The Old In and Out?

April 5, 2007 5:12 PM

The old in and out? No! Should I know about this method? NSFW

I (woman) am currently dating this guy who, when having intercourse, does not seem to have any interest in the usual in and out rhythm of penetration. Instead, upon insertion, he moves in circles and from side to side in a grinding sort of motion. This is completely new for me and a little confusing. I can't decide whether or not it's pleasurable because the whole time I'm preoccupied with wondering if this is a technique I should be familiar with. Has anyone ever experienced this?

posted by dagnyduquette to health & fitness (25 comments total)

he may be trying the coital alignment technique, which is essentially tries to stimulate the women's clitoris using pressure from the man's pelvic bone..

whether or not you know it is far less important than whether you enjoy it -- if you don't, just tell him what you want!
posted by modernnomad at 5:20 PM on April 5, 2007

Are you enjoying it? It sounds a bit strange to me too.
posted by k8t at 5:33 PM on April 5, 2007

Sounds like he's watched too much porn and is taking it to heart as to what he's supposed to do.
posted by matty at 5:39 PM on April 5, 2007

ummmm.... not that I would know.
posted by matty at 5:39 PM on April 5, 2007

I think Wilhelm Reich suggested something sort of like that... doesn't sound quite right though.
posted by Artw at 5:47 PM on April 5, 2007

I've always thought that a little bit of that mixed with the ol' inninout was the way to go, but it seems ineffective without the ol' inninout. Really, gotta have the inninout.
posted by andifsohow at 5:50 PM on April 5, 2007

If he is trying some kind of method other than the usual, why not ask him. Things like tantric or taoist-type sexual methods really aren't as useful if only one person knows what the goal and mechanics are.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:53 PM on April 5, 2007

I don't have a very racy past, but even I have experienced these techniques before. I mean, don't they all try...anything? The circular motion was a standard "move" for a couple previous BFs, and the side-to-side grind is, well, a grind, right? Maybe a little pokey on the side walls, and maybe not as pleasurable as the circle move? What does sound odd (from the way your post is phrased), is that these are the only things he does? Sorry for my voice rising in that question-y way after all these sentences.
posted by cocoagirl at 5:55 PM on April 5, 2007

This question reminded me of the day I got married. My husband's best friend said to him, "My only advice is always remember... you stir soup - you don't stab it." and then made the corresponding motions with his hips. Very funny at the time but maybe there really is something to it.
posted by justlisa at 6:16 PM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Maybe he took Seinfeld as his sex guru and is using The Swirl?
posted by MsMolly at 6:46 PM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

As a guy, my first thought is that he is trying to perform for you by doing something a little different, special. If you don't like it try gently guiding him in the right direction. It seems to me that he's there to please you. So don't worry about it too much. (Frankly, it reminds me of when I was a pup and not so sure of myself.)
posted by snsranch at 6:47 PM on April 5, 2007

This was in an episode of Six Feet Under, "Grinding the Corn", which is what Claire's friend called this technique.
posted by tastybrains at 6:47 PM on April 5, 2007

My boyfriend and I throw that move in there once in a while for variety - probably about 5% of the time. I like it a lot as a novelty.
posted by infinityjinx at 6:51 PM on April 5, 2007

I've heard of this as a strategy for people who want to delay orgasm. Perhaps it's that, and if it's that, you might want to use consideration when discussing it. Of course, it may not be, and you're kind of in a position to know.
posted by OmieWise at 7:07 PM on April 5, 2007

Interesting. I only use this rotary technique in conjunction with the more widely utilized piston delivery. For me, the in/out is probably the only way I'm going to reach my final destination. I do the pelvic mashing for two reasons: it stimulates my girlfriend in a different way (variety, spice o' life), and it keeps me from getting there too fast.

Your dude probably has heard, like many of us men, that this washing machine motion provides more pleasure to the woman because clitoral stimulation is more likely to provide an orgasm. However, like most sex advice, this is never an absolute certainty, especially when it comes as a complete surprise to the partner and excitement is replaced with befuddlement.

The good thing is that he's probably trying his damndest to make your experience better. Rock your world, if you will. But with any good sex partner, there needs to be communication. He needs to know how to find the right spots at the right time. There's no blunt-forcing the female orgasm (unless you're into that kind of thing) and he needs to learn this. Be patient but ask that he mix things up. You don't have to school him with words, necessarily - hopefully, you can train his behaviors using physical and non-language-but-verbal reinforcement. If he doesn't notice, then he's being selfish.
posted by krippledkonscious at 7:08 PM on April 5, 2007

Soup?
posted by contraption at 7:32 PM on April 5, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Vagina. The soup is the vagina.
posted by klangklangston at 8:43 PM on April 5, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

Experienced this, briefly (2 minutes?), didn't care for it at all.
posted by anaelith at 9:49 PM on April 5, 2007

Similar to the counter-clockwise swirl, and grinding the corn, but I'm with the others — this is useless without the In-N-Out.

What you need to do, dear, is get on top and show him how it's supposed to be done.
posted by Brittanie at 11:15 PM on April 5, 2007

Should I know about this method?

You do know about this method, now.

Has anyone ever experienced this?

This makes me smile, dagnyduquette... homo sapiens have been humping for hundreds of thousands of years, so I would assume that the naughty bits have been rubbed / mashed / bumped together in every single way physically possible.

I guess the more important / interesting follow-up questions might be "Do I enjoy this?" and "Why is my bf humping me in this way?" The first question is for you to answer yourself, the second for him.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:35 AM on April 6, 2007

I can't decide whether or not it's pleasurable because the whole time I'm preoccupied with wondering if this is a technique I should be familiar with.

The first possibility that comes to mind is that he might have trouble with premature ejaculation. When I was a young lad and had that problem myself, I'd do exactly what he's doing — switch from thrusting to a grinding or rocking motion to prolong things a little. If that's the case, then it might call for some sensitivity and diplomacy on your part, especially if you do decide you'd prefer more in-out-in-out. Just a heads-up.

The second possibility I can think of, though, is that he actually prefers it this way. Women aren't the only ones with unique and varied sexual responses. For all we can tell from here, your guy's a statistical outlier and the grinding actually helps him get off. There's no way to know unless you ask.

(Really, though, who cares if you "should" be familiar with it? There isn't a Standard Fucker's Manual of proper technique, and you aren't going to have your license taken away for trying something new without the hive mind's permission. If he likes it and you think you might too then what's the problem? The way to find out for sure is to relax, quit worrying and give it a wholehearted try.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:50 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I have. I found it extremely uncomfortable.
posted by zebra3 at 7:49 AM on April 6, 2007

Am I the only woman here who loves it? In and out, sure, but this move is pretty much a required accessory. Maybe the guy has been enthusiastically encouraged to emphasize the "grind" half of "bump and grind" by a previous lover.

It's not weird. Figure out if you like it, and encourage a bit more of the old standby. Get on top and give him a some instructions. You're new to each other, yes? You'll mesh in time, if you communicate, words or no.
posted by moira at 2:33 PM on April 6, 2007

On further consideration, the thought of this being done the wrong way (think: no subtlety) makes me cringe a little. Seems like it would be... a bit much. This may explain some women's reactions.
posted by moira at 2:37 PM on April 6, 2007

i've had dudes do a mix up of in and out with swirling stuff to break up it up every few thrusts. it's ok. but yeah, only swirling would probably surprise me, and i have a feeling i wouldn't like it too much. but that's just me...
posted by ifjuly at 10:17 AM on April 13, 2007