How can I help my husband?
March 28, 2007 9:14 AM Subscribe
Is my husband's behavior normal, or is this indicative of depression or some sort of anger-issue? And is there anything I can do to help?
posted by catfood to human relations (52 answers total) 22 users marked this as a favorite
I've been living with my now-husband for four years, and it seems like there has been a slow change in his personality over the course of the eight years I've known him, and not necessarily for the better.
He has always been a gamer, so there's sort of always a minor element of laziness there, since he likes to sit and play video games for hours. However, this is getting more and more pronounced. He seemed really motivated to start biking or doing outdoorsy things, and even bought a really nice mountain bike. The bike now sits unused (for 3 years now, and it's only been used maybe twice), and he never really wants to plan a trip to go biking or camping or whatever, even when I suggest it.
I've also noticed that games tend to really frustrate him a lot more than I think is normal. If there is a glitch in the game, he screams at it and throws a little hissyfit. A bad game can ruin his entire night.
He also gets really angry while working on computer stuff or putting things together. He's an engineer so he has always done stuff like this. But little setbacks send him grumbling and cursing and again seem to ruin his night.
If he's not angry, he's usually kind of apathetic. If I ask him his opinion on something, like what I should make for dinner, where do you want to go out for dinner, what movie we should go see, his response is usually "meh". It's not that he's not listening, he just doesn't have much of an opinion on anything. Either that or he gets argumentative over stupid little things.
I don't want to make him stop gaming or doing the relaxed, fun things he likes to do. But I hate seeing him get so angry about such little things. I don't feel like he is getting any relaxation or true enjoyment out of games anymore because he seems so angry and stressed out while playing them. I play the same stuff as him at times, though not nearly as much, but I don't see what there is to get so angry about. Also, his anger and yelling makes me feel very anxious and stressed out. Not because I am afraid in any way, just because it's stressful to hear someone yelling and carrying on about stupid crap ALL the time.
He doesn't do the things he always says are his major goals. He had seemed to want to ride his bike and do things outdoors more. He says he wants to write a novel. He says he wants to travel and go sight-seeing. But he just spends all of his time playing games or watching tv and seemingly feeling really grumpy.
What can I do to help him? Can I do anything to help him? I love him dearly - when he's not in a bad mood, he is the funniest, sweetest person on earth. I just want him to relax before he blows a gasket during one of his hissyfits. I want us to do fun things together again. I want him to want to do fun things together other than in the video game world.