Comments on: Serving with style

Question: Serving with style

megancita — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 09:36:55 -0800

Waitressing crash course: I have the opportunity to work in a high-end restaurant/live music club but I have no previous waitressing experience. I'm taking the job to make extra money and I want to maximize my tip potential.

I'll get some brief on-the-job training, but I really want to be a classy waitress, not just a competent one. What are the marks of an excellent waitress and what kind of service elicits good tips?

By: drezdn

drezdn — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 09:43:01 -0800

Waiting by Debra Ginsberg is a memoir that includes some good inside tips on waiting tricks.

By: GilloD

GilloD — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 09:43:04 -0800

As someone who has never, ever been a waiter, but is frequently a patron: I think the real key, especially in a higher end joint, is to be friendly and personable, but don't be my friend. I came out with eat with Joe/Sarah/Debby/Whoever, not you. That said, being cold and avoiding the table just makes me feel abandoned, doubly so when I'm paying good money to be somewhere. Find that middle ground and you'll be fine.

By: Tiddles

Tiddles — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 09:57:50 -0800

(former waiter in a nice Italian place)

For the most part, people tip what they're going to tip regardless of how classy you are. By far the main influence you can have over the amount tipped is in how high you can get the bill. Bottle of wine? Appetizers? Dessert? After meal lattes? Get those on the table and you'll greatly increase your tips.

Other strategies include turning tables quickly, and making the person assigning seats your best friend. If people order expensive wine, work hard to make them absolutely love you so that they request you again.

Seriously kid. You're really precious, but it just doesn't work that way. For most restaurants, given the same bill, the difference in tips between a competent waitperson and a really good one is 5% at most. Other intangibles are quadruple that.

In my humble opinion the best reason to be a great waitperson is so that the job doesn't suck. Take pride in your work and make guests happy. Just that. Being a great waitperson is it's own reward.

One tip - Know everything about the food. I'm a cheese guy. If the waitperson can answer my questions about the cheese plate (they usually can't) I'll leave them a much higher tip.

By: brinkzilla

brinkzilla — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:12:01 -0800

Tiddles is right, but more importantly to "sell" those extras works by having the customer not realize they are being sold on add on's but that you are improving to their dining experience. Do not sound like a sales person. When you learn the menu inside and out and have culinary opinions that may happen to add to the bill, now thats a smooth waiter.

By: KRS

KRS — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:18:20 -0800

I'm sure you know the usual moves, such as mentioning at each approprite spot the availability of drinks, wine, dessert, coffee, cheese and after-dinner drinks such as port, single-malt scotch or Irish coffee.

Keep your clothes pressed -- starched if you can bear it. Work on your posture (Alexander Technique helps).

Statistically, telling the customer your name increases tips, as does the right amount of eye contact (forthright but quick) and lightly brushing the payer on the shoulder as you hand him (usually) the check.

By: metasav

metasav — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:21:44 -0800

Stay organized. This cannot be stressed enough. Keep moving. Always. If there is nothing to do, water the room, clean the wait-station, anything to keep on top of things. Don't panic. Never LOOK panicked, even when you are. Arrive at every table like they are the only customers in the room. Act like you know what you are doing. Know the menu well, know the wine list, and be really nice to the kitchen no matter how nasty they are to you. Never complain to the kitchen about customers. They are in the kitchen for a reason, and they likely are making half what you make. That said, classy is what you are looking for, as in not low-class? Okey Dokey, do not ever say these things:

"No problem." Erfh. Ever. Nothing is ever a "problem". You are a servant. "Yes, of course" will do just fine.

"You guys..." -to a group that includes women.

"Are you still working on that?" Or anything like that. "May I take you plate, glass, whatever?" is the only thing you ever need to say when clearing.

Never talk about how much you make. To anyone.

Good luck out there, it's hell.

By: verisimilitude

verisimilitude — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:23:57 -0800

Dont worry too much about the tips at first. If you are competent, classy and have fun while you work then the cash will come.

You didnt say where you are in the world (what's acceptable varries - from the UK to USA at least). Evenso, appearence and confidence are two universal qualities. And there are practical things you can do to improve these...

Appearing to be confident means feeling like you know what you are doing in the restaurant. Things you could do right now...
-go down to the restaurant and take a menu. Memorise it as best you can, this will help you answer peoples questions a make it seem like you care about what it is you are putting in front of your customers.
-Practice carrying multiple plates. You will feel like newbie until you can carry five or six (full) plates at a time.
-be prepared. Make sure you have a decent bottle opener, a pen nad notepad blue plasters etc. You dont want to waste time on busy night trying to find that sort of thing.
-You said the place had live music. YOu could swot up on the acts before hand so you have useful info for you customers.

There is loads more of that type of thing. Keep pally with the chef, that will reduce your stress. Good luck, it can seem like the best or worst job in the world -- depending on your approach.

By: cosmicbandito

cosmicbandito — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:24:07 -0800

Being a good waitron is all about knowing what the expected "plot" of a dining experience is and playing your part. Here's a typical meal in a nice sit down restaurant, written in quasi-basic:

10 Guests are seated
20 Greet guests, take drink order. Submit drink order to bar ASAP
30 Deliver drinks, take order.
If appetizer ordered, goto 40. If no appetizer ordered goto 50
40 Submit appetizer order.
45 wait 5 + minutes ( so appetizer and meal don't arrive at the same time)
50 Submit meal order
60 If appetizer, deliver and check drinks. If no appetizer, check drinks.
70 Deliver Meal. Ask about condiments, other needs.
80 Wait 5 minutes
90 Enquire as to meal quality, check drinks. Order refills and fill guest requests as needed.
100 Watch from a distance for signs guests may need assistance
110 Clear empty plates and glasses as they become empty. DO NOT WAIT TILL THE END.
120 Offer dessert/coffee/after dinner drink
130 If dessert, order and deliver. If no dessert, goto 140.
140 Clear any remaining empty plates and glasses. When you present the check, there shouldn't be any empty plates or glasses that the guest isn't using on the table.
150 Deliver bill. Describe procedure for payment. (do they pay a cashier or you?)
160 If pay by cashier, thank guest If pay you, goto 170.
170 Leave bill with guest. Watch from a distance to see when they have placed payment in the folder/tray. Run credit card, or make change at work station. Do NOT make change at the table, and do not ask "do you need change?". Make NO assumptions about a tip at any point.
180 Return change/card to guest, thank them.
190 Collect tip from table/cashier AFTER guest has left.

Wow...that was longer than I expected.
Basically, being a good waitron comes with experience. Learn to anticipate needs, and fill them quickly and quietly, without drawing attention to yourself. Good waiting is about making the meal flow smoothly and making sure your guests have what they want, when they want it.

By: thinkpiece

thinkpiece — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:34:03 -0800

I've owned restaurants and written staff orientation manuals for numerous joints.

A few things:

Every day at 4 p.m. (or so) is showtime. It's a production and you are a principal actor. Assume your guests have no interest in your mood, your sick cat, your delayed train.

Food triggers all things emotional for many people, and sitting down in a restaurant where they are actually paying for it only increases already hot-button expectations! Some guests are really into the specifics of the meal and judging whether or not it is meeting their needs. If you comprehend that, you will save yourself a whole lot of taking it personally when they get fussy or cranky.

To you (or most people) it's a job and you are approaching it professionally and it's frustrating when you aren't 'respected' or can't talk your problem tables into seeing 'reality'. Forget that. You are the front line and you will bear the burden of the kitchen screwing up or the maitre d' who has made them wait an extra half hour for their reservation or the specials being sold out. The customer is mostly always right (except when abusive, and then it's the mgr's problem) -- who cares if you just made a fresh pot of coffee but they are insisting it's old or cold? Cheerfully make a new cup (which costs the restaurant pennies, by the way), get much good will.

Anticipate anticipate anticipate. You gotta see the big picture, feel the room, begin to know who's gonna ask for what before it happens. This is a matter of tuning in the the general vibe of the evening, and then focusing in on your specific tables and their vibes. When you're in the pocket and basically mind-reading your section, it's a great feeling.

Never ever ever blame the kitchen if there is a problem. Your customer does not care how busy the kitchen is or how many burners aren't working. Keep it to yourself, apologize, and fix it. Blaming the kitchen pretty much assures those people will never come back.

Never ever ever say, I'll get your waiter, if a customer out of your section requests something. Just say yes, and tell the other guy. I can't figure out why waiters do this. Customers Hate It.

Relax! Most people are out for a good time when they go to a restaurant. Facilitate that. Be unobtrusive, but available. Look people in the eye, take pride in your work, be silent and swift but don't be afraid to be yourself.

And: What Tiddles said -- turn tables and up sell the per person projection without being pushy -- that's how you make the tips. After a while, you should be able to feel those you can move to the second bottle of wine, dessert, a few extra cappucinos, etc.

Have fun! It's a blast for a while!

By: Tiddles

Tiddles — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:43:56 -0800

Okay.... Okay..... Being a good waitperson, the non-snarky version -

- Learn the kitchen. Your guests will want things when they want them, and you'll need to get the kitchen to have them fresh off the stove at that moment. This can be tricky. The kitchen wants to have things a set way. But if your guests quickly gobble their salads and appetizer you don't want them sitting on their hands an extra 15 minutes. Knowing how to make the kitchen's job easy is half the battle.

- Learn to be more empathetic than you believe is possible. Be a mind reader. Steer people towards what they'll be impressed by. Know whether they want to chat or be left alone. Know if you should firt or not (flirting is very appropriate when it's appropriate). Guess who will be paying the bill, because they are the king. And every king is impressed by something different.

- Learn to like people you despise. This can not be said enough. Most people are stupid fools. But while they're at your table, they're still the king.

- If you aren't a beverage expert, especially wines, you'll be sorry. Sometimes bumpkins off the farm will buy expensive wine and spirits, but usually the pricey stuff is bought by folks who actually know a lot about them. If you can't keep up with these folks they may not feel comfortable splurging on something you can't "sell" them on. And you can scuttle a sale by saying something dumb about a wine. This is subtle, but since it can determine half your tip.......... Consider taking some classes.

- Be confident. VERY confident. But not smug or aloof. You dive the dining experience, but let them take control where they want to. No one likes a shy waitperson. Take charge and bring some personality.

By: Tiddles

Tiddles — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:51:39 -0800

*You drive the dining experience

By: Baud

Baud — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:52:46 -0800

Just read everything at waiterrant. That should help a lot.

By: phearlez

phearlez — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:55:22 -0800

Your customer does not care how busy the kitchen is or how many burners aren't working.

You could summarize that as "the customer does not care." The customer is there for an experience and you are the gateway to that experience. It's a shame when you get screwer on a tip because of someone else's screwup but that's the nature of the world. You can't make commission on a sale if the store it too incompetent to keep stock in and you can't get a good tip if the kitchen can't plate your orders at the same time.

My advice as a former server and ongoing patron is "keep their water glass full." The one thing everyone notices is when they're thirsty. One minute longer before a course comes is hard to notice. One minute when you're thirsty seems like forever. The thing you have the most control over is attentiveness.

By: thinkpiece

thinkpiece — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:58:13 -0800

Sorry, but why should the customer care about kitchen stress? They are there to enjoy themselves after their own work days, which they are paying for. They want the production, not a backstage pass.

By: Amizu

Amizu — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:04:17 -0800

I was a waitress a few years ago. I actually got some fabulous tips the nights that things went terribly wrong (e.g. spilling champagne into tuxedoed man's lap). Sometimes I seriously thought the worse I was as a waitress, the better my tips were - the pity tip, I guess.

I also found that the more people knew about me personally, the better my tips were. I didn't volunteer much info, but if they asked me personal questions, I was willing to stand and chat for a few minutes. But then again, I was a young waitress headed to law school, and I think that script made some older couples feel like helping me along with a little extra money.

The one theme, though, was that tips were remarkably linked to demographics. We were allowed to "gamble" on some checks and impose an 18% tip if we thought it was smart. Old people tipped VERY BADLY. (Like, "here honey, thank you so much for the great service" and hands me quarters.) Europeans tended to tip atrociously as well. Young women tended to tip badly. Smokers and heavy drinkers tended to tip well. There were other trends as well. My tips didn't vary a whole lot outside those perameters.

Absolutely true that the more you can hike up the bill, the better your tips will be.

But as far as being a good waitress:
- try to develop a system for remembering who you're serving and where they're sitting (and don't have it be, "fat woman in red" written anywhere in your notes)
- smile, be personable, but not overly chatty
- know as much about wine as possible (and menu too)
- if you can't open wine using a winekey, practice that as much as possible
- figure out the timing - people don't want to be rushed, but they don't want to be starving either
- don't make them feel like you're pushing anything on them
- replace (refold) napkins, clear crums
- remember, this may well be a special night to them
- be friendly with the bar, extra waitstaff, etc. and tip out appropriately
- move fast
- be clean (have clear skin and hair)
- make sure the silverware, glassware is sparkling - often it's dirty when it comes out of the dishwasher.
- great tip from thinkpiece about never telling a table you'll get their server
- remember, some stuff is out of your control. I once ate at a restaurant - Peninsula in Charleston - and the waitress handed my bf a white napkin, and noticed I was wearing black slacks and handed me a black napkin. I was floored, and so impressed. But that was clearly something she could do at Peninsula. So don't beat yourself up if there's something classy you could do, or some way you could improve your service but it's not possible at your restaurant.

That's all I can think of for now.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:09:03 -0800

Oh God, don't ever ask me how the food is. If I go to a restaurant, I expect the food to be good. Asking me betrays a lack of confidence in your kitchen's ability. If there is a problem with the food, I will tell you.

You can, however, ask if anything else is required--has someone, for example, already finished their garlic bread? Offering to bring more is always welcome, and will (if I'm your customer) increase your tip. Just don't charge for it, if you possibly can. On that note, realize that sometimes you have to spend money to make money. Sending over a 'complimentary' dessert/whatnot that you have paid for yourself will pay back over time.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:12:56 -0800

Oh, and on the 'clean skin and hair' note:

Waitresses should only ever wear an absolute minimum of makeup. A light powder, mascara, lipgloss--nothing more. (Hostesses can get away with more).

For both sexes, hair should be neat, tidy, conservative.

Perfumes/colognes are absolutely verboten. The last thing I want with my meal is the lingering cloud of Eau d'Whatever that you left behind.

(All of the above varies, of course, with the trendiness/edginess of your restaurant. The perfume/cologne thing is absolutely non-negotiable, however).

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:15:22 -0800

Waitressing crash course: I have the opportunity to work in a high-end restaurant/live music club but I have no previous waitressing experience.

How'd you manage this? This sounds like a plum wait job, one that only goes to experienced wait peeps. I'm asking because you might be walking into a nasty situation where regular staff hates you and refuses to help the noob or some such.

Anyway...

Smile a real smile. Don't smile because you have to, smile because you're having a good time or enjoy working with people. One of my favorite waitresses said she liked doing it because it's like hosting a dinner party every night, which she enjoyed. She made mad money.

If you have a lot of tourists as guests, KNOW THE CITY. Be able to recommend where to eat (other places), sleep, pee, best cab spots etc. Even if you don't have a lot tourists, know the city and current events, so you can converse if someone wants to converse.

Smile a real smile.

Know the specials and menu backwards and forwards. Don't sound like a bored ass when you repeat the choice of sides or salad dressing for the 30th time today.

Smile a real smile.

Seconding reading waiterrant. He's a pro and knows how to read and handle people, so read and learn. It's important to be able to size up the guest in that first 30 seconds at the table so you'll know if they'll be needing you a lot or a little. Adjust accordingly.

Smile a real smile.

By: twistofrhyme

twistofrhyme — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:23:52 -0800

guess what they'll need, and get it there ahead of time. ie, when they sit, don't ask them "if they need menus". just come greet them, menus in hand, and as you hand those out, ask if you can "start them with a drink."

never make them wait for their silverware.

anticipate! if they order french fries, bring the ketchup early, so that when the fries come, the ketchup is already there. when you serve pasta, have the pepper grinder and parmesan under your elbow so they aren't waiting.

at the end of the meal, bus their plates promptly, immediately replace the plates with dessert menus, and offer them lattes. making them wait 5 mins before offering any dessert will just make them leave.

keep an eye on them- don't ever make them call you, or worse, another waiter from another section. they should be able to catch your eye if they need something.

gently nod when you say, "can i get you a drink?", or "would you like some dessert?" this works really well if you're subtle about it.

By: frogan

frogan — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:36:56 -0800

The one word I haven't seen mentioned here is "computer."

The restaurant will have a computerized ordering system, that is customized to the joint's menu and and kitchen flow.

Learn this system backward and forward. Learn how the kitchen and expediters are using it. This will be your only means of formal communication with the kitchen. The kitchen staff will be trained to deliberately ignore requests unless they are properly documented with a ticket from the computer.

Everything else said above is meaningful. But it is all worthless if you can't make the damn computer sit up and sing. It's all worthless if you're running back to the kitchen to try to explain exactly what you mean on each ticket.

By: megancita

megancita — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:45:04 -0800

Hey Guys,

this is all great advice. I know how enjoyable a restaurant meal can be, and I don't want to be the bad spot in someone's evening. It looks like I should start learning about wine and liquor immediately, as I am not a connoisseur by any means.

And the reason I have the job opportunity is through a friend, so I certainly want to make a good impression for all concerned.

Thanks!

By: elwoodwiles

elwoodwiles — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:46:50 -0800

Don't do it. If you have any love for humanity it will quickly be pounded out of you. That said, if you choose to proceed, stick close to what tiddles has said. Here, however, are just a few added tips:

Name: Only tell your name when asked, and ask for the customers name in return. Names, in my past experience managing a floor, have caused some problems with people stalking and harassing. I knew some servers that had 'server names.'

Water: Keep the water full, people will be looking for ANYTHING wrong, and water is just to easy for a picky customer to complain about. If you notice someone drinking lots of water quickly, try to get as much ice as possible into their glass - it'll slow them down.

Attitude: Be polite, apologize when it seems people want an apology, even if it's not in anyway approaching your fault. If they want a new glass/coffee/whatever, smile, apologize and get them a new one.

I think that, and the other contributions in the thread should help you if you choose to proceed.

Oh, and here's something you'll have to deal with:

Oh God, don't ever ask me how the food is. If I go to a restaurant, I expect the food to be good. Asking me betrays a lack of confidence in your kitchen's ability. If there is a problem with the food, I will tell you.

Every manager you ever have will tell you to check on meals, but every once and awhile a customer will take offense. Your manager is right, the customer is wrong - in this case. People go out and have weird things they love or hate about restaurants. It can be really hard to read people right off, so you'll have to feel it out. Ask other servers if they recognize any customer who seems irritated.

By: bruce

bruce — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:48:16 -0800

gender dynamics at the table are significant. a friendly smile with eye contact toward a single old goat like myself never hurts, but if it's an older couple, make absolutely sure the woman is happy, because if she isn't, she will almost certainly share her state of mind with her husband.

By: trip and a half

trip and a half — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:55:27 -0800

110 Clear empty plates and glasses as they become empty. DO NOT WAIT TILL THE END.

Like the asking how the food is, this is another one where you can't always win. Many people feel that it is rude to remove anyone's plate before everyone has finished eating.

The solution is often this:

"May I take you plate, glass, whatever?" is the only thing you ever need to say when clearing.

But some people will still take offense that you even considered it.

By: hoppytoad

hoppytoad — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 12:06:23 -0800

When removing plates from a table, please consider that not everyone will have a clean plate when they're done eating. If asking whether a person is done seems inappropriate, then look for signs that they're done, such as their napkin laying next to their plate instead of in their lap, or their silverware resting on the edge of the plate.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 12:06:52 -0800

"Oh God, don't ever ask me how the food is. If I go to a restaurant, I expect the food to be good. Asking me betrays a lack of confidence in your kitchen's ability. If there is a problem with the food, I will tell you."

Every manager you ever have will tell you to check on meals, but every once and awhile a customer will take offense. Your manager is right, the customer is wrong - in this case. People go out and have weird things they love or hate about restaurants. It can be really hard to read people right off, so you'll have to feel it out. Ask other servers if they recognize any customer who seems irritated.

Oh, just to clarify: I would never, ever show the waitstaff that the question annoyed me. I always figure they're only asking because it's their job. It is, however, a stupid question that managers should stop forcing them to ask. The implication, to me, really is that the restaurant has no confidence in its food.

By: ascullion

ascullion — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 12:19:51 -0800

my two cents..

- don't remove plates/cutlery/glasses from the table while any member of the party is still eating. it makes me think you're trying to rush me off the table, even if you're not.

- don't look like i'm the worst customer in the world if i try to hurry things up a little. sometimes when i go out to eat i want to do it fast, and i hate it when waiters look agast when i try to order/ask for the bill/etc vefore they expect it.

- don't pour the wine too often. makes you look manipulative, even if you're just trying to be helpful. just come back once, or twice at most.

- don't ask me how the food was. ESPECIALLY if I've left some.

By: Tiddles

Tiddles — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 12:25:36 -0800

"It is, however, a stupid question that managers should stop forcing them to ask. The implication, to me, really is that the restaurant has no confidence in its food."

Dealing with customers like this person is one of the skills you'll pick up. They're fun for the war stories you'll carry with you the rest of your life.

By: boomchicka

boomchicka — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 12:30:07 -0800

If you notice someone drinking lots of water quickly, try to get as much ice as possible into their glass - it'll slow them down

No, it won't. If someone drinks a lot of water, filling their glass with ice leaves them with less water and would require twice as many glass-filling stops on the server's part. Plus I hate a ton of ice and might go so far as to ask for a new glass if mine were piled high with ice, thereby making the time-saving attempt backfire.

By: electroboy

electroboy — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 12:32:02 -0800

Be able to recommend something on the menu. Or if someone is having trouble deciding, ask some questions or have some basic information about the food that would help them decide.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 12:43:56 -0800

Screw you, Tiddles. I'm a fantastic customer; I am unfailingly polite and courteous to waitstaff, I never blame food problems on them, when something is the matter I bring it to their attention quietly and politely, I try to avoid needlessly complex substitutions, I frequently ask waitstaff for their recommendations on food--and take them. And on the rare occasions when I have to complain about--or, worse yet, send back-the food, I always make it clear that I know it is not their fault, and apologize for inconveniencing them.

More to the point, as I already said, I recognize that waitstaff are forced by management to ask the question. Its not their fault. The questionannoys me, but that annoyance is not ever directed at the server. The server is only culpable when they screw up orders or fail to address any problems. Having been in service, I fully recognize that many of the issues that customers have are bloody stupid and/or caused by bloody stupid management policies, and the servers are not to blame.

Of course, you would have understood that, if you'd actually bothered to read what I had written.

Essentially, I feel the question is akin to a taxi driver asking you how their driving is. It's pointless. If there is a problem with the food, customers will bring it up. If there isn't, and it's exceptionally good, the customers will, likewise, bring it up. Want to know how your food is? Look at how busy you are and/or do some market research.

By: The Deej

The Deej — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 13:00:00 -0800

I eat out more than average. Here are some things that bug me to the point of sometimes impacting the tip negatively. These are somewhat picky, but based on my experience, they are pretty common complaints that may not be "big" enough to be vocal about.

"How's that tasting?"
I HATE this. I don't even know why. And it seems to have spread in popularity for some reason. I much prefer "Is everything OK" or something similar. Again... UGH! It makes my skin crawl.

Having to ask for anything that is obvious, or ask twice for something because the server forgot the first time. I can't count the number of times I have asked for silverware, napkins, salt, and other basics. The server simply wasn't paying attention.

Refilling my iced tea or coffee without asking first.
I will often be half done with iced tea that I have sweetened to my liking, then have the server fill it back up with unsweetened tea, so then I have to add more sweetener. I know they think they are being efficient by being right there with the refill, but just ask first. And where were they when I needed silverware?

On the same lines: having to ask for a straw.
Many restaurants have a policy about what gets a straw. No straw with iced tea or water, straw with sodas. That makes no sense. Leave a straw for every drink and let the customer decide to use it or not.

Being too flirty.
Unless you really want me to ask you out, tone down the flirt level. It just looks like you are whoring yourself for a bigger tip. Natural smiles, friendliness, and politeness are good. Plus, being too flirty with one member of a couple might make for some interesting discussions at home after the meal.

Waiting forever for the ticket
Once it's confirmed I don't want any more desserts, drinks, refills, souvenir t-shirts, or whole pies to go, I don't want to wait forever for the ticket, or worse have to ask for it.

Bonus points: "Good" change if you are also the cashier.
When getting change back from the server, breaking bills into easily tipable denominations is always good. Break a ten into a 5 and 5 1s. When I don't have the right denominations, I am more likely to undertip rather than be "forced" to overtip by not having enough singles or fives or whatever.

Whew, I feel so much better. Thanks, Doc.

By: AV

AV — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 13:07:54 -0800

Just wanted to chime in about knowing the menu: it's important. When I waitressed, though only at a family diner-type place, I wasn't trained at all about the menu. They just gave me a take-out menu to study (it had no descriptions!) and I can say it definitely detracted from my ability to be a good server.

Along those lines, it might be worth it to know what kind of substitutions/omissions can be made for common allergies or dietary restrictions. My husband and I are vegan, and although we usually research restaurants before we eat out, we sometimes need to substitute or omit something from the food we order. It really makes our night if the server is helpful with this -- and it is definitely reflected in the tip. (I know the adage about "if you say you're a good tipper, you probably aren't," but we've had servers 'claim' us at places we frequent, so I'd like to think we're not entirely off base here.) I know other people with similar dietary restictions who tip well for the server's trouble also, so it might be worth your while. Of course, being on good terms with the kitchen staff is essential if you're going to offer your customers all sorts of substitutions, so check out with them what realistically can and can't be done.

Good luck! Serving can be tough, but you'll come out with stories to tell and some good money, too.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 13:08:45 -0800

Oh, and get to know your regulars. Every week or two my boyfriend and I go to brunch at our favourite restaurant. The waiter there knows to start making us our happy coffees as soon as we walk in the door, because we'll be ordering them in a couple of minutes anyway.

By: tristeza

tristeza — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 13:19:52 -0800

It's been said once, but I must reiterate - NEVER SAY "Hi Guys" or "Hey guys" or "Are you guys doing all right?" or "How are you guys?"...EVER. I don't care if it's group of NFL players, the "guys" thing is so crass and lame and tacky. UG.

By: youngergirl44

youngergirl44 — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 13:26:49 -0800

I've never waited before, but as a patron I can say this: There is a fine line between being attentive and being annoying. I get irritated when the server is at my table every 5 minutes to check on something - when nothing is needed. It breaks up the conversation I'm having with my friends/family. I assume they're doing it to keep busy (and make sure we're happy), but you can check on a table too much!

I also get equally irritated when I see my server chatting with other servers while I'm trying to get their attention. You're not at work to talk with your friends, you're there to serve the customers.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 13:34:16 -0800

The best service is invisible service.

By: Tiddles

Tiddles — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 13:41:35 -0800

"It's pointless."

No. It's not.

At some point after the food has gotten to the table the waitperson needs to make an appearance and ask........ something.

"How is everything?" is a bad question. It's vague and if people even think about addressing the question directly it sort of detracts from the dining experience. Neither I nor the customer want to have a long discussion at this point.

"Can I get you anything else?" is a bad question at that point. They're busy. They just got their food. Stopping them to ask them to think about wants and needs is out of sync. People (literally) will glance around the table and then look at you like you're interrupting them.

"How does the food taste?" is a good question. To be frank, I fully expect everyone at the table to say, "It's excellent", which is a nice part of the dining experience. If something is really wrong/missing/bad it gives them an opening to let me know. And if everything is fine the interaction is easily ended quickly on that high note. It's a positive that feel less like an interruption.

Having had lots of conversations about what words to use at that point in the meal, "how does the food taste?" seems like the best option to me. And to millions of other waiters and waitresses.

The hardest customers to please are the ones whose pet peeves run counter to tried and true best practices.

By: mycapaciousbottega

mycapaciousbottega — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 13:56:37 -0800

I used to waitress when I was I was in school and I was pretty good at it if I can say so myself. So good in fact that if it wasn't for me there wouldn't have been that much tip to share amongst 5 (we used to have to share our tips instead of working in sections which kind of sucked). My first tip would be try and work in sections so you don't have to share your tip. Second would be to be as personable as possible and just put yourself in your patron's shoes. How would you want to be treated. families are easy - just lavish lots of attention on the kids. Extra ice cream and all that jazz. Crayons before they ask, you know the drill. Couples make sure you give them as much privacy as possible and address the female as madam and making sure you give her more attention than the man. With a group of young guys, easy, treat them like your little brother and cute next door neighbour all at the same time. Bestow attention enmasse and you can't go wrong.

Think of the floor as your stage and you are the star and the orator and the stage manager and director. Basically you run the show, design the show how you want it to go.

Most importantly though is the ability to remember names. All names on your cover is what you should be aiming for but NEVER forget a child's name. This alone will ensure that the tips just keep on rolling in.

By: daisyace

daisyace — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 14:14:49 -0800

I think it might have been an NPR story where I heard about an experiment someone had run, correlating friendliness or smiling with tips. Beyond a basic level of civility, there was a REVERSE correlation -- more smiling and friendliness led to smaller tips, even when it didn't reach a level that would generally be considered overbearing. Anyone else remember this and have the reference handy?

By: vignettist

vignettist — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 14:17:47 -0800

Please, take some time to review serving etiquette. Nothing irritates me more than visiting a high-end restaurant and having a server who is ignorant of serving etiquette.

My biggest restaurant pet peeve is the server who reaches across me to serve another person or remove their plates. Okay, in a booth this is somewhat unavoidable, but it is inexcusable at a table where you have the opportunity to serve your guest from their other side.

You know that to interrupt someone who is talking is rude; you should similarly avoid a physical interruption of the conversation. If you do, one of two things will happen; I will have to continue my conversation through you, which makes me uncomfortable for acting like you don't exist, or, I will have to hold my conversation until you are done, which is just irritating. Please, don't put any of your guests in this position.

By: thinkpiece

thinkpiece — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 14:37:19 -0800

Of course once the food is dropped, the waiter discreetly watches and waits until an appropriate moment once everyone has settled down to eat (or as Gael Greene used to say, "tucked in"). Then the waiter must step to the table, make eye contact with the alpha and check in.

"How does the food taste?" is weird sounding, too personal! I wouldn't allow it.

"Is everything OK?" sounds like expectations are low. I want the everything to be memorable, not just OK.

I like this attitude: "I'm just checking in to make sure you are enjoying yourselves. (PAUSE FOR REQUESTS) Great. I'll stop back."

Having owned four NYC restaurants, I can tell you: a house that pools is a happpier house. The boss rarely has to fire anyone -- the group will pressure slackers to step up their game or go.

And when I am a customer, never ever use my name unless I invite you to do so.

By: gokart4xmas

gokart4xmas — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 14:41:43 -0800

Don't make judgments about people you think don't belong for whatever reason. My husband and I are younger and he hates to dress up, but we're a waiter's dream--fast eaters and big tippers. But we hate getting the high hat, and it will be reflected in your tip.

As mentioned, keep dishes for the vegetarians/vegans in mind. We can't eat out anywhere without some kind of hassle, so if you make it easy for us, we remember you and we come back often.

Regardless of what you decide on the whole "How does the food taste?" issue, don't ever make a big deal about how little a customer ate. I am constantly embarrassed at nice restaurants because I eat like a little birdie. This is especially bad if I'm not the host--please don't draw the table's attention to the fact that I didn't finish my meal.

Don't make me wait for the freaking check. I can handle bad food, I can handle mistakes, but I can't stand waiting around to give you my money.

By: elwoodwiles

elwoodwiles — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 15:22:22 -0800

If someone drinks a lot of water, filling their glass with ice leaves them with less water and would require twice as many glass-filling stops on the server's part. Plus I hate a ton of ice and might go so far as to ask for a new glass if mine were piled high with ice, thereby making the time-saving attempt backfire.

Actually, from experience, it does slow people down - unless they have a straw. When one drinks from the glass, the ice bumps against one's mouth, forcing people to not gulp, but drink their water - much like a civilized human being.

Occasionally, very occasionally, someone sends the glass back for being too full of ice. When this happens the staff should smile, apologize and bring a new glass. Since most people drink slower with more ice, and very few people send the water back, the overall effect saves much, much valuable time.

Not to offend, or anything, but we had this one server who had a bit of a mouth. Hilarious guy, really. One day a woman demanded a water with no ice. Old Tom just smiled and told her "Wait a bit and it'll melt."

Not that I'd advise such sass, but Tom was a favorite among the customers

By: PandemicSoul

PandemicSoul — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 15:25:13 -0800

Ex-bartender here at a fancy-schmancy restaurant. I also did some serving as well.

"If you notice someone drinking lots of water quickly, try to get as much ice as possible into their glass - it'll slow them down."
I agree with boomchicka on this one -- you do this shit to me, and I'm going to pissed off. I'm one of those people who can drink a LOT, and I don't want to sit there and have you "slow me down." Just refill the glass, and keep an ample amount of ice in there to keep it cool.

On the same lines: having to ask for a straw. [...] Leave a straw for every drink and let the customer decide to use it or not.
Great advice!

It's been said once, but I must reiterate - NEVER SAY "Hi Guys" or "Hey guys" or "Are you guys doing all right?" or "How are you guys?"...EVER. I don't care if it's group of NFL players, the "guys" thing is so crass and lame and tacky. UG.
My mother is kind of a nut sometimes, and she gets super angry about this as well. I always went with "Hey folks," if there was more than one person there. It's gender-neutral.

Please, take some time to review serving etiquette. Nothing irritates me more than visiting a high-end restaurant and having a server who is ignorant of serving etiquette.

My biggest restaurant pet peeve is the server who reaches across me to serve another person or remove their plates. Okay, in a booth this is somewhat unavoidable, but it is inexcusable at a table where you have the opportunity to serve your guest from their other side.
I get the impression that this was one of the biggest issues this questioner is having. Here's a basic "serving etiquette" thingy, but I'd suggest you pull aside one of the "star servers" as your restaurant once you're hired and just ask them to give you some fine-dining pointers. At my restaurant, we had great service but very little preparation. Some of the servers just had to learn by doing, which meant they weren't really polished on some of the finer aspects. Go into this knowing you're going to need to learn the basics.

Also, agreeing with what someone else said, if you don't know how to use a winekey then learn how ASAP. I don't care if you have to go out and buy a box of cheap-ass wine bottles for $20 and practice one afternoon, but this is a critical skill for people who serve wine. Don't expect others to open your wine, and don't expect them to have one of those dumb-ass rabbit-type openers. Get a sturdy wine-key that has a large "handle" portion. Don't get anything too large or heavy or it'll wear a hole in your apron.

Also, I found it useful to get a couple copies of the menu at my restaurant and cut it up and hang it around my apartment when I was trying to learn it. Put a few pages in your bathroom so whenever you're in there brushing your teeth or using the pot you can just read it over and over and over. The more you read it, the better you'll know it. Also ask the cooks what's pre-made and what's made on the fly. That way you'll know if you can "remove the peppers?" from an entree or whatever.

When it comes to alcohol, buy a basic "wine for dummies" book. Know what goes good with what so when people ask for your recommendations on wine for their meal, you know what to give them.

Grow a thick skin! Serving is a STRESSFUL job, and everyone is going to be high-strung on the staff. Let it all come out in the wash after the night is over. That said, don't take shit from the kitchen. Do your job well, but if anyone goes over the top with you when you screw something up, tell them you don't appreciate their tone, and that you're doing the best that you can. The plain and simple fact is: the worst will happen. You will drop food, you will crack a glass in the ice-bin, you will ruin a $150 bottle of wine. Sometimes people in the back either don't realize, or forget, that mistakes can happen and they go haywire when you have to tell them that something screwed up and needs to be made again. Just be firm but polite and put them in their place. I used to hate watching the new people get walked all-over by our kitchen people -- just burns me up. On the same token, they're going to have problems too and try to be understanding when they forget to put a souffle in for you. Entertain the guests until it's done!

Finally: just get used to the idea that some people are going to tip shitty. Whoever listed the groups of people and their tipping habits was right-on. It's just the way it is, and you have to just think how it "rounds out" when you serve a bunch of people. No matter what you do, some people will tip badly and others well.

By: sperare

sperare — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 16:08:25 -0800

When the bill is on the table, be fast about picking it up and processing the credit card. Nothing is more annoying than finishing a meal, getting the bill, putting a credit card down, and then waiting 20 minutes for the waiter to come by and process the charge.

Immaculate hands, don't get your thumbs on the top of the plate, make sure your cuffs are also immaculate. Eye contact. Make your customers think that you care that they are really enjoying their experience, but can the cheesy stuff. Be very polite. Don't be overly friendly - it is offputting to your table, who may not want their guests to think they hobnob with the help. Don't make assumptions - that women could be his daughter or his girlfriend. That woman doesn't need your lecture on not drinking during her pregnancy - if you didn't knock her up yourself, you don't really know if she is pregnant or not.

Suck up to the busboy and the hostess - if they like you, you will get more tables, and make more money. suck up to the Chef - he is ALWAYS right - so that he doesn't hold your food. Chefs are petty tyrants. Let him know you know he is the BOSS and he won't through knives at you through the passthrough. Suck up to the bartender, and they will let you sneak drinks to the hostess and busboy. Buy the kitchen a pitcher of beer after a busy night. Spend it to make it.

By: plinth

plinth — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 16:13:38 -0800

I agree with dirtynumbangel. At the best restaurants I've eaten at, the waistaff were nearly invisible except to answer questions. Their timing was impeccable in terms of showing up when they're needed. They never ask how you're doing or how the food is, instead they become present at an appropriate time and either replenish something that has been depleted that had not great value or offer to replenish something that is either depleted or on its way out. This is the diner's opportunity to ask for something else or to return something that is subpar.

As to the "Hi folks" or "hi there", I find that low-class. Why not, "Good evening/afternoon"?

Generally speaking, the waitstaff I've tipped the most (high class or no) are the ones that were not in the way and if there was a problem went out of their way to make it right. The ones that were superb or in addition treated my daughter very well usually got an additional kind word to the manager.

By: djgh

djgh — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 17:39:39 -0800

I don't really have much to add from the perspective of a patron, but as a former cook I would just say that to get the best out of the kitchen (the quick turnaround on that order you forgot to punch in etc.) try and keep them in mind. If you need to change an order, do it promptly on the system - don't go and shout into the kitchen. It's easier to read it off a slip of paper than juggle it in our heads with the things we've got to do to the six orders on the go.

Phrase things nicely - it's not underdone, the patron would like it cooked more. For your own preservation, blame everything on the customer. Stay out of the way of the chef, and try not to drop us in it - we probably fear/hate him/her as much, if not more, than you. Say thank you for the special stuff, or the things we do well, and try not to complain too much when we screw up. It happened, we know it happened, the chef is shouting at us because it happened. We don't need you weighing in.

We make more per hour than you, but way less tips. I know that the two times a waiter passed on a tip to me from a customer who loved the food certainly made me want to pull out all the stops for the waiter, so it might be nice to occaisonally share the wealth. Your tips depend quite a bit on the food, and the food depends on the kitchen. Be nice, and realise that the cooks are under the same amounts of stress and pressure as you, but in twice the temperature.

By: metasav

metasav — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 22:17:57 -0800

I have to say that the deej is so very very very wrong here. It is the policy of any fine restaurant to bring the check or "ticket" (what the heck is a ticket? sounds like a violation. Anyhoo...) ONLY when it is requested. Um, and one of the things Bruni, Sietsema, and the rest of the critics love to taunt noob waiters about. Dropping the check before it is requested is akin to being a diner waiter. Which is the hardest job on earth I assume, but comes with a COMPLETELY different set of laws. Do not listen to the deej. Heck, in most truly fine dining restaurants, you can't even get a straw. And don't worry, noobie. This guy who needs singles so he can leave you ( I'll bet!) a bad tip? You'll get plenty of jerks. But you'll get plenty of lovely people with manners and culture, too.

You are getting some good advice here, I hope you can wade through the horses@#t.

Again I say, good luck to you. OH! And I plead with you to do two things for me:

1. Please call yourself a waiter. It is genderless, and the "-ess" on the end always seems like "less" to me. My own crazy peeve, I know, but it matters.

2. No one (okay, 99%) goes into this line of work expecting it to be a career. It's really hard to walk away from the money, though. Anyone who does not truly love it will become the worst waiter ever if they stay too long. Walk away when the time is right.

By: The Deej

The Deej — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 09:12:09 -0800

This guy who needs singles so he can leave you ( I'll bet!) a bad tip? You'll get plenty of jerks.

Wow!!!!! Since this comment mentioned only me by name, I can't help but to take it personally. metasav, I find it hard to believe that you are trying to teach anything about class throwing around accusations of jerkiness and "horses@#t." I would hate to have a server who is convinced the diner is so much less cultured than he is.

For the record, I NEVER said to drop the check at the first possible moment. I said:

"Once it's confirmed I don't want any more desserts, drinks, refills, souvenir t-shirts, or whole pies to go, I don't want to wait forever for the ticket, or worse have to ask for it."

The "having to ask for it" is means that AFTER it is understood the check would be coming (which I used humor to indicate, which apparently is lost on some people), then I don't want to have to remind the server again to bring the check. I am not an idiot. Does anyone really think I would sit around and never ask for my check? Please!

Also for the record: I ALWAYS tip VERY generously! Trying to get change is not to tip low. Giving the diner a good selection of change just shows you are thinking of making things convenient for him. Using the example of 5s and 1s was just for convenience. I don't need to repeat the point.

To the OP: Please do not take the attitude that your diners are less cultured or well-mannered than you. Your disdain will show through. I am extremely well mannered, and very well cultured, thank you. If you decide to hold on to the check because everyone knows the diner must ask for it, in order to be correct, you will end up with some angry diners.

Your job as a server is not school your patrons on good manners. Your job is to make their dining experience valuable, anticipate their needs, and be well-mannered yourself. If your guest wants ask for an extra spoon to mix his peas with his mashed potatoes, its not your job to tell him he is an oaf; just bring the spoon.

Yes, you will indeed run into many ill-mannered, low-tipping jerks. You will also run into snooty, high-tipping jerks. You will also run into other servers who are snooty jerks.

Take a genuine interest in your guests' enjoyment, learn the basics, and you can't go too far wrong.

And if I want to drink my riesling with a straw, just bring me one. :)

By: Cuke

Cuke — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 09:20:31 -0800

From a former waiter - I did it for 14 years in a variety of different places, from lower end (a gourmet burger place) to mid-range (steak restaurant, Italian) to higher end (oyster bar/seafood) and bar work (Irish Pub). Sad to say that I actually still miss it from time to time. Waitering can be addictive.

You already have lots of good and conflicting advice! Here's my two cents.

#1 To maximize tips, sell lots. This often means selling lots of booze - pricey wine, after dinner drinks. (The best tips I ever made - by far - were in the Irish Pub, despite the fact that we sold almost no food and service was extremely casual.) If you are in a more expensive place it can also be done with food and this is where (as others have mentioned) it pays to know the menu. The priciest place I ever worked had a tasting for staff before we went on shift and this was great. If your joint doesn't do this try get info from the kitchen staff. If tables do order the priciest thing on the menu make sure you know how to present it with proper service - open the wine properly or crack the lobster for them. The restaurant should teach you how to do this. If they dont, ask the best waiter in the place for a lesson and buy him or her a drink.

#2 Learn to read your tables. As you've seen above some people will want you to be chummy others will prefer you aloof. Some people want you to check the food, others not. Some want the plates gone immediately, others not. Figuring out which is which is usually pretty easy if you follow their lead. If you make a mistake it's no big deal because it probably won't change your tip much anyway. If you remember what you did "wrong" the first time they came and do it differently the second time they will love you.

#3 Make friends with the other staff. Buy the kitchen staff pitchers of beer at the end of the night, joke with them and treat them with respect - most of them make crap money. If they like you and you screw up and forget to order in time it's much more likely they'll rush that dinner for you. If you have to tip out your busboy and hostess give them a little extra from time to time, or buy them a drink. Help the busboy when you can too. Be extra nice to the bartender. I'm not sure why but they often (though not always) come with big attitudes. Most people will wait a while for food but if they don't get their drinks fast they will not be happy.

#4 Some things are out of your control so relax and try to have fun. Waitering is a stressful job and the people who dont make it (and lots dont) are the ones who panic or get angry. Some people tip like crap no matter what. You can't always avoid the "bad" tables. Some nights you'll make lousy money. It all works out in the end.

By: SuperSquirrel

SuperSquirrel — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 19:25:50 -0800

I'd like to address the live music club part of the equation. I worked in a live music club as a cocktail waitress for 8 years. (In no way could the club where I worked be described as "high end", but it was - and still is - one of most popular live music clubs in the area.)

1) Know the name of the performer/band/singer.

2) Know what kind of music they play. At my club, it was "blues" or "rock" or "country", but I suspect yours will lean more towards the different types of jazz. If so, learn the different types.

3) Know if the performer has CDs and/or other merchandise for sale, and where and how the customer could acquire same. Can you get a CD and bring it back to the table? Does the customer have to approach the performer directly? Where is the merchandise area?

4) Know the schedule for the evening. When does each set start and end? How late in the evening does the performer play?

5) If the music lineup changes, know the schedule for the next week or so. Know when this particular evening's performer will be back at this venue. Know when someone of a similar style will be playing this venue.

6) Act like you enjoy the music yourself, even if you'd rather stab forks in your ears. Don't let your enjoyment (or not) of the music affect your attention to your table-waiting duties, of course, but do act like it is a pleasant experience.

7) I doubt if this will be a problem for you, but you may want to scope out the volume level of the restaurant/club and learn the best times to talk with customers.(*) Even a jazz band (especially one with a brass section) can get loud at times, and you want to make sure you can communicate with your customers and they with you.

* You would think that the best times to try to talk to a customer would be between songs when the volume was lower, but often that is when the performer is talking/making jokes/introducing the band or song, and that is often exactly when the customer wants to be listening. I had more customers (and performers!) snap at me for talking between songs than for yelling in someone's ears during a song.