Urgent Help

December 6, 2006 11:05 AM

My office manager just emailed me that detectives will be visiting my office mate soon. According to the message, "There has been a death. That is all I know and I was told not to say anything to her." What do I do?

I get that I don't say anything to her now. And I know how to be supportive to her after. But, do I leave when the detectives get here? Do I stay on for support? If so, do I seem surprised?

posted by apocry_phil to Human Relations (21 answers total)

Seem surprised, and excuse yourself immediately if the detectives come to your office. It might be that your officemate will be called away to meet with them, which makes more sense to me.

Out of courtesy, I wouldn't say anything to co-workers just yet about why you are vacating your office for a bit.
posted by AuntLisa at 11:08 AM on December 6, 2006

Yeah, I would pretend like you haven't heard anything, but be ready to make yourself scarce for a while if they do need talk to her there.
posted by danb at 11:11 AM on December 6, 2006

Best answer: Why not suggest to your office manager that he reserve a conference room for them, and then he can come retrieve your co-worker when they arrive?
posted by jon_kill at 11:14 AM on December 6, 2006

Best answer: Be available to give her a ride home or get her a taxi.

And yea, if a private space can be provided for her to get this news, that would be good.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:22 AM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Jon_Kill - That's perfect. I'd like to think it was only the blind panic that kept from thinking of it on my own.
posted by apocry_phil at 11:29 AM on December 6, 2006

Let's not forget that these detectives may be showing up to take the officemate into custody on suspicion regarding this death. I'm sorry that I have no advice in any case, except to make sure to do something calming for yourself because there may be a lot of drama in the office regarding whatever death this was.
posted by bilabial at 11:34 AM on December 6, 2006

No advice to offer that is better than the previous posters, but please update this thread when you figure out what is going on!
posted by chiababe at 11:55 AM on December 6, 2006

The conference room is a good idea, or even better have you manager call you to a meeting when they show up. I had a co-worker arrested by the F.B.I. and no one at my work informed me that 5 officers would be busting in with guns drawn. At least you have a heads up.
posted by elkelk at 11:59 AM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

I got the same idea as bilabial. Sounds more like the detectives are coming to question your officemate rather than inform her of the death.

And what chiababe said! Do update!
posted by necessitas at 12:00 PM on December 6, 2006

(I know, it's terribly unlikely that the police would give the office manager that kind of heads up, but I've lived in some places with terrible police units. It wouldn't surprise me.)
posted by bilabial at 12:05 PM on December 6, 2006

You won't have to do anything. Police detectives don't need your help in maneuvering someone into a position of privacy, and they like to do their questioning down at the station.
posted by bingo at 12:30 PM on December 6, 2006

Yikes -> told not to say anything to her?
Damn- tell her so she can get on her way to Mexico or get her alibi set up.

Mostly kidding
Hopefully this isn't someone very close to her. I had dectectives come to my house over an acquaintance getting murdered. I guess to question as many people soon after the death.

And, um, I third the update request.
posted by beccaj at 12:32 PM on December 6, 2006

weird that the office manager knows and is emailing this out...could it be rumor? Doesn't it seem like the boss would put the word out on something like this? Or even more likely that they wouldn't say anything?

The detectives could be coming to talk to YOU, or anyone else around the office for all you know...

so be cool, and act like you don't know what is going on...high tailing it when a detective walks in the room is sketchy!
posted by Salvatorparadise at 12:53 PM on December 6, 2006

That kind of rumor can get people fired or at least disciplined. Hightailing it when the detective walks in is not sketchy at all. It's reasonable, if not polite. The detectives may even ask phil to leave.
posted by jerseygirl at 1:04 PM on December 6, 2006

Arranging a conference room where there is privacy is still a good idea. No need to make it a circus in the office if it's questioning about or notification of a death.
posted by jerseygirl at 1:05 PM on December 6, 2006

Just to be clear here: we are talking about police detectives and not private detectives, right? I mean, everything you included in your question suggests that it's the former rather than the latter, but I thought I'd ask just in case.
posted by Clay201 at 1:38 PM on December 6, 2006

the office manager knows but your office mate does not?

that stinks. your office manager has no legal obligation not to tell your office mate but if you are being informed, I would consider him ethically obliged to tell him/her first and ask for permission to disclose such information to you.

this is fucked up. inform your office mate. now. say what you know and what you do not.
posted by krautland at 1:49 PM on December 6, 2006

Response by poster: Thanks to all for your responses. A death in the family was the reason for the visit. Just an awful notification - no questioning or door-busting (elkelk, where do you work?).

The office manager reserved a conference room near the exit doors. When the detectives arrived, my office mate was simply informed that she had visitors at the front. While she met with them in a private conference room (good call, jon_kill), we gathered her bag and called a cab. The cab driver was understanding and accepted a flat fee (from us, in advance) to take her wherever she needed to go (thanks, TPSH). She was tearful, but appreciated our discretion and assistance.

Much like I appreciate yours. Again, thanks.
posted by apocry_phil at 1:55 PM on December 6, 2006

Glad to hear you were able to be there, apocry_phil. I had a co-worker find out over the phone that her father passed away (some stupid fuck at the hospital)- it was awful.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:15 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

I found out from a message left on the machine at my house that my grandfather passed away. My parents had not told me yet, and I just got home from school, the funeral director called and left a vague message about arrangements and I knew... my parents actually walked in while the message was playing.
posted by crewshell at 12:28 AM on December 7, 2006

Apocry_phil, I work at a stained-glass company...it was not the first time the cops busted in...
posted by elkelk at 7:13 AM on December 7, 2006