Kitchen slave to carnivore seeks vegetarian-friendly meals

January 19, 2007 4:28 PM

She's a vegetarian, he's a carnivore, and their child doesn't eat food that touches. She does the cooking. What dishes can she make that reduce her prep time? How can she make sure that everybody's belly has

(Asking for a friend-filter.) Vegetarian friend ends up spending many extra hours in the kitchen making separate meals for three. She asked me if I had any suggestions on meals they could all agree on, but it's complicated by her husband's penchant for steak (and meat-and-taters cooking) and her 6-y.-o.'s pickiness about food that "touches" (he likes identifiably different meal components).

Ideas? Recipes? Personal experiences? And no, this is not about whether vegetarians and meat lovers can be together (http://ask.metafilter.com/mefi/29175), it's about saving my friend's sanity.

posted by MonkeyToes to food & drink (31 comments total)

This isn't meat/veg specific, but this article is about how to not be making different meals for everyone.

For the kid, can she just get plates with dividers (real ones, not plastic?) and put different foods in each one. Or does "food that touches" mean something else?
posted by Airhen at 4:39 PM on January 19, 2007

Exactly my situation. My wife and 3 children are all vegetarians, and I'm the "weak" one.

We coordinate meals, and I'm willing to eat some tofu occasionally (I actually prefer tofu dogs to hot dogs...cleaner taste). Basically, they have a tofu substitute where I would normally cook up a bit of flesh. There are substitutes for everything.

For steaks and pots., they do Steaklettes or Chick Sticks while I grill my steak outside. For Spagetti, they have tofu meatballs, while I make my meat sauce in a separate pan.

Basically, I'm in charge of my own meat. If I want meat, I have to make it, and it needs to not touch anything else that's being prepared. Since I like to grill, I have the advantage of not making a mess in the kitchen which I have to clean, while not stinking up the house with my burning flesh smell.
posted by thanotopsis at 5:05 PM on January 19, 2007

Normally, I think it's silly to go for vegetables that are "just like steak" — portobello mushrooms and eggplant slabs and whatnot. But in your friend's case I think they might be a lifesaver, not because of any similarity in flavor (there isn't one) but because of the similarity in cooking technique. Grilling a steak, a few big mushrooms and maybe some cobs of corn is really no harder or slower than grilling three steaks. The mushrooms will be improved by a marinade, but then so will cheap steaks, and the same marinade will often work for both.

The fajita idea in the above article is also good. Any food you assemble yourself — hot sandwiches, tacos, even a heavily garnished stew like pho or Cincinnati chili — is good for picky eaters because it gives them a sense of control, and it might give her son a way of easing into "touching" foods. If her husband's sensibilities aren't offended by seeing meat treated like a "garnish," it'll solve the veg/meat problem too: make, say, a pot of vegetarian chili, fry up some ground beef on the side, and set it out as an option along with the cheese and onions and whatnot.
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:08 PM on January 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Honestly? The answer is to let him be a vegetarian if he doesn't want to cook. It's unpopular, but guys who whine about that need to realize that eating meat is their problem, not their wives', just like ultimately, making sure they like what they eat is their problem, not their wives'.

And I got sent to bed hungry when I got whiny about "touching" foods. I got over it.
posted by klangklangston at 5:29 PM on January 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ditto to that, Klangklangston! When I wanted something else or didn't want what my mom made, she would say "this isn't a restaurant" and I would go hungry or eat what was put in front of me. The kid will eat what he's given eventually when he gets hungry enough. If the guy wants his meat, he can augment what she makes. If I were her, i'd make what I want and let them eat it.
posted by aacheson at 5:38 PM on January 19, 2007

It's unpopular

And because it introduces an additional element of conflict into the problem, it's also a fucking stupid solution. More is contributed to a meal than its preparation; the cook should not hold fiat over what's for dinner.

(I also disagree with the implication that eating meat is a problem -- it's the default. The vegetarians are the ones with special dietary needs, and if anyone should adapt, it is they.)

OP: Kids, on the other hand, often need conflict to learn. I think that it is appropriate to train your child by advising him or her that there is no choice; the kid gets what is put on the plate. Several days of the kid only eating part of dinner and he will be hungry enough to modify his behaviour. Worked for my kid sister; she had all the help she needed to finish her dinner -- if she wanted to come back to it three hours later, Mom would heat it up for her. But what was on the plate is what she got.

But for a family, soup and sandwiches works. The omnivore can have tomato soup and a Monte Cristo with extra ham, and the vegetarian can have tomato soup and five kinds of carrots wrapped in a leaf of lettuce, or whateverthefuck they eat.

Pasta, dressed after cooking, is also an option. Make up several quarts of marinara sauce, puttanesca sauce, and something with meat in it. Freeze it and thaw as necessary.

Many vegetarians eat fish. Few omnivores will complain if it's the meat substitute.

"Heavy" and exotic vegetarian dishes like aloo paneer (potatoes, peas and curry sauce) will fill that need for a filling meal with lots of umami for the flesh-eater.
posted by solid-one-love at 5:43 PM on January 19, 2007 [4 favorites]

she's a vegetarian, not a Vegan, right? the answer is eggs. really quick to prepare, good protein, even meat eaters like it. cooking meat does not take forever anyway, unless the guy only eats 3-inches thick steaks. if he does, they should get a grill.

also, pasta with separate gravys, meat and nonmeat.
posted by matteo at 5:43 PM on January 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

What's easier than steak and a potato? Turn the oven on to 475, stick a potato in there for an hour and forget about it, when the hour's up or near up you sear a steak on the stove for 4 minutes on high on each side (salt and peppered) and call it good. Serve potato with butter.

Make beans and/or grain in large batch at beginning of the week to reheat for self and child. Buy lettuce/salads in bag for ease of use. Roast cooking vegetables when the potato's done at 400 for 15 minutes.

Both my partner and I eat a lot of poultry but he doesn't eat the vegetables I do and I don't eat starches. He often gets a baked potato with his main course and/or a simple salad or frozen corn or rice prepared ahead of time. I usually roast myself some vegetables in the oven.

As long as these people have a dishwasher there is really nothing to preparing two meals with a bit of forethought. It's the damn dishes all that seperation creates that is the time suck.
posted by birdie birdington at 5:48 PM on January 19, 2007

She could cook one meal each day, but make enough for two nights. Night one, make two days worth of veggie dinners, night two, make two days worth of meaty dinners. That's if they don't mind eating leftovers every other day.
posted by textilephile at 5:53 PM on January 19, 2007

Not to derail the angry ranting, but I'm still looking for recipes/meal ideas, along the lines of the fajita idea. From what I understand, the carnivore will eat vegetarian meals, but is not as adventurous as she is (i.e., she loves avgolemono, but he does not). Suggestions for introductory foreign vegetarian meals welcome, as are vegetarian recipes to which the carnivore can add meat.

Also: She's the cook, and is trying to accommodate rather than dictate. Their son is not into any vegetarian meal that looks like glop; he is developing his palate, though. Harmony is an important value in this family, and the ideal would be to find meals that he can eat, too.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:28 PM on January 19, 2007

As for the kid— Mac and cheese. Fajitas, quesadillas, tacos, burritos, capellini di pomodoro, lasagna, phad thai, stir fry with tofu, bi bim bop with tofu, avacado and cucumber nori rolls, tofu dogs, chili, potato soup, broccolli quiche... All were favorites when I was a kid, all are not gloopy.
I can give recipes if you need 'em.
posted by klangklangston at 6:41 PM on January 19, 2007

I think many of the people who are saying that the wife should make what she wants and the husband should deal with it are missing a key point. THEY'RE MARRIED. Last I checked an attitude of 'this is what I like, this is what I'm going to do, deal with it' doesn't lead to the longest and happiest of marriages. Also, we don't know the details of their lives. Does one work, do both work? Does one work longer hours than the other? Etc. Making judgment and comments such as:

If she doesn't want to be a slave she should stop acting like one.

are inappropriate without further background information.

But you know what? MonkeyToes didn't even ask us for our commentary on the situation, MonkeyToes asked for cooking suggestions.
---
Pizzas - half veggie half with meat.

Meat substitutes - if you're grilling up a burger it takes no more or less effort to grill a tofu patty

I think stir-frys may be a good option for the husband/wife dietary situation. Since steak doesn't take long to cook, especially when sliced in strips, it is easy enough to stir-fry the vegetables then remove wife's portion before adding steak/chicken/what-have-you for husband.

I'm blanking right now but there are plenty of recipes that are just as good with or without meat. It's just a matter of making the dish meatless then adding meat after the fact.

As for the child, I have no clue. I wish my girlfriend were here, she works in early childhood special-ed and deals with this kind of thing day in and day out at work. I'll have her post when she gets home.
posted by ASM at 6:51 PM on January 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

The problem doesn't seem to be the veggie vs meat thing, but she likes exotic/adventorous veggie stuff while he's more boring in his eating happens. In which case, perhaps they need to come to a comprise where a couple of nights a week, she can be adventurous and a few nights a week she's more traditional with the meals.


Crockpots are good, if she doesn't mind veggies cooking with meat. Chop it all up, throw a hunk of meat and veggies in the pot in the morning and it's ready by dinner.

Pizza would be great, as you put whatever anyone likes wherever on the pizza.

What about a wok? Lots quick stuff can be done here, not just chinese food, though chinese can work good too. Cook the veggies first, then throw in some meat.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:06 PM on January 19, 2007

[a few derails removed. STOP with the meat vs veg crap, this is about recipes and family eating, metatalk is available for your HURF DURF TOFU discussions]
posted by jessamyn at 7:26 PM on January 19, 2007

My boyfriend loves the meat but we don't cook meat in the house. He loves hearty, filling meals. I cook chili, breakfast tacos, stirfry, couscous salads. TVP is good in chilis and stews as it will just soak up all the seasonings. Morningstar's chicken strips are good if you cook them with a little water to get them kind of juicy.

Potatoes are also good because they can be topped with all sorts of stuff. Make steak strips, bbq tofu, steam veggies, chili, and then smallish red potatoes and everyone can have a little of everything of what they want.

Let the kid get involved in meal prep so he can dictate what touches and what doesn't.

Try to combine meals. Make dad steaks, mom portobella burgers as suggest upthread and then instead of potatoes have samosas.

As for the non mushy food for the kid. look into vegan lunch box. these don't have to be lunch ideas but i've found that a lot of the foods stand up better and don't goosh quite so much. It might get you thinking outside of the box.
posted by nadawi at 7:40 PM on January 19, 2007

Half-meat is a good way to make a vegetarian sick. And, as a veteran of more shared pizza meals than I can count, the vegetarian ones ALWAYS get eaten first anyway.
posted by klangklangston at 7:50 PM on January 19, 2007

Burger crumbles are great in traditional recipes that call for hamburger, like tacos. Soy chorizo makes amazing chili.

Someone could cook some steak strips or chicken strips and they could go in fajitas one night, and in a stir fry or a sandwich the next, along side all the veggies that she would normally have in her meal.

When my son only ate food that didn't touch, I would set aside the things he would eat as I was cooking the rest of the meal. He ate a lot of plain noodles and carrot sticks with ranch dressing, but he was happy with it. I also bake tofu triangles that he would eat by themselves and we'd have in something like pad thai.

My son's favorite meal ever is toasted ravioli. You start with the giant ravioli that you get at Sam's or Costco, cook it, bread it, bake it at 450 for 5 minutes, then dip it in marinara sauce at the table.

Any food that you assemble yourself at the table is great for people with disparate tastes. Again with the fajitas and tacos, or falafel sandwiches with separate falafel, pita, veggies and dressing.

I also like textilephile's idea of one meal for two days.
posted by found dog one eye at 7:51 PM on January 19, 2007

I am piling on with let the meat eater cook his own meat. ALso, the child should be offered a well balanced meal, hopefully part of the other two meals prepared. If he doesn't like it he can go hungry. My now 10 year old has started cooking his own meal and cleaning up afterwards if he doesn't like what the rest of are eating. He can also pay for his own therapy when he gets older. They learn to eat what is presented or do it themselves when they get old enough.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:12 PM on January 19, 2007

This slipped my mind until now, but for the kid: When I was a kid, my pediatrician told my mom that if I didn't want to eat what she made to offer me the choice of a banana or a peanut butter sandwich. Either would have decent nutrition, and if I needed to eat more than that, I would be hungry enough to eat what she made. It seemed to work. (The idea being it's OK for kids to not necessarily like every new thing, but you can't go crazy trying to please them with countless options.)

My mom also did the cook veg one night/meat the next thing, so someone was eating leftovers every other night, and that seemed to work out fine, too, though it wasn't as easy as everyone eating the same thing would have been.

As for the adventuresome pallet: Maybe she could introduce one sort of adventurous side dish at every meal -- like how someone suggested serving samosas instead of potatoes.
posted by Airhen at 8:24 PM on January 19, 2007

They could prepare their meals Asian-style - make a main staple, such as rice or noodles, then prepare a host of other dishes, such as veges and meat and fish and other things. Everyone takes the staple + their dishes of choice, and the kid can control what touches what. Everyone's happy.
posted by divabat at 8:25 PM on January 19, 2007

Oh my. This friend has a problem. She should stop catering to their whims, give up the short order chef job. Cook vegetarian fare, let hubby cook himself some meat to go along with or not complain about what she makes, and break the kids habit about touching food. Let him separate the foods if he wants. If he doesn't eat, too bad. She doesn't have to be completely cold about it, but these folks are taking advantage.

Simple vegetables, a starch and a meat all prepared separately might satisfy everyone. The vegetable dish can be her main course and everyone else's side dish. Get the kid prison plates with separate wells if she wants. For many vegetarian dishes meat could be added to satisfy hubby, such as a stir fry. Separately cooked meat gets added to his plate.
posted by caddis at 8:53 PM on January 19, 2007

I'm married to a meat eater, and I just cook non-meaty dishes that we can both enjoy. I don't see why this is an issue at all. As for the kid: present food, don't force him to eat it if he's thinks it's too weird but don't do anything special to accommodate him either. He's not going to starve to death. He'll be fine.

Some good, fairly conservative meals:

* Veggie burgers on a bun or bread with ketchup and mustard (Optional: hamburgers, hotdogs)
* Stir-fry vegetables with soy sauce or any other flavoring of your liking, and rice. (Optional: meat separate for the meat eater)
* Pasta: marinara, al fredo, mac & cheese, lasagna, with cooked veggies. (Optional: add ground beef to some sauces)
* Potatoes, green beans, salad, pears -- > small amounts of each can combine to make a complete meal. (optional: steak or chicken on the side)
* Pizza (any number of toppings). Optional: pepperoni on half.
* Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup with salad and fruit. (Optional: Chicken soup for some.)
* Vegetarian chili and cornbread. (chili: below)
* Burritos: Beans, cheese, lettuce, corn, salsa sauce: optional: meat instead of beans for some.
* Tacos: let everyone build their own with ingredients in bowls. Optional: meat in one of the bowls.
* Breakfast for dinner: pancakes, waffles, eggs. Optional: bacon; sausage.


That's nine starred items, with many iterations inside. That's probably as many as most people have in their "regular" repertoires. Your friend could make Sunday "experimental night" and try all kinds of more wacky stuff that night.

--
Best chili ever:
Vegetarian Chili w/ Cashews

Prep time: 20 min.
Cook time: 45 min.
Yield: 6 bigguns

2 tbs olive oil
4 medium onions, chopped
2 large green bell peppers, seeded & chopped
2 stalks celery, minced
4 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp dried basil
1 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp black pepper
15 oz can tomato sauce
16 oz can stewed tomatoes (or whole peeled)
2 tbs red wine vinegar
1 bay leaf
1 cup cashew pieces
1/3 cup raisins--yup, raisins
3 cups cooked dark red kidney beans (2 15 oz cans)

1) In large pot, heat olive oil. Add onions, bell peppers, and celery and cook over medium heat 10 min. (onions translucent).
2) Stir in garlic, basil, oregano, chili powder, cumin, black pepper.
3) Add tomato sauce, stewed tomatoes (w/ juice), vinegar, bay leaf. Reduce heat to low. Cook 2 or 3 more min.
4) Stir in cashews, raisins, and cook over low heat for another 16-17 min.
5) Add beans and cook for another 25 min., stirring frequently.

Chili is done when all ingredients are blended and soft, sauce thick and bubbly.

Serve over rice. Eat cornbread. Have a salad. Chili gets thicker if you let it sit overnight.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 9:05 PM on January 19, 2007 [3 favorites]

I'm vegan and my husband isn't and our son hates everything, so I deal with this on a daily basis. My husband and I take turns cooking, but when he cooks he accommodates me, and when I cook I accommodate him. It's one of those things you do for people you love. It's not a power struggle or something to be resentful about, like some of the comments here (some have been deleted) would seem to indicate. Geezuz.

We usually make a lot of chicken, different ways. Say, broil some breasts and then cut them up into bite sized pieces, maybe shred some, and put them in tupperware. Then one night we might make caesar salad, and my husband adds anchovies and some chicken to his, while I eat it plain. Another night we might do something like spinach and butter over pasta, and he'll have romano cheese and chicken on his.

It's not really that difficult. I think the key for our sanity is to have chicken and tuna and chopped eggs and things prepared ahead of time and waiting in the fridge to add last minute to things. Basically we cook vegan or vegetarian meals, to which meat and eggs and cheese can easily be added. It works really well.

A really easy customize-your-own dinner is kabobs. Everyone gets exactly what they like.

Oh and my daughter is vegan too, but she eats differently than I do (she dislikes salads and fresh vegetables and fruit and wants only crap processed shit and tofu and soy EVERYTHING...ugh...I hate that stuff) AND she doesn't want any of her food to touch (she's 20...) so dinnertime is always an adventure and a challenge at my house.
posted by iconomy at 9:47 PM on January 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Believe it or not, tofu + sausage = heaven. Stir fry veggies and tofu in sauce, remove from heat. Cook sausage either before or after. Serve with rice or noodles. Mmmmm. If the kid just wants sausage and (separately) noodles, add a side salad or reserve some of the veggies before mixing.

Many meat eaters I know with veggie spouses have their fill of meat at lunchtime to make family dinnertime prep less complex.
posted by nadise at 11:24 PM on January 19, 2007

The only time I can see a problem is if her vegetarianism is more starcharianism or if she likes to rely on processed food. If she cooks from scratch and her meals consist primarily of veg and protein of choice there isn't really a problem.

They can all share the same veg and keep protein separately. This is not exactly difficult to achieve. If they eat grains these, too, can be shared.

'one pot meals' are out of the question - it touches for starters. But food can be kept separate without a lot of trouble - it means more washing up unfortunately but the preparation time and cooking time would be the same as cooking 'one' meal.

Leftovers are your friend's best friend! The suggestion to cook a batch of veg one night and protein the next and alternate the leftovers is excellent

Non-touching food:

- tray of roasted veg - if you use small trays you can even keep the different kinds of veg appart

- using a steamer is also good as you can keep the different foods on different tiers and it lends itself to cooking green leafy veg in particular

-the proteins of choice can also be cooked in separate dishes

- add salads - raw foods/green leafy things - add nuts & seeds to for her plate for vegetarian protein

- consider cooking a joint of meat/ a nut/legume loaf and using the leftovers as protein in meals later in the week/for lunch salads/sandwiches etc.

- as cooking things sparately may result in 'dry' dishes consider adding pesto/salad dressing over steamed/baked veg

Meals:

- roast veg with steak/tofu and salad
- sausage (veggie or otherwise) with mashed potatoe and broccoli/green beans
- burgers (veggie or otherwise) with salad and fries/potatoe/sweet potatoe
- risotto with protein of choice and steamed veg/ salad
- stir fried veg with protein of choice and rice
- omlette with salad/steamed/sauteed greens
- not so traditional roast (cooking meat and a nut loaf) and potatoes and veg which gives plenty of leftovers for later
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:06 AM on January 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

The best choices are going to be the ones where the eater has control over the ingredients without having to cook them--in other words, the cook makes everything, then the eaters "assemble" it at the table.

This is why Mexican-style might work (as mentioned above), but you can adapt a lot of dishes to this way of preparation. For instance, pasta:

Cook sauce, chicken, vegetables and pasta separately. Cut chicken into bite-sized pieces and place on a plate, put the vegetables and sauce into separate bowls. Now the vegetarian can have pasta + sauce + vegetables, the meat-eater can have pasta + sauce + chicken, and the finicky eater can have pasta and chicken separately.

I imagine you could adapt a lot of meals to fit this mold. Just cook the ingredients separately and put them on separate plates and let the people dining put it together to their liking.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:47 AM on January 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

If you can get hold of ready-made individual pastry cases, quiches are good. Meat eaters get ham, chicken or bacon and mushrooms in theirs, vegetarians get vegetables, and fussy children can eat the ham, the cheese and the raw veg separately.

Another option is customised salads - pasta salad, potato salad or rice salad with assorted bits in, some veggie and some not. The kid gets the bits separately. I used to do hot pasta salad with lemon and smoked salmon for me and cherry tomatoes/feta cheese for the vegetarian.

Neither of these options is very much like steak, sorry!
posted by emilyw at 6:02 AM on January 20, 2007

Part of the problem is prep time, no? So, not a recipe, but a Mandoline can make a huge difference in the time it takes to, say, prepare the veg for stir-fries, make a quick salad, or some carrot sticks that don't touch the other options on the plate, etc.

I think the idea of having a schedule could really help. He's willing to eat some veg but not all veg right? Would he be willing to have, say three meat nights, and she would be willing to have three low-adventure nights? On the high-adventure nights, at least one or two of them, she could make a simple meat dish like steak, so her preparation is less overall.

Other things she might find useful: Still Life with Menu is an adventurous vegetarian delight, with meals that often appeal to non-vegetarians. The best thing about it for your friend is that each menu is presented as something that can be made over three days. So there are lots of prepare-ahead side dishes, sauces, whatever, that could be adopted into her cooking.

There's also a huge number of cook-ahead cookbooks and websites (example) that she might be able to utilize to make several meat dishes that then only need to be thawed on the appropriate day. In general, I think that for home freezing meat dishes stand up better than veg dishes, but there's probably a bit of give and take here (soups and stews of either variety stand up really well).
posted by carmen at 7:12 AM on January 20, 2007

I'm a confirmed meat eater and I love Rachel Ray's vegetarian chili. Takes only 20 minutes to make, too.

I cooked for my vegetarian gf a lot, and we just ate a lot of pasta where I would throw a frozen chicken patty on the side of mine, or a steak.

I also highly recommend Quorn. I swear to god, it really does taste like meat. If you didn't know better you'd never be able to tell.
posted by empath at 1:14 PM on January 20, 2007

Quorn may be dangerous.
posted by solid-one-love at 5:53 PM on January 20, 2007

[metatalk is for metadiscussion about the topic, this question is about recipes]
posted by jessamyn at 8:14 PM on January 20, 2007