I don't hate babies, but . . .

February 9, 2007 6:31 PM

What should I say/do to be polite about someone's baby?

In the course of business, I regularly have to attend at an office full of women all of whom have children, and one of whom now has a tiny baby she brings to the office sometimes. I can see that everyone loves babies, and they know that I have no interest in them or in children, but I don't want them to think I'm a scary freak, nor do I want to do a bunch of fake stuff more than necessary. I mean, I can say a few fake appropriate things once in a while. But what are they? How should I think about this? I really can't make a big research project of this, and I just want to know the right thing to do. I smiled and said it was cute. I feel insecure and don't want this to turn into the seemingly inevitable, "Oh, you are an outsider and you are no longer welcome." I just try to pass. Please help. I don't like the chill I'm feeling lately, or maybe it's fear. I want to be an outsider AND accepted. Why the hell not?

posted by Listener to human relations (44 comments total)

What I like to do (I am not a kid person, myself) is pick one specific compliment to the child that is genuine. Comment on its face, its eyes, how big the smile is. Those kind of compliments seem to sound more genuine to the kid-possessing people, at least as far as I can tell.
posted by winna at 6:44 PM on February 9, 2007

winna's comment also works for when you see someone's play/show/art collection you're not so hot on. I second that. Works very well.
posted by dentata at 6:47 PM on February 9, 2007

Not having children is fine. Not wanting children is fine. Not being interested in children is fine. But what I find bugs me is when people claim that you're "talking about kids and that's boring", but somehow think that it's not boring when they're talking about their new car, snowboarding trip, partner, work project, hobby, friends, etc. It's all just life and there's no reason to put a discussion in the "oh, that's about kids" filter and tune out.

I'm not suggesting that you tune out. But I find a lot of people with no interest in kids tune out and even make remarks about "all the discussion being about kids" or "I don't want to hear about your kids", while still serving up their own dose of boring conversation. (One friend did this to me after spending 15 minutes bragging about her new car.) And also note that, just because kids work their way into a conversation, the conversation may not actually be about kids. Someone today asked me about poor life choices and I related an anecdote about an incident at the playground earlier in the week and she instantly said, "Why are you suddenly talking about kids? I'm not talking about kids." I am starting to realize she really dislikes kids and any mention of the word causes her to censor the content of the conversation. However, had I used a snowboarding anecdote to show similar details, I'm sure she would have paid attention!

On the flip side, I also find it annoying when people assume that all that is new with me comes from what is happening with my child. So, I guess what I'm saying is that you should look at the whole person and see that they are going through a big life change, in much the way that you perhaps pay attention to other life changes or interests.
posted by acoutu at 6:50 PM on February 9, 2007

Er, sorry. From what the others have responded, perhaps I misunderstood your question. Did you just want to know how to make small talk about the child? Picking one genuine feature is great advice and works for everything from babies to new homes.
posted by acoutu at 6:52 PM on February 9, 2007

In the book "How to Lie with Statistics" there's an off-topic anecdote given about a doctor. When women took their babies to him, afterwards they were always pleased at his reaction, but couldn't really remember just what it was except that it was "something nice".

It turns out that his first comment invariably was, "Well! This is a baby, isn't it?"
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 7:00 PM on February 9, 2007 [5 favorites]

I don't hate babies -- I just kinda feel better when they're not around?

Lots of people are nervous around babies -- hell, lots of people don't like them, and that makes a lot more logical sense, frankly, than liking them. You're right, though, that seeking the company of babies is expected of women in our culture. Coming out as a woman who is not a baby-enthusiast is like coming out as a man who hates sports, or anybody who doesn't have a television or is a vegetarian -- it sets you apart from most people, and the insecure will feel judged by you.

The other thing is this -- no mother's child is just a... baby. Every mother's child is the bright center of the universe. Perhaps someone could be forgiven for not liking babies in general, but no one could be immune to the dazzling excellence of THIS baby (and not just because it's my baby -- really it is just an objectively spectacular baby). So it is only polite to appear struck by someone's baby. To cover the effort, you can just say with a smile, "I've always been nervous around babies. They are so small and precious." Or something. At some point, you will be offered the chance to hold the baby. Do not refuse. Just sit down and hold the baby, and everyone will laugh at your awkwardness and like you for it. In fact, if you have already refused this honor, you should ask to hold the baby. Let it grab your finger. Jingle your keys at it.

If you can't think of anything to say, attempting to decide whether the baby looks more like mom or dad is always popular.
posted by Methylviolet at 7:15 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

I say "hi, sweetie!" to babies. That's usually enough.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:15 PM on February 9, 2007

Is it possible that you can partially reframe your feelings about babies?

Babies are not just soul-sucking creatures who demand all the attention and turn normally-sane women into blithering idiots.* Babies are also hilarious weirdos who go "I WONDER IF I CAN FIT MY WHOLE FOOT IN MY MOUTH" and think it's the height of witty comedy if you blow raspberries at them.

Sometimes I think people who say "I feel uncomfortable around kids" or even "I don't like 'em" actually mean "Man, that thing they do, when you go "Hi", where they stare at you expressionlessly? FREAKS ME OUT."

They just do that because everything, literally everything is totally new and amazing to them. They have never seen someone like you before! Your mere existence is blowing their mind!

Blow a raspberry at them. Smile big. Say "Hi, baby! What's up?" Narrate something they're doing: "Hey, I see you've got your entire fist in your mouth there. What's that like?"

Sometimes, in my experience, moms will perceive a non-baby-oriented person's response to their kid as "She doesn't like my baby", because the non-baby-oriented person isn't interacting with the child. And, if you imagine what it'd be like to bring your boyfriend or girlfriend around and have them completely ignored... well, you would probably not like that so much, either, and might also draw incorrect assumptions: "She HATES Harvey!" instead of "She's uncomfortable around men she doesn't know."

All I'm saying is, if you can let go of a little of your tenseness about the idea that THIS IS A BABY HOLY SHIT and pretend that the baby is actually a person like anyone else, albeit a short, bald person who has convinced people to lug her around and change her diapers, it may diminish some anxiety.

And it's your anxiety, I believe, that the ladies in question are responding to. They probably don't realize it, but tense people make everyone tense, and it turns into a cycle of mild dismay. I really bet you can break this cycle by speaking directly to the child, even just a few times, and then getting by on smiles.




*I don't feel this way, myself: I think babies are extremely great. I'm just saying.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 7:31 PM on February 9, 2007 [11 favorites]

If the baby is there, I think all you have to do is say hi to him/her- totally ignoring the child would seem odd, but you don't have to do a big song and dance everytime. If the child isn't there, I'd put conversation about the baby into the small talk category- sometimes, part of that is seeming interested in what people have to say, whether you understand or not. People will like you if you seem to like them, so try asking about the kids every now and again- "How's Susie doing?"
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:32 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

I find that very generic baby comments are usually more than sufficient. I don't mean for that to come off in a baby-hating way, or a mama-hating way, or an anything-hating way. It's just that if you aren't already a parent, or baby-obsessed, it's pretty hard to think of something to say that will simultaneously go over naturally, and not mark you as the childless wierdo. So when I see babies to whom I have no relation, and therefore am not likely to see really often, I try to pick out the qualities that their parents might wish to see in their child, and honestly I don't mean this in a fake way, because I can understand the devotion to your young'n, I'm not teasing when I say:

- She/He's so precious!
- Look at that smile!
- She/He's very alert for her/his age! (say this to the geek parents, it's wasted on the non-geek parents).
- Hi sweety baby! (to the non geek parents)

Now I say those things, and I don't not-mean them when I say them. I'm not faking it, but I do attempt to say things that will make the parent swell with pride, because that's really what the Big Baby Presentation is all about, and I'm cool with that, I totally get it. But I will admit they are my stock phrases when I'm left with something to say as whatever baby is being passed around for inspection. I like babies! I really do! please don't hate me
posted by brain cloud at 7:39 PM on February 9, 2007

I'm utterly terrified of little babies. In over four decades, I've held exactly two*. I'm not particularly fond of the clucking and cooing circle that often circles infants or pictures of infants or wee infant outfits. As to not come off like a complete misanthrope, I've found a few stock phrases which seems to go over well:

"You both look so happy!"
Which works unless the child (or less frequently, the mom) is howling at the top of her lungs, which is when I say, "Gosh, she sure sounds healthy!"

When offered to hold a baby, I say "I would love too but I'm worried I might be coming down with a little bug, wouldn't want to pass that along. Just in case, you know."

*one of the two is my own child. Yep, it's possible to be both a mom and awkward around babies...but not my kid because the universe does in fact revolve around him. Yes, it does.
posted by jamaro at 7:39 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm a girl and I never know what to say about babies.
I've discovered a few things not to say:

"all babies look alike" (they do!)
"congratuations! you know how to spread your legs!" (in my experience this is never appropriate when said out loud)

When my cousin had her baby recently I looked at it and said "cute" then kinda gave her a pat on the shoulder and said "good work!" With chuckle, of course.
Luckily she laughed, too.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 8:01 PM on February 9, 2007 [2 favorites]

I love my three kids. I don't know your kids, but I probably don't like them. Kids can be scary, annoying, boring, etc especially when they are not yours. But, for some reason animals and small children like me. (I don't have much tolerance for animals either.) I do better interacting with people that can listen and reason. My kids don't listen (to me at least) and the logic they use must be like "new math" because I just don't follow it.

The "trick" for me is say something nice immediately (like mentioned by winna, et al), or in the case of an animal pet it and say how cute it is. Then I ignore the creature. I talk to the parent about other things or I give then a chance to babble so I can think about what I am doing Saturday night. As for the compliment, take care of two at once. "She is so cute. She looks just like you." This gets them every time.

Before I had kids I was terrified to hold someone else's. Too much responsibility with too little knowledge and experience. But, I took the kids most times offered. If you are ignorantstupidfoolishcrazy or relaxed enough to hand your precious little child to me, I'll do my best not to drop it. Usually after the see how you don't support the head or are using one arm they smile and take the kid back. Real quick like.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:06 PM on February 9, 2007

acoutu: When people have an anti-kid bias, it's usually a reactionary thing. They've seen so many of their friends' lives consumed by their children, that they get sick of it.

It's just that everyone wants to talk about something they can relate to - for some people that is kids. For others, especially the young and childless, snowboarding or cars are a much better topic.
posted by chrisamiller at 8:13 PM on February 9, 2007

I like babies and babies like me. It's the parents who tend to look at me weird.
posted by rhizome at 8:14 PM on February 9, 2007

Same goes for me, rhizome. Parents always look at me weird. I'm a 25-year old male and parents hate me. I'm nice to kids and joke around with them (in an appropriate manner) but the parents hate me. I don't get it. Parents are mean.
posted by HotPatatta at 8:18 PM on February 9, 2007

Okay, so to expand a little, what if I arrive and there are only two staff there, both engaged with the baby say 5 metres away, and I don't normally go right to that area, but rather, someone comes to me and then we go to another area together? Then I smile or whatever when I walk by the baby held by colleague. Is more needed? I am not attracted to the baby and I am not actually fond of the young mother who has it, nor do I deal much with her, but the person I do deal with and like is over there cooing when I arrive. If it were an animal, I would actually be attracted to go there, no matter who it was, and would probably like them better for caring about an animal.

I appreciate that children are a subset of personal interests chit-chat, and I have learned to deal with that (I was raised by wolves, so it's been a struggle) but it's just when the baby is there and I have received excited group emails (?), about expecting and so on in the past, I just wonder if more is expected from me in this context. I guess they were just being nice automatically including me, but I had nothing to say. It was weird.

I just kinda feel better when they're not around?


No. I would say that about people in general. It's the adults that have the power to excommunicate me, not the baby. I can relate when little kids get a personality and before they get brainwashed by society. My problem is the adults and their expectations re baby, if any.

Babies in personal relationships -- hot taboo stuff. Very, very dangerous topic.
posted by Listener at 8:26 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Do not try to hold the baby if you are uncomfortable with it. The baby will detect your anxiety and start crying. Let someone else hold it while you play with it.

My sister just had a baby boy (5 months) and I am quite uncomfortable with him. I've never been fond of babies (or wanted one) and I don't know how to sing rhymes and pat-a-cake with him. I feel extremely embarrassed.

I'm waiting for when he's old enough to actually do something (play with blocks, toy cars), be fascinated with dinosaurs, boats. etc. Sorry if the play images are sexist, but I'm assuming a "typical" boy, not Ma Vie en Rose.
posted by bad grammar at 8:50 PM on February 9, 2007

I think you're overthinking this. I went through two pregnancies while working, brought the kids in to visit, and had pictures of them scattered about. But I never expected that all of my co-workers would drop what they were doing to oooh and aaaah. Some did, but I was never offended or worried about those that didn't. It's not everyone's thing, and frankly, I know that work is for work and lots of people are too busy to chat about things that don't interest them.

If you want a "trick" anyway, I'd recommend asking if the baby has done anything new lately. It's a pretty stock question and can lead to a quick discussion of walking or talking that may bore you to tears, but will engage most parents. Hopefully, you won't ask it during potty training season.
posted by saffry at 8:52 PM on February 9, 2007

"It's breathtaking"

Or if you're subjected to pictures of those things, "Yep, that sure is a baby" will get them to drop the subject pretty quickly.
posted by pieoverdone at 9:14 PM on February 9, 2007

I would agree that no one's expecting you to do anything SPECIFIC in regards to the baby, nor that they would be astonished should you not seek them out (as you mentioned, for example, should they be involved in a conversation across the room). And similarly, only a smile would be fine.

It sounds like you're generally nervous and/or insecure about social expectations of you, especially when the norm is deviated. I understand that problem of feeling awkward and wondering if you are saying or doing the wrong thing, or if there is an expectation of you. In such situations it's much easier for me to ask a question and let the conversation proceed from there. As a mother (and a person), I never expect compliments or guaranteed interaction with my children (or my person), but am always pleasantly surprised when someone asks a sincerely interested question. Let your user name guide you. :)

Also, it might help ease you to think of the baby not as an "it," as you used in your OP. "Its" are only for prenatal usage. ;) Newborns do seem rather alien, but show "human" behaviors as early as a few weeks. Sleeping and eating... add sex and you've got a typical college student, right?
posted by artifarce at 9:15 PM on February 9, 2007

It sounds like you're generally nervous and/or insecure about social expectations of you, especially when the norm is deviated.

Yeah, I have no clue what the norms are, ever. I have to learn them one by one. I don't understand people and I wish I didn't have to struggle with it.
posted by Listener at 9:32 PM on February 9, 2007

Think of it this way -- the baby doesn't belong in the workplace, and you do. The mom should understand that not everyone is a baby person and if anything, she should be going out of HER way to make sure that her child is not distracting people from their work.

So I think what you're doing is just fine - acknowledge that she brought her baby in (smile or whatever), call over to your co-worker (or make eye contact, or whatever to get his attention) and then go do the work that you're there to do.
posted by echo0720 at 9:46 PM on February 9, 2007

ah, that's probably the main problem. people who are nervous around babies are often nervous because there are no "rules" for interaction. generally you feel obligated to make the thing smile or something.

don't worry about it. you aren't required to interact with a baby (or even a small child) as you would with an adult. smile at the baby, for the mother's benefit. if you see this kid fairly often, remark on how much he/she has grown, or if his/her hair is coming in, or something like that. that's all. if mom goes on and on about the baby, just let her gush. smile. she's happy and wants to share it; you are obligated only to receive her gushing politely. let the googly-eyed co-worker do her thing--you don't have to.
posted by thinkingwoman at 9:52 PM on February 9, 2007

I feel this same thing in my office, Listener, so I hope knowing that you're not alone helps some.

There are four parents of three babies in my office (including a husband/wife pair), and several women desperately waiting for their children to start popping out grandkids. Whenever babies come in, every woman in the office except me clusters around. About half of the men do. I feel like a freak for not caring enough about babies to get up and walk over and poke at them. I think if I had real relationships with their parents I'd be more interested, but I don't have an interest in becoming friends with someone when I can't think of anything to talk to them about except their baby.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 9:53 PM on February 9, 2007

basically, this isn't any different than if she brought her new puppy to the office--acknowledge it in a friendly way, and move on.
posted by thinkingwoman at 9:53 PM on February 9, 2007

I make silly faces at them.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 9:55 PM on February 9, 2007

Politeness around babies of co-workers:

1. Interactions with baby: No holding required.
a. Required: Smile at the baby.
b. Optionally, make cute little faces at it, trying to make it smile.
c. If you are a woman and you want someone to think you like their baby, then hold eye contact with the baby for a moment while some adult is talking to you (to give the impression that the baby is such a cutie, you can't tear your eyes away...obviously, just a moment. Not a long staring match. I'm not sure how well this works for men.)
d. As the baby gets more aware and responsive over the coming months, you can wave at it ("hi cutie").
e. As the baby becomes a young toddler, you can advance to smiling and asking rhetorical questions ("who's a big boy?", "who has a pretty dress?" "how's that rattle?"). All little boys can safely be called "buddy", all little girls can safely be called "sweetie".

2. Interactions with parent:
a. "What a sweetie/cutie/big girl/big boy you have there".
b. The first time you meet the kid, look at kid, then parent and say "You must be so proud, s/he's so darling."

Anything beyond that is purely at your discretion. (Eg asking what new tricks the kid has been doing, asking to hold the kid.) They might like you more if you were a big baby-hugging type, but don't fake it if you're not - they'll be able to tell, and it will just make everything weird. It sounds like you're already handling it fine.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:00 PM on February 9, 2007

For 1.c. to work, you have to have a half-smile or other happy look. No stone-face, no crazy clown look.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:07 PM on February 9, 2007

Prior to becoming a mother myself, I found that with any baby of a few months of age or older, making eye contact and sticking my tongue out was very effective. In a friendly, not scary, manner. Nine times out of ten the baby would stick his or her tongue out back at me, and my work was pretty much done with that.

With newborns, any friendly comment will do. "What a dumpling/what a cutie/oh, hey little dude!" etc.
posted by padraigin at 11:44 PM on February 9, 2007

>If you want a "trick" anyway, I'd recommend asking if the baby has done anything new lately. It's a pretty stock question and can lead to a quick discussion of walking or talking that may bore you to tears, but will engage most parents.

So true. Great advice saffry.

New parents love to talk about their babies. And they're not going to humiliate you for not knowing when a baby starts to

• smile
• laugh
• eat solid food
• crawl
• roll over
• focus their eyes
• use the remote

so, just pick one from the list, say "I don't know much about babies, can she <whatever> yet?" and they'll happily talk to you for hours. Just nod.

If you're not the least interested in the development of very new human beings, I guess it'll be a bit boring for you, but seriously, aren't you a little interested? At least get that list sorted out by talking to a few gushing parents.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 4:17 AM on February 10, 2007

This is not expert advice, just an idea, but what about paying a little extra attention to the parent, while everyone else is going nuts all over the baby? Depending how close you are with the person, expressing some sincere happiness for that person in whatever form you deem appropriate--a side squeeze, a soft shoulder punch, saying "how wonderful, I'm so happy for you," whatever--and most importantly looking them right in the eye and really smiling. Also asking them questions, whether about the baby or themselves.

For me, I'm most uncomfortable with that first visit. It's the middle of their parental leave, it's the first time you've seen them since the baby and therefore the first time you've seen the baby at all, the baby is really, really, tiny. But if you think about it from the parent's perspective, they've just gone through the toughest x weeks of their life, they haven't had hardly any adult company in a while, and everyone they've met have only wanted to see the baby. I also think that if someone comes out of an encounter having been paid attention to, and having talked about themselves, they'll remember it (and you) fondly, even if you didn't exactly know how to interact with the baby itself.
posted by lampoil at 6:44 AM on February 10, 2007

If you want a "trick" anyway, I'd recommend asking if the baby has done anything new lately.

No! The poster does not want further interaction, she wants to get past the subject as gracefully as possible. Don't worry, nobody expects an extended discussion, just say "What a beautiful kid!" and everyone will be happy.
posted by languagehat at 6:52 AM on February 10, 2007

diaper jokes
posted by matteo at 6:54 AM on February 10, 2007

Listener, I am so with you on this. I don't like babies at all, and I absolutely will not hold And where I work is busting with babies these days; they get toted in often for squeee-ing gaggles of admiration.

One thing that happened to help me, though: one Halloween, several people brought in their children to show off the little costumes. One was a tiny toddler who couldn't walk yet - her parents had dressed her up like a little cat, in a one-piece outfit complete with ears on the hood and drawn-on whiskers. Looking at her crawling around, something clicked in my head; I was as attracted to look at her as if she had been a real cat. I even tried to call her over to me. I know it sounds a little weird, but I was just acting like all the other women around a small child, except that in my mind, this one had suddenly become cute. Since then, when called on to appreciate someone's offspring, I think of it as a little animal, and cooing at it becomes almost natural. Uh...typed out, that sounds quite odd, but maybe it'll help you in some way.
posted by TochterAusElysium at 10:02 AM on February 10, 2007 [3 favorites]

Ya know, there's a point I think everyone is missing. He has a coworker who "now has a tiny baby she brings to the office sometimes".

Call me an old fashioned bitch if you must, but babies don't belong at the office. I say this both as a mom and an office manager. He shouldn't be an outsider in his office. The baby should be the outsider. However, there are details that make it sound as if this is tolerated by management. This sucks for a variety of reasons that are probably obvious to the poster.

So yeah, I'm with limiting things to saying stuff like "Hiya champ. Is that a tasty foot you've got in your mouth? See ya round the water cooler." Smile, but no babytalk. No holding it ("ya know I really have work I oughta go do!"). In the end, you are at the office to do a job, not make friends, not talk about babies/pets/hobbies. Don't make enemies, but make this not your problem.
posted by ilsa at 10:04 AM on February 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

TochterAusElysium:Since then, when called on to appreciate someone's offspring, I think of it as a little animal, and cooing at it becomes almost natural.

I do that too! Nothing helped me so much as thinking "Pretend it's a cat or dog" when confronted with expectations to coo over a baby.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 10:59 AM on February 10, 2007

He has a coworker who "now has a tiny baby she brings to the office sometimes".

I'm a she. And that's not a co-worker. It's an office I have to go to relating to my work, regularly. I am self-employed. I don't work in that office. I'm in a small town. I find the culture here is different than when I worked for a large-ish company in Vancouver. But I appreciate your point of view, and everyone's. I can weigh the differing viewpoints and store them up as possibilities, then I have a social context to work from. Otherwise, I would have a near-absence of useful social information in me.
posted by Listener at 11:14 AM on February 10, 2007

Keep a stuffed toy in your briefcase, and bring it out when you go to the mother's office. The toy becomes the medium of interaction and source of entertainment to the child. Your verbal interaction with/about the baby can then be kept to a minimum while you take care of whatever business you have with the mother.
posted by desjardins at 11:38 AM on February 10, 2007

Ahh, please forgive my misgendering and slight misunderstanding of your situation. Let me take my own (tasty) foot out of my mouth.

I still think a smile and a sentence or two to the baby is all you really need. I also kind of like desjardin's idea of distracting the baby so you can get business done. Makes you seem like you honestly give a darn about baby-snookums when you really just want to get your document signed, delivery done, whatever.
posted by ilsa at 12:53 PM on February 10, 2007

A note of caution: if you keep a stuffed toy in your briefcase and get the baby interested in it, then you have two options when you have to leave:
(a) leave it and bring a new toy next time, or
(b) take it away from the baby.
I would say, distract the baby with one of its own toys, or with something native to the office.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:13 PM on February 10, 2007

No prob Ilsa, lots of people here keep assuming I'm a guy. And, the owner of that company feels the same way you do about the socializing too much at work. :)
posted by Listener at 3:32 PM on February 10, 2007

I've found that people are so wrapped up in the baby that they just assume everyone else is the same. So just ignore the baby, seriously, no one will notice. If pressed (or confronted by the baby) smile faintly and say 'yeah, cute' and they'll just continue to gush and assume you're joining in.

Pretty much everyone who knows me knows I dislike children of all kinds. I've never made a secret of it and never been disowned or disliked because of it. When faced with a real baby they just can't somehow believe that I'm not interested and drawn in, so I get shown the photos and included in the gushing (them: "isn't she so cute?" me: "eh" them "such a cute baby, oh you're so cute") and people just act as if I'm doing the same things as them. Whereas actually I just don't really care either way and act disinterested and shrug (or do the faint smile/cute thing) and yeah, it really makes no difference.

So don't run away. Don't act revolted or say anything negative (or really anything much about it at all). If asked to hold it say "no thankyou" in a mild voice (unless you want to, they're surprisingly wriggly which is kind of amusing). Act polite then move on. Everyone else is so caught in that weird baby spell (the one that somehow totally passes me by) that they won't notice. Babies are powerful that way.
posted by shelleycat at 4:07 PM on February 10, 2007

Seconding this possibility --

it's your anxiety, I believe, that the ladies in question are responding to. They probably don't realize it, but tense people make everyone tense, and it turns into a cycle of mild dismay.
posted by salvia at 9:46 PM on February 11, 2007