Help me help this older lady deal with kiddy terrorists!

April 20, 2007 3:10 PM

[ObnoxiousTeenagerFilter] I know a 60ish recently widowed lady who says "neighborhood teens" are terrorizing her where she lives and I'd like to take some action...but I'm not sure what to do other than lend a sympathetic ear.

I just met a lady who says "neighborhood teens" are harassing her where she lives at night. REALLY harassing her, not just stealing her mail or prank calling her, but more things like climbing up on her roof and stomping around, throwing pebbles at her window, painting anti-semitic slogans in her driveway, etc., I'm also not sure how much of this is fantasy and how much is reality, but she was very stressed out (to the point of tears) telling me all of this and related very specific instances. Being a former teenager with former friends who have done much worse things, I tend to believe that it's more on the reality side.

She's in her late 60s and says the police don't take her seriously anymore (they've been out to search, but of course in the time they take to respond, the jerks have left--her house is surrounded by woods) and have apparently tagged her with the "elderly and confused" label. I'm guessing the profiles of the "neighborhood teens" to be 13-15, extremely bored, abused or neglected or otherwise undisciplined children who are afraid of getting old. It seems like they don't want to rob her or do physical harm to her, just terrorize her for fun.

Is there some action I can take to help her besides listening and offering moral support? I suggested a motion detector and some lights, and maybe even a few cameras and alarms but it seems to me like if they're jerk enough to stomp around on her roof and paint on her driveway, that'll just irritate them and drive them to go even further. To top it all off she's recently widowed and lives alone.

Any suggestions are welcome.

posted by ostranenie to society & culture (22 comments total)

I take it she lives nearby? Spend a couple of evenings with her or ask her to call when these kids appear so you can witness something first hand. As soon as your sure there is substance to it then you contact the police as the non-elderly, non-confused and fairly angry complainant.
posted by fire&wings at 3:19 PM on April 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

Well, if they are painting anti-semitic slogans on her driveway, aren't those still there when the police finally arrive?? I would think they would take that pretty seriously.

Makes me think you might be dealing with more fantasy than reality.
posted by clh at 3:19 PM on April 20, 2007

Hidden, motion-activate cameras? Spending the night at her place a few times?
posted by jacquilynne at 3:20 PM on April 20, 2007

Documentation. She's either fantasizing this stuff or she isn't; get a camera on it, or get her to, so you can settle that question, since it's fundamental to figuring out what you can do to help.
posted by cortex at 3:23 PM on April 20, 2007

painting anti-semitic slogans in her driveway

This sets off red flags for me, both for the reasons that clh mentions, but also because when my grandmother suffered from dementia, she had paranoid fantasies about anti-semitic stuff. I think that anti-semitism was just a really painful formative experience of persecution for her, and when she became disoriented in painful and frightening ways, that's where her mind went. I'm not saying that this isn't really happening, but I wouldn't rule out mental health causes. And if that's true, she needs to get treatment. My grandmother's dementia was related to medications she was taking, and it cleared up when her meds were adjusted.
posted by craichead at 3:24 PM on April 20, 2007

Ditto on the dementia front. Unless the kids are evil masterminds and are washing the anti-semitic slogans off every morning just so you think she's crazy.

Spend the night, see what happens. If it turns out to be nothing, get the lady some help for her condition. If some kids show up at four am throwing rocks at her house, that's when you walk outside and fire a pistol into the air.
posted by Roman Graves at 3:38 PM on April 20, 2007

By the way, whether this is reality or fantasy, being there for a few nights will probably make this recently-widowed, likely lonely woman quite happy for the company and attention. Think of it as a Mitzvah.
posted by davejay at 3:44 PM on April 20, 2007

no, not a pistol, Roman (unless you have blanks). Those bullet is going to land somewhere and possibly injure someone. Fire a shotgun in the air. By the time the pellets come back down, they will be spread out enough not to hurt anyone.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 3:46 PM on April 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

I have heard that the best/cheapest way for an elderly person to ward off young punks is to get the biggest dog bowl they can find, have the name KING inscribed in on the side, and leave a giant half-empty bag of dog food next to it. Kids see that and say, "Holy shit, that dog must be huge!"
posted by buriednexttoyou at 3:47 PM on April 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

IAWT people noting that anything painted on the driveway isn't going to be shrugged off by police as "crazy old lady". That said, there may really be something going on, just not as bad as she says. Like, they are looking at her funny or yelling things and she's imagining the rest.

You can clear it up by spending the night there. I'm sure she'd enjoy the company anyway.
posted by DU at 3:48 PM on April 20, 2007

I used to cut grass for an old lady who swore up and down that her neighbors were on her roof, had microphones on her windows, etc. She even had my dad come over when I wasn't home. Eventually, I had to call her son in another state...she wound up needing to go into a home.
posted by notsnot at 4:35 PM on April 20, 2007

Yes. Get a sleeping bag and a chair and a radio and some coffee and have an overnight front porch adventure. If the punks show up, take the hose hooked up to the high-pressure nozzle and soak them.
posted by Bud Dickman at 4:38 PM on April 20, 2007

She's 60ish -- dementia seems really unlikely at that age!
posted by loiseau at 4:47 PM on April 20, 2007

My grandmother has delusions like this, including when she was in her 60's. Try talking to the police yourself. They may have another side of the story that could help you.
posted by Falconetti at 5:13 PM on April 20, 2007

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mosquito

Morality considerations of what basically amounts to a weapon of mass noise pollution aside, anyone who can hear the sound this thing makes will probably leave. If she has woods around her house, it's not upsetting her neighbors either. The only worry is that it'll piss the kids off more and they'll do worse damage. If these are imaginary teenagers, though, maybe the device will make her confident that she has a good weapon against them, and the delusions will go away.

Make sure you can't hear it if you agree to stay the night, though.
posted by crinklebat at 6:20 PM on April 20, 2007

She's 60ish -- dementia seems really unlikely at that age!

Unfortunately...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:33 PM on April 20, 2007

Even if only some of this is true, it's not right. Some ideas would be to get a professional sign saying the house is alarmed by a strong and sensitive new alarm system. It deters real criminals, and even as a kid I wouldn't want to risk that. Make the roof innacessible. Motion detector is a good idea. Canvas the neighborhood or post signs, so that adults in the area are alert, and can talk / keep an eye on their kids. If there really has been anti-Semitic stuff, tell the local paper. The town will be outraged. Look at our reaction here.

How often does this happen? If it's really often, hire a PI to watch the house and find out who the kids are. Then go to their parents, who presumably will not be amused.
posted by walla at 9:35 PM on April 20, 2007

documentation: pictures of damage and graffiti will go a long way. times and dates of occurrences will also help establish a pattern, if one exists.

also, install motion-activated lights and an alarm with a panic button. my parents have a motion activated alarm that sets off a recording of a dog barking.

also, check out her attic and make sure she doesn't have raccoons living in it. obviously they don't paint antisemitic slogans, but they can cause a real ruckus, knocking things over. it's possible she may just have had the one graffiti incident and then the animal problem.

offer to stay over a few nights a week for a while to see if anything sets off these alarms and if she hears things you don't. that will help you assess whether the problem is real or imagined.
posted by thinkingwoman at 9:41 PM on April 20, 2007

Cool Papa Bell: "She's 60ish -- dementia seems really unlikely at that age!

Unfortunately..."

I'd say 5-10% of all Alzheimer cases pretty much defines unlikely, seeing that dementia as a whole affects only 1% of people 60-65 and just over 1% in all age groups!
posted by loiseau at 11:05 PM on April 20, 2007

Being a former teenager with former friends who have done much worse things, I tend to believe that it's more on the reality side.

Yes.

To atone for the acts of your younger years, move in. Rent a room from the old woman, compost the teenagers who are bothering her, take care of her until she dies or is carted away, and make sure you inherit the house.
posted by pracowity at 12:22 AM on April 21, 2007

If you choose to spend the night, do it in a way where it isn't obvious that someone else is in the house with her. You want her to look just as vulnerable to their harassment as she does when alone. Parking down the road a bit and walking to her house would be a good idea.

That said, the painted driveway does not match up with her being ignored. I could see it not making an impression on police or others in the neighborhood, if it was something like mean spirited caricatures in chalk. Surely she can tell the difference between paint and chalk?

Anyway, if it's real, I think the most effective response is not scaring the teenagers with a shotgun or anything like that, but documenting. Take a camera and see if you can't get a couple of photos. Photos plus two people telling the same story is tough to discount.
posted by BigSky at 6:37 AM on April 21, 2007

I'd say 5-10% of all Alzheimer cases pretty much defines unlikely, seeing that dementia as a whole affects only 1% of people 60-65 and just over 1% in all age groups!

You're missing the point. Here we have a woman living alone and making similar complaints as those suffering from dementia, or at least some confusion or mental whoopsie. There's no apparent physical evidence of vandalism or harassment -- indeed, the OP reports that police have performed at least a cursory investigation and found nothing. If you start ruling out other things -- raccoons in the attic, for example -- you're left with the sneaking suspicion that this woman might need some mental help.

You seemed to take one stat -- early 60s -- and extrapolated into "probably not" territory. But if you step back and start seeing the trees for the forest, and realize that dementia does indeed strike people younger than 60, then it's a better idea for the OP to NOT rule it out entirely.

In other words, it's not like it can't happen, so consider it.

One other thing ... I don't see anyone asking the obvious question ... are there even teens that live nearby? Who are these neighborhood teens? Do any of them live next door? Are there any in the neighborhood at all?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:23 PM on April 21, 2007