Unlimited Budget for Wedding Ring?

February 19, 2007 5:31 PM

Is there a formula for buying an engagement ring?

We've decided (b/c we don't like surprises) that I would pick out what I'd like and show it to him when I find it. I don't know where to start looking. His income is >$900K so what might seem unreasonable doesn't seem to be the case here.

In the past it used to be that jewelers would tell men that 3 pay stubs would be a sufficient amount to spend on a ring. Times have changed and I'm curious if there is still a set amount men are expected to spend based on their income.

posted by wondergreen to shopping (40 comments total)

Buy a ring that's too big and flashy and you may be scared to wear it. Go for antique and tasteful instead.
posted by ColdChef at 5:33 PM on February 19, 2007

Since it seems like money is no issue, you should be able to pick out something you like. Obviously you don't want to go too over the top -- it is just a rock and metal after all -- but do find something that has meaning to you and that you will feel comfortable wearing.
posted by Aanidaani at 5:37 PM on February 19, 2007

Said set amount has always been a construct of the jewlery industry. Choose what you like and see what he things. You have the luxury of worrying about price less than most (depending on what expenses you/he have. However, if you find yourself wanting $50K+ ring, you might perhaps consider what about it you like. Buy a symbol of your love rather than something to demonstrate your wealth. Unless, of course, you're into conspicuous displays, in which case, have at it.
posted by JMOZ at 5:38 PM on February 19, 2007

Just get something you like. Think about your lifestyle and the types of things you actually DO on a daily basis. A lot of flash may be pretty but it may not be particularly practical depending on what you do - if you're sporty or work with your hands a lot then you'll want a flat-ish band style or a setting that fits close to your hand. If you don't do much with your hands then you can go for something that sits higher.

Also, make sure you look at alternatives to diamonds. I've seen some nice emerald and sapphire rings.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 5:47 PM on February 19, 2007

Also remember that the "value" of diamonds is completely manufactured by the industry. They have no intrinsic or resell value after you buy them. De Beers says that "diamonds are forever" because you're stuck with it after you buy it.

Why not go for a more modest ring and have your hubby donate $40k to a charity or community organization (school, health clinic, boy or girls home, etc) of your choice as a sign of his eternal love? Philanthropy is the sexy new hotness.

Be sure to read up on conflict diamonds and make sure what you get is certified.

Heres an Atlantic article that exposes the essential worthlessness of diamonds...
posted by wfrgms at 5:53 PM on February 19, 2007

Just remember--they're rocks. Are you really that interested in geology?
posted by hexatron at 5:57 PM on February 19, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

There are apparently rules-of-thumb regarding what a ring should cost, but I have always felt that they are constructed by the jewellery industry, and followed mostly by idiots.

Who is getting married here - the Joneses, or you?

And do you really want to be wearing so much money on your finger? Money that is effectively dead money, being of no practical use to you, but which may be a temptation for thieves.

In the past, and in other societies, I think that wedding jewellery provided the bride with a safety-buffer, allowing it to be cashed in in times of need, or perhaps providing her with funds for an escape route, should the marriage sour.

Obviously, cashing in the jewellery would have been used as a last resort, thereby giving her an almost foolproof shield of relative financial security. This may be a partial explanation of the rules-of-thumb, but there is no reason why such thinking should apply today when there are better & more secure ways of setting money aside for emergencies.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:07 PM on February 19, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

A ring that's too big is awkward and uncomfortable - in the end, you won't wear it. Also, if it's too big, you look trashy, not rich. Why not design a custom setting that has some meaning to you around a stone or stones of your choice and then - yeah, what hexatron said - make a contribution to a charity & prove you have a heart of gold, not a heart of stone.
posted by clarkstonian at 6:13 PM on February 19, 2007

You've got free reign, so get whatever pleases you. Do keep in mind how the ring and band go together.
posted by NortonDC at 6:31 PM on February 19, 2007

Perhaps this seems strange in light of the very socially conscious comments people have posted above, but if show is a factor, I will note that it seems the truly wealthy do not buy diamond rings as engagement pieces. For instance, both Princesses Diana and Sarah had ruby/sapphire rings.
posted by oflinkey at 6:49 PM on February 19, 2007

I really, really want to know what job has an income of greater than $900,000.

Other than that, I would have to agree with the idea of getting a reasonably priced ring, something that you like, and then donating some money to charity.
posted by DMan at 6:55 PM on February 19, 2007

To go against the grain here a little bit:

The only real reason there would be a set amount he's expected to spend is if you think there's a set amount he ought to spend.

On the other hand, if Mr. Man makes that kind of dosh there's some chance that he runs with big dogs, and it's not inconceivable that the ring you end up with might be part of the impression that he (and you) carry into social occasions with said big dogs, either directly or through the wives of male big dogs. It might be worth talking to him about any social expectations that there might be around a ring like this or around your wedding in general.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:56 PM on February 19, 2007

Make sure the ring fits your finger/hand. I don't make nearly as much as your beau, but money still wasn't a major decision factor. But my wife has dainty hands with elegant long fingers. Her ring is a size 4 (I think...it's been a few years). I designed her ring with the help of a friend, who also cut it out of titanium on his CNC lathe (he used to make high-end bike parts). It's a tension mount. After a lot of shopping and consultations, I decided that a 1/2 carat stone would look perfect on her hand with that type of ring, and I was right. So it's a helluva nice 1/2 carat by diamond quality standards, but I could have gone with a 2 carat stone of the same quality for 8 times the price, based on my budget. It would have looked gaudy on her hand, though. She still gets tons of comments about her ring, 4 years later.
posted by Bradley at 6:56 PM on February 19, 2007

Buy a ring that's too big and flashy and you may be scared to wear it.

I don't know; I have a distant relative who wears a huuuuuuge diamond ring (8 carats, at least). Although I noticed she will sometimes turn it into the palm of her hand sometimes when walking about the city. Think about your lifestyle and get what you want. What YOU want, not what your mother wants, your friends want, or what snarky Mefites want for you. Sounds like money is no object, so have a ball!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:58 PM on February 19, 2007

Don't buy a standard-issue Nouveau Riche OMGLOOKATMYROCK ring.

Not unless you enjoy looking like a classless little shit.

Just pretend they all cost $1.50, and pick out your favorite, excluding all the prestige bullshit.
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 7:00 PM on February 19, 2007

Oh, and ignore anything about the actual value of diamonds and marketing and whatever.

You have a cost-insensitive fiancé. Just pick what you want, without regard to price, and be done with it.
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 7:05 PM on February 19, 2007

Find a great artist-sculptor-jeweler.
Have him/her make a special ring just for you, just for this love story.
Document your meetings with the artist.
Enter art history.
Create a legend.
posted by bru at 7:55 PM on February 19, 2007

Ugh, ignore all the judgy holier-than-thou comments about what you should or should not be spending your money on. If you want a big ring, get one. If you want a tiny ring, get that. Sheesh, people.

Maybe think about rings your friends have, and what you like or don't like about their rings. Or think about elements of rings that relatives have -- maybe you could find some way to incorporate those designs into yours in tribute to your family. Really, there is no formula and it has *nothing* to do with what other people think you should do. Most importantly, what are you going to want to be wearing in 15 or 30 years that's going to remind you of how you feel about about your significant other and what's special about your relationship (that's not a comment on ring size, more a comment on design).
posted by awegz at 7:59 PM on February 19, 2007

Neil Lane
Cathy Waterman
Fred Leighton
Lorraine Schwartz
posted by junkbox at 8:13 PM on February 19, 2007

I only spent $900. I was young and it was a HUGE amount for me back then as a starving grad student.

15 years later, my wife flashes her tiny diamond as a badge of pride.
posted by R. Mutt at 8:14 PM on February 19, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

The DeBeers ads a few years back used to say "two months salary." However, I think that guideline was designed for young men just starting out and not making 6 figures. I don't know that I could spend $150k on a ring, personally. I'd keep thinking stuff like "Geez, I could put a downpayment on a house" or "I could buy a fleet of small cars". But we aren't talking about me, we are talking about you. I hope the two of you have a wonderful life together; I feel sure you will find a ring that you both love that is well within your budget.
posted by ilsa at 8:17 PM on February 19, 2007

Another reason to reconsider a diamond.
posted by brokekid at 8:25 PM on February 19, 2007

Lisa Krikawa makes gorgeous rings; check out
www.krikawa.com
posted by arnicae at 9:22 PM on February 19, 2007

I'm curious if there is still a set amount men are expected to spend based on their income.

No, not at your fiance's level, I don't think so. I think you can probably do nearly as you please.

I don't know where to start looking.

A jeweler?

Seriously, there are a lot of questions to ask yourself. Do you care if it's a conflict diamond? Do you want a "new" stone or one with a story behind it? Do you care what other people think when they see it, or is it all about you (and him?) Does it need to be an 'investment quality' stone, which unlike other diamonds has a chance of retaining much of its value?

Do you want a standard brilliant cut, or a pink heart diamond, or a little horse's head? Do you want a 5 carat Asscher-cut monster that says "Gilded Era" to everyone who looks at it?

Seriously, run down to Fifth Avenue, pop into Tiffany and Harry Winston, and let a professional explain it to you. Maybe take a walk down 47th St. If you don't find the idea of that process amusing, perhaps you don't really want a diamond at all.
posted by ikkyu2 at 9:55 PM on February 19, 2007

Might I recommend a Synthetic diamond from Adia, Apollo or Gemesis.
posted by krisjohn at 10:39 PM on February 19, 2007

If money's not the issue, I recommend choosing the jeweler first.

Having a good jeweler is beneficial as your needs change. Many want engagement rings turned into wedding rings, or rings expanded, or matching earrings, etc.

Once you found a jeweler that you are comfortable with, start looking at rings you like.

The whole month's salary thing is a marketing campaign. Looks like you can afford pretty much anything you might like.

My only recommendation is strong prongs and regular check-ups of the ring. My wife has bent a prong on her engagement ring twice putting her hand into her pocket.

And congratulations on getting married. ;)
posted by Argyle at 10:44 PM on February 19, 2007

Congratulations. Pick something you feel comfortable with. All the 'rules' about how much a guy should spend come from the adverts of the only game in town. Hence, bullshit.
posted by Happy Dave at 12:54 AM on February 20, 2007

With an (almost) unlimited budget, I would suggest either choosing and working with a designer, or display your status by buying something very plain and simple. If you go with a designer, you can get something truly unique, that no one else in the world has. It is a chance for the designer to show their abilities, and for you to display your (and your fiance's) status by having the good taste to commission such an object of art.

But honestly, the very (very very very) small number of genuinely rich people I have known either wear antique has-been-in-the-family-since-1600 jewelry, or wear very plain and non-ostentatious jewelry. Nice, but not flashy, big, or obviously expensive. My take was that since they had so much more money than everyone else, and had had it for a long time, they displayed status in more nuanced ways. (Think of the Queen Mum in her dirty gumboots and tweeds.) The big, flashy displays are more new money, like hollywood or music stars or oil-kingdom playboys, and that's cool if that's the world you move in. But if it is more of an old-money world, big and flashy will mark you as the outsider you are.
posted by Forktine at 4:10 AM on February 20, 2007

You know what? Almost anything we can say about costing formulas is completely blow out of the water by the >$900K statement. Spend three months wages on a ring and you're looking at well into house territory, not rings.

My normal advice is to ignore wage slips completely. When we got engaged, I bought my wife a ring for £250 ($500 now, probably about $350 back then) of which there were only three in the country and only 20 worldwide. That (and the fact it is beautiful) is much more important than the price. I'd imagine that the "OMG she's wearing the same dress as me!" factor is probably moreso when it comes to something as personal as a wedding ring.

However, if you're looking at that sort of huge money, I doubt you'll wander into Walmart and find the checkout girl is wearing the same ring...
posted by twine42 at 5:46 AM on February 20, 2007

To answer your question: I've always heard that the ring should cost 3 months salary. In the case of your husband-to-be, that would be $225,000. It might take some work to find a ring that costs that much money, but I'm sure they're out there. Why accept anything less?
posted by alms at 7:14 AM on February 20, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Give everyone who responds to this post 25K and we will all go buy rings and report our findings to you. My bank account information is in my user profile.
posted by outsider at 7:29 AM on February 20, 2007

Well, you don't have to worry about "Oh, that one's too expensive," so just look around and find one you love. No one I know will directly ask how much it cost unless it's something huge and those are just totally inappropriate unless your fiancee is a hip-hop artist or something.
posted by dagnyscott at 9:29 AM on February 20, 2007

alms, it doesn't take that much, actually, to buy a really expensive diamond. One minute on Blue Nile will show you that if you want a large diamond that's flawless or nearly flawless, you can quickly spend that kind of money. Even easier if you're buying the ring at Tiffany's and not on the internet.

But the point is not how much it costs, but how much you like it. Having money as no object doesn't mean you should go for the biggest diamond; it means you should buy the perfect ring in your eyes. And it means you can really enjoy the process of looking at different options for a ring because you don't have to be concerned with cost at every turn.

Also, I'd point out that most of the reasons in brokekid's link for not buying a diamond are done away with if you buy a Canadian diamond. So specify that you want a Canadian diamond, if you do settle on diamond.
posted by Dasein at 10:20 AM on February 20, 2007

arnicae: "Lisa Krikawa makes gorgeous rings; check out
www.krikawa.com"

I want to ditto what arnicae said. Lisa Krikawa made my wife's engagement ring (it was a custom design; the "architectural branch" seen on this page is my wife's ring.) She also made our wedding bands (The triangle set on this page, also a custom design and also our actual bands, but I guess she liked it enough to start selling it.)

I can't say enough how great she is to work with. We went back and forth for a while (several drawings) until we got designs that I liked, and her work is excellent. Get something special and beautiful and don't worry so much about cost.
posted by JMOZ at 10:35 AM on February 20, 2007

Most of my social circle is around half your b/f's income, and most of the women have huge rocks. When I got engaged, we chose something unique instead of going for the biggest diamond we could find. And she gets 10 times more compliments on her ring than any of my friends' wives.

Go for something interesting that you like. And I guarantee it will turn more heads than your standard diamond ring. And if you insist on spending a lot of money, there's lots of ways to do that on an unconventional engagement ring - things like pink diamonds (which can go above $75K/carat depending on the quality), etc.
posted by chundo at 11:09 AM on February 20, 2007

When I got engaged, we chose something unique instead of going for the biggest diamond we could find.

Agreed. I went with a deep blue sapphire, for example. Someone else I know went with a pink diamond. Neither ring is enormous, but both are beautiful and get a million compliments.
posted by Mid at 3:33 PM on February 20, 2007

Thank you all. Each comment has been quite helpful. I've narrowed it down to a spending bracket that is reasonable and a custom design that is not too showy.
posted by wondergreen at 4:24 PM on February 20, 2007

If you are considering a diamond ring then have a look at what something similar is selling for on Ebay. More specifically look at what the asking price is and then at how many of those auctions result in any bids at all (you need to have an Ebay account and search for "completed listings"). On my quick scan just now there are pages and pages of listings that have no action on them at all.
posted by rongorongo at 5:02 PM on February 20, 2007

Someone else I know went with a pink diamond. Neither ring is enormous

Actually, pink and red diamonds are all "enormous," if you are looking at their price tag. A 1 carat pink diamond will set you back six figures.
posted by ikkyu2 at 6:50 PM on February 20, 2007

Yeah, but if it's only 1ct, it does not stand out the way a 2.5 ct. clear diamond would. Discrete but very valuable -- classy. And while a sophisticated criminal might be interested in the ring, a run-of-the-mill mugger isn't going to go nuts from some "small" pink stone.
posted by Mid at 11:30 AM on February 21, 2007