Flirting--fun or folly?
March 23, 2007 3:29 PM Subscribe
There's a guy at work who fascinates me and I would love to get to know him as a friend, but I'm afraid to pursue it for fear he'll think I'm coming on to him. (I'm happily married and not looking for an affair). Should I just relax, not overthink it and let things develop, or should I run?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (26 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a woman, but I tend to gravitate toward men and have always had more men than women friends, especially at work. This guy I like at work, Jason, is super pleasant and maybe just a touch flirtatious (but so is everyone else there--it seems to be part of the culture). The slight flirtatiousness is what has me running scared. I think partially I'm responding to blurry feelings of attraction to Jason, but since I'm aware of them and not going to act on them, I should feel stable and not threatened. Instead, I'm really anxious whenever this guy is around. I'm sort of afraid he's going to ask me out, and sort of afraid I'm going to suggest meeting up. Ideally we'd just have lunch occasionally when I need a break (I pull some every long days over there), and since we have some background and work-related stuff in common, it would be so great to just chill and chat with him. But I'm dreading his thinking that it would all mean more than it does.
And then I'm wondering if I'm being dishonest with myself. Am I just looking for a person to flirt with because I'm bored? It's not technically infidelity, but it doesn't reflect too well on me. I'm full of guilt and just super miserable right now.
Is it possible to have a flirtatious friendship that doesn't go anywhere?
Jason doesn't know I'm married I don't think. How can I mention it without seeming like I'm holding up garlic in front of a vampire? Again, he hasn't been inappropriate or forward at all. Am I projecting my own attraction to him, on him?
I want to be honest with him. I'd like to give a nod to the attraction between us (assuming he senses it), let him know I'm not available but do it in such a way that he knows I think he's terrific just the same. I don't want it to feel like rejection to him. I just want him to feel great about himself. And it would be a privilege to be his friend.
Sorry for the ramble. Please help. I'm feeling horrible and I'm so upset I'm actually losing weight (the only upside here!).