What's normal in a relationship?
April 13, 2007 10:43 AM Subscribe
Are you in a long-term relationships? If so, how satisfied are you, how much of the time?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (43 answers total) 33 users marked this as a favorite
I recognize the ways this question is idiotic, and I get that there are many relationship questions here already, but I've spent 30 minutes looking through old questions and can't find this one:
How happy are you with your partner? I know this is silly to ask but, what percent of the time are you satisfied in your relationship? Have you gone through misearble periods where you wanted to end it only to be happy later? What reasures you that your relationship is right for you? Or are you wracked with doubt like me? Is 'wracked with doubt' just a normal state for any partnered person?
I think of myself as being 'good at' relationships. I'm romantic, attentive, compassionate, passionate, etc. (I have difficult traits too, but I do really make an effort to be a good partner.) Yet, although I'm only in my 30s, I'm now on my several-th long-term relationship and I feel almost totally unsatisfied and every day I consider ending it.
I suspect the details of my relationship are irrelevant to my question but basically, I love my partner, I still admire her, am attracted to her, and enjoy her company, but we fight constantly, we rarely connect in a fun or positive way, and we have reached a point of low-motivation in terms of healing and creating good times together. But I can't tell if I've gotten to this point because of something specific to the relationship, or because of something specific to me. (Note, I have done lots of individual therapy as well as couples counseling with her. I'm familiar with the major self-help books too.)
Basically, I want to know - what the fuck is normal in terms of happyness, satisfaction, getting-needs-met, etc, because if this is normal, then I want to learn to be happy in it, so that I don't spend my life by myself.
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