Word-play for Women: What Works?

March 12, 2007 6:01 PM

Women perceive things differently than men. They think differently than men. What I want to know is what ideas and words turn on a woman? What are the rules to understanding and arousing a woman's mind? Are there universal trigger words or simple linguistic constructs that can easily engage and excite the fairer sex?

FYI: This is for a communications essay I'm researching in college, but I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't personally interested in the answers ;)

posted by dropkick to Human Relations (47 answers total)

I don't think so. Women aren't all the same. But if you read one chapter of a neat book called "Sex in Marriage" it talks about three types of arousal. I think it would depend on the person and which type turns them on at whatever place they are at. I think they were emotional, physical and fantasy, something like that. Obviously, the cliche is women *tend* to want the emotional and men more the physical, but these are just a crude brushstroke of a general picture. And obviously emotional, physical and fantasy have infinite variations.
posted by Listener at 6:08 PM on March 12, 2007

Best answer: I think there was a comedian who said the best way to get a woman interested in you was to say, "I like trying to change myself," or something to that effect.

I'd say if I knew such magic words, I sure wouldn't post them on the internet.
posted by chairface at 6:14 PM on March 12, 2007

omg. Fairer sex? Universal trigger words? Have you ever met a woman? Because the first thing you might notice about one is that she is a person... not a computer program or a beagle.

What is your thesis? What do you mean by "arousing?" I would be more interested in delving into the female mind if your paper didn't sound a bit like "How to Fake Like You Are Nice and Caring".
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:18 PM on March 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

I've heard that women are turned on by the idea of having sex with someone they find sexually attractive.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:31 PM on March 12, 2007 [5 favorites]

Best answer: Obviously it needs to be read with the hand rubbing the chin, but The Game by Neil Strauss talks about what they called Chick Crack. Which were amateur armchair "psychology"/personality tests.

I'd also mention astrology/horoscopes as another thing women, on average, are much more interested in/receptive to than men.
posted by selton at 6:33 PM on March 12, 2007

On second thought, I think the answer is go back to the drawing board for a better essay topic. I mean you weren't assigned that, were you.
posted by Listener at 6:33 PM on March 12, 2007

Are there universal trigger words or simple linguistic constructs that can easily engage and excite the fairer sex?

Oh hey, I washed and folded your laundry today.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:37 PM on March 12, 2007

This always worked for me:

"Hey... did you know one can tattoo the 13-digit number to ones Swiss Bank Account on the side of ones penis in 72pt type? Come aboard my Lear Jet and we can discuss this more en route to my villa just outside of Paris."
posted by tkchrist at 6:38 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Please listen to Ambrosia Voyeur.
posted by smorange at 6:41 PM on March 12, 2007

Are there universal trigger words or simple linguistic constructs that can easily engage and excite the fairer sex?

Duh. Yes. Of course. After are, we're all exactly the same and react exactly the same to exactly the same things. There is a phrase, that should you utter it, would render every single vagina-possessing person in the english-speaking world completely under your spell. You would be able to do anything you wanted to us, and with us. We would willingly become your sex slaves. As a member of the fairer sex I have been sworn to secrecy and can't share the magic words, although I can tell you that I've used all of the letters in the phrase to construct this answer. Sorry I can't be more specific but the Sisterhood would probably take away my extensive, man-seducing perfume collection if I told.
posted by iconomy at 6:42 PM on March 12, 2007 [18 favorites]

Is your communications essay about how to get people to answer unanswerable questions? Because if you ask a thousand women to answer that question, you'll get a thousand answers.

Turning women on isn't so much about what you say, it's about how well you listen. There are no tricks or "linguistic constructs" to get into our pants. We are all different. We don't share the same values, goals, and desires.

We are turned on by lots of different things, although it's probably safe to say we are "universally" turned off by the belief that having reproductive organs in common with someone means that you think exactly the same way they do.
posted by stefanie at 6:47 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I knew this question would press some buttons. Some people just go off like half-cocked triggers, don't they?

The questions stands. Deal with it.
posted by dropkick at 6:48 PM on March 12, 2007

Are there universal trigger words or simple linguistic constructs that can easily engage and excite the fairer sex?

"I have shitloads of money, no heirs, and three-month terminal cancer."
posted by casarkos at 6:49 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

You need to say "below me" a lot, but (this is the clever part) say it like "blow me". Also, ask them if they want to feel happiness deep inside them, but sneakily emphasize the end of happiness, so that it sounds like penis.

I guarantee this will get results, and would be happy to share more of my secrets for a small fee.
posted by crabintheocean at 6:51 PM on March 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

Sorry, dude, the universal trigger words are a myth. What you need to do is get yourself a vial of pheromones.

HTH
posted by contraption at 6:52 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Please listen to smorange.
posted by lia at 6:53 PM on March 12, 2007

Please listen to lia.
posted by ambrosia at 6:56 PM on March 12, 2007

"The question stands. Deal with it."

I'm going to go with... "not that"
posted by FlamingBore at 6:57 PM on March 12, 2007

Response by poster: Pity. Most of the answers so far have been very linear and been completely predictable. Is this all you got?
posted by dropkick at 6:57 PM on March 12, 2007

Actually, I think you're asking the wrong crowd. Cosmo is this way.
posted by casarkos at 6:59 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Is this all you got?.

The shorter, and more correct answer to your original question ("are there universal trigger words or simple linguistic constructs that can easily engage and excite the fairer sex?") is this:

No.
posted by ambrosia at 7:00 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Most of the answers so far have been very linear and been completely predictable.

Well, duh. We're women. That's the best we can do.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:00 PM on March 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

I once saw a guy yell "Daaamn, girl, you have niiiice titties" at a woman walking past by him and she stopped and started talking to him and while I don't know this for a fact, I'm pretty sure they went off and rutted like wild beasts. So going off that anthropological experience, it's safe to say that all women like being told what nice titties they have if you use the proper cadence. Hope that helps.
posted by cmonkey at 7:01 PM on March 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

So...the things you've been marking as best answer would imply that your question is actually "how can I manipulate women?"
posted by echo0720 at 7:03 PM on March 12, 2007

Response by poster: echo0720: No, or else I would've worded it that way.
posted by dropkick at 7:05 PM on March 12, 2007

I knew this question would press some buttons. Some people just go off like half-cocked triggers, don't they?

Nah, this question isn't special. If you'd asked for a perpetual motion machine or a perfect stock-trading system, you'd be getting mocked just as hard. We're not offended by physics or econ — it's just that everyone knows there's no such thing.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:07 PM on March 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

Well, obviously someone is trying to get laid.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:10 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Yes, absolutely. Here they are:

Women perceive things differently than men. They think differently than men. What I want to know is what ideas and words turn on a woman? What are the rules to understanding and arousing a woman's mind? Are there universal trigger words or simple linguistic constructs that can easily engage and excite the fairer sex?

FYI: This is for a communications essay I'm researching in college, but I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't personally interested in the answers ;)

You will turn on, arouse, excite and engage any woman on the planet with those magic words. That is, if you will turn on their loser-detectors, arouse digust, excite contempt, and engage the flag-as-chatfilter-with-prejudice subroutine.

You will not, however, get any pussy.
posted by Methylviolet at 7:11 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

If you'd asked for a perpetual motion machine or a perfect stock-trading system, you'd be getting mocked just as hard. We're not offended by physics or econ — it's just that everyone knows there's no such thing.

Unless dropkick is a woman. They think differently, remember.
posted by smorange at 7:11 PM on March 12, 2007

What words or ideas turn men on? Could it be lasagna, lingerie, and boobs?
posted by LoriFLA at 7:11 PM on March 12, 2007

No, there are no there universal trigger words or simple linguistic constructs that can easily engage and excite the fairer sex.

Unless you're smoking hot, of course.

Avoid the word "moist" though; women hate that word.
posted by emd3737 at 7:13 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Since you seem to be a bit stubborn and unwilling to see why this is such a stupid question..

The universal trigger word is marshmellow. Good luck.
posted by saraswati at 7:14 PM on March 12, 2007

In don't think lasagna is quite universal
posted by subtle_squid at 7:18 PM on March 12, 2007

the word "moist" is a huge turn off - agreed.

People that can't help hitting "post comment"... now that's a real turn on, even when they have nothing to add.
posted by selton at 7:21 PM on March 12, 2007

There is in fact a word, but it won't work for you.
posted by signal at 7:21 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I'm looking for standard sequences of behaviors to verbal stimuli, as there are many that have been inbedded in human behaviour since our early hunter-gatherer ancestors. These psychological principles have been used in negotiations and in the exchange of goods and commerce for centuries. Since it's such a broad subject, I wanted to narrow it down to the exploration of possible simple linguistic constructs that appeal to a woman's metaphysical state. I was careful not to define my question too much because I wanted to see what other angles there were to the subject that I never considered. So far most of the responses have been over-sensitive, shallow and judgemental.
posted by dropkick at 7:22 PM on March 12, 2007

Speaking from personal experience, I can guarantee you that women (particularly those who are naturally buxom) are rarely less than thoroughly disgusted when some horny stranger thinks it's a perfectly acceptable to walk up and inform her that she has "nice titties."
I'd recommend leaving those kinds of cool compliments to 12 year old boys talking to their dad's Playboy Magazine stash.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:24 PM on March 12, 2007

dropkick writes "I'm looking for standard sequences of behaviors to verbal stimuli, as there are many that have been inbedded in human behaviour since our early hunter-gatherer ancestors. These psychological principles have been used in negotiations and in the exchange of goods and commerce for centuries."

Nonsense. Where did you learn this?
posted by mr_roboto at 7:25 PM on March 12, 2007

Saraswati's just messing with you. It's actually "tentacles". See, that word is like the Hentai Club handshake--it shows you watch enough porn to know how to properly pleasure a woman.
posted by Many bubbles at 7:26 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Dropkick, your elaboration is impenetrable, badly spelled bullshit. Please advise, or sleep it off.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:29 PM on March 12, 2007

Response by poster: I'd like to improve the signal to noise ratio on this thread, so I'm flagging all irrelevant, obscene posts.

Make room for the intelligentsia.
posted by dropkick at 7:31 PM on March 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

Oh, okay then. The answer you are looking for is "Blow me."
posted by casarkos at 7:31 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Now that I think about it, there's a young guy at my old job who used to bring up intellectualized questions about things EXACTLY like this with me, actually. He is also the same guy who gave me a ten minute lecture about why he thinks bukkake is not offensive, because girls in porn obviously like it, and porn movies are not offensive because they're obviously totally consensual and everyone's just having fun.

Huh. Interesting!
posted by miss lynnster at 7:34 PM on March 12, 2007

Best answer: dropkick, it's obvious that you are sincere. All answers will be personal, since no person can identify the "simple linguistic constructs" that appeal to all women.

From someone that asked an unanswerable question in the past, I can empathize, a bit.

Personally, sincere compliments about my appearance are "verbal stimuli". I think every woman, and man, wants to feel desired and attractive to their partner.

That's all I've got. Best of luck with your paper.
posted by LoriFLA at 7:42 PM on March 12, 2007

The secret trigger is the term "grandfather clock".
posted by Meatbomb at 7:42 PM on March 12, 2007

Best answer: I am a woman and do not believe that my thought processes or perceptions differ in comparison to that of a man.

I do recall reading a linguistics book from the 50's that claimed women had a stronger affinity for words that end with y and ie (kitty, puppy, cookie). I found this kind of hilarious at the time.

Is there still time to alter the angle of your research paper? Perhaps you could look at mysogynism in historic linguistic texts.
posted by pluckysparrow at 7:50 PM on March 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

The secret trigger is the term "grandfather clock".

Meatbomb has it.

my poor mother could never hear the said clock wound up,--but the thoughts of some other things unavoidably popped into her head--&vice versa.--which strange combination of ideas, the sagacious Locke, who certainly understood the nature of these things better than most men, affirms to have produced more wry actions than all other sources of prejudice whatsoever.

posted by Orinda at 7:57 PM on March 12, 2007