Major career change. Major anxiety

April 30, 2007 4:54 AM

Going back to school, making a career change, age is starting to become a factor and I can barely function emotionally. Help.

I am following up with this thread in regards to some life decisions.

In my life, it has become crystal clear that I made some serious career errors during my college years (and early 20's). I have decided that I need to turn things around and I should not delay. Enter the anxiety.

After much research I've decided to get my MFA in graphic design, I was going to get a BFA but the head prof thinks I should do the grad program (since I have most of the basic and advanced skills licked). This is all fine and dandy but the MFA program will take three years to acquire and I can't start until Fall 08. I'm 33 now (I'm about to turn 34) and this puts me at 37 getting my degree. I have fears that when I go out looking for a entry (or hopefully a jr) level position, I'm going to get passed up for my age (although I'll bring a very strong portfolio, years of experience with running my on creative business and a laundry list of happy, professional clients).

My wife is working to pick up the rent and bills however it'll still take me working (and going to school full time) to help make a small financial pillow. We don't have any kids , have very little debt and I should be able to work at the school to offset my tuition. So I feel we have some things taken care of (except for some moving expenses) but even after looking at all this with as much clarity as possible, I can barely breath emotionally.

I have fainting spells, emotional stress and worry myself sick. I feel like I've completely messed up in my life and my attempts to turn things around are going to be fruitless.

I try to steel my nerves and would like to allay my fears but anxiety has really done a number on me. At this rate, by the time I get my degree, I'm going to be a nervous wreck and probably very sick physically (not to mention emotionally).

What can I do to steel my nerves and get a positive outlook on this situation?

posted by Hands of Manos to health (25 comments total)

it should be noted that I would start my graphic design career now but my degree is not even remotely close in that field (I'm just good at illustration and design) and from what I've read, people won't even consider you if you don't have a degree in GD.
posted by Hands of Manos at 4:56 AM on April 30, 2007

I'm 40, and working now 7 weeks in the best job of my life. The first one that really matches my creative skills. I too have always felt like I wasted away my twenties, made bad career decisions. I have had many job that made me stressed out, or that just didn't work for me. Went back to school 4 years ago. I think the beautiful part is that you DECIDED to do that graphics design MFA. Sounds like your wife is also supportive. That's great! I think there's always a chance, no matter what age you're in. Don't steel your nerves, but get in touch with your real feelings and desires. Start living as if you're already in your dream career and life, surround yourself with things that emphasize your positive future. There's a reason you had to go through whatever you've done, and that brings matureness and other things that make you a different (and possibly better) graphics designer. Maybe because you can see other angles than someone who started younger. There's a book that might help you, "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. It's what landed me this job. Good luck with your career!

Hens

http://37hz.net
posted by hz37 at 5:16 AM on April 30, 2007

My sister did a Bachelors and a Ph.D in Biochemistry. Worked in science for a while. Found that it wasn't her thing. She took a break and then did a foundational arts course.

Now, at 33, she's about to start a BFA in Illustration.

She did have the same worries about age, but she knew this was what she wanted to do. Since she was specifically illustration (not so much graphic design) she looked for schools strong in that area.

I'll pass this link to her and see if she has some thoughts; I'll post her responses.
posted by divabat at 5:16 AM on April 30, 2007

Ach, it's not a race to see who gets there first, there is no prize at the end of life. Do what you want to do now.
posted by markesh at 5:31 AM on April 30, 2007 [2 favorites]

...I'm going to get passed up for my age (although I'll bring a very strong portfolio, years of experience with running my on creative business and a laundry list of happy, professional clients).

Yes, you are. Many times. But those are places you wouldn't want to work at anyway. And eventually you'll find the one that looks at actual quality rather than an irrelevant number and you'll love it.

The entire point of working is to make money to keep yourself alive. You've got that covered. Everything else is gravy.
posted by DU at 5:35 AM on April 30, 2007

An MFA fast-tracks you into the higher ranks of the graphic design profession in the corporate world: Senior Designer, Art Director, Creative Director, etc. The time you're spending now in school will pay back. Remember that you're getting a professional degree: Internships and networking with colleagues-to-be outside of school will be essential to get a job commensurate with your degree.

It's common for designers to work in the field for a decade or more before returning for the graduate degree that will help them get promoted. Even in the unlikely chance you're the only thirtysomething in your class, you're far from the only thirtysomething getting an MFA. See a therapist about your anxiety if it's interfering with your life, but stay realistic and realize that some worry is going to help you keep focused and striving.
posted by ardgedee at 5:57 AM on April 30, 2007

You know, the only time I ever see somebody younger getting the job is because they'll work for a lower income. If you're not planning on demanding some massive salary your first year out, then your CV will be the more competitive one. A degree doesn't count as much as experience.
posted by kisch mokusch at 6:02 AM on April 30, 2007

"Age," said my father, "is a matter of the mind. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Over on the Blue, we have the inspiring story of Nola Ochs.

I got my degree, finally, at the age of 53. I just thought it was high time. But I think trying to "steel your nerves" is exactly the wrong approach. You don't need courage to face the future, you need to relax and enjoy the opportunities that are going to be coming your way. More than that, you need to share these opportunities with your wife, and make the life experience you bring to the classroom work for your younger classmates.

Regardless of what you learn in school, success as a graphic designer, or in any other profession, won't be guaranteed, even if you preservere to get your sheepskin. You may get that degree, and yet be overtaken by life. In three years or ten years, graphic design as a discipline may be largely obsolete, due to some technological developments that make every Joe on every street a minor Michelangelo, as Blogger has made millions of people citizen journalists, of varying degrees. You just can't tell.

What can be guaranteed is that if you push through, you'll know you can trust yourself to find your way, by working towards goals you set for yourself. And so later, you won't fear setting goals, or failing, nearly as much.

Relax. Learn. You'll be better than fine.
posted by paulsc at 6:39 AM on April 30, 2007

I also wonder why you want to do a degree. At your time of life (and bear in mind you're still young), all it does is (a) put off real-life for a few years, and (b) makes you feel better about yourself. I experienced this at first hand because my undergraduate degree was full of mature students who, really, were there simply because they were either tired of being unemployed, or tired of their existing jobs. The ones who I stayed in touch with nearly all went back into equally dull jobs.

Professional experience is far more valuable. Think back to when you were starting out. What would you have honestly valued more back then? A degree, or simple professional experience? I know which would have got me more job interviews. My degree was next to useless in this regard.

But when I read your question, I thought, "What's the problem here?". Sure, there are lots of small problems. Some quite irritating. But, if you decide to go ahead, you'll get through it. You didn't describe any kind of monumental block that hinders your progress through life. You're clearly a talented person. You've got ability. You'll survive, no matter what.

I believe John Lennon said, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans". Life is right now, not what you want it to be, or would like it to be. And nobody's life is a perfect example of how it should be done.
posted by humblepigeon at 6:43 AM on April 30, 2007

You are at the age I was when I started my PhD program. Major career changes are common in a person's 30s (and 40s, 50s and 60s too!) So much so that your anxiety attacks seem irrational and worrisome. Have you seen a mental health professional?
posted by LarryC at 7:03 AM on April 30, 2007

Seriously, if you're having fainting spells and physical distress, it's time to do some work with a counselor or other mental health professional. With such a high level of anxiety, one's thinking becomes distorted, and it'll be very hard for you to accurately evaluate, or implement, even the best-meant advice. There certainly are cognitive approaches (reframing your beliefs and assumptions about yourself and the situation) as well as behavioral interventions (e.g., physical techniques for handling stress) that can help significantly, but it's a little more complex than just telling yourself "Relax!" This is the kind of situation where it's very helpful to have someone with professional experience on board, and therapists deal with the kinds of distress you're experiencing all the time. I'd also suggest getting evaluated for anti-anxiety meds--it sounds like things are at the point where that might be indicated.
posted by Kat Allison at 7:31 AM on April 30, 2007

I'm going back to get my MA at 30, in a completely different field from where I started (and from my BA). It's a two-year program, but I'll have to accumulate about 2 or 3 years of (either unpaid or low-paid) internships after graduating in order to qualify for my professional license.

When I sent in the letter of acceptance, it freaked me the fuck out.

Luckily, my program has a lot of older students (which is one of the reasons why I chose it), and I'm finding that the students in their 30s and 40s are just much more committed, interesting, and insightful than younger students, on average. It's helped me feel a bit less like "OMG, WHAT AM I DOING? THIS IS NUTS!" about the endeavor.

What did help while I was in the process of applying and waiting to hear back, was doing volunteer work in my field (or as close to it as I could); I often see listings looking for pro bono graphic design on Craigslist, and I'm guessing an organization like the UN'S Online Volunteering service might have work for you. For me, it made me feel less like "This is something completely new for which I'm totally unprepared" and more like "This is a skill set I have, and that I enjoy using; I'm looking forward to getting better at it through professional instruction." I think it's also likely to show potential interviewers that you've been doing it for a while, that you have more experience than the average kid coming out of an academic program.

I also really enjoyed writing my application essay, and creating a story of how my life had gotten to where it was, and why this particular program made sense. For me, I was switching from writing/editing to counseling, and I suddenly realized there are similar skills: As an editor I really enjoy taking the raw material a writer gives me, finding its bones, and helping create a structure on which to hang the details so that there's a strong sense of forward movement; the same metaphor works perfectly for counseling, in which you're trying to help people find meaning or the story underlying the overwhelming emotion they're going through. Just finding that link was immensely powerful for me (and has helped when interviewing for internships, incidentally!). Maybe the link for you is more fanciful, or more technical, but since you're one person who's doing both things, you must have some sense of how one ties into the other.

Most of all, as others have said, try to relax. It sounds like you're in an amazingly strong financial position to do this, and that it's something you really want to do. The nerves will likely go away once you start the program (at least they did for me); it's the anticipation and uncertainty that are the problem, not your plans. So, take deep breaths, enjoy your family and your hobbies and whatever else keeps you sane, and find ways to look at this as a forward step rather than a do-over.
posted by occhiblu at 7:45 AM on April 30, 2007

I have nothing concrete to offer you as advice, but once upon a time, a friend of mine planned to get her doctorate. We were both around age 27 at the time. She said it would take about two or three years to finish that degree. I said, "But you'll be 30!" She said, "I'll be 30 anyway." That shut me up. :) Forget about the age and do what you want to do. Good luck!
posted by cass at 7:49 AM on April 30, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm a 20-something who took the fast track into a Ph.D. program straight from undergraduate, and it's quite apparent to me that coming from a "real life" makes a huge difference in your productivity, organization, and motivation. Sometimes older really is wiser, and it's alright to admit it.

As a point of reference, I just made it over my third year hump passing all of my qualifying exams (in physics) and it took what I call a "quarter-life" crisis to convince myself this is the career I want to pursue at this time in my life. Anxiety attacks and overbearing stress made me nearly inconsolable, but I am wiser for the struggle and have many useful insights about myself and others to take along with me. Not to mention the fact that I have decided to make my own way in the field sacrificing as little of my ideals and interests as possible, whereas previously, my outlook involved many hoops and prescribed routes that I HAD to navigate. Since I can't speak about job-searches, I would at least suggest your own notions about the field you want to enter can either empower you or constrain you. Focus on the empowering aspects of your predicament. Don't steel your emotions, massage them into a life-affirming insights! Work on your philosophy!

As others have already said, it's a matter of what you want to DO, and not a matter of what you want to have already DONE. Run through the pro's and con's, and reach out to people who care (but might not fully understand) to work through your decision. In agreement with those already posted, talking through this decision with a mental health professional will allow you to recognize the emotional reasoning going on as well as provide independent feedback to your own reasoning.

As a TA at a public university, I have met several people going back and switching careers after catastrophic or outright mundane past experiences. You are not alone, and being honest with yourself and those around you will be the most helpful at this stage in your decision. Cheers!
posted by quanta and qualia at 8:37 AM on April 30, 2007

38 year old first time college freshman here. Never had a chance for school when I was younger. I quit a very good job to move away from home and do this, and I don't regret it at all. Sure, I may be 41 or so when I'm done, but as Cass said, I'll be 41 anyway. The good thing about going to school at this stage in my life is that I know what I want now. And I have a resume that shows all of my hard work in the years before this decision. As a former employer I know this college decision is going to move my resume up the stack, because it shows initiative and creativity.

Breathe. Don't forget to breathe. It's what you gotta do before you take any risk. But you've gotta take the risk to get the benefit. And once you're in the middle of your new life, you will make it work. Because you've made your life work so far, why would you think the future will be different? Don't doubt yourself. It will work. I wish you the best of luck.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:57 AM on April 30, 2007

Haven't read the comments, so perhaps this (basic sentiment) has been said, but:

I'm 32, going to school for the first time. I didn't even finish high school. I've had a lot of jobs, some shitty, some cool, none combining financial stability with satisfaction, so hence, I've gotten over my antischool sentiment.

Even though I've worked some very boring, frustrating, and basically waste-of-time jobs, I dont' feel that I've wasted my time overall. I have wonderful friendships, awesome life-experiences, etc. I do get bummed that I'm starting late, but I know that I wouldn't be where I am now in terms of my family life, intellectual life, emotional life, etc if I had prioritized school earlier.

One other thing: I'm not sure you can't get a graphic design job without school. I worked for a small publisher for 7 years. None of the designers we worked with had been to school for graphic design. One did go to art school, but she studied photography. If you're willing to spend some time working for less at a non-profit or small business, you might get on the job experience that is more valuable than a degree, especially if you augment that with a few targeted classes at your local art school or even community college. If you have time to volunteer at all, that could be a way in.

Good luck. I'm really sorry about the stress. Remember it will pass.
posted by serazin at 9:59 AM on April 30, 2007

hey guys, thanks for all these responses. I'm not even sure which one I'd mark as "the best" because all of them have been really helpful.
posted by Hands of Manos at 10:55 AM on April 30, 2007

I'm 34 now and worked for a long time in graphic design. When I finish my program of study in nursing, I'll be 37. I'll have a million options, I'll have learned all sorts of cool things, and I'll be the same age I'd have been had I not gone back to school. I'll have a long career ahead of me.

It takes guts to walk into a classroom for the first time. For the rest of it, it takes the ability to relax, enjoy, and discover. And you can learn how to do those things, and some of them will just happen to you. But it's that FIRST class that's the tough one to walk into. Just get yourself to that.

And remember, at any point, you can change your mind. You can leave after a semester and become a short-order cook. You can leave after a year and become a kept man. You can change courses at any point and join another program. You can take classes that are outside your focus field of study, just because you want to.

It's so fun, it really is, and it's hard work, and your age is to your benefit, not to your detriment.
posted by houseofdanie at 11:03 AM on April 30, 2007

Man, I could have written this question. I'm 33 and going back to get my BA, and hopefully my MA, in Graphic Design after working in the field for a decade. Good luck to you.
posted by lekvar at 1:27 PM on April 30, 2007

If it makes you feel any better, I have nightmares that I am going to apply to my dream job and someone older and with more experience is going to take it from me :-P

We all have irrational (and of course rational ones too!) fears, but you just have to keep them in check and always, ALWAYS be your biggest fan.
posted by slc228 at 2:37 PM on April 30, 2007

Me too. I'm in second year and mostly loving it. I couldn't have been as good a student if I'd picked this first time around.
posted by b33j at 2:55 PM on April 30, 2007

Weird; I just updated my own previous thread about returning to university in my 30s.

http://ask.metafilter.com/57402/edjumucate-me
posted by loiseau at 4:41 PM on April 30, 2007

lois, thank you. That thread was unbelievable
posted by Hands of Manos at 7:14 PM on April 30, 2007

In the nearish future (in the next 5-10 years) my husband wants to go back to uni and get qualified as a teacher, and then work as one - a major career change from his current employment.

I want to get my PhD one of these days - in what, I'm not sure yet, but it'll come to me. Maybe mathematics. Maybe computer science, or engineering. And that's probably going to happen on the 10-15 year horizon (my mid to late 30s).

I have no idea what that will do to my career. Probably something catastrophic, but well, it happens.

Starting a new career in your 30s is quite normal. Heck, starting a new career every 5 years is pretty normal these days.

That said .. I feel you. I do not cope well with change, personally, even if the change is planned and known ahead of time, with contingency plans set up and all. Massive change (like moving house, or changing jobs) stresses me out like nothing else. Career change? that's not so good either. It's been suggested previously that I really should see a shrink about it sometime, since it does tend to paralyze me with anxiety, which is generally a suboptimal situation. Perhaps you should consider it also.
posted by ysabet at 8:09 PM on April 30, 2007

You have lots of great advice to consider in this thread. What I'll add isn't going to address your specific concerns - it's more of a tangential suggestion. If you're ambitious enough to get your MFA I'd recommend that you consider a school with a "reputation". Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of great programs out there that may not be getting the notoriety they deserve. However, if you want to maximize your investment of time/money/life it seems prudent to get something on your resume that will potentially open more doors for you.
posted by quadog at 11:35 PM on April 30, 2007