If I want to leave, do I let anyone know

December 14, 2006 8:51 AM

I have a goals & objectives meeting with my boss. Lately work has been hugely unsatisfying, and I feel, moreover, that promises have been broken or infinitely deferred. I have plenty of other work opportunities, it is almost hard to keep them away. Do I mention that I am seriously considering leaving in this meeting in hopes that it might change things, or just be quiet and leap when the time is right?

I know this is vague, but I can't give away too many details, for obvious reasons. My reasons for staying are minimal. There are people I really love there, and would be sad to have workdays without them.

posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat to work & money (20 comments total)

I'm of the mind that if your boss has at least a loose grip on reality, he's going to know (without it being said) that you have other options and are probably considering them more seriously based on the conversation.

You don't want to give them any reason to look to replace you anytime before you're ready to leave of your own accord.

If you do want to force the issue with the boss, I think your best approach would be to line something else up - ie. get an offer on the table, then have this conversation while you have the offer in your pocket.
posted by allkindsoftime at 8:56 AM on December 14, 2006

You obviously know your boss much better than does anyone here. But, without knowing him/her, I would suggest not specifically stating that you're thinking seriously about leaving, but heavily implying it.

That is, say something much like your second sentence: You're not happy at work, you feel like you're not being treated well, and you feel like something needs to be done to fix this. If he/she asks if you're considering leaving, then be honest about it, but don't bring up the subject yourself.
posted by cerebus19 at 8:57 AM on December 14, 2006

I think it depends a little bit on your situation. If you do have a reason to stay, your supervisor is open to honest discussion, and they seem like they'd make some effort to keep you, I would mention it and emphasis that you'd like to make it work, but will leave if they can't meet you part way. (I've done this and was fairly successful)

But if you think you're going to go regardless, or don't want to wait around through the process of seeing if things actually get better this time (it takes time), don't mention it. It will just make things uncomfortable and awkward. And in the worst case, as allkindsoftime said, let them start working on getting rid of you first.
posted by scrute at 9:03 AM on December 14, 2006

Be quiet. Unless your boss thinks that you are a very critical player in the company's future, any indication you are thinking of jumping ship will, most likely, lead to his assuming you're already out the door. It could persuade him to not give you that raise he was considering...heck, it could lead to a pre-emptive dismissal.

As allkindsoftime says...line something up first. Then have the "dissatisfied with work" talk.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:06 AM on December 14, 2006

scrute, I think what you have describer is closer to the situation. I have reason to stay, and I know they have reason to keep me.

My reason for mentioning this would be to make it clear that although I do like much about the job, they cannot count entirely on me sticking around if things stay as they are.

I do not want to raise this as a threat, but more as the grounds on which we can have an honest discussion. But perhaps I am naive in thinking that revealing what is happening will help rather than hinder.
posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat at 9:19 AM on December 14, 2006

It's best not to let them know you are willing to quit over these issues.

Do you want to work in an environment in which you have to present ultimatums in order to have your concerns are only taken seriously? Is this a boss who is willing to adapt to your needs, or is the situation going to resume as ever before once he's sees that you are mollified? You don't want to set a precedent in which changes aren't offered except as a last resort, or else you'll wind up bringing up your other career possibilities again and agin in the future.
posted by hermitosis at 9:26 AM on December 14, 2006

are only
posted by hermitosis at 9:26 AM on December 14, 2006

kingfisher, I struggled with this at my last job. Think of it this way: if they are the sort of people who will break or indefinitely defer promises, how likely is it that they will take your words to heart?

It also helps to take a clear-eyed look at other people sharing your tier on the company ladder. If there's a lot of low morale in general, then there's an organizational dysfunction. Unless it's corrected at the right level, your boss won't be able to help you. In fact, he or she might be struggling with the same issues too. If that's the case, I'd take one of your other opportunities and save your comments for the exit interview. Best of luck.
posted by melissa may at 9:35 AM on December 14, 2006

I second scrute. Don't bring quitting into it. But do explain that you are currently unhappy with the current situation and why. Make it clear that this is important to you.

This is a 100% reasonable and straightforward way to resolve conflicts, and will probably feel better for all parties than adversarial threat-based negotiations.
posted by aubilenon at 9:47 AM on December 14, 2006

Either you're in or you're out.

If you want this job and a future in this company, fight for it.

If there are greener pastures, then sit quitely, plan, and get out soon.
posted by ewkpates at 9:54 AM on December 14, 2006

I would turn the meeting into a discussion, where the discussion makes you realize, with your boss, that you hadn't noticed but jeez, things aren't that great. The meeting will be a time of epiphany for you (both hopefully) and you will be leaving the meeting with your first thoughts of "hey maybe i should leave".

This way it's sort of your boss's fault you starting thinking about it, yet you haven't decided yet.
posted by thilmony at 10:13 AM on December 14, 2006

It depends on your boss' track record of meeting commitments and taking such meetings seriously. If s/he is going to use the meeting as a constructive tool then you might want to wait around and see if any conclusions wind up getting implemented. If not, if it's just a bitchfest, smile and nod until you have a firm job offer, then leave. Always keep your interest in moving on from your existing work place until you're done with them.
posted by jet_silver at 10:31 AM on December 14, 2006

If you can think of specific things that could be changed, that your boss has the power to change, I say go ahead and discuss those things with him. You don't need to bring up that you're thinking of leaving, but you can be honest that you're feeling dissatisfied. I think most bosses would respond well to a conversation phrased as "X and Y reduce my ability to be productive, and I want to be a productive member of this team; how can we change X and Y?" Whether X and Y directly reduce your productivity or simply reduce your morale enough that you become less productive, your boss should be willing to entertain this discussion WITHOUT you having to threaten to leave. Focus on looking for solutions, rather than simply complaining.

Ultimatums, threats, or even just mentioning that you've considered leaving at this point (before you've told them that anything's wrong or given them a chance to work on it) will make them think you've already given up, and therefore they'll probably not be motivated to help you implement the necessary changes. Don't bring it up until you've actually decided to leave and have another job lined up.

The talk might result in changes, and it might not. It sounds like you enjoy working at your current job enough that it's worth your while to attempt a solution instead of just walking out the door. If it doesn't work, at least you can leave knowing that you gave it your honest effort instead of just giving up.
posted by vytae at 10:44 AM on December 14, 2006

Don't mention that you are thinking of quitting. They will then start treating you like a short-timer, or possibly even fire you.

Other people have mentioned good suggestions for trying to constructively suggest changing the things that are making you unhappy.

Good luck with it all.
posted by matildaben at 10:57 AM on December 14, 2006

First, have a clear idea of what's wrong. It sounds like you see things you don't like, but can you explain them clearly to your boss?

Then, have a clear idea of what you are asking for. You may have to do some of your boss' job of figuring out possible solutions. Ask for concrete steps that your boss actually has the power to take. Try to figure out how long you are willing to wait to see those steps happen, even if you don't want to give him deadlines.

Explain to him what's wrong and see if he can understand that. If he can't, you have to decide what's happening. Maybe your boss is stupid or malicious. Maybe you've just attacked him on a point that's important to his own self-interest. Maybe you haven't done a good enough job explaining, or you just don't understand the situation as well as you thought you did.

If he acknowledges a problem, then you can ask him for changes. If he refuses to at least consider your proposals, start looking for another job now. If he seems receptive, then agree to another meeting in x weeks time and start looking for another job anyway, just in case.
posted by fuzz at 11:11 AM on December 14, 2006

Thanks. I guess I wanted to make it clear that I never thought I would march in with the threat of quitting and make demands. Just wondering whether I should confess that for the first time, other offers have some appeal to me.

Thanks for the tips on whether or not to bring this up and just how to present it should I.
posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat at 11:26 AM on December 14, 2006

I'd jot down your top two or three problems, and come up with reasonable (from their point of view) solutions before you go to the meeting.

If your problems are financial, I'd have a line below which you will not go thought out ahead of time.
posted by atchafalaya at 11:58 AM on December 14, 2006

Speaking from the employer's side of the deal, it is nice to speak to an employee who is ambitious. Don't mention quitting. Ask for an opportunity. Be specific. If there is one you may get it. If there isn't one, one might be created, or at worst you may find out you need to move on.

Will the things that make you happy make the company better?

A few years ago, my vice president threatened to move across the country "for family reasons". It was a veiled attempt to get a salary increase. I was forced to evaluate his job performance. He received a large raise. But I will never forget being put in that position. He could have gotten the raise had he only discussed it with me.

Evaluate your opportunities, you don't know when they will come again.
posted by SMELLSLIKEFUN at 1:02 PM on December 14, 2006

I think that a combination of approaches suggested here. Don't outright mention bailing. But I'd start to look for other issues in the organization (low morale, lots of people leaving, paychecks being screwy, etc) and maybe discuss with your boss ways that you can help in your department. Maybe set some sort of timeline (ex: "How about I/we try to fix X, Y, and Z and meet again to see how progress is coming?") Something like that.
And if things are looking gloomy, have an offer from somewhere else ready to go if things fall into the tank.
posted by sperose at 3:01 AM on December 15, 2006

My wife & I run a small coaching business where we help people leave all the time.

There are several things you can do: My first advice is to resolve for yourself what is important to YOU. Write down 101 things you love (EVERYTHING and ANYTHING); look "above" that list for patterns and really important stuff.

Second (and here's the tricky part), we humans will CHOOSE to stay in simmering low-grade pain unless the pain is unbearable--but not sooner. In other words, if you don't make an effort for yourself towards actually LEAVING, you'll probably stay in your shitty job for years (because the fear of "leaving" is worse than the pain of staying). In order to leave, we need to make a contract with ourselves before we do so with our bosses. You need to make an "irrevocable choice" (read the book "The Paradox of Choice").

So here's my advice: Figure out what's important. Then when you've sorted that out, walk to your boss and say, "I'll be leaving here in one year." Holy shit, it's done! Fear will come and go--you may not even know today how you're gonna leave your old job (not to mention getting a NEW ONE!) But now everyone is aware of your intentions (INCLUDING YOU!). You are now on a "irrevocable path", one that will help you and move you towards actually leaving.

First, most bosses will appreciate an exit strategy rather than just quitting. Many will actually help you through your transition. A good boss knows that a good exit plan is good for everyone involved. Hope this helps. /pg.
posted by mambonova at 9:21 AM on December 15, 2006