Looking for songs and movies that can teach abusers about relationships

December 29, 2006 7:01 AM

Looking for popular songs and movies that can be used to educate people in the system for abuse related crimes. These examples will be used to facilitate discussions about relationship boundaries, male entitlement, and inappropriate behavior.

A friend runs group counseling sessions to reform/educate male criminals convicted of crimes related to personal relationships. Most are physical/sexual abusers attending these sessions as a condition of their release. She has a book to help run the group. However, the book is not right for many of her attendees as many have a 8th grade level education and are unable to keep up. The examples will be used as a shortcut to help them learn about appropriate behavior using things they are already familar with.

My friend is looking for songs, movies and other media to help facilitate group discussion. The clips won't be used as examples of right and wrong, but as conversation tools. She is looking for things that the attendees will likely already know and remember and is especially interested in appropriate songs from the hip hop and country music genres. Because this is job related the content should be at about a PG-13 level or below. Also, we are not looking for a discussion about how well criminal reform works. Save it for the blue.

Here is one example of a song she plans on using:

The Temptations
"Ain't Too Proud To Beg"

...If I have to sleep on your doorstep
All night and day just to keep you from walkin' away
Let your friends laugh, even this I can stand
Because I want to keep you any way I can

Ain't too proud to beg, sweet darlin'
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go...

The more well known the movie/song is to the general population the better. This means that the Mountain Goats probably wouldn't be appropriate.

Here is another example with appropriate content, but rejected because of obscurity:

Weezer
"No One Else"

...I want a girl who will laugh for no one else
When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf
When I'm away she never leaves the house
I want a girl who laughs for no one else...

posted by Alison to media & arts (45 comments total)

Luka by Suzanne Vega? Not country or hip hop, but pretty well-known.
posted by amro at 7:07 AM on December 29, 2006

Every Breath You Take - The Police (ultra creepy stalker song)
Baby It's Cold Outside - The Dean Martin version especially (very creepy)

Also see this list.
posted by iconomy at 7:11 AM on December 29, 2006

Oh man, "Baby It's Cold Outside." I've come to refer to that song as "The Date Rape Song."

Saturday Night Fever has a few scenes that should be appropriate (unless, of course, I'm John Travolta-blind and it's actually Grease).
posted by that girl at 7:23 AM on December 29, 2006

From that list - Possession by Sarah McLachlan.

"In 1994, she was sued by Uwe Vandrei, an obsessed fan from Ottawa, Ontario, who alleged that his letters to her had been the basis of her hit single "Possession". This lawsuit never came to trial, however, as the plaintiff was found dead in an apparent suicide before the trial began. The lawsuit was also challenging for the Canadian legal system; because of Vandrei's psychological state, special precautions were planned to ensure McLachlan's safety if at any time she had to be in the same location as Vandrei. This topic was explored in length in Canadian author Judith Fitzgerald's book, Building A Mystery: The Story of Sarah McLachlan & Lilith Fair." - Wikipedia
posted by true at 7:23 AM on December 29, 2006

LADY WILLPOWER, by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap, 1968

My mom always detested this song when it played on the radio. It comes off so frankly as a man wearing down an independent woman so that she'll have sex with him.

Lady Willpower, it's now or never
give your love to me
And I'll shower your heart with tenderness endlessly

I know you want to see me but you're afraid
Of what I might have on my mind

One thing you can be sure of I'll take good care of your love
If you will let me give your mine

Lady Willpower, it's now or never
give your love to me
And I'll shower your heart with tenderness endlesly

Did no one ever tell you the facts of life?
Well there's so much you have to learn and I would gladly teach you
If I could only reach you and get your lovin' in return

And so forth.
posted by hermitosis at 7:29 AM on December 29, 2006

that girl, I've been calling it "The Date Rape Song" too! It gives me the total creeps, and is unfortunately a much-beloved Christmas song in my family.
posted by hermitosis at 7:31 AM on December 29, 2006

"Only The Good Die Young", Billy Joel
posted by candyland at 7:34 AM on December 29, 2006

More Than Words by Extreme It's the essential "if you loved me you would have sex with me" song.


Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know
posted by kimdog at 7:43 AM on December 29, 2006

Would Love Is Blind by Eve be too confrontational?

I always thought Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman" was about a relationship where the woman was abusive. It's so sad.
posted by runtina at 7:53 AM on December 29, 2006

*****Message from the Question Asker****

I just talked to my friend and she is also looking for examples of masculinity traps (that is, not being able to show feelings or weakness because it would be unmanly), effective communication, assetive vs. aggressive behavior (i.e. stomping all over others vs. um...not).

Thanks! Keep the answers coming!
posted by Alison at 8:16 AM on December 29, 2006

Common's "The Light" on his Like Water for Chocolate album is a great, positive hip hop relationship song IMO. And it's got the type of lyrics you're looking for.

EX: "I never call you my bitch or even my boo, there's so much in a name and so much more in you"
posted by B-squared at 8:17 AM on December 29, 2006

Sex Type Thing, by Stone Temple Pilots?

I am, I am, I am
I said I wanna get next to you
I said I gonna get close to you
You wouldnt want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?
posted by icontemplate at 8:19 AM on December 29, 2006

Kim by Eminem.
posted by amro at 8:20 AM on December 29, 2006

hermitosis: It gives me the creeps and yet somehow I still like the song. Maybe I'm just a sucker for songs that swing.

Crash might also have some of the themes you are looking for, although it might dwell too heavily on race to be appropriate.
posted by that girl at 8:27 AM on December 29, 2006

Ooohhhh...for the masculinity trap, how about Kenny Roger's Coward of the County?
posted by cosmicbandito at 8:29 AM on December 29, 2006

John Lennon's least favorite Beatle song, "You better run:"

Well I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or I won't know where I am

You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end'a little girl

Well you know that I'm a wicked guy
And I was born with a jealous mind
And I can't spend my whole life
Trying just to make you toe the line

You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end'a little girl

Let this be a sermon
I mean everything I've said
Baby, I'm determined
And I'd rather see you dead


Also see, The Beatles "Getting Better" where there's a line about having used to beat his girl.
posted by Kensational at 8:30 AM on December 29, 2006

Sorry, it's called "Run for Your Life" - and me a Beatle fan.
posted by Kensational at 8:31 AM on December 29, 2006

Maybe the new song by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus called "Face Down" that's been all over MTV lately. It's got domestic violence and masculinity issues in an alt rock-type format.

Hey girl, you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror
tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.
posted by B-squared at 8:36 AM on December 29, 2006

Oh, and there's this great scene in Pulp Fiction about what the proper response should be for giving another man's wife a foot massage. It's funny, deals with proportional response in relationships, and the conversation takes place between gangsters, so it has a very masculine tone.
posted by B-squared at 8:59 AM on December 29, 2006

The Crystals, He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)
posted by kirkaracha at 9:03 AM on December 29, 2006

"Peruvian Skies" by Dream Theater


There, there it is
I swear he's gonna murder that poor kid
Wait, I hear it again
Don't turn on the lights until we
Hear the way it ends

Under Peruvian skies
Vanessa regretfully waits
The story unfolds in her eyes
Where midnight hysteria's
No big surprise
Battered and bruised
Always confusing
The love that she's losing for hate
Poor Vanessa
Poor, poor Vanessa

Hey, I hope you know
I'm taking all of this with me when I go
Shame, you're not to blame
I'm the monster you created
In your daddy's name

...

Terror by night
Liar by day
Telling her secrets
Won't take them away
posted by LordSludge at 9:07 AM on December 29, 2006

I suppose Sublime's Date Rape song is a little too obscure for this group?
posted by norm at 9:19 AM on December 29, 2006

The Boiler, by Rhoda & The Special AKA. It's an extremely disturbing song about date rape - I've only ever been able to listen to it twice, and I've had the album for about 15 years now.

If you like ska, you'll be drawn into this song - it's got the classic ska beat and sound. But then you hear the last minute or so, and...[shudder]

One of the most deeply affecting songs I've ever heard.
posted by pdb at 9:30 AM on December 29, 2006

When I think of abuse songs, I always think of Voices Carry.
posted by ferociouskitty at 9:49 AM on December 29, 2006

I was thinking voices carry too by Till Tuesday

Also, "Hey Joe" by Jimi Hendrix
posted by clanger at 10:19 AM on December 29, 2006

****Message from the Question Asker****

I don't think "Voices Carry" or "Luka" is exactly what we are looking for. Remember that these songs and movies are going to be presented to the abusers to help them recognize the subtle things that lead to their behavior. The exercise is not to tell them that hitting is wrong; that is very black and white and not too difficult to communicate. The difficulty is teaching them to recognize behaviors that can lead to them losing control, i.e. not respecting others' boundaries or feelings, keeping feelings bottled up or feeling entitled.

There have been lots of great answers so far. Thanks!
posted by Alison at 10:28 AM on December 29, 2006

Under My Thumb by the Rolling Stones (first two verses, the rest is similar)

Under my thumb
The girl who once had me down
Under my thumb
The girl who once pushed me around

Its down to me
The difference in the clothes she wears
Down to me, the change has come,
Shes under my thumb

Under my thumb
The squirmin dog whos just had her day
Under my thumb
A girl who has just changed her ways

Its down to me, yes it is
The way she does just what shes told
Down to me, the change has come
Shes under my thumb
Ah, ah, say its alright
posted by flarbuse at 10:37 AM on December 29, 2006

This might be too obscure or not subtle enough but "So Help Me Jesus" from the Toadies always gave me the creeps.

Im not gonna lie,
i'll not be a gentlemen.
Behind the boat-house,
ill show you my dark secret.

Im not gonna lie
I want you for mine.
My blushing bride.
My lover be my lover yea.
Dont be afraid
I didn't mean to scare you
so help me Jesus.

I can primise you
you will stay as beautiful
with dark hair, and soft skin...
forever.
forever.
posted by faunafrailty at 10:53 AM on December 29, 2006

Otherwise known as "Possum Kingdom."
posted by juniper at 11:04 AM on December 29, 2006

As much as I love it, the "In Your Eyes" boombox-over-the-head scene in Say Anything would be beyond creepy and is definitely beyond all boundaries in real life (but it's okay if you're as cute as John Cusack, apparently.)

Music:

A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby

As Long As You Love Me - Backstreet Boys

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be

Call & Answer - Barenaked Ladies

But I'm warning you, don't ever do
Those crazy, messed up things that you do
If you ever do
I promise you Ill be the first to crucify you
Now its time to prove that you've come back
Here to rebuild.

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

Couldn't take the blame,
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded,
You can't play the victim this time.
And you're too late.

So, don't cry to me.
If you loved me, you would be here with me.
You love me, come find me.
Make up your mind.

Flavor of the Weak - American Hi-Fi

She paints her nails and she don't know,
He's got her best friend on the phone.
She'll wash her hair, his dirty clothes,
Or all he gives to her.
And he's got posters on the wall
Of all the girls he wished she was.
And he means everything to her.

If You Don't Know Me By Now - Simply Red


All the things that we've been through
You should understand me like I understand you
Now girl I know the difference between right and wrong
I ain't gonna do nothing to break up our happy home
Oh don't get so excited when I come home a little late at night
Cos we only act like children when we argue fuss and fight


Joey - Concrete Blonde

Joey, baby - don't get crazy
Detours. Fences... I get defensive
I know you've heard it all before -
so I don't say it anymore
I just stand by and let you
fight your secret war.
And though I used to wonder why -
I used to cry till I was dry.
Still sometimes I get a strange pain
inside
Oh, Joey, if you're hurting so am I.

Maggie May - Rod Stewart


Wake up Maggie
I think I got something to say to you;
it's late September and I really should be back at school.
I know I keep you amused
but I feel I'm being used

Oh, Maggie
I couldn't have tried anymore.
You lured me away from home
just to save you from being alone.
You stole my heart and that's what really hurts.

Numb - Linkin Park

i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you

One - U2

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well its too late, tonight
To drag tha past out into the light
Were one, but were not the same
We get to carry each other, carry each other
One

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad

So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time

Roxanne - The Police

I loved you since I knew ya
I wouldn't talk down to ya
I have to tell you just how I feel
I won't share you with another boy
I know my mind is made up
So put away your make up
Told you once I won't tell you again it's a bad way

Runaway Train - Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

Save Yourself - Sense Field

My self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low
I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me
I want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name
Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me
Give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name

She's Always a Woman - Billy Joel

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

The Boys of Summer - Don Henley

Empty lake, empty streets,
the sun goes down alone.
I'm driving by your house
though I know that you not home...

And I can see you
you brown skin shining in the sun
you got your hair combed back
sunglasses on baby

and I can tell you
my love for you will still be strong
after the boys of summer have gone.

The One I Love - REM

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind
A simple prop to occupy my time
This one goes out to the one I love

What Do I Have to Do - Stabbing Westward

You make it hard to breathe
It's as if I'm suffocating
And when you're next to me
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin
It makes me sad to think
This could all be for nothing
I wish there was a way
A way for you to see inside me
I've never felt this way
About anyone or anything … tell me

What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What do I have to do to make you want me?
But, if I can't make you want me
What do I have to do?

White Flag - Dido

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Wicked Game - Chris Issak

The world was on fire
No one could save me but you.
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

What a wicked game you play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
To let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do
To make me dream of you

Why Can't I Be You? - The Cure

You're so gorgeous I'll do anything!
I'll kiss you from your feet
To where your head begins!
You're so perfect!
You're so right as rain!
You make me
Make me hungry again

Everything you do is irresistible
Everything you do is simply kissable
Why can't I be you?

With or Without You - U2

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

(I have a very dysfunctional iTunes playlist...)
posted by headspace at 11:32 AM on December 29, 2006

And one more for guys who feel like they aren't allowed to feel, in high rotation now:

Through Glass - Stone Sour

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home,
sitting all alone inside your head


How do you feel? that is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in,
describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
posted by headspace at 11:38 AM on December 29, 2006

The Animals, "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood":

Baby, do you understand me now
Sometimes I feel a little mad
But don't you know that no one alive
Can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And sometimes it seems that all I have do is worry
Then you're bound to see my other side
posted by dilettante at 12:33 PM on December 29, 2006

"Hello" by um, well, hey, Lionel Ritchie.

The video is bizarre.

Lyrics
I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you
posted by xetere at 12:37 PM on December 29, 2006

Way obvious, but "Don't Leave Me Now" from Pink Floyd:

Ooooh, babe
Don't leave me now.
Don't say it's the end of the road.
Remember the flowers I sent.
I need you, babe
To put through the shredder
In front of my friends
Ooooh Babe.
Dont leave me now.
How could you go?
When you know how I need you
To beat to a pulp on a Saturday night
Ooooh Babe.
Don't leave me now
How can you treat me this way
Running away
oooh Babe
Why are you running away
posted by dilettante at 12:47 PM on December 29, 2006

There is a book that might be helpful called Self Made Man
It's about a woman who goes undercover as a man for 18 months. Much to her surprise she came out of it with a great respect for men and the social expectations they face. I see it's also on CD and if you click on the "listen" icon under the title in the link above, you can listen to a recording of an NPR talk show with the author. It seems like there would be some useful stuff on some of the Law & Order episodes too, especially Law and Order SVU. I know I've seen DVD's for some of them at the library.
posted by BoscosMom at 1:15 PM on December 29, 2006

I humbly submit:

"Backstabbers", The O'Jays
"Repetition", David Bowie
"Your Love Is So Doggone Good", Isaac Hayes
"Handcuffs", Parliament
"I Gotcha", James Brown
Johnny Cash's cover of "The Beast In Me"
"Saturday Night Special", Fad Gadget
"We Were Meant to Be", Hefner
"I Put A Spell On You," Screamin' Jay Hawkins (and many others)


Apologies if some of these are too obscure.
posted by Vervain at 1:17 PM on December 29, 2006

To me, the quintessential date rape song is Love Won't Let Me Wait - first recorded by Major Harris then covered and popularized by Luther Vandross.

I need to have you next to me in more ways than one
And I refuse to leave till I see the mornin' sun

The time is right, you hold me tight

And love's got me high
Please tell me, 'Yes' and don't say, 'No'
Honey, not tonight

Move a little close to me, you owe it to yourself
And I will selfishly take a little for myself
And it's because of you
That love won't let me wait

Yeah, yeah

The time is right, turn down the lights
And take my hand, ooh, ooh, yeah
We'll take a flight and spend the night
In Wonderland

And I need to have you next to me in more ways than one
And I refuse to leave till I see the mornin' sun
Creep through your window pane
Because love won't let me wait
Not another minute


Let's Get It On - Marving Gaye
There's nothin wrong with me
Lovin you--- And givin yourself to me can never be wrong
If the love is true

Don't you know how sweet and wonderful, life can be
I'm askin you baby, to get it on with me
I aint gonna worry, I aint gonna push
So come on, come on, come on, come on baby
Stop beatin round the bush....


It's Gonna Be Me - NSync
You've got no choice, babe
But to move on, and you know
There ain't no time to waste
You're just too blind (too blind), too see
But in the end, ya know it's gonna be me
You can't deny
So just tell me why

Every little thing I do
Never seems enough for you
You don't wanna lose it again
But I'm not like them
Baby, when you finally
Get to love somebody (somebody)
Guess what (guess what)
It's gonna be me


Dance With Me - 112
I can see you over there
Just chilling with your girlfriends
Can't believe you're by yourself
You should be here with me
Chilling with me, drinking with me
Freakin' with me, oh, oh yeah

I Got A Man - Positive K
PK: What's a girl like you, doin in this rough city?
Woman: I'm just here, tryin to hold my own ground
PK: Yeah, I think I like how that sound
What you say we gets to know each other better?
Woman: That sounds good but I don't think that I can let ya
PK: I don't know, tell me is it so
Do you get a kick, out of tellin brothers no?
Woman: No it's not that see you don't understand
How should I put it, I got a man
PK: What's your man got to do with me?

PK: I'ma break it down and do whatever I gots to do
I tell you know, I got eyes for you
Woman: You got eyes, but they not for me
You better use them for what they for and that's to see

Woman: Don't you know you have to respect me?
PK: There's a lot of girls out there who won't say no

Faded - Soul Decision
At the end of the night when I make up your mind
You'll be coming on home with me
Yeah you know you got it
And you know I want it
I can't wait to take you home
(You know you got it and I)
I don't wanna be rude at all
I just wanna be where you go
Think what we could do alone
Couldn't we do that thing we did last night again
Baby you and I'd be better than friends
Don't you think it's time we went a bit further
posted by nooneyouknow at 1:37 PM on December 29, 2006

"Jane Says" by Jane's Addiction and "Janie's Got a Gun" by Aerosmith. More importantly, Ani DiFranco's song "Gratitude," with the lyrics:

but you changed the rules
in an hour or two
and i don't know what you
and your sisters do
but please don't
please stop
this is not my obligation
what does my body have to do
with my gratitude?

You might want people to take a look at the dynamics in the relationship between Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn in the movie She's So Lovely, where Sean's possessive, jealous, vengeful, and loves Robin very, very much, in a sick, dangerous way. Other similarly fucked-up dynamics can be found aplenty in Jennifer Jason Leigh's body of work. I'd single out Single White Female and Dolores Claiborne (which focuses more on Kathy Bates's troubles but is relevant), but almost anything Leigh does has some dark, twisted stuff going on.
posted by cgc373 at 4:55 PM on December 29, 2006

Wait, PG-13 or below? How old are the people in this program, Alison?
posted by cgc373 at 5:02 PM on December 29, 2006

Seconding "I Gotcha."

Popular country song, also slightly creepy -- "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" by David Alan Coe. ("I'll hang around as long as you will let me...")

In the rap arena, Missy Elliot's "Work It."
posted by ruff at 5:26 PM on December 29, 2006

I always thought of Bruce Springsteen's "Fire" as the quintessential date rape song:

Im driving in my car, I turn on the radio
Im pulling you close, you just say no
You say you dont like it, but girl I know youre a liar
`cause when we kiss, fire

Late at night Im takin you home
I say I wanna stay, you say you wanna be alone
You say you dont love me, girl you cant hide your desire
`cause when we kiss, fire

You had a hold on me, right from the start
A grip so tight I couldnt tear it apart
My nerves all jumpin actin like a fool
Well your kisses they burn but your heart stays cool

Romeo and juliet, samson and delilah
Baby you can bet their love they didnt deny
Your words say split but your words they lie
`cause when we kiss, fire
posted by underwater at 5:55 PM on December 29, 2006

How about "Cat's in the Cradle," the ultimate "Daddy didn't love me, now it's too late" song?
posted by GaelFC at 6:24 PM on December 29, 2006

Everytime I Cry by Terri Clark. The video is very poignant.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 8:29 PM on December 29, 2006

The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get - Morrissey
Date Rape by Sublime (though she may want to cut out the last line)
posted by SisterHavana at 9:49 PM on December 29, 2006

Little Red Riding Hood by Sam Sham and the Pharohs, and covered by many, many bands. Basically, 'Aw, baby girl you need protecting and I'm just the guy to do it. I'm strong and masculine, and have clear ulterior motives.':

Hey there Little Red Riding Hood,
You sure are looking good.
You're everything a big bad wolf could want.
Listen to me...

...What full lips you have.
They're sure to lure someone bad.
So until you get to grandma's place
I think you ought to walk with me and be safe.

I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on
Until I'm sure that you've been shown
That I can be trusted walking with you alone.
Owoooooooo!...

...What a big heart I have-the better to love you with.
Little Red Riding Hood
Even bad wolves can be good.
I'll try to be satisfied just to walk close by your side.
Maybe you'll see things my way before we get to grandma's place....

Also, maybe the Tracy Chapman song Behind the Wall? Could start a discussion about how their behaviors affect those outside their abusive relationships, and how others see them:

Last night I heard the screaming
Loud voices behind the wall
Another sleepless night for me
It wont do no good to call
The police
Always come late
If they come at all

And when they arrive
They say they cant interfere
With domestic affairs
Between a man and his wife
And as they walk out the door
The tears well up in her eyes

Last night I heard the screaming
Then a silence that chilled my soul
I prayed that I was dreaming
When I saw the ambulance in the road

And the policeman said
Im here to keep the peace
Will the crowd disperse
I think we all could use some sleep
posted by inging at 7:59 PM on December 30, 2006