Comments on: Is there a male equivalent to 'mistress'?

Question: Is there a male equivalent to 'mistress'?

dkleinst — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 19:52:17 -0800

Is there a word to describe males that roughly equates to the word 'mistress'?

I realize that there's 'master,' but that doesn't quite convey the subtleties of 'mistress.'

Any thoughts hivemind?

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 19:54:38 -0800

Gigolo? Manwhore?

By: monju_bosatsu

monju_bosatsu — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 19:58:00 -0800

I think the traditional term is kept man.

By: pompomtom

pompomtom — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 19:58:03 -0800

Toyboy?

By: true

true — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 19:58:14 -0800

I've always liked the term "kept man" for this sort of thing.

By: carmen

carmen — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:03:50 -0800

consort?

By: JujuB

JujuB — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:04:10 -0800

Consort

By: dflemingdotorg

dflemingdotorg — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:06:42 -0800

gentleman caller

By: AV

AV — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:07:18 -0800

paramour? (not strictly for men and a bit antiquated, but it works)

By: paulinsanjuan

paulinsanjuan — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:13:58 -0800

the youngin'

By: brianogilvie

brianogilvie — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:23:57 -0800

This is one of those questions where you can't escape history (says the historian). There's no *exact* equivalent because, until recently (if that), women, generally speaking, haven't had the same opportunities to keep extramarital sexual partners that men have had. Gigolo or toyboy are kind of contemporary equivalents, but they do have different connotations. "Consort" used to be a title for the male partner of those unusual women who exercised political power in their own right. The fact that the question comes up now says something about the increasing equality between the sexes in contemporary society.

By: Steven C. Den Beste

Steven C. Den Beste — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:26:47 -0800

I thought it was "boy toy".

By: brain cloud

brain cloud — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:27:52 -0800

'Mangina' is the accepted term.

By: Jonasio

Jonasio — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:36:50 -0800

Another vote for "consort."

By: Aquaman

Aquaman — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:41:50 -0800

Ooh, ooh, it's "Poolboy"!

By: Mick

Mick — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:42:58 -0800

manstress

By: desuetude

desuetude — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:43:59 -0800

If you mean 'mistress' like 'woman with whom a man cheats on his wife', it could generally be expressed by saying that the woman has 'taken a lover.'

recently (if that), women, generally speaking, haven't had the same opportunities to keep extramarital sexual partners that men have had.

I was going to bring up libertinism, but I concede that perhaps you don't consider 18th century French aristocracy to be 'generally speaking.'

By: vacapinta

vacapinta — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:46:39 -0800

This question doesnt seem clear enough for me.

Oddly, everyone in this thread is unified in assuming one particular definition of "mistress" for some reason. I'm guessing that if the OP briefly considered "master" as the male equivalent then they have another definition in mind than the one assumed by everybody here.

By: zadcat

zadcat — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:49:37 -0800

fancy man

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:53:10 -0800

I'm guessing that if the OP briefly considered "master" as the male equivalent then they have another definition in mind than the one assumed by everybody here.

Perhaps it's a reference to sadomasochistic culture, in which case "daddy" is probably closest. "There are only 'slaves' and 'daddies'."

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:58:43 -0800

vacapinta writes "Oddly, everyone in this thread is unified in assuming one particular definition of 'mistress' for some reason. I'm guessing that if the OP briefly considered 'master' as the male equivalent then they have another definition in mind than the one assumed by everybody here."

Yeah, good point. I don't think the OP would have even considered "master" if they he thinking of the "man with whom a woman has an extramarital affair" definition. He must be thinking of the BDSM definition. Consider that, I'll suggest "dom".

By: felix betachat

felix betachat — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 21:01:06 -0800

"Ponce"

from the OED: "A man who lives on money earned by another person (esp. a woman); a kept man. Also: a person (usually a man) who lives off a prostitute's earnings; a pimp."

By: allen.spaulding

allen.spaulding — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 21:12:41 -0800

lover

By: seawallrunner

seawallrunner — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 21:13:21 -0800

catamite?

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 21:42:56 -0800

Back door man. Though the link mentions modern performers, I've heard it a lot in older blues (Robert Johnson, Lighting Hopkins etc) songs.

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 21:56:54 -0800

the mikman?

By: washburn

washburn — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 22:16:12 -0800

"Paramour," though technically gender neutral, would work in many contexts.

By: np312

np312 — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 22:18:05 -0800

Bimboy?

By: sugarfish

sugarfish — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 22:19:01 -0800

If you mean someone with whom a woman is having an affair, Spanish has sancho or sanchito.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 22:34:34 -0800

I nominate 'Misteress'. (Ah, sweet backformation)

By: jaysus chris

jaysus chris — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 23:32:16 -0800

"I nominate 'Misteress'."

Seconded.

By: rhapsodie

rhapsodie — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 23:40:37 -0800

I researched this last summer and found no similar term in the English language - the closest I could find was "lover".

By: allen.spaulding

allen.spaulding — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 23:53:36 -0800

I researched this last summer and found no similar term in the English language - the closest I could find was "lover".

I agree. Just think of the parallel to "oh that's not my wife, that's my mistress. Don't tell my wife"

"That's not my husband, that's my lover. Don't tell my husband. Or the UPS man."

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 00:06:44 -0800

appantly.

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 00:08:12 -0800

it's apparant.

By: Clay201

Clay201 — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 01:08:52 -0800

I'm also not clear on whether we're looking for a BDSM term, a chattel slavery term (women who owned slaves or were members of the slave owning family were usually called "mistress," if I remember my antebellum history correctly), or an illicit lover term.

But since I have a bit of experience in the realm of BDSM, I'll pitch in on that front.

"Master" is generally considered the male equivelant of "Mistress." Both are specific categories of dominants. Usually the term "master" means that the person "owns" a "slave" where as a dominant might or might not.

There are also some other words I've heard used for men who are in a committed owner/owned (or comparable) relationship: they include "sir" (as in "my sir" or "a sir"), "Lord" (as in "Lord Fred" or "Lord Bill"), and, as someone else said, "Daddy." There are probably some others I'm forgetting.

By: watsondog

watsondog — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 02:28:18 -0800

It also depends on whether the word is meant to refer to simply an illicit lover or, more specifically, to an illicit lover who is financially supported. I prefer 'kept man' to 'paramour' or 'lover' (where there could be an equal relationship) , but I do have a fondness for 'pool boy'.

For years I thought the song "Drive My Car" was about a woman who wanted to keep a man, ostensibly as a "driver" even though she didn't have a car.

Or you could call them what Queen Elizabeth called her, um, friends: Masters of the Horse. Sort of cute.

By: Forktine

Forktine — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 04:20:31 -0800

I vote for "kept man" as about the closest in contemporary English, assuming you are using "mistress" to mean an extramarital woman supported by a man. "Gigolo" has more of a connotation of male prostitution, rather than a guy who has found his sugar momma. (As an aside, a Spanish equivalent is "mantenido" --- a "maintained" or supported guy. It's not a term of endearment, usually.)

By: saladin

saladin — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 04:40:45 -0800

"Kept man" sounds like the best answer, but I've always been partial to "cabana boy."

By: Joseph Gurl

Joseph Gurl — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 05:09:30 -0800

Mangina?

By: Alt F4

Alt F4 — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 05:22:27 -0800

Yeah, I was thinking "kept man."

By: squidlarkin

squidlarkin — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 06:28:50 -0800

For years I thought the song "Drive My Car" was about a woman who wanted to keep a man, ostensibly as a "driver" even though she didn't have a car.

Isn't it?

By: languagehat

languagehat — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 06:30:00 -0800

Could the poster please do us the favor of clarifying what he meant? Because it's really kind of a waste of everyone's time to have them sitting around coming up with words for what he might have meant.

By: notsnot

notsnot — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 08:28:17 -0800

Seconding Mick's "Manstress". We used the term to taunt a friend of mine a few years back, and I've used it since...everyone, upon hearing it, gets a funny look in their eye, then starts using it him or her self. It takes a minute to "get", but it works perfectly.

By: bukvich

bukvich — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 08:30:39 -0800

tennis pro

By: jsteward

jsteward — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 09:10:34 -0800

If you mean someone with whom a woman is having an affair, Spanish has sancho or sanchito.

As Sugarfish said. Here in South Central Texas (San Antonio-Austin corridor) Sancho is the word of choice.

By: jjg

jjg — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 10:00:32 -0800

You'll have to tell us what you think "mistress" means in order for us to come up with a suitable equivalent.

By: twistofrhyme

twistofrhyme — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 13:28:27 -0800

mistress has a sort of bossy tone to it- like the other woman is secretly in control of the unfaithful man because she has power over him by virtue of her feminine wiles, or because she could publicize their affair and wreck his marriage.

for me, the word "mistress" doesn't conjure images of a kept woman- rather, i think of her as a woman who's keeping a man captive- sexually, financially, etc.

so "boytoy" and "poolboy" don't sound right to me- they lack that authoritative ring. "lover" seems too loving- doesn't reflect the power dynamic. on the other hand, "master" sounds like he has too much power. "daddy" is better but it's a bit gross, which mistress is not.

i've never heard sancho before, but that's pretty good. i vote sancho.

By: Flitcraft

Flitcraft — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 13:29:38 -0800

I would also say fancy man. See also here. If I can get the OED cite I'll post that later.

By: Roger Dodger

Roger Dodger — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 16:00:45 -0800

Mandingo man

By: brujita

brujita — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 20:43:26 -0800

Kept boy--one of whom would possess most of the following qualities:

Be gorgeous
Have a voice like cashmere
Be urbane
Be an impeccable dresser
Have flawless manners
Have perfect hygiene
Be fantastic in bed