How to come out of the ADD closet

March 15, 2007 1:26 PM

How to (if at all) come out of the ADD closet?

I have ADD. I have had it all my life and take medication which helps slow my brain down and make life more tolerable. It generally manifests itself in overscheduling myself, multitasking, interrupting, and becoming bored/distracted easily.

I don't tell anyone besides my significant other and EXTREMELY close friends (even then, very rarely) about my ADD. I believe that it is none of their business. It took me 2 or 3 years to tell my significant other even.
My ADD has rarely affected my ability to operate academically. I have generally been pretty successful in interpersonal relationships - both friendships and romantically. When I entered the work force I found that I had a hard time working under a boss and sometimes had trouble working in group. I tried doing a more independent job and that helped, but I felt unsatisfied/bored.

Now I am in graduate school. I work with other students and professors extremely closely. My advisors often comment on behaviors which I know are related to my ADD (like going off on tangents, getting too interested in new topics, over-doing things, not settling into a research focus). With all of the criticism that I'm getting from my advisors towards things that are ADD-related, I sort of want to say "I CAN'T HELP IT! STOP CRITICIZING ME FOR THINGS I CAN'T CONTROL." But at the same time, *I* am the one that chose to be in grad school, *I* should be listening to their critiques, and, a major concern, is that my department is VERY gossip-y and I'm sure that if I told one or two advisors, the entire department would know and therefore judge me, treat me differently, gossip about me, etc. I don't want special favors and I don't want people to think that I'd utilize special favors. (The attitude in my competitive department is NO EXCUSES.) All I want is for my advisors/criticizers to be more understanding. This is the next 5 years of my life AND my future career as a professor in the field.
Any opinions on whether or not I should "come out" and/or stories of coming out?

posted by anonymous to education (15 comments total)

If you're uncomfortable sharing your ADD with the entire department, it's possible to address your concerns without mentioning the root cause. You can say "I work better under such-and-such conditions; I know I have a tendency to get redirected, but it would be more helpful if you did or said so-and-so when you notice it," and so on.

Of course, first you have to identify your specific needs, but in any academic or office environment, it's fair to let the people you work with know what your own working requirements are.
posted by sonofslim at 1:44 PM on March 15, 2007

I think basically nobody will care if you have ADD or not. It's pretty widespread and a lot of people are diagnosed with very mild cases.

I personally would just say "Yeah, these are issues I know I have trouble with. I'm working on them." and leave your doctor out of it.
posted by aubilenon at 1:46 PM on March 15, 2007

I would be worried they would think you were making excuses, especially since a lot of people think ADHD is over-diagnosed nowadays.
posted by smackfu at 1:58 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

I would let your advisers know that you recognize the ADD-related behaviors in yourself and that you're working on them. You can focus on the individual behaviors and how you are working on improving. I would not mention ADD.

I have (at this point, mild) Tourette Syndrome and I do not tell anyone I work with. There's nothing wrong with having it, and there's nothing wrong with people knowing, and there's nothing wrong with innocent questions from people who are simply curious. But I would go absolutely insane if I had to deal with the whisperings and jokes and half-informed conjecture of 250 people who barely know me. It's a million times easier for me to say "Yeah, sure, I just sneezed" when people notice me making noises.

There's no way you're going to be able to confine the knowledge to the people you tell personally, as you've already noted. ADD is so badly understood by the general public. People who do not need to know will know, which seems not to jive with your general level of secrecy regarding your diagnosis.

If you do decide to tell them, I would look up some of the laws regarding disclosure of handicaps in academic settings. I know that, at least in the workplace, you are not required to tell them anything. I don't know if there's anything on the books regarding what they can tell other people about you. If you do find anything useful, I would mention it in your "coming out" discussion, for sure.
posted by Juliet Banana at 2:03 PM on March 15, 2007

I second smackfu's point.

I think it will come off as a 'cop out' despite the fact its not. Just try not to worry about it, and focus on staying focused as much as possible.

Honestly, I bet they're likely to think 'hes really ADD' and credit you with the disorder anyways (thats what everyone does with me)
posted by ZackTM at 2:11 PM on March 15, 2007

Even if it's not your intent, there's no way you can bring up your ADD without having it come across as excuse-making.

My experience in a Ph.D. program was that grad school was all about being criticized for things beyond one's control. The faculty failed me on a qual (we had five separate written exams) even though I had gotten a clear-cut passing score because I "needed to learn how to fail." (I passed when I retook it the next year.) Advisors constantly made terrible management decisions and then raked their students over the coals for being lazy/stupid when the decisions did not work out. Etc.

As such, I would focus on responding to such criticism appropriately -- not ignoring it, but also not taking it too personally. Those who mostly ignore it (like me) often end up leaving, since intimidation is the only motivational technique many professors know. Those who jump at every critique end up as 11th-year ABDs, since advisors will do whatever it takes to retain a well-trained doormat. The folks who get their Ph.D.s in a reasonable timeframe usually seem to be the ones who are best at walking the line between the extremes.

(YMMV, obviously, just sharing my own experience.)
posted by backupjesus at 2:17 PM on March 15, 2007

I have ADD and am in a PhD program. You have nothing to gain from telling people. It'll just be a little tool they can use to put you down.
posted by rbs at 3:13 PM on March 15, 2007

Do you have an equity department at your institution? The disability officer there might be able to advise you. S/he is used to dealing with all kinds of medical/mental issues and should be able to tell you what kind of assistance or whatever that your university is prepared to give. Also, they are required to be really discreet.
posted by b33j at 4:00 PM on March 15, 2007

I don't mean this to sound offensive at all, but it is very likely that they think you have undiagnosed ADD, and are operating from that viewpoint, and possibly insensitively so. And it doesn't sound like your environment is a nurturing one where they'd be likely to say, "Hey, I've noticed that you do XYZ a lot, and I was wondering if you've ever been diagnosed with ADD..." I would simply address their criticisms with knowledge of the problem (without necessarily disclosing it as ADD), a comment about accepting their criticism (so they feel listened too), and a suggestion of how you handle feedback best (so that they don't inadvertently drive you nuts!).
posted by iamkimiam at 4:15 PM on March 15, 2007

knowledge=acknowledgement
posted by iamkimiam at 4:16 PM on March 15, 2007

"You can say "I work better under such-and-such conditions; I know I may have a tendency to get redirected, but it would be more helpful if you did or said so-and-so when you notice it..."—sonofslim
Ditto and what aubilenon said in the following comment.
Well said.
It does carry a negative stigma.

That's stunning news backupjesus, imagine the opposite, what a PhD with bipolar disorder did, Kay Redfield Jamison — An Unquiet Mind.
A review froom mentalhealth.com. A great book.
posted by alicesshoe at 5:06 PM on March 15, 2007

I guess I'll be the dissenting opinion here: I have ADD and I routinely tell my professors and clinical instructors that I have it. (mostly because they must know in order to provide me with extra time on my tests). It helps me immensely because they are able to work with me in a slightly different way. However, I am in the medical profession, so my teachers are all aware of what ADD actually means. Some of them have even "diagnosed" me with it before I told them I had it.
If your advisors were to tell anyone else in the department that you had ADD after you told them, it would be a gross violation of your privacy. You should certainly contact the Students with Disabilities Services or whatever is the equivolent at your college, because they can help. If you are in school in America, it is especially beneficial, because there are laws in place against discrimination based on learning disabilities.
I was really uncomfortable telling my professors earlier, when I was just diagnosed, but now it's a normal thing for me to do, and I'm fine with it. However, I believe that it's a VERY personal choice, so it really depends on what you feel is right in your situation. Good luck! Email's in the profile if you have any questions, and confidentiality is guaranteed.
posted by nursegracer at 7:36 PM on March 15, 2007

Five years! Man, that's a long time to hold onto that, encompassing all kinds of pressures you haven't gotten to yet.

The way I see it, it would be better to mention the ADD at a time before things get to a point where it would be viewed as making an excuse; you've got to consider that if you get to a really bad point, you might feel you have to mention it anyway--and that would be the worst time to do so. But consider if you mentioned it ahead of time and things went along smoothly anyway--what do you lose there? (In other words, when you consider the scenarios: if it turns out you handle the workload and pressures, etc. just fine, it doesn't make a difference at all, as far as how you are viewed, whether or not you have told them; if you start to get into a hole and still don't tell them, you might run into some trouble because they might as likely assume you have some other kind of problem--lowered motivation/ambition, drugs, laziness; if you get into a hole and then tell them, that's when you're more likely to be viewed as making excuses.)

In fact, for you, some of the pressure (and you're indicating it exists already) might then be off because you're not hiding it. You've got to consider that keeping it hidden like that might give you the tendency to view any kind of criticism through that lens, when it might be unrelated--you'll be focused on 'if only they knew' and might overlook that the real issue is something else.

The whole point of the educational system is that you get the education you are working for. It's reasonable to expect them to work with you to achieve that. You should no more accept the validity of being judged or criticized for this than you would accept the validity of such for any more obvious physical barrier; you have a diagnosed medical condition.

As for advice, at the least I would go with the idea mentioned of speaking with whatever Student Disability Services office you've got; that office knows how to view this in proper perspective and would treat you respectfully and with privacy. They could offer you some better advice on this matter; and you might consider that talking to them at this point might help you out later on, if you decided not to reveal that you have ADD in your department: if you have a problem later on, Disability Services can help you out by intervening and explaining--taking away the whole desperate last-minute-excuse argument. And, departmental judgments aside, they're very aware of the legal issues that might arise were you to be unfairly discriminated against for a condition that is a legitimate medical diagnosis.

In another sense, and not that you should see it this way, but I tend to: if you feel it is important to you to say something and don't, you're doing as much to perpetuate the unfairness of such disrespectful treatment as they are (if, indeed, you are unfairly judged because of this; it's possible you won't be--what are the chances you're the first ADD'er to come through the door, really? the fact of your diagnosis and treatment--as opposed to someone who claims ADD without diagnosis--might be plenty of criteria for them to take your concerns seriously and work with you).

This is rambling, of course (my own medication is wearing off at this hour), but hopefully of some help...
posted by troybob at 9:18 PM on March 15, 2007

I share about my ADHD because I feel it is not considered a "learning disability." To me, it is another way of thinking that others may or may not understand. I think people don't give me problems about it because I am very confident in who I am and what I am capable of. And the few times I have had people make fun of me I am quick to stand up for myself. Anyway, If you are ashamed of it, don't be. Being AD/HD has some good points. We work better under pressure, we think outside the box, when we are in hyperfocus we get a lot more done, etc.

But here I am going a bit off topic (haha!) If you don't feel comfortable, then don't tell them. Because telling them will lead to new responsibilities: explaining and defending yourself at times. It is none of their buisness as you have stated before. Some people are just ignorant (not stupid) about it and think that it means something totally different than it really does. I agree with sonofslim on explaining it indirectly.

Good luck on whatever you plan to do!
posted by slc228 at 9:03 AM on March 16, 2007

I say you should definitely tell them. My ADHD is as severe as yours, in that my life is a shambles if I go off the medication. The important thing is that it's nothing to be ashamed of. It is a neurochemical imbalance, and you don't have it because of anything you did. When my mother finally got special education services for my ADHD - this was before they really knew what it was - my grades improved dramatically. I say absolutely, positively, you should tell your professors. It IS a learning disability, but you are there TO LEARN, so they need to know about it. Please tell them, I think it'll make your life a lot easier. Get in touch with me privately if you want to discuss it further.
posted by etoile at 9:37 AM on March 16, 2007