take this job and.....

January 4, 2007 9:48 AM

I did a search, but didn't find that anyone asked this specific question, so here goes: I have been working on getting up the nerve to quit my job (not having another one lined up) for many months.

Over a dozen years (I'm in my late thirties) of performing "increasingly responsible" admin work, while trying therapists, networking, career coaches, etc trying to "find myself" and figure out what would be more rewarding for me to do has turned up nothing, and my mental and physical health has reached a breaking point.

(my undergraduate degree in communications was so nonspecific that it really didn't give me a direction to go in, and I have never been assertive or aggressive enough to turn what I learned in school into an actual JOB.)

*What do you say to people when you quit your job without having a new one to go to?* I have an unfortunate tendency to blurt out what I'm really feeling when I'm given an opening, and I don't want to tell my formidable boss that really what I want to do is take a month or two to sleep late, take long walks, organize my house, have dinner waiting for my spouse when he gets home, and MAYBE look for part-time office work after that. Work that perhaps crushes my soul just a teeny bit less to cover my bills. I can afford to take some time off.

I want to be more professional than that, both to the boss and to the rest of the people I work for and with. So what do I say? I don't want to burn any bridges - these are good people and who knows, I may one day work with some of them again. And how do I get the nerve to quit? After I left my last job for this one (more than three years ago) my then-boss was so angry at my "betrayal" by leaving him (that's a whole long, other story of a very miserable job) that those were two terrible weeks. That memory still lingers, and makes me afraid to turn in that letter.

posted by anonymous to work & money (11 comments total)

I'm about to do the same thing and I plan on being honest. There's nothing wrong with taking time to clarify your life plans and goals. In fact it's probably the best thing that you can do for yourself. The few people that I have told about my plans are more jealous than anything else. Good luck and have fun--I know you won't regret it!
posted by batboy at 10:02 AM on January 4, 2007

As others here have advised in the past, I would keep the actual resignation letter very simple -- just a sentence or two stating that you are resigning effective ______, 2007 and (perhaps) also that you are glad to have had the opportunity to work at ______________ . If asked why you are leaving, or where you are going, you can explain (as you have here, in a slightly different way) that you want to focus on personal and family commitments for a time. I think you may find that a lot of people admire your choice to focus on what matters to you, and, as batboy said, are jealous of your plans.
posted by sueinnyc at 10:04 AM on January 4, 2007

I second sueinnyc's recommendation. When I left a job because it was a horrible fit (after 3 months), I simply asked the owner if I could have a few minutes of his time, I put the letter on his desk, sat down, and let him read it.

We discussed what the issues were, and dispite my thinking the entire project was a failure and going to crash and burn, I simply stated that I wanted something more forfilling, and with more intrapersonal interaction The owner offered me more $$, I said thank you, but money isn't a concern in any of this. He welcomed me back to the company at any time, and two weeks later I was on my way.
posted by SirStan at 10:42 AM on January 4, 2007

Since you want to go anyway, would you be risking anything to have a chat with the boss and ask him how he would feel about you taking a little break for a while... maybe a month or three. Many people find they need to stop and assess their circumstances in mid-career, so it's not unusual or bad, it's just what it is. You're questioning where you are and where you are going and need some time to clear your head and decide what to do.

If boss says NO, you can quit. If he says YES, you can do a short sabbatical and try on something else for size. While you're out, you can see what the job market is for you.

Worst case, you are net zero... best case, protected. Just a thought...

Good luck!
posted by FauxScot at 11:02 AM on January 4, 2007

Personal advice from my personal treasure trove of experience: Lie. Lie lie lie. My personal favorite is I'm looking into pursuing education. You wanna know the truth: from my lips to God's ears, I hope I NEVER see the inside of an educational institution again, I HATE school. Always did, always will. But it is a nice, pat excuse. Still trying to decide the best program, looking at an MBA, shoot for a job where I can work my way up to management. Whatever.

If you can afford it, and your husband supports you, and all you really want is to not have to deal with people's attitudes to the truth (which is nothing to be ashamed of, by the by, but I can see not wanting to get into it) then a white lie is harmless, just a way of shutting off further, pointless discussion.

Your boss doesn't care. Honestly. Your boss will ask because it is polite, but the answer means nothing. Your coworkers do not care. Any of them who are close enough to you to really care you will tell the truth to, you can share a laugh over the line of BS you're handing out to everyone else.

If you give a decent advance notice, don't check out on the work before you're actually done clocking hours, and do your best to make the transition smooth for your employer, there is no need to worry about burning bridges. People come and go, that's business. Rotten bosses may not get this but by god, don't let that minor chance get in your way. Your former (rotten, jackass, ooh I'd like to punch that nimrod in the face) boss would have been mad at you if Jesus Himself had come down and said We Need Anonymous for the Good Work because that boss was a STUPID DINK. You don't owe work shit: if you are polite, timely, and considerate about the transition you are doing THEM a favor. I, the great Nanojath, COMMAND you to write that letter now and give it to your boss tomorrow. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. (I have quit every job I ever had without having another lined up and though I am still at a loss about my "calling," I'm doing just fine thank you very much). More thinking about it will just make you more anxious, and the things I listed above are the ONLY things that you can control to make it smoother.

If you can't stomach lying, just come up with a pat, low-information version of the truth, as in "As great as it has been working here, I need a new direction and I need time to think about it. I'm not sure where it will lead me but I feel confident taking time to think about my next move is the right thing for me now."
posted by nanojath at 11:44 AM on January 4, 2007 [4 favorites]

think of something you'd *like* to do that involves leaving: foreign travel, backpacking the pacific crest trail, joining the peace corps. and then sort of plan/look into it and give yourself the possibility that you may in fact do just that.

then tell your boss that is what you are definitely going to do, and resign.
posted by jjsonp at 11:57 AM on January 4, 2007

Lie lie lie.

Seconded. DO NOT spill your guts to your employer; they don't want or need it, and it will just mess things up. Keep it short and simple: you're glad to have had the opportunity to work with those fine people, but the time has come to move on.

I have an unfortunate tendency to blurt out what I'm really feeling

You might take some of your upcoming free time to work on that. As you doubtless know, it can get you in trouble.
posted by languagehat at 12:11 PM on January 4, 2007

If you honestly wish to be retained in some capacity, try cutting a deal. I just left my company to freelance, but offered to be kept on as a consultant. They agreed, and also gave me a bonus for my years of service as a goodbye gift. I had nothing to lose by quitting and the retainer and bonus were just icing.

Either way, just tell them you are leaving to pursue other interests and leave it at that. Maybe also tell them you are going on a trip in the short term, if they start to pry.

"Other interests" was my official story to my boss when I handed him my 2-line resignation letter (Final day of employ, thanks for 7 years). I then quickly steered the conversation to what I could do to make my last weeks as beneficial as possible.

Oh, and rehearse your resignation speech in advance and anticipate the hard questions. Don't think you can ad-lib something like this.
posted by Sangre Azul at 12:25 PM on January 4, 2007

Its a bad policy to listen to people who encourage you to lie. Lying is not necessary. Liars do not understand the distrust they engender and how that subtly limits their options in the future.

You don't need to explain to your boss why you want to quit. Just quit. But if you do feel you need to explain, just say this: "what I want to do is take a month or two to sleep late, take long walks, organize my house, have dinner waiting for my spouse when he gets home". If your boss is a worthy human being, he will respect this answer the most. If he is not, why do you care what he thinks?
posted by Osmanthus at 12:31 PM on January 4, 2007

NYSue said

>If asked why you are leaving, or where you are going, you can explain (as you have here, in a slightly different way) that you want to focus on personal and family commitments for a time.

I would say, instead, that you have encountered a need to focus on personal and family commitments for a time. Then if anyone asks for more, you can give them a withering look or some other polite evasion.

The following are inconsistent:

>What I want to do is take a month or two to sleep late, take long walks, organize my house, have dinner waiting for my spouse when he gets home, and MAYBE look for part-time office work after that.

>I want to be [ ] professional [ ], both to the boss and to the rest of the people I work for and with

The first will never sound professional in most business settings. Which is why you want to finesse it.
posted by megatherium at 2:36 PM on January 4, 2007

I don't want to tell my formidable boss that really what I want to do is take a month or two to sleep late, take long walks, organize my house, have dinner waiting for my spouse when he gets home, and MAYBE look for part-time office work after that.

I don't think you should lie, but your motivation and reasons for quitting are none of your boss' business short of a very basic explanation.

The magic word here, as you've described above, is "sabbatical."
posted by Brittanie at 4:21 PM on January 4, 2007