Long lost daughter
March 26, 2007 8:10 AM Subscribe
An ex-girlfriend from when I was 18 yrs old recently got back in touch. She says I have a 10 year old daughter.
posted by anonymous to human relations (51 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Apparently she got pregnant just as we were breaking up. Our break-up was messy and she decided not to tell me at the time. She joined the Navy and met her husband who then adopted the child. They now have 4 children including my daughter. I guess I should say alleged daughter. I know for a fact that she cheated on me numerous times. However I do believe that she believes that this is my child and certainly there's a good chance that indeed it is.
She would like us to meet with a lawyer for me to sign away any parental rights and the ability to contest the adoption. She would sign away any rights to child support past or future. She does not want the child to know me.
I would like to do what is best for the child. I do not want to force my way into her life. For all intents and purposes this other man is her father and I'm comfortable with that. However, the reason that my ex contacted me was because she felt a moral obligation. Does not that obligation extend to the child as well? At the very least my medical history could be important for her to know.
The daughter knows she was adopted and has asked about her real father.
I've suffered from bouts of depression for the past 10 years and have finally just started to come out of it with the help of my wonderful fiancee. Perhaps I should let this go and continue my recovery. Or perhaps letting this go will make me relapse back into depression. My fiancee believes that the child should know about me and that our future children should know that they have a sister.
I'm just looking for advice. Has anyone here been through something like this? What are my moral obligations? What are my legal obligations? I guess the next step is talking to a lawyer. The child is in California, but I'm in New York. I guess we follow California law? Does it matter where the child was born? How do I ensure that there are no shenanigans with a paternity test (ie she has a different daughter tested and says "oops I was wrong, I guess your not the father") if I'm across the country? WTF should I do?!
Needless to say I'm confused and somewhat disoriented by this whole thing. Apologies if anything is unclear. Thanks very much in advance.