My girlfriend of four years broke up with me. We're stuck in the same small clique for a while. How do I manage to still see all of our mutual friends? Do I just give up on seeing "her" friends?
My ex and I are both in our mid-twenties and were together on-again off-again for four years, though we always kept in touch even in the "off" periods. It's completely over at this point, though: two months ago she had a thunderbolt experience
and fell in love with someone else while abroad, decided to cut off all contact with me to pursue that, and break up with me a week after the fact. She's continuing that relationship. However, she's returned, and we're living in the same city for at least another six months.
We're in a foreign city, and most of our friends are mutual, and are part of the same small clique. I came to the city 8 months after she did, have been working 14 hour days, and spent every minute of free time I had around her; needless to say, I have almost zero friends who didn't meet her first. I've also been quite depressed, which made it difficult to make good friends of my own.
The ex and I have been in touch a few times since her return, and we were civil when in public together. However, even seeing me in public is too difficult for her, so we're stopping that for a while.
And I now feel like she's now competing for our friends' time, while I've been more laissez-faire. I don't really know how to compete for "friend-time", and would probably lose to her in a direct head-on "friend-time" fight. I recognize that everyone knows her and likes her better than me.
She organized a giant Thanksgiving dinner at her place, which all of our friends went to, and didn't tell me about it. I learned about it from friends (one who told me they were surprised I wasn't invited). I could understand not being included, but it was still a very painful experience. I asked her to discuss the friend situation after this, but she became angry and said there's nothing to discuss. We're no longer speaking.
I organized a post-dinner event this weekend, hoping to see some of the friends I'd only been in touch with over email lately, and informed her of it. She then organized a dinner event with a number of those invited, who told me they wouldn't be able to make it to mine.
So what do I do? How do I make sure that I can still see those friends? Should I figure out who are "her" friends, and not expect to see them? Do I have to discuss the options with each friend?
This is all very confusing, as I've never had a breakup with mutual friends, let alone one in such close quarters. I'd be happy if anyone shared similar experiences, as well.
[Also, I've not bitched about her to our friends, or asked them to be conduits
of information. I don't want to be "that guy" who only talks about his ex. This has actually been incredibly difficult for me, as I've had no one to support me here. AskMe archives have provided a plethora of sympathy and advice, though! And I can complain about her as much as I want!]