Why am I getting dumber?

April 5, 2007 1:53 PM

I'm concerned about the deterioration of my memory and language skills over the past few years.

In high school, I scored an 800 on the verbal portion of the SAT and was generally considered to have remarkable ability with language, especially vocabulary. My memory was also quite good - I never forgot birthdays or names and remembered almost everything I read quite vividly.

These days, I find myself making ridiculous spelling and diction errors, and I've developed a slight but noticeable stutter. I repeat myself often because I forget I've already said something or had a particular conversation with someone before. I'm a programmer, and code maintainability is also becoming an issue because it feels like I no longer have access to what I was thinking when I wrote something that's more than a couple weeks old.

I'm 28 now, and part of me feels like perhaps all this is just a function of no longer being a teenager. However, when I was 22-23, I did a huge amount of cocaine and ecstasy for about a year. I stopped, and haven't done any drugs at all since then. But I can't help but wonder if I did some lasting damage to myself during this time. Also, whatever the cause of this might be, I'm interested in anything I can do to improve in these areas. I'm female, if it matters.

Anonymous to avoid revealing my drug use to potential Googlers.

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (28 comments total)

Developing a stutter in combination with everything else is worriesome, and to me it points to more than simply getting older or past drug use. I suggest you see a neurologist, be sure to point out that your symptoms are causing problems with work. IANAD.
posted by yohko at 2:04 PM on April 5, 2007

I'm female, if it matters.

It might.

I know that these kinds of problems are known to happen around menopause; you are too young for that but hormonal problems could still be a factor.

Also you haven't said, but if you are on other meds, or if you are depressed, or stressed, that can also cause cognitive problems.

I agree you should see a doctor. Meanwhile, try getting regular exercise-it has done wonders for my own memory difficulties for some reason.
posted by konolia at 2:10 PM on April 5, 2007

Seconded yohko. Go see your doctor and start exploring/discussing potential causes and possible courses of remediation. IMO at 28, you're extremely unlikely to be noticing the effects of recreational drug bingeing you did over an extended period five years ago. You may notice it when you're 65, however (or not at all if you treat your body well).
posted by psmealey at 2:11 PM on April 5, 2007

Many people as they go through their late 20s/early 30s get a (slight) decrease in "sharpness," for several reasons, including starting families, new life setups/marriages, job stress and all that. The late 20s is also a socially stressful time in many people's lives because they realize they're "not kids anymore."

These stresses can add up to minor cognitive blips. But I repeat, these things should be minor. However, it is possible that any latent damage your heavy drug use caused could be exacerbated such that in this current time in your life when the stresses of full-adulthood can hit hardest, you put extra weight on a shaky system (undermined by heavy drug use) and it's misfiring even worse.

The short answer is, yes, you should go see a doctor, but don't be surprised if they tell you that your past drug use has contributed more than you think to your current problems.
posted by chimaera at 2:32 PM on April 5, 2007

I could have written this post, except substitute your drugs of choice for something else. It's not enough to bother me that much, but I do find myself weird with some sentences, forgetting things I never would before, etc. Unnerving, to be sure. You're not alone! (I'm 27).
posted by agregoli at 2:36 PM on April 5, 2007

Wow, I'm going through the same thing except with major word-reach and aphasia problems rather than the stuttering. I'm trying to convince myself that I was ALWAYS this way, but was too drunk to distinguish it from slurring. (I'm 26!)
posted by bunnycup at 2:50 PM on April 5, 2007

Unfortunately, there is some evidence that MDMA ("Ecstasy") causes brain damage when seriously abused.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 2:54 PM on April 5, 2007

I sympathize with your disorientation. I also feel I could've written this post. I would suggest to you that the mind is a very capable organ, despite your history of drug use. And that you try to reach out and work with professionals that can help you build your mental self-esteem, and through that, your mental capacities. the most important thing is that you remain positive by believing that this is possible, which it is. do not exploit the fact that the mind changes, needs tending to, and can develop new strengths over the course of time, and turn it into an excuse to relapse, or for that matter, a reason to "take some medication which is supposed to help".

I wish I could be more specific, but I've avoided that professional help, so I can't tell you who to turn to. Not drinking helps me (coffee, alcohol), not watching television, and reading books.
posted by phaedon at 3:06 PM on April 5, 2007

If you're not writing regularly, do that. Having a few similar numbers in my life (but never any drug use), I think I'm actually getting a little better at this English thing lately. :\ I can't say don't go to a doctor, but... it's all very auberge espagnole, where the guy's like "I'm so messed up!" and he knows a research neurologist personally and gets his brain scanned with much drama to discover that he's 100% normal. Except you don't know a neurologist so you won't get a scan, you'll just get sent to a therapist (and possibly encouraged to take more mind-altering drugs that aren't fully understood).

(Like phaedon said.)
posted by Doctor Barnett at 3:13 PM on April 5, 2007

Doing too much of any drug is probably not a good idea, MDMA/ecstasy included. But as the wiki page notes, the studies linking ecstasy to brain damage have been criticized harshly (and see DPA's site).
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 3:37 PM on April 5, 2007

"In high school, I scored an 800 on the verbal portion of the SAT.... I'm a programmer, and code maintainability is also becoming an issue because it feels like I no longer have access to what I was thinking when I wrote something that's more than a couple weeks old."

I'm a programmer too. Part of this is just that as you accumulate experience in programming, problems are similar enough that you lose track of things older than a week or so. This is normal. wWen I first learned C++, I just knew C++ operator precedence, the "rule of three", etc.. Now that I code in multiple langauges, sometimes it takes a second of thought to recall that Java doesn't allow overriding private methods but C++ doesn't, or the precedence of operator-&&. Partly, it's just the accumulation of lots of facts, but especially if you're used to having your knowldge immwediately accessblibe, it's galling and disturbing to have to fish for something in memory.

I did decently on the SAT verbal (730 prior to the recentering), and I have also noticed a decline in my fluency and the ease with which words sprang to mind. This decline was noticeable after college, more noticeable around 28, and continues. I'm just not as quickly and readily fluent. Part of this may be that word lookup becomes more difficult as more words are learned; my vocabiuuilary is larger than it was at 18. Part of this may be that as I've become more experienced in certain areas, I've "internalized" that knowledge such that some things are now "intuitively obvious" and so don't require internal speech, "talking it out" with myself. But part of it is simply and obviously decline.

Prior to about age 26/28, I simply did not make most grammatical errors, mostly because I was hyper-vigilant about being correct. Now, especially on the web/in irc, I'lll momentarily confuse "your" and "you're", "their" and "there". When I realized I could confuse these in the heat of typing, it was incredibly embarrassing, like mental incontinence. Now, I've gotten used to the occasional leak.

Much of this, i think, is just how aging works. I've gotten used to it because I've had to get used to it, just like I've gotten used to no longer being rail thin without watching what I ate, or able to drink ten beers in a night, or work three days straight without sleep.

Your developing a stutter is more worrisome; this could be a symptom of a neurological problem. But it's also possible to devlop a stutter as a affectation -- just watch Bill Buckley (or don't watch him, if you don't want to risk picking up h-h-his pa-pa-patrician mu-muh-mannerism). Get that checked out.

But mostly, get used to never being quite as sharp as you were at 18 or 20. That's pretty much just how it works. And yes, the sharper you were, the more, I suspect, you notice your blunting.
posted by orthogonality at 3:42 PM on April 5, 2007

(Oh, for the record: I could never spell well.)
posted by orthogonality at 3:45 PM on April 5, 2007

Just a thought . . . anxiety can play some powerful tricks on the mind. E.g., you feel anxiety because of some stress in your life. This anxiety causes a minor cognitive blip. You notice the blip, which makes you worry that there might be a problem with your cognitive abilities, thus raising your anxiety even more. The additional anxiety causes another cognitive blip, and so on.

For example, say you run into an acquaintance. Just before you say their name, you have a thought like "Oh, no, what if I forget this person's name?" The thought causes a very short-lived sense of panic. Unfortunately, whatever resources your brain would have devoted to recalling the name were "diverted" to processing the "Oh, no!" -- and now you really can't remember their name. This experience, in turn, reinforces the anxiety that you'll fail to remember even more names, and so the cycle goes.

I'm guessing that your past drug use doesn't have much to do with this, as it's been 5-6 years since you stopped, and the symptoms are just occurring now.

FWIW, I also think that using one's brain in the same way every day for years on end is likely to cause some deterioration in the areas that aren't used as intensely. Maybe that sounds strange, but I certainly felt like I'd lost quite a lot of sharpness after doing more or less the same thing at a corporate job for 7+ years. It's not that I wasn't using my brain -- I was just disproportionately exercising certain parts of it.

Perhaps try recreational but challenging reading (of books, not online), or crosswords. Also, FWIW, I read somewhere that learning to dance (i.e., dance you have to study and practice) is great for keeping the mind sharp.
posted by treepour at 3:48 PM on April 5, 2007

I have experienced very similar problems. Check out this book:
Making a Good Brain Great by Daniel G. Amen M.D.

http://www.amazon.com/Making-Good-Brain-Great-Performance/dp/1400082099/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-1488292-4221517?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175813251&sr=8-1

It's an easy read, with lots of information and insight, and lots of concrete ways to improve and maintain not only your memory, but many other aspects of your mind. He can be cheesy at times (very cheesy) but he is knowledgeable and I recommend it to anyone who is struggling with the idea of "losing their mind" as a reference for exactly what is happening and inspiration for doing something about it.
posted by synystar at 3:56 PM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

I was just looking through some old stuff from college, and was struck by how much brighter I seemed then. The writing was sharper; now, compared to that vibrant youth who wrote such sparkling things, I feel like a dull knife.

I don't think your lament is unusual; nor do I think it is necessarily a cause for medical intervention.

It's just the result of life beating the shit out of us.
posted by jayder at 4:08 PM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

Depression is known to cause some of the problems of which you complain. It might be worth running it past a mental health practioner to rule out at least.
posted by NorthCoastCafe at 4:10 PM on April 5, 2007

"I am not young enough to know everything." -- Oscar Wilde

I had the same sensation around 30. It's not the drugs and is probably just part of getting older. At least that's what I tell myself. But it can't hurt to see a doctor.
posted by chairface at 5:16 PM on April 5, 2007

You were probably required to read a lot in school, and to read published material, i.e., with corrected spelling and grammar (rather than blogs or Metafilter comments ;)

You absorb language habits and style from what you read. I'm not saying that programming isn't reading, but it's an entirely different language(s) and cognitive style.
posted by bad grammar at 5:40 PM on April 5, 2007

All else aside, developing a stutter after childhood sounds a little weird to me (IANAD). Were it me, I'd be at the doctor post haste, regardless of the other stuff (we all get stupid).
posted by tristeza at 5:53 PM on April 5, 2007

anonymous, I'm a late-twenties programmer who feels fuzzy, too. I don't have a coke & candy past, though, which means I don't have a convenient bogeyman for it all.

I comfort myself in the throes of these intense self-scrutinizing phases with memories of all the profoundly stupid shit I've done, and how smart I thought I was while doing it. Part of the "why doesn't it feel so crystalline and effortless" thing is that you've probably learned a few hard lessons about why you might not want to shoot from the hip all the time, and so the bits of your brain that go "OH YOU SHOULD TOTALLY TALK TO THIS PERSON NOW" and "DRINK IT DRINK IT OK NOW DANCE" don't have as much sway as they used to. The decision-making process isn't as flashy, but the end result is better.

But hey, see a doctor if it'll put your mind at ease.
posted by Coda at 11:22 PM on April 5, 2007

IANAD

I really want to emphasize points made in the above posts about anxiety and or depression. A lot of these problems might simply be you over analyzing small mistakes and focusing on the few mistakes you make through out the day. Depression can trick people into imagining they have all other sorts of disorders.

Stuttering, awkward syntax, or trouble with diction can all stem from anxiety or depression.

I'd be willing to bet that you make less mistakes when you aren't nervous.

Exercise will definitely help as will any positive changes in your life style.

It's easy to focus on drug use as a possible cause, but it's possible that these were traits you've always had and have only become more aware of them, or more critical of yourself.

Slipping over a word here and there is much different than a persistent stutter.
posted by Telf at 12:57 AM on April 6, 2007

IANAD, but these symptoms as you've described them seem more severe to me than what I'd expect in the late twenties. I also have always had high verbal facility and a very, very good memory. However, I'm 42 and the deterioration you describe is more severe than anything I've yet experienced. The greatest deterioration I've experienced so far began in my late 30s.

I don't really know what the state of research is on the long-term health effects of heavy MDMA use. There's so much noise caused by the anti-drug lobby that you have to be skeptical of alarmist reports. Even so, I've heard anecdotally from a number of people I've known who heavily used MDMA that they experience some memory problems. YMMV. If you see a doctor, I wouldn't mention that to him/her until other things have been ruled out. (Normally you should always tell your doctor everything so he/she can do their job. But you don't know whether the doctor will react with non-informed bias to your past drug use.)

Anyway, I agree with others that you should see a doctor.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:15 AM on April 6, 2007

I bet you're writing more code, and less English, now than you were in college. Also, it's a simple fact that you don't have access to what you were thinking when you coded that module three weeks ago, unless you've captured large slabs of that thinking as documentation. Maintainable code does not require memory of the code creation process; that's kind of the point.

Worry less.

Do more cryptic crosswords.

It's all downhill from here :-)
posted by flabdablet at 7:02 AM on April 6, 2007

IANAD either (much to the parents' chagrin).

At 32, I'm in much the same boat as you, aside from the (admittedly significant and concern-worthy) stuttering and the history of drug use. Since about 29ish/30ish, I've also felt like I'm not as sharp, and I've also experienced jayder's sensation of looking at writing from my college days and being subtly saddened by how much sharper I seemed.

I think the best advice I've heard (which I have yet to follow) is to keep the brain exercised. One thing I seem to conveniently keep forgetting about those "glorious younger, more intelligent days" is that uhh, hello? I was in college. So I was made to read a lot, analyze a lot of different ideas, and turn around and write a lot afterwards. But even before college, I read a lot and, thanks to my not having much of a social circle, I had way too much time to sit around, think, analyze, etc. even when (maybe especially when) it wasn't in the context of work assigned to me as part of class. I was very prolific at writing in my journal back then, too, and as several have mentioned, writing is good brain exercise too, particularly if you're turning ideas over in your head, examining them, re-examining them, and so on. While I technically still keep a journal (it's been nearly 17 years now), my 2-3 times/month frequency is shameful when compared to the 2-3 times/day frequency I once had.

While I'd definitely echo the advice to see a doctor, I also think that engaging yourself in different kinds of new activity to exercise your brain will help immensely. Programming is only one type of thinking (personally, I long ago discovered I don't have the "right" kind of brain for it -- and this was during my "sharper" days, too), and it's like going to the gym every day but only exercising your triceps.

Whatever it is that you need to do to diversify your "brain exercises" -- developing an interest in foreign film, reading philosophy, traveling to new places, going out of your way to deliberately converse with people at parties who are of different political, artistic, cultural stripes than those you'd normally associate with -- it should be something different from what you're doing now. (Wow, I'm doing a LOT of giving-advice-I-have-yet-to-follow here.) It's really quite remarkable how accurate the "muscle" analogy works to describe the brain. While I can't cite anything at the moment, I've read lots of things that conclude that those people in their 80s and 90s who are active, engaged, and have been lucky enough to escape mental deterioration have done so by keeping their brains challenged and "exercised" throughout their lives. This is almost universally, across the board, the common thread that they find among such folk.

I can't speak to the effects of the drug use, as alcohol and once trying a mysterious brownie are the extent of my experience in that area. And the stuttering is definitely worthy of concern, though a doctor may end up telling you it's an extreme effect of the lack of sharpness, and nothing more major than that (let's hope so). But definitely do the brain exercise thing. :-)
posted by CommonSense at 8:07 AM on April 6, 2007

Just another data point, for solidarity: I'm 31, and have been feeling increasingly dull over the last couple of years. No drugs, possible other contributors. It's my private little nightmare, and I've often wondered if that previous quickness is ever going to come back.

The stutter, as others have said, could be an indicator that something beyond the norm is going on. See your doctor to ease your mind, if nothing else.
posted by moira at 2:54 PM on April 6, 2007

At 27, I'm just like you except for the coke & candy history and my new problem is not stuttering, it's (mild but hellishly frustrating) nominal aphasia.

As to not feeling as sharp, I'd put that down to your now greater experience: where previously you'd have decided and acted on something with great clarity and purpose you are now aware of many more shades of grey. Awareness of more subtlety, context, whatever, will obviously make things more complicated than they used to.

The other experience-related factor is "the more you know, the less you know" - you were likely previously over-estimating your brilliance, SAT scores be damned. When I look back on my most inspired undergraduate work (and I was a star undergrad) it now seems simplistic and ignorant. Going from the top of the pile at graduation to being a know-nothing grad student is humbling and it only seems to get worse as your perception of the scope and depth of human understanding grows.

Either that or I am getting stupider. A definite possibility.

Such is getting old, I fear. I can't believe I just said that :(
posted by polyglot at 4:59 AM on April 7, 2007

Start taking a fish oil supplement.

I'm the last guy to take/recommend any kind of wacky natural health remedy type stuff, but there is actual scientific and medical research showing that the omega 3 fatty acids (EPA and DHA) found in fish (and fish oil) improves brain function and may prevent dementia and Alzheimer's.

It may not "fix" or "cure," but there is solid scientific proof showing it may definitely help.
posted by creative at 9:47 AM on April 7, 2007

If you happen to be veggie, flax seed oil also contains omega 3 fatty acids.
posted by treepour at 1:46 PM on April 7, 2007