Do you 'merge' with your partner when you have sex?

March 15, 2004 6:14 AM

Do you 'merge' with your partner when you have sex? (more inside...)

I know certain schools of spiritual thought teach ways for couples to merge while making love - heck, even the Spice Girls sang "2 Become 1" - but is this something you experience when having sex?

Have you ever felt the two separate bodies melding together to form a singular pulsing mass? Not just the emotional closeness of being with another person, but an actual physical sensation. Is it something you experience every time, or just under certain circumstances? Does it always feel good, or does it feel bad?

posted by skylar to human relations (22 answers total)

Its fine as long as you remember to unzipper her first. Otherwise, it's like ace ventura leaving the rhino in ace ventura 2 - not pretty and painful for all parties involved.
posted by Stynxno at 7:48 AM on March 15, 2004

Have you ever felt the two separate bodies melding together to form a singular pulsing mass?

Only if we're listening to Modern English while doin' it (but even then it's the stopping the world that's the difficult part).

Seriously: Count me as a no vote. And as a vote for "that doesn't sound particularly appealing."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:10 AM on March 15, 2004

Not during sex, but often during spooning.
posted by vito90 at 8:42 AM on March 15, 2004

Uh, no. Not ever.
posted by katieinshoes at 8:42 AM on March 15, 2004

Who the hell asks this sort of question?
posted by xmutex at 9:13 AM on March 15, 2004

Uh, no. Not ever.

Stereotypical male answer: "You're doin' it all wrong!" -or- "You've never tried me yet, babe!"

Have you ever felt the two separate bodies melding together to form a singular pulsing mass?

Ugh. "Pulsing mass." I think you're being humorous, which is fun for a change (especially considering Matt is away). But, seriously: Working on the principle that physical bodies do not literally combine nor change shape during sex (um, you know, they don't change shape into each other or into some kind of Borg-sex amalgamated unit, anyway), shouldn't we be asking whether the souls or psyches (wait, 'psyche' IS soul, according to the Greeks; make that spirit or mind or something instead) "meld"?

Ahh, nevermind.
posted by Shane at 9:18 AM on March 15, 2004

Have you ever felt the two separate bodies melding together to form a singular pulsing mass? Oh yes. Not just the emotional closeness of being with another person, but an actual physical sensation. Oh yes. Is it something you experience every time, or just under certain circumstances? Each and every time. Does it always feel good, or does it feel bad? Are you serious? It's so good it will make you burst into tears!

It's nice to be in love.
posted by oh posey at 9:36 AM on March 15, 2004 [1 favorite]

Working on the principle that physical bodies do not literally combine nor change shape during sex..., shouldn't we be asking whether the souls or psyches..."meld"?

Skylar said: Not just the emotional closeness of being with another person, but an actual physical sensation.

So, despite his/her use of the word "physical", s/he's referring to perception, rather than the merging of actual physical objects.

My response: Many of the writers who use the "merging" language tend to be the types that are into meditation, etc. From that perspective, the perception of physical objects is not the primary focus. The point is to change your perception to one that percieves ideas and mental and spiritual phenomena as equally real or more real than physical objects. So I think that the question is the result of a confusion of the physical world with mental/spiritual/subtle realms.
posted by goethean at 9:40 AM on March 15, 2004

Just remember, kids, signal your intention, glance over your shoulder, then merge.
posted by SteveInMaine at 9:43 AM on March 15, 2004

It's so good it will make you burst into tears!

It's nice to be in love.

Argh. Now I want to be in love with oh posey.
posted by Shane at 10:04 AM on March 15, 2004

What oh posey said. :D
posted by Lynsey at 10:09 AM on March 15, 2004

Shane - "pulsing mass" - yes, just having some fun with the description.

Goethean, indeed I'm not talking about the _actual_ merging of objects (as could be witnessed by a third person). But a sensation that to the person/s having sex would feel exactly as if the two bodies had merged. Not just being happy that you're close to another person.

It's a question about experience / feeling. We know that some people experience 'merging' through tantra and other spiritual practices; I was just interested to know if people generally get this feeling in their regular sex lives.
posted by skylar at 10:22 AM on March 15, 2004

Of course my mate and I have merged protoplasm. How else would my flagellae attach to her spore recepticles and negotiate DNA transfer? I admit, the sensation is... pleasurable.

Just don't let her catch you merging with another entity! She'll sever your flagellae and dissolve them in her caustic amoeba pouch faster than you can say Jack Sprat.
posted by Hildago at 11:00 AM on March 15, 2004

I was just interested to know if people generally get this feeling in their regular sex lives.

Yes.

My lover and I share this experience whenever we have time to connect properly. And when we don't have time, quickies are always nice, but no match. IMO, of course.

For the physical part, it doesn't feel like you're now aware of four legs and four arms etc. Instead, it feels like you don't know where you end and s/he begins. You feel sensations that are technically happening to your partner (not to you) - caresses, goosebumps, anything touching the skin, sometimes even orgasms (though more commonly waves of pleasure, not necessarily the actual climax). You both experience the sensations.

For the emotional/spiritual part, it feels like... being in the same soul space. An absolute connection, an absence of separation. I don't know if I can explain it any better than that.

It's more than just orgasming at the same time (though that certainly is yummy) or 'just' being in love. It's absolutely amazing.
posted by widdershins at 1:37 PM on March 15, 2004 [2 favorites]

For the emotional/spiritual part, it feels like... being in the same soul space. An absolute connection, an absence of separation.

I imagine empaths or bodhisattvas feel that sometimes without sex.
posted by Shane at 1:44 PM on March 15, 2004

I agree with vito90, sleeping or cuddling is usually when I get the feeling, and I've only experienced it with one person in my life. It reminds me of a poem by Pablo Neruda

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
posted by patrickje at 1:59 PM on March 15, 2004 [2 favorites]

That is a wonderful description, patrickje. I am off to google-land to find more by this poet. Thx!
posted by widdershins at 2:28 PM on March 15, 2004

Actually, it's Scriptural.
posted by konolia at 2:32 PM on March 15, 2004

Who the hell asks this sort of question
How about you, skylar?
We know that some people experience 'merging' through tantra and other spiritual practices; I was just interested to know if people generally get this feeling in their regular sex lives.
posted by thomcatspike at 4:48 PM on March 15, 2004

Instead, it feels like you don't know where you end and s/he begins.

I feel like that more often than not, when snuggling with da wiff.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:42 PM on March 15, 2004

Is this like that 'tingling' thing everyone always says they get when they kiss?
posted by stoneegg21 at 7:24 PM on March 15, 2004

Stoneegg21 - it's not the same as the tingling (of excitement? adrenaline?) when you kiss someone new.

Thomcatspike... yes, I have experienced it under circumstances, though not every time. It has happened when a partner is familiar with these particular practices, but not with other people.
posted by skylar at 12:39 AM on March 16, 2004