Help me impart to a 15-year-old that material possessions aren't everything.

April 5, 2007 9:08 PM

Help me impart to a 15-year-old (not my child) that material possessions aren't everything. He's got so much and still wants more.

I've been babysitting for my neighbor's 15-year-old since he was 6 months old. (Now, I watch his 3-year-old brother, and there is a 12-year-old sister too.) While I'm not his parent, I am somewhat of a major influence to him. We were having dinner the other night (myself and his family) and an interesting discussion ensued.

He asked his mom for some expensive item or another, and these facts were revealed. He owns 65 shirts (his mom counted a few weeks ago) from not-cheap stores like Hollister, all of which fit him. For Christmas, he got a 22-inch LCD TV for his bedroom, his parents put cable in both the kids' rooms, and he got a $300 cell phone (at full price because they already had a plan). They own a horse, which is stabled for $350 a month - he barely spends time with it, and he wants another one. His 18-month-old iPod Nano had a problem today (white lines across the screen), and when I offered to look it up on the internet to see if it was fixable, he said no, he'd rather have a new one, and immediately called his mom and asked for one. (She said not right now.) Last week he went to New York on the school's band & choir trip, which cost $1500. He's 15 and will be getting his permit this summer, and expects to get his dad's truck, and his dad to get a new truck. I don't think his dad has that planned.

The other night I was driving him somewhere, and he said, "You know what's cool? Getting your parents to buy you stuff." I didn't say anything, but because I watch the 3-year-old, I know that the family has debt collectors calling all day, since at least November. (The father told me it is just a disputed charge on a credit card... I don't know if that's true. I didn't ask - he volunteered the information.)

Is there any way I can impart to him that possessions aren't everything, and perhaps that he is very fortunate compared to other kids his age? I don't want to "cross the line" and embarrass the family about the debt collection. I know that some things aren't any of my business, but I'd just like a way to show him, "hey, you've got a lot of great stuff right now, don't be greedy."

posted by IndigoRain to society & culture (46 comments total)

Not going to happen unless the parents change. You'd have better luck talking to the parents, but for obvious reasons, that's a MUCH trickier conversation to begin.
posted by banished at 9:16 PM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

Is there any way I can impart to him that possessions aren't everything, and perhaps that he is very fortunate compared to other kids his age?

You can tell him until you're blue in the face, or you can show him. Take him volunteering somewhere where he'll see kids his own age who have less. My church took several trips to work with a program for migrant farm workers, and that taught me a great deal.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:22 PM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

Whenever I was acting like that when I was young (younger than 15, maybe 8 or 10), my parents simply referred to me as "Veruca," a la Veruca Salt. Somehow I doubt calling a boy of his age that would do anything but minorly annoy him.
I agree with ThePinkSuperhero in taking him to a shelter or church dinner to volunteer. The experience is an eye-opener.
posted by itchie at 9:31 PM on April 5, 2007

That's touchy. This isn't an issue you should take up with him, it's something that'd have to come from the parents. They need to quit giving in to him and giving him everything he wants. The kid sounds like a spoiled brat. Obviously, it's a touchy subject, especially if debt collectors are calling (I've never heard of debt collectors calling in re: credit card disputes), but they're going to need to toughen up on the kid if he's going to grow up to be anything less than a greedy SOB.

This conversation needs to happen, and soon, especially because the kid is getting these parents deep into debt, with two other children who need stuff, too.

On preview, I agree with ThePinkSuperhero as well. Take him volunteering to somewhere with verrrry little technology. A farm sounds like a great idea.

sorry if this sounds slightly harsh... I always got hand-me-downs when I was little, and my brother always got brand new stuff, so I guess I'm a little bitter when I hear about 15-year-olds with more stuff than I have now, even though I'm working full-time and living with my parents still.
posted by Verdandi at 9:36 PM on April 5, 2007

I think you want to be careful here, Indigo.

In my family, material items = love. That was my parents' thing. They couldn't say the words or touch me really, and they were both workaholics so I didn't see them much, but they bought me everything I could possibly want, and that was their love. When other kids envied me my stuff, I felt like, Yeah, my parents do love me, and everyone can see that. I am sure I said or would have said everything your 15 year old neighbor says. Because I wasn't sure. I wanted to verify that, in fact, stuff = love -- because if it didn't, I had nothing.

Your neighbor is asking you if stuff = love. Please be careful how you answer him. I don't think you will be doing him any favors if you convince him that it is not.
posted by Methylviolet at 9:38 PM on April 5, 2007 [10 favorites]

TPS has it - take him volunteering. Maybe a place where he can establish relationships with people (kids? homeless?) less fortunate than he is.

Also, when he reacts to his broken ipod, behave as a "normal" person would - admonish him for being wasteful.
posted by k8t at 9:42 PM on April 5, 2007

At 15, there's not much you can do with this kid if his parents are going to keep enabling his materialism and general wasteful behavior. Especially since he believes that what he's doing is "cool." This suggests to me that his peers are just as materialistic and are probably riding their parents for all their worth, too.

The first thing that comes to mind is introducing him to other people that have had none of the advantages he's had; the rub being that you need to make sure that person would be considered "cool" by teenaged standards. Role models, I believe they're called. But these are sure hard to find these days.

I'm guessing, but is this kid enrolled in a private school or at a public school in a very well-to-do area? If so, I'd suggest that his parents enroll him in sports leagues outside of this area where he can interact with kids with less advantaged backgrounds. Nothing like a little peer pressure to make kids change their minds on a dime. You go to the YMCA on the other side of the tracks, you learn real fast that you want to dress low key and let your actions define you, not what you're wearing. This may have changed since my childhood, though...

Sigh. When I was a teenager, it was much cooler to be broke, even though looking back, it was some kind of distorted "street cred" thing. What? Kids don't wanna hail from da streetz no more? Wusses!
posted by krippledkonscious at 9:44 PM on April 5, 2007

I actually have to disagre with ThePinkSuperhero and everyone else advocating to take this kid on a volunteer excursion; I think back to when I was a selfish teenager (as opposed to oh, a selfish gal in my mid-twenties now), and I rolled my eyes whenever my mom told me how much I had while kids were starving in Africa. And I was president of a high school service club, responsible for running campaigns of the blood donation or Adopt-a-Family sort.

Maybe it's my own secular upbringing, but that occasional volunteering, in my own 16-year-old mind, were so far from my experiences that it was impossible for me to really, truly place them in the proper context. And besides, I like to think that certainly, volunteerism isn't something you do just so you can see how good really have it; it's somethign you do because you already know how good you really have it.

Besides, none of that has really kept me from being a whiny little S-H-I-T. I can tell you with plenty of confidence that I still am.

On preview: I agree with k8t and MethylViolet. Treat him like a "normal" person would. Tell him he's being wasteful, and that material goods do not necessarily equal love. The rest is going to have to come from his parents.
posted by universal_qlc at 9:46 PM on April 5, 2007

And remember it won't kill him to learn that lesson at 22 instead of 15.
posted by mendel at 9:56 PM on April 5, 2007

I'd let it slide or simply tell him it's not nice to be greedy. The problem is that there are children living in the projects with $200 sneakers and cell phones. Materialism goes all the way down.
posted by bobo123 at 9:56 PM on April 5, 2007

There's two things he needs to realise, neither of which I'm sure you are in a position to impart to him.

The first is that he needs a better idea about the true value of money. For that he needs a job. I don't think there's any better way of getting things into perspective at that age.

The second is the realisation that his parents can't afford everything. That they're not made of money.

Everybody has to figure this out at some point in their lives (unless they are very very privileged), and he will be no exception. But you can't make him work (hell, he's unlikely to work until his parents start cutting him off, which could be many years from now), and it's not your place to tell him about the father's (potential) monetary problems.

All you can do is let him know what you value in life, and hope that he looks up to you enough that he might start valuing the same things.
posted by kisch mokusch at 10:16 PM on April 5, 2007

Sounds like there are some serious issues at play. This kid's soul may not be lost. This might be his parents' only way of giving him affection. Some emotionally dysfunctional parents fall back on gifts and material crap when they lose the ability to truly relate. If there are problems in the marriage as well (which there likely are if they are having that kind of financial trouble and still spending like crazy) then the kid may just be pushing the only button he knows how to push.

That said, I think you can do things to broaden his horizons a little bit. The first thing, of course, would be to not spoil him yourself. You could also cultivate some interests in him. It didn't happen for me until 17, but when I got into literature and writing I began to idolize the authors I admired. They were all poor bastards. Edgar Allen Poe, Beaudelaire, I even dug Dostoevsky at that tender age.

When the thought entered my head of being an artist, that became cooler than just about anything. The thought of fame was there somewhere, but it was mostly about creating great art, something not seen before that would stand the test of time. That's certainly something other than material goods in the here and now.

I was raised by middle class folks who nearly spoiled me (albeit nothing like this kid) and I haven't exactly become a fucking ascetic in pursuit of my muse since I was 17. But I'm hardly sitting behind the wheel of an SUV, swinging my bling aside to sip my frappachino.

Odd as it sounds, I wish there were more poorly-paid heroes in American culture (and please don't give me a spiel about our teachers and firemen). Pretty much all kids want to be the worlds-best-something. Don't they? Find him a passion that isn't drenched in money and high lifestyle the way sports and entertainment are. Tall order, perhaps... but there you have it.

Who knows, though. 15 should be old enough to begin appreciating art - even if that just means wanting to be in a band. But it's also kind of a stupid age where all you want in the world is to drive a car and get laid. I'm not saying don't try now. I'm just saying all's not lost if this little nugget remains a spoiled yuppling until he gets shipped off to college.

Is there a sweet little beatnik chick you could hook him up with? All this will go away as soon as he falls in love with some vegan from the co-ops.
posted by scarabic at 10:30 PM on April 5, 2007

Hmm, next time he says something like that, shrug your shoulders and say "I dunno, I think it's cooler to earn my own stuff. Makes me feel more independent from Mommy and Daddy."
posted by schroedinger at 10:40 PM on April 5, 2007 [3 favorites]

Actually, I think that's a decent response, though I'd get rid of the "Mommy" and "Daddy" bit. Having a tinge of "asshole-ishness" in there wouldn't really help.
posted by the other side at 10:57 PM on April 5, 2007

Maybe to him they are everything. Who are you to make this judgement? While his attitudes may change as he gets older, it's up to him to make those value judgements.
posted by jeblis at 10:57 PM on April 5, 2007

Take him down to an inner city YMCA. Drop him off for a few hours and tell him to have fun.
posted by T.D. Strange at 11:04 PM on April 5, 2007

Ah, but nothing is quite so effective on teenagers as claiming to be an authority on cool while shaming their behavior for not mirroring yours. Though you could substitute that for "Proves I can live without the parents" or some such.
posted by schroedinger at 11:05 PM on April 5, 2007

Oh, and I'm nthing the warning that making him do volunteer service or showing him the other side of the tracks will help reorient his worldview. My college-aged little brother is all into a indie, hippie, environmental, Che Guevera thing right now, and he remains one of the most materialistic guys I know.
posted by schroedinger at 11:08 PM on April 5, 2007

The best thing you can do is to be a good example for him.

You can't raise people's kids for them, and any attempts to do so will result in someone's feelings getting hurt, or relationships being strained. It's cliche, but be the change you want to see in others. Be a good role model for this kid, and your actions will speak louder than words.
posted by chrisamiller at 11:22 PM on April 5, 2007

Give him a copy of the The Great Gatsby
posted by time to put your air goggles on! at 12:05 AM on April 6, 2007

Material posessions aren't everything, but they're pretty awesome. I wonder, what's the difference, if his parents actually care about him and he realises that stuff != love?

Why not let the kid be happy with his cool stuff?
posted by zerolives at 12:18 AM on April 6, 2007

Ah, but nothing is quite so effective on teenagers as claiming to be an authority on cool while shaming their behavior for not mirroring yours.

So very true, but the power wanes with age. A 19 year old can make a younger teenager feel so very uncool without even trying. A 50 year old, not so much.
posted by kisch mokusch at 1:30 AM on April 6, 2007

There isn't much you can do that will convince him, at this point. Especially because he is in a stage of life where these things really matter, at least to him.

I wasn't raised as a spoiled brat, but I didn't fully understand the value of things until I was fully self-sufficient and paid for everything I owned with long hours of hard work for little pay. Unless his parents suddenly die or disappear (I in no way wish for this to happen), it doesn't look likely that he'll experience that anytime soon, but he will eventually.

As an aside, $350 a month for a horse's board is really really cheap. For that amount, I'm guessing this horse isn't in full training and thus isn't a top show horse or anything of the sort. When you deal with kids who own horses valued at over $350,000 and boarded for over $1200 a month and don't take the time to ride them, -then- you start to get a little bitter. ;)
posted by po at 3:40 AM on April 6, 2007

Whenever I asked for something I didn't need as a teenager my parents made me do the bills. I got to see exactly how much water, gas, and food cost us every month and how much was left over. I know that parents feel that they need to keep this information from their kids, but as they get older it's not such a bad idea to let them in on the secret. I certainly never asked for a car again after that and when I became an adult living on my own I was able to draw up a budget because I had a good idea of how much electricity and car insurance cost.

You might not be this kid's parent, but maybe you could persuade his parents to clue him into the family finances. He is old enough for the reality check. I suppose this is unlikely to happen if they are truly in debt, but this kid could use a good idea of how much things cost in the real world.
posted by Alison at 4:55 AM on April 6, 2007

It is basically the parents' problem if they can't say no to a child for whatever reason - especially if it means they are overspending...but it is really down to them.

He doesn't know any better and will keep demanding stuff until they either learn to say no or find they have to say no as their level of debt becomes unsustainable.
posted by koahiatamadl at 5:08 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

When you get your kids a pony, all bets are off. There's nothing you can do except point him in the direction of the filing cabinet where the collection notices are kept, and cross your fingers.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 5:26 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

Our 15 year old says he really likes the whole process of planning to get stuff, getting it, and then replacing it with other stuff. He says it's what stops his life being empty and boring. I told him that I have exactly the same thing going, except that instead of getting stuff, I like understanding things. He just looked at me funny.

Your neighbour's kid seems to be firmly wedged in the candy store, and I don't know that there's much you can do to stop him from pigging out until the candy actually runs out, but I don't think you can go wrong if you just keep on demonstrating by your own example that there are workable alternatives to a wholehearted embrace of consumerism.
posted by flabdablet at 5:29 AM on April 6, 2007

Oh, and the next time he starts waxing lyrical about his ability to make his folks buy him new stuff, you could say something like "hey, you've got a lot of great stuff right now, don't be greedy."
posted by flabdablet at 5:31 AM on April 6, 2007

I have to agree that it's more the parents than the kid. Also, partly it's personality.

Of my 4 children, the oldest learned early to work for what he wanted, the 2nd oldest takes out student loans to pay for an Xbox 360 and won't listen to what anyone tries to say to him, the 3rd is as frugal as a child can be (worries over how much our vacations are costing us, refuses offers of day long shopping trips with me because it's expensive etc) and the 4 year old is a marketing exec's wet dream-he wants everything he sees on tv.

I raised them all and they all have vastly different views on material things-however I never really gave them a whole lot of "stuff"-I was more into making memories for them to have when they grew up rather than expensive jeans that they'd forget. I'm a "do-er" rather than a "have-er".
posted by hollygoheavy at 5:35 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I wonder if he didn't float that statement in front of you in order to see whether you thought it was cool or not. I think even just an "ew" face in response to future statements like that might carry a lot of weight. Not immediately, probably, but in time.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:42 AM on April 6, 2007

Children tend to respond better to positive lessons. Instead of telling him "It's bad to..." try telling him "It's good to..." This will also go over well when the child isn't yours since it's not so much undermining his parent's authority. There are little things you can do that can go a long way. A full-fledged volunteering expedition to save the world will probably backfire. 15 year old boys can be dumb like that. Instead focus on his habits. Get him to say thank you, to help out his parents around the house, make him babysit, give him chores, teach him to cook, make a point of taking him to museums and the like -- the point is just to get him thinking about other things besides shiny gadgets. Also try explaining to him your personal choices. If you yourself don't like buying a bunch of crap since it doesn't make you happy and hurts the environment then tell him so, but make it about you not him. Finally tell him that girls don't like geeks who're are more interested in their cellphone then, y'know, girls.
posted by nixerman at 6:31 AM on April 6, 2007

Perhaps you could suggest to him that he could afford his own new items (and not rely on having to get his parents to say yes) by getting rid of the ones he doesn't use? Obviously with 65 shirts he can't be wearing all of them, but this would require parental permission too I'm guessing. Or maybe for every 3 he sells, he needs to donate 1 to a good cause. Of course, this doesn't help so much with his attitudes as shifting some of the financial responsibility off his parents, but it would help him a little to see that these items he tosses blithely aside are still highly desired by many people. Heck, even take him to a thrift store with some money to spend. Hopefully there he'd see all ranges of social classes, such that even the presumably well-to-do still value thriftiness; it's not just something for "poor people." One of the things I had to overcome from being a self-conscious poor kid is the idea that it's embarrassing to not buy new things and now everyone I know shops at consignment or thrift stores or via craigslist.
posted by artifarce at 6:48 AM on April 6, 2007

I second, third, fourth and fifth nixerman's suggestions to give him something to do. Since you'e caring for the younger siblings, give him jobs and responsibility. Make those chores payment for going to cool places that he will enjoy.

I agree with everyone else who has said that this is absolutely his parents' fault. I'm betting that they've substituted trinkets for time for most of his life, and now he connects material goods to care and love.

Because you've been entwined with this family for so long, you naturally think that you would like to change this kid's attitude. Unfortunately, you didn't cause it, and you probably don't have the power to change it either.
posted by Flakypastry at 6:52 AM on April 6, 2007

Is there a sweet little beatnik chick you could hook him up with? All this will go away as soon as he falls in love with some vegan from the co-ops.

Heh. Not so much necessarily. I'm still a yuppie, and I've pretty much only dated hippie chicks. Some of them are far more materialistic than I'll ever be.

But I like the way you think.
posted by SpecialK at 7:04 AM on April 6, 2007

"You know what's cool? Getting your parents to buy you stuff."

"You know what's really cool? Earning your own money to buy your own stuff. That way you have control over what you have instead of relying on Mommy to give it to you. You're more independent. You have more freedom."
posted by Robert Angelo at 7:32 AM on April 6, 2007

We must be the change we want to see, right? What are you doing right now that could possibly change his mind?

Working for people with that kind of money, in my experience, puts you on one side of a line they draw in their minds. You become the hired help, however subtly. The more you say about materialism, etc., the more real that line will get. The more you do that's not materialistic, the more his parents will want you around.
posted by atchafalaya at 7:33 AM on April 6, 2007

Where other peoples' kids are concerned, it's best to stay out of it. I strongly suggest you don't do anything explicit, like tell the kid he's spoiled or tell the parents you don't like how they are raising their children. You could easily poison your relationship with them forever.

Every kid goes through awkward, ugly stages, especially in those early teen years. When I look back at myself as a teenager, it's not very pretty. Hopefully, as he encounters different experiences his awareness and attitudes will change.

Some time at a camp where he could be on his own with other kids, or doing some kind of volunteer work would probably do wonders. Not sure how to suggest that though.
posted by xammerboy at 7:38 AM on April 6, 2007

He knows his life isn't going to be like this forever, but he may not be in touch with that fact emotionally or care about it just yet. So I would talk to him about his future more--about college, and what he wants to do with his life, and what kind of life he wants to have. It's natural for him to want to cling to the advantages of childhood for as long as he can, rolling around in his toys and not worrying about a thing. Gently make him face these things.

Your description of him reminds me of Wallace Shawn's line in My Dinner With Andre about how modern life is like spending all day in the tub, and being bored with your rubber duck. It seems to me that the issues around materialism, happiness, and growing up healthily aren't that debatable--you know what's right, and somewhere in there, so does he. If he doesn't change, he's right on track to end up spending most of his life being bored and miserable. Take any opportunity you find to talk to him about in an open-ended, yet suggestive way. Don't lecture him. Ask him what he thinks or how he feels about these issues. Tell him about your own experiences with them.
posted by zebra3 at 8:28 AM on April 6, 2007

Except in rare cases (say, abuse), I believe that no good can come from meddling with other people's parenting. Even if you win, you lose, as you have undermined the parents and shown them up.

Your motivation is laudable, but it's not your place to interfere.
posted by LordSludge at 8:57 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I would like to know more about his tone and facial expressions when he made that "buy you stuff" statement. The feeling behind those words can tell us a lot.

Did he sound a little shaky, maybe even insecure about it? Then it's possible he feels a guilt over this that he can't yet define. He may have been looking for justification, or trying to gauge how appropriate his world view is by your reaction. Because while you aren't his parent, you are a "sample grown-up", and your judgments do likely carry some weight with this lad.

Now, on the other hand, if his town was glib and smug, then the cure for his condition is gonna be a little more harsh and have a little less to do with anyone's outside input. If the lad has "gone over" into greed, then there may not be much to save him but for difficult experience.

Has one horse, wants another? That's a trouble sign. Demanded a cell phone at full list price ahead of the upgrade day? That's another one. I used to work for customer service for a major cell carrier - the kids who subjected their parents to these kinds of purchases were the same ones who consistently went over their minutes and text allotments, further bleeding their father's funds. They simply did not see a world beyond their needs.

So observe the boy. If you see a more responsible young man beneath the surface, looking for someone to help bring him out, then by all means clasp the hand he is reaching out to you. But if he has come to see greed as a point of pride, it may be too late for anyone for anyone but himself to save him.

The first time he gets his power shut off should do the trick.
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:10 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

At that age, it's really hard to comprehend what money is. Storytell from your own life if an appropriate moment comes up, but overall stick to your own values & when possible show it.

I know I had no idea of my parent's situation growing up, & had a definite period of adjustment after graduating -- even with two older siblings. While I'm somewhat frugal, budgeting just didn't click for a long time. At 15, money was just an annoying semi-awareness of class. Popularity-attainer in some circles. At 18, money became sweat to a short-term goal (college). At 22, money was a conflicted mix of image and survival, but that came very late for me. While he's not struggling with the survival bit, it may feel connected to his image, especially in some urban areas. At 25, money -- paychecks, savings, loans, started to feel real on the long-term scale. At 27, I finally had a handle on things.

What helped -- seeing my oldest sibling start out very basic & choose to live a life lower than her middle class means & donate, my second sibling work through credit card collectors, & then most of all having a boyfriend that put top value on spending time with people & using money carefully(enjoying the free museum passes from the library, the $12/two people breakfast place).

Living that materialism isn't everything & a little transperancy in your own life (as appropriate) may be the best thing over the next few years. It doesn't happen overnight. But, if something does click in the next decade he may actually have a credit history.
posted by ejaned8 at 9:24 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Give him a copy of the The Great Gatsby"
posted by time to put your air goggles on!

And if that doesn't rock his book-boat, bung him Less Than Zero

(But hide it from his parents!)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 10:12 AM on April 6, 2007

You will not be able to change him. People think they learn from what they are told and what they read, but my experience is that only experience teaches. That is why pain hurts. Pain is nature's way of saying "STOP THAT!"

Right now, he has not suffered any real need and thus does not understand value. I didn't either, till I ran up credit card bills in college. That is what turned my attitude around. A few weeks of Iron Chef Ramen and you really appreciate brocolli and brussle sprouts again.

Same thing here. When he has a tricked out car with a kickin sound system, but is stranded on the side of the road because he can't aford to buy gas, he will learn then.
posted by slavlin at 1:27 PM on April 6, 2007

A little more: From my 15+ years of knowing them, they are outwardly affectionate and loving parents. I don't think it's a case of stuff being the only love he knows.

The boy does occasionally do work - he mows our lawn every summer, and when he babysits his brother, his mom pays him - and he buys his own expensive gadgets, like his $80 wristwatch. He wants to be an actor and go to Juliard, but he has no backup plan. Additionally, we just had a community play for the city, and he chickened out of auditioning because he was afraid he wouldn't get the part. Yes, his mom had a long talk with him that he couldn't get the part if he didn't even try, and that he's going to have to get used to rejection to be an actor. He is definitely in that stage where he thinks everything will just magically work out for his career.

He also tells me things like I need to sell my old iPod Mini and replace it with a Nano, because it has a color screen. I tell him that my Mini works just fine and there's no need to replace it.

Thanks everyone, you have given me a lot to think about.
posted by IndigoRain at 2:15 PM on April 6, 2007

We had a few volunteers come to the school where I teach (public, inner-city New Orleans) of about that age (from a private school up north). It seemed to be a very profound experience for them. They got to hang out with and help the very little kids and also did some easy labor like painting.
There are schools like that in most of the major cities in the world, though schools tend to prefer large groups. If that doesn't work, volunteer with him at a shelter or a soup kitchen. There are people down on their luck pretty much everywhere.
posted by honeydew at 4:11 PM on April 6, 2007

Pep-talks only work in 80's sitcoms; have a two-way discussion, don't be condescending, and he'll get thinking. When the topic comes up, say something like "Here's what I think, what do you think?"

You can't change his beliefs, you can only inspire thought - the rest is really up to him.

Even this, in my opinion, may be overstepping your bounds as the babysitter. You're treading a thin line.
posted by theiconoclast31 at 10:10 AM on April 7, 2007