me one-on-one. She lead me through a series of relaxation techniques as well as instruction on dealing with the phobia. Her husband, a veteran pilot of 40 years sat with us during one session and went over all of the details of a flight in such excruciating detail, I could recognize every dip, turn, or noise of the plane during the flight.

Well, it worked. My new wife and I flew to Vegas and back in January, and since then I've been to Boston, NYC and heading back to Vegas in June. For the first flight from Rochester to JFK, I took a Xanax just to be safe, and while I was a little nervous, it was the most comfortable flight I've ever taken. By the middle of the second leg to Vegas, I finally relaxed to the point that I may as well have been riding on a bus. I haven't taken a Xanax since for any flight.

Your fears are irrational and stupid....and very real. I know what you're going through. Don't waste your time on books or tapes or quacks, go see a licensed therapist and be done with them completely. And, one more suggestion: use JetBlue whenever possible. Most will tell you to use them because they have wider seats with more legroom. Being comfortable makes a world of difference. Also, all of their planes are newish Airbus A380s, not the 30-40 year old 7X7 fleet used by other airlines. Finally, they have in-flight TV to distract you, but one channel has a live map that shows where you are, how fast you're going and how high up you are. Having all of that information was one of the best parts for me as it helped me understand every motion of the plane. It makes you feel more in control than you can imagine.

Good luck!
posted by Spoonman at 7:29 AM on May 7, 2007