how do i fix my sex life?
January 20, 2007 7:25 AM Subscribe
sex is boring, not sure how to tell him?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (34 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
some history: my bf and i have been together for a few years, and i love him and am not considering breaking up with him over this, i just want to know how to fix it. anyway, the sex has started to get more boring. its at the point now where i feel like i'm losing some of my desire to have sex (more than the normal we've-been-together-a-few-years thing). we currently have sex a few times a week, but in all honesty it would probably be less if it were entirely up to me.
1. he doesn't seem to want to give oral sex - he never offers, and when i ask (at this point, once every month or two) he declines about half the time, says he's too "tired". this could be related to the fact that he.. um.. isn't very good at it. not bad, its enjoyable, but he's never succeeded in getting me off, and while i try to direct him i'm not exactly sure myself what he's doing wrong, i just know it isn't right.
2. the general lead up to sex doesn't always cut it for me. i understand that we have differences in our pre-sex needs - as in, he doesn't really have any, he could have sex immediately, and i need more than he is giving. if it's something simple to change i say something, but it often takes me a multiple times of me telling him what i would like (such as kissing me, which for some reason he rarely does of his own accord, even during foreplay) for there to be even mild improvement. i'm sure he must know from all this that it could be better for me but he doesn't seem to really try. i don't know how to get my point across without being more forceful/direct.
i should state that i do enjoy the sex - i orgasm every time, but only because i do it myself, which limits us to a few positions where i have easy access. but it's hardly exciting, its almost exactly the same every time. i think that fixing these two problems are the first steps in making this better for me.
my question is, then, how do i bring about some change? i sometimes give suggestions for the oral sex, but that doesn't seem to work. i think a book or something might help, but how would i mention it without being clear that i think he's doing a bad job? same with the general boring passive sex routine - i feel like i've tried to give small tips for improvement, and don't know what else will make him change without making it a bigger deal, which i don't want to do. he feels easily criticized and this is one area in which i particularly don't want him to think i'm attacking him. also, i'm a wimp and i'm also nervous, i don't even know how to bring it up since my complaints are so general and negative. advice?