Ideas for a special proposal

January 18, 2007 12:47 PM

My girlfriend and I have decided to get married. Rather then try to guess what she'd really like, we went down to the jewelery store together and picked out an engagement ring design together. It's currently being 'built'. Since she knows she's getting the ring and she knows what it will look like, I'd like to find a way to 'offically' propose when the ring is ready that will surprise her. I've also thought it would be nice to get her an early wedding gift, so there's an additional surprise. I'm looking for advice wherever I can find it. Considering the situation, does anyone have any ideas?

I've known this girl for 14 years. We dated while in college, I asked her to marry me, she said yes, and then I called the wedding off and broke her heart. In '01 we started dating again, and then she dumped me and broke my heart. Due to a weird twist of fate, we crossed paths again last year, and this time we've come to the conclusion that we're soul mates, and both of us are ready to spend the rest of our lives with each other. When I proposed to her in '94 I had no money, and presented her with a cheap $120 ring from a mall jewelery store. I got down on my knee and gave it to her in the waiting room of the Sears automotive repair center. Not terribly romantic, but I was just a dumb kid. To make up for it, we've picked out a very nice, proper engagment ring, and I'm trying to think of a way to offer it to her that would be creative, romantic, and make up for what I did 13 years ago. I'd like their to be at least some surprise in the 'offical' proposal, and have been considering adding an additional gift, which she won't be expecting.

posted by pathighgate to human relations (51 comments total)

Get her into the waiting room of a Sears Auto repair center. Then give her a card or say something like--I made the mistake of letting you get away from me once--Never again.

etc.
posted by Ironmouth at 12:49 PM on January 18, 2007 [3 favorites]

Find a grocery store that has cheap ring vending machines. Buy one to get the little plastic capsule, and put your ring in it. Later, take your girlfriend to the store, and act like you're buying a cheap ring for her, get down on your knee, and present her with the pre-bought capsule. She'll think it's a joke until she opens the capsule.
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:51 PM on January 18, 2007

Second the Sears suggestion.
posted by Sk4n at 12:59 PM on January 18, 2007

I must agree, get back to Sears. Also, where is the original ring? Is it obtainable? Take her back to Sears, with the original ring if available and the new ring.
posted by illek at 1:11 PM on January 18, 2007

By the way, congratulations and best wishes!
posted by illek at 1:12 PM on January 18, 2007

I say talk to the employees at the Sears store and see if they're willing to help you and get involved. They could play along somehow... hold up signs, or present the ring in a hubcap or atop a spark plug or something as you are kneeling down. They probably will be happy to play along (makes their job a little more interesting), and the customers will probably applaud too. The proposal will become something especially unique that has specific meaning & history between the two of you.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:15 PM on January 18, 2007

Bonus points if you can get Sears employees to sing something...
posted by miss lynnster at 1:16 PM on January 18, 2007

You'll have to invent the car trouble. Hope you have a car.
posted by Ironmouth at 1:18 PM on January 18, 2007

Thanks. I like the idea of going back to Sears. However, the first time I proposed we both lived in Western Pennsylvania, and I asked her at the Sears in the Greensberg Mall. We both live in California now (she's in Irvine, I'm in Bakersfield . . . we plan on moving to Portland after we're married this Summer). I suppose I could do it at one of the Sears out here.

The original ring is gone. After she got over the initial heartbreak of my dumping her, she pawned it (for $20!) I don't blame her, since what I did was pretty rotten at the time. I suppose I could find a cheap ring like the one I originally got her, give it to her first, then give her the new, nice ring and try to take the cheap one back.
posted by pathighgate at 1:18 PM on January 18, 2007

Ummm...I don't like the Sears idea because it didn't work that time! That's not exactly the kind of history you really want to replay.
posted by footnote at 1:19 PM on January 18, 2007

Can you put the cheap ring on a necklace and give that to her?
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 1:19 PM on January 18, 2007

Do you have the original ring stashed away somewhere?
posted by voidcontext at 1:19 PM on January 18, 2007

Nooo... see, it's about making it RIGHT this time! It's the EXECUTION that matters. If a proposal is done well & shows effort, thought & love, the place is immaterial. Hell, that's part of the whole point... putting a new spin on it to turn the wrong place into the right one. Working to turn what wasn't special into something truly special.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:41 PM on January 18, 2007

If you were 22 years old and fluttery and going on about how you've never lurved anyone else, I might not suggest this, but since you've known each other for yonks and probably don't have a lot of goofily romantic illusions about each other:

In the middle of sex would be surprising.

Given that, early wedding gift: pearl necklace. The real kind, you pervert.

On the other hand, I proposed over the phone, so I may not be a good guide for this. On the gripping hand, she said yes.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:45 PM on January 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Forget Sears. It sounds like you want to kind of start over.
Do a really traditional movie-moment proposal. Put a lot of thought into how you'll set the scene, what you'll say, all of that.

If you want to surprise her with something above and beyond the ring, go back to the jeweler and talk with them about getting some kind of matching necklace made. You know she likes the ring, so you don't really have to worry about her liking the necklace; it can even be a fake/tiny diamond solitaire with a chain that matches the ring band.
Propose with the ring, and when she says yes, give her a wrapped box to open, with the necklace inside. That will surprise and delight.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 1:54 PM on January 18, 2007

Again, thank you all for the ideas. I’ve been sitting here thinking about it, and this may or may not work. I’d have to talk to the folks at Sears to see if they’d play along (which they might fine fun). I’ll take her with me to get the tires rotated on my car, or something trivial. While we’re waiting, I’ll smile and give her the box with a cheap ring in it (now that I think about it, I’m sure my jeweler would be able to help me out with a loaner).

She’ll see it, and it’s likely she’ll be disappointed since it’s not what she’s expecting, but she’ll try to stay positive. I’ll tell her something like ‘I’m sorry, this was the best I could do’. At this point, I could have the Sears employees come over, look at the ring and start to boo me, call me a cheapskate, things like that.

I’ll turn to her and say. “They’re right. You deserve better than this. You deserve so much more”, then get down on one knee, present her with the nice ring and ask her to marry me (again).

I’ll hire a limousine, and see if I can’t coordinate it to show up right after I give her the nice ring and have it waiting outside. We’ll get in and have it take us somewhere very nice (like a good restaurant in town). It sounds like that might work, though it might be just a little too corny. What do you think?
posted by pathighgate at 1:54 PM on January 18, 2007

You could put it around her neck while she's asleep, and then she'll wake up and see it.
posted by parmanparman at 1:54 PM on January 18, 2007

It would be on a gold chain of course...
posted by parmanparman at 1:55 PM on January 18, 2007

Ok, even though she's already picked out the ring and has technically said, "yes," she still wants an unforgettable proposal. Don't worry about all of the history or the fact that she knows about the ring. Plan the perfect proposal regardless of those facts. I really don't have any ideas - just that she needs a formal proposal and getting one might be surprising enough.

Congrats and best of luck.
posted by Sassyfras at 2:00 PM on January 18, 2007

The cheap ring fake-out, while cute, seems like it could backfire. You'd be mixing a moment of pure joy with one of disappointment/confusion and the feeling of being faked-out would overlap with that of being overjoyed. If you do the Sears thing, I'd say just give her the new ring. I like Sprout's suggestion best - be a little movie-esque.
posted by mikeyk at 2:04 PM on January 18, 2007

I don't like the Sears angle. It comes off like you're playing a cruel prank on her.

I DO like the limo thing.

Do a very traditional proposal. Put a lot of thought and planning into the romantic location and what you'll say. Get down on one knee. Be sincere, and say something heartfelt, no matter how cheesy.
You two have been through enough drama already.
Then surprise her with the limo, etc.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 2:05 PM on January 18, 2007

I was in a restaurant next to a couple that got engaged. ( I was on a first date. Talk about pressure. All my date talked about the rest of the night after she stopped crying over how beautiful it was was how she wanted a romantic proposal when her number was called. First and only date.) The gentleman gave her diamond earings that apparently matched the ring they picked out that was not yet ready. Would make a great wedding gift and a surprise to go with the ring. I say give her diamond engagement earrings and the ring seperately.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:10 PM on January 18, 2007

Another vote against the Sears idea. There's a lot of pain associated with the past and you're effectively revisiting it. It would be charming if you had first met in a Sears or something but I think it carries a *negative* significance for you two right now. In other words - if she were to walk into a Sears auto center and something reminded her of you, would she immediately start reminiscing about how much she loves you, or would she immediately be reminded of your troubled past and the failed first engagement? Stick with a traditional proposal - unless you're certain of her reaction.
posted by PercussivePaul at 2:17 PM on January 18, 2007

Personally I don't like the "cheap ring fake out". When I mentioned the original ring earlier, I was referring to giving her the actual or a replica of the original ring as a treasured momento/gift. Kind of a reference to show how far you've both come.
posted by illek at 2:18 PM on January 18, 2007

Hey, everybody likes to be on a Jumbo Tron! (I'm just sayin... mumble....)

Good lord, don't let random Sears employees earning 10 bucks an hour hold onto a diamond ring for you, even for a few minutes.
posted by Kololo at 2:22 PM on January 18, 2007

Re: Sears. You have to do it. It's your chance to say all sorts of romantic stuff like "it's time to set things right" etc. So here's what you do:

1. tell her you've made plans for a nice dinner at place x time y.

2. make reservations for even nicer place z at time y+2 hours.

3. a little before time y, call her and say that you got a flat on the road, you were towed to a tire shop, and the don't have your tire in stock so they're ordering it but it won't come until tomorrow, etc, can she come get you? What tire shop? Oh the sears near blah blah. (Don't emphasize Sears-- you want to keep up the suspense.

4. Park out of sight.

5. Wear regular clothes.

6. Right when she gets there and you say hello, have the Sears guy call you into the back of the shop to "inspect the car." She can't go with you, customers only. While you're back there, quickly put on a suit or your suit jacket. (she should be dressed nice for dinner, right?)

7.he dims the lights if possible. puts a candle on the counter. You walk back out in your suit. propose.

8. she says yes. he puts a bucket of champagne and two flutes on top of the counter (you gave him all of this in advance of course).

6. I think the limo's optional. There will be plenty of limos at the wedding. Hop in your totally OK car (maybe they can pull it around for you) and drive off into the sunset, dinner, wedding, etc...

7. Give the sears guys something nice for the efforts, like a couple cases of beer or a round of drinks if there's a bar nearby.
posted by raconteur at 2:28 PM on January 18, 2007

Do you really want a grubby Sears technician fumbling with a candle and "in" on your proposal? Do you want to drink the champagne out of the flutes said grubby Sears technician has smudged up with his grubby fingers?

I'm just saying . . . it could get grubby.
posted by Sassyfras at 2:33 PM on January 18, 2007

I kind of see step 7 going more along the lines of her breaking down into tears about all the repressed grief from the original proposal falling apart and this one must be just as doomed to failure because its starting just like the last one etc. etc. etc.

But still give the sears guy something nice for the effort.

Might want to cancel the limo.
posted by allkindsoftime at 2:37 PM on January 18, 2007

If I was planning this. I would get her into the Sears but all awkwardly, you know, like I was planning on doing it there. Look like a total wreck and be fumbling with something in my pocket the whole time. Have it look like a botched evening and like I chickened out of the proposal. But end up going somewhere else extra well planned out and romantic.

or

Tell her you are picking up the ring in a week later than you really are... So you can do it with the real ring before she knows you have the ring.
posted by magikker at 2:40 PM on January 18, 2007

Oh, and alternatively...try here, here, and perhaps here, dude.
posted by allkindsoftime at 2:40 PM on January 18, 2007

The more complicated it is the more tragic could be the backfire. If you do Sears I suggest that you keep it sweet and simple and less like april fools day.
posted by amethysts at 2:42 PM on January 18, 2007

fuck the past, fuck Sears: getting married is about the future. surprise her and take her to a most romantic place for the weekend
posted by matteo at 2:45 PM on January 18, 2007

Sears is starting to sour for me, too. I like the matching jewelry idea, if she likes jewelry.

Since this is already a sure thing, can you get a bunch of her family and friends to surprise her in a park or restaurant, then propose to her there? Then, it wouldn't necessarily be about the surprise of the ring, but about being with all of her loved ones at a special moment. Even better if you can like, fly in her best friend whom she only sees once a year, or something. That would be beautiful, actually - the two of you walking hand in hand through a park or somewhere you like to go together. You see her parents "What a surprise!", then you see her sister, "You too?" Then her two good friends "What are you doing here?" Then all the people from her workplace (she'll start to suspect right about here) - then you drop to one knee.

*Sigh*
posted by muddgirl at 2:55 PM on January 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Wow. This is my first time using Ask MeFi, and I couldn't be more pleased with the answers I'm getting. There have been some good points made against the Sears angle. While it might be cute, it does run the risk of backfiring, and ultimately I don't want the story she tells her friends 'he proposed to me at Sears . . . again'

Though if I did, Raconteur had some pretty good ideas there.

I think it's probably best that I stay away from anything cheesy or cornballish, and try my best to try to find something that will be romantic and memorable.

Incidentally, her ring does not have a diamond as the main stone. I have problems with the diamond industry (for several reasons), and I was able to talk her into something a little different. The large stone is a sapphire. She still wanted at least some diamonds, so there are two smaller diamonds that sit on either side of the sapphire. To put things in perspective as to how much things have changed, each of the two smaller diamonds are about six times the size of the diamond on the original ring.

It was a tough sell, and at one point I realized she wanted a diamond and a diamond was what I'd get her. However, once she saw how a dark blue sapphire looked against the yellow gold, she insisted on it.

The problem with getting her a piece of jewelry as a surprise gift is that she's not really a jewelry person. She rarely wears earrings, and I can't recall seeing her wear a necklace before.. She didn't even own a watch until I bought her one last week. The best idea I could come up with is another, nicer watch. They make a ladies version of my good watch that matches. But there has to be a nice, romantic gift to give women other then jewelery. I just have no idea what that is.
posted by pathighgate at 2:55 PM on January 18, 2007

I say, listen to muddgirl. I don't care about proposals or weddings or any of that kind of crap at all, basically distrust the whole idea. But I've watched a lot of romantic comedies, and muddgirl's "You too?" sequence works wonderfully. Gather her friends in secret and ask her with them assembled to cheer you both on. Beautiful stuff.
posted by cgc373 at 3:18 PM on January 18, 2007

A nice romantic gift to give other than jewelry? A book or movie (perhaps the first one you saw together) that has special meaning to both of you. Or a small, beautiful photo album/CD with photos featuring the both of you.
posted by PY at 3:26 PM on January 18, 2007

I also love muddgirl's suggestion.
posted by spec80 at 3:27 PM on January 18, 2007

Someone over at Metachat just informed me that my suggestion is featured in a diamond commercial. So if she watches a lot of TV she might think it's dumb, or something.
posted by muddgirl at 3:42 PM on January 18, 2007

Ditch the Sears fakeout plan -- muddgirl's suggestion is awesome! It's original, romantic, and celebratory... just want you want.
posted by scody at 3:44 PM on January 18, 2007

Rats on the commercial being already made, but as an example to us all, it's at YouTube. Stolen thunder.
posted by cgc373 at 4:02 PM on January 18, 2007

P.S. muddgirl's version is better.
posted by cgc373 at 4:03 PM on January 18, 2007

My girlfriend and I also had a ring made so that she wouldn't be stuck with something horrible that I picked out. But the proposal was still a surprise because the ring guy finished ahead of schedule. I was able to pick up the ring and arrange a "spontaneous" walk on the beach while she still thought the ring wouldn't be ready for another week.

Is there any way to get the ring before she realizes you have it? Maybe you could tell her that there's been a delay with the jeweler? Or is she too in the loop?
posted by subclub at 5:16 PM on January 18, 2007

we've picked out a very nice, proper engagment ring, and I'm trying to think of a way to offer it to her
um, d000d, you're ALREADY engaged. You've ALREADY asked her. And, unless the Nyquil is completely messing with my reading (it could be, sorry), she's ALREADY said YES.

Which means: take her out for a really nice dinner, and don't belabor the point! Seriously, y'all are looking to the future, don't try to rework something from so long ago. As much as 1994 was great (you know: hot president, no war[ish], there was also no iPod etc!), you're gonna get farther by showing her in small ways on daily basis how much you're going to be there for the next day!
posted by mimi at 6:51 PM on January 18, 2007

mimi, you're reading like a man. (Is that one of the side effects of Nyquil?!) But we're doing this for a woman. And these days, don't ask me why, over in woman-land, mutually agreeing to get married is generally not the same thing as getting engaged! There are exceptions, but these I prefer to think of as ladies than as mere women.

That said, I second mimi's point. Keep the good parts of the past, and leave the rest alone. Look ahead.
posted by eritain at 10:33 PM on January 18, 2007

As a woman, I wouldn't appreciate the Sears fakeout. She might love it, but it also might really upset her. I like JohnnyGunn's diamond earring suggestion, if you can swing it. Otherwise something classic and well though out with a surprise limo to a nice restaurant with a bottle of nice champagne waiting would be absolutely lovely. A romantic weekend trip would be perfect too. Pack a bag for her and surprise her after work on a Friday.
posted by robinpME at 7:20 AM on January 19, 2007

Simple sapphire stud earrings could be perfect, and something that she could wear on any occasion. Even if she wasn't a jewelry person before, now that she has a sapphire-and-diamond ring, she might want a few pieces that complement it.
Surprising her with reservations for a romantic weekend at a getaway just a few hours' drive away would be a good alternative.

Take her out to a nice restaurant. Propose during dinner (I suggest early in the meal, so you aren't distracted all evening). Over dessert, give her the surprise gift. If you go with a romantic getaway, hand her the brochure for the place where you've made the reservation, and be clear that if the weekend you've chosen is not a good weekend for her, you can change the weekend.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 7:44 AM on January 19, 2007

Some women would be mortified to be proposed to in public, or in front of their families.

Just make sure you know she'd be cool with it.
posted by canine epigram at 8:38 AM on January 19, 2007

You have received lots of good answers. I will share a related story. My wife and I also went and had the ring custom-designed, but I still wanted to surprise her with the actual proposal. I did this in a couple of ways. First, when she would come over to my apartment I had my roommates give me a message that the jeweler had called and that the ring would be ready later than expected.

Then I also faked her out by telling her that I had to stay around the apartment (I was a resident advisor in a college apartment) this weekend, but that next weekend, I wanted to take her to a fancy restaurant.

I then proposed that weekend. The details of the proposal aren't that relevant to your situation, but the fakeouts in advance definitely helped create the element of surprise. Like a magician I tried to practice the art of misdirection.
posted by bove at 9:54 AM on January 19, 2007

Thanks again for all the ideas. Mimi, if I didn't do this right, she'd most likely be disappointed. she is, as has been pointed out, a lady and even if everything's set, she'll still want at least some sort of tradition.

Now, if I could only figure out a way to tackle missing her during periods of seperation. She's in Portland this weekend and I'm in Mountain View for the next 5 days for work. Ack.

When I finally do it, I'll try to post what I've decided on.
posted by pathighgate at 3:03 PM on January 19, 2007

OK. I second (3rd, Nth..) ditching the Sears idea. A lot of better suggestions here.

Good luck, and enjoy.
posted by Sk4n at 6:18 PM on January 24, 2007

Probably a little late, but I did end up proposing to her. We were up in Oregon for a few days, and I got a friend up there to let me borrow his car. We drove to the Columbia River Gorge Hotel (a pretty nice place).

There's a small bridge that goes over a waterfall. I was able to get a clerk at the hotel to sneak around with my camera and take pictures of the whole thing. My fiance wasn't expecting any of it.

Once I proposed, she thought we were going back, I stopped at the front desk and told them I'd like to check in, which completely surprised her.

The whole thing was wonderful, and something she really enjoyed. She did know that a proposal was coming (she was going through my jacket to find my cell phone and found the ring box, and put two and two together), but she was really surprised in how it came.

Thanks again to everyone who gave me ideas. It helped the process for me.
posted by pathighgate at 12:28 PM on April 11, 2007