I've Heard The Jokes Already

January 28, 2007 3:45 PM

Help me find something to satisfy my oral fixation (no, not that).

I have been trying to quit my nasty, nasty nailbiting habit for a while now. Thanks to the rubber band technique and a strong determination to have nails that aren't bitten down to the quick, I'm making some progress and am pleased with how healthy and "normal" my nails look. I've read previous Askmes on this struggle and they have been helpful.

But here's the sort of gross part - one of the things that I liked about biting my nails was rolling the bitten-off nail around in my mouth, and sort of chewing on it. This wasn't the main reason for the nailbiting, but it was a good reason to not stop. Now that I'm on the wagon, I find myself missing that feeling of having something in my mouth all the time (ha, ha, ha).

The obvious answer is: chew gum. And I do, more often at least. But gum chewing can be noisy and obnoxious to others around me (read: my girlfriend) and there are times when I just don't want to chew gum. Other possible considerations are things like hard candies and mints, but I'd just as soon not always be sucking on something sugary, and I definitely don't want something that will leave my tongue a funny color or give me that weird sandpapery feeling that eating too many Jolly Ranchers gives you.

So, I guess my question is: any suggestions for something to just have in my mouth? Unobtrusively tasty sugarfree candies, interesting flavored gum, chewing sticks, small pieces of tinfoil - any suggestions will be considered.

posted by rossination to grab bag (36 comments total)

How about a toothpick? You can roll it around with your tongue and chew on it.
posted by amyms at 3:54 PM on January 28, 2007

tried toothpicks already? that has the added benefit of having your hand up at your mouth too, which was probably part of the nail-biting appeal.
posted by tk at 3:55 PM on January 28, 2007

be like me, buy a dehydrator and eat jerky. more fun if your girlfriend likes jerky too. If not, you can make healthy snacks like dried apples+applesauce, banana chips, etc.

Healthy hobby, and you can eat them all day long. You can even make chewy stuff .. that should help you not worry about nails
posted by smellme123 at 4:02 PM on January 28, 2007

Sunflower seeds. Unsalted would probably better for your sodium levels, but I've noticed that the hulls crack into similar shapes.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:08 PM on January 28, 2007

Dude, I feel for you. I know what you mean about the chewing, except for me I chew either drinking straws (I gnaw on the top until it comes off) or pen caps (I bite off a bit at a time). I don't know if either of those is any less gross than nails, but they're what you're looking for.

Maybe we should look into marketing little nubs of hard plastic for compulsive chewers.
posted by kingjoeshmoe at 4:08 PM on January 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

I had a buddy in high school who used to walk around sucking on a pacifier. Thought it was cool as hell at the time; now, not so much. But I'm sure it'll work to cure you.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 4:14 PM on January 28, 2007

Second sunflower seeds. Pop 'em in, work the meat out, then you can chew on the remaining seeds. All the texture of a nail with none of the squick factor.
posted by bondcliff at 4:26 PM on January 28, 2007

What about those long cinnamon sticks?
posted by salvia at 4:33 PM on January 28, 2007

Thirding sunflower seeds. They should put "helps quit smoking and nailbiting!" right on the package.
posted by desuetude at 4:35 PM on January 28, 2007

I started getting manicures every week or two. If I don't, I'll bite my nails off down to the quick.

The second I let myself go too long between manicures I start chewing away at them, so I know this solution works for me. After I've paid someone to make them look nice, I even don't think to bite them at all, I won't let myself.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:35 PM on January 28, 2007

Yes, men can get manicures too. I see it all the time. Just skip the pretty polish. Plus, girls dig men with nice hands...
posted by miss lynnster at 4:36 PM on January 28, 2007

Nihilist gum has no flavor, but is slightly sweetened if I recall, which would be good for the not so sugary angle.
posted by abcde at 4:46 PM on January 28, 2007

Tea Tree toothpicks. They're cheap, not sweet, very intensely minty, and will last over a half hour each depending on how hard you chomp on them. I sent a couple packs to my sister in law to keep her from lapsing back into smoking and she says they help quite a bit. They make cinnamon ones, too, but those are almost painfully spicy.
posted by cog_nate at 4:50 PM on January 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

OP, here. Thanks for the suggestions. I guess I would also like to avoid toothpicks, since I think that I would look like a moron with a piece of wood sticking out of my mouth. On the other hand, it's probably better than a moron with no fingernails.

And yeah, I'm definitely treating myself to a no-polish manicure in a couple of weeks, once my nails are a respectable length.
posted by rossination at 4:59 PM on January 28, 2007

When I was a kid and wore braces, everybody liked to chew on the dental wax that was supposed to be used to smooth out rough patches on the braces. Like this stuff. It's not the same mouthfeel as your nails, but I do remember it being fun to chew on.
posted by MsMolly at 5:12 PM on January 28, 2007

My husband chews on plastic straws. It's not a good solution for when you're around people, because it looks like you're chewing gum, but it gives more of a nail feeling and of course, no calories. (And, naturally, you should not swallow them.)
posted by joannemerriam at 5:13 PM on January 28, 2007

Get some flossers. not at all the same mouthfeel, but good for your teeth.
posted by theora55 at 5:55 PM on January 28, 2007

Get a tongue or a labret piercing. Either will provide you something small and fun to play with inside your mouth all the time, and neither contain any calories.
posted by RoseovSharon at 6:00 PM on January 28, 2007

i tend to bite my nails during periods of stress, so i feel your pain... the Tea Tree toothpicks sound very interesting. say 30 years ago in Junior High School we went through the Cinnamon Toothpick stage, enough so to make our own. search your extract isle at a grocery store (you may have to visit a hippie-whole foods type store) and you'll find a little bottle of Cinnamon oil. soak some toothpicks in this oil for a couple of days, remove and let them dry and bam you'll have cinnamon toothpicks.

i was once employed in the "pills and extracts" section of a health food store, where i learned the benefits of Tea Tree Oil. rumor has it that tea tree oil is used by the Australian folk as a general antiseptic/antifungal like merthiolate or mecurochrome. a bit of tea tree oil will do wonders for acne, and kill athlete's food dead in it's tracks (muahaha). tea tree oil is also good as a general mouth-wash, diluted with a bit of water.

i would guess that you could make your own tea tree oil toothpicks the same way as you would make cinnamon toothpicks. a few drops of oil, diluted with a bit of vodka, allow to permeate some toothpicks and then let them dry.

i will have to try this
posted by zengargoyle at 6:11 PM on January 28, 2007

I just went and grabbed a stick of Cinnamon to chew on, fired up ask.me, and what do I see?

This question!

Cinnamon sticks are great.

Cassia cinnamon is harder will last longer, but ceylon cinnamon is better if you like picking at things.
posted by aubilenon at 6:29 PM on January 28, 2007

I wonder if a small piece of pure gold (99+ fine, not the much harder alloys used in jewelry) would be soft enough not to harm your teeth.
posted by jamjam at 6:37 PM on January 28, 2007

Raw noodles. You get the crunch of a bitten off nail and flavor. You can suck on them for 15 minutes before they start to get soft.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:25 PM on January 28, 2007

Coffee beans work too. Not so hot for your breath, maybe, but they're tasty, they're the right size and hardness to roll around in your mouth, and it's not the end of the world if you bite or swallow one.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:51 PM on January 28, 2007

Unpopped corn kernels are pretty interesting to chew on. They have several layers, of varying textures.
posted by interrobang at 8:10 PM on January 28, 2007

Oh, and I say that as a big nail-biter, so I know what you're talking about.
posted by interrobang at 8:11 PM on January 28, 2007

I just quit a rather involved 20yr nailbiting habit about 6 months ago and the only thing that wound up working was constantly using an emery board and *not* encouraging the oral aspects at all. Frankly, if I'm not biting my nails, regardless of my personal texture preferences about the habit, I don't think about having a substitute for aspects of the habit. Throw it all away. Replace it by finding a new favorite vegetable or organ meat or something.
posted by rhizome at 8:57 PM on January 28, 2007

I have an addiction to Winterfrost Eclipse Mints. Sugar-free, not overly sweet like most mints, and best of all--they flake off into lovely cruchy bits when you bite on them instead of crumbling into a nasty mush. The airtight metal tin they come in also keeps them from getting mushy and makes a great portable ashtray(or stash or shiney raccoon bait) when empty.
posted by nenequesadilla at 9:25 PM on January 28, 2007

This person made these out of pacifiers to treat Burning Mouth Syndrome symptoms.
posted by infinitywaltz at 11:00 PM on January 28, 2007

I hit up my jar of salad toppin' seeds for a la carte munchies the other day, and found them very satisfying. It's a mix of sesames, flax seeds, and sunflowers. You could have a small handful and dissect these seeds with your teeth one by one for a long time, withno pesky saltmouth rash.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:34 PM on January 28, 2007

I bit my nails and did the 'nail clippings in the mouth' thing too, which, while incredibly gross, also seemed to satisfy me in some primal way. When I finally kicked the nail biting habit a couple of years ago, I found that it helped a lot to always keep some toothpicks on me at all times. Whenever I felt the urge to bite my hails and gnaw on the clippings, I would just stick the end of a toothpick in my mouth and work it around for a while instead. After a couple of months, the urge faded altogether. Now I'm toothpick free and I have gorgeous, natural nails!

(note: This may or may not be socially acceptable, depending on where you work and whether or not you give a damn about looking funny)
posted by Burritos Inc. at 3:08 AM on January 29, 2007

I have been inspired to try and stop biting today. I have the rubber band at the ready.

A friend of mine stopped biting her nails and used to have a little pot of the small silver balls you put on cakes at her desk. They last ages, and are suitably hard. Not sure they are too good for your teeth though.
posted by informity at 3:44 AM on January 29, 2007

I know a guy who rolls dental wax around. It's not visibly gross like chewing gum or a toothpick, and wouldn't do anything if you accidentally swallowed it.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 6:35 AM on January 29, 2007

wow, i second nenequesadilla on the mints. I can eat entire package of those in one sitting because i love their texture (although you have to let them 'breathe' for about a day for them to get soft enough). They have sugar alcohols though and eating an entire pack wreaks *havoc* on my stomach for 2 entire days.

Anyways, I always chew on the plastic rings from bottles like gatorade or coke. This probably destroys the enamel on my teeth.

Starburst used to (still has?) have lolli pops on these awesoem perfect plastic chewing sticks. I could chew on one of those for a day straight before reducing it to mash. Someone should find a way to just sell those sticks to me.
posted by ZackTM at 6:50 AM on January 29, 2007

I used to chew toothpicks, and then the son of a professor I was T.A. for in college almost died due to a perforated bowel caused by ingesting a toothpick fragment. Or so the professor said - he was a bit of a jokester, but I believed him at the time and have avoided toothpicks ever since. Plastic straws or swizzle sticks seem much safer and are just as satisfying.

I also used to chew on rawhide chew sticks, the ones about the size of a cigarillo. Also satisfying, but not unobtrusive and even less socially acceptable than nail-biting.
posted by hackwolf at 9:42 AM on January 29, 2007

Licorice root sticks are fun: your local hippie-grocer should stock them.
posted by holgate at 10:00 AM on January 29, 2007

Baby spinach leaves. Seriously.
posted by Alt F4 at 1:07 PM on January 29, 2007