Fix my monkey bites

December 2, 2006 8:57 PM

How to get rid of hickies/bruises quickly?

After a long night with a gentleman, I managed to sustain some serious hickies/bruises/monkey bites/whatever you want to call them. Under ordinary circumstances I would wear my hair down, unfortunately these are on the front of my neck. I bruise easily and they take their sweet time healing up, mainly because my skin is so pale. These particular marks are fairly dark and blatant.

I'd like to speed up the healing process or otherwise make them less noticeable. I have an important meeting on Monday, as you can imagine I think I'd make a better impression without the bite marks.

Any strategies/hints? Due to skin sensitivity, I'd prefer not to use makeup of any sort. Friend suggested using a fork (?), have no idea what that even means.

Thanks in advance.

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (13 comments total)

Previously.

I'd suggest wear a turtleneck. You could always buy a stylish one tomorrow, if you don't have one, that wouldn't look out of place at a business meeting.
posted by Dasein at 9:03 PM on December 2, 2006

Also, I think that the fork advice might be based on the same principle as the comb advice in the above thread. What that principle is, I don't know.
posted by Dasein at 9:05 PM on December 2, 2006

Do the comb/hairdryer combo.

And find a sassy scarf to wear on Monday.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:07 PM on December 2, 2006 [1 favorite]

Hickies are broken blood vessels. You can't make them go away faster any more than you can make a cut on your hand go away faster (except by consuming vitamin E, I guess). You just have to wear something over it...lucky for you, it's winter.
posted by bingo at 9:30 PM on December 2, 2006

this one kicks the ass of the hickey
but you need a tube of lipstick - mac works well, or any with a round and pointy tip. I guess another object of similar shape and plasticosity would work too, but mac works better in my experience.
so put the tip of the lipstick lid on the hickey and push while twisting. Enough to feel the skin kind of pull and twist but not enough to hurt at first. move around the bruise. - once it starts to feel funny and overly tender, stop. Do it until your skin turns fairly red and then let it sit - you may have to do it more that one round.
I have ultra sensitive skin, so in the moment of doing it it looks pretty awful but it works really well. I had the super evil black kind, huge. The next day I had a slightly pink small area on my neck, like I had recently scratched at it. No one noticed.
I learned this trick from a mac makeup artist, oddly. And it's not just mac propaganda that their tube works best, it's real.
The fork, or comb, method involves dragging the tines or comb, over the hickey repeatedly. It's a similar technique and I have tried it, but the tube works better.
posted by henryis at 9:34 PM on December 2, 2006

The idea behind the comb/fork is that, in gently scraping them across the affected area, you are distributing the leaking blood more evenly so that you do not bruise. But I think that this (and icing the area) are only helpful before the bruises are vivid. At least, this is what I learned from Mtv. I vote for a turtleneck or scarf.
posted by unknowncommand at 9:38 PM on December 2, 2006

henryis: ..but you need a tube of lipstick - mac works well, or any with a round and pointy tip.

I'm sorry, ~what~ is a mac?
posted by Meep! Eek! at 10:44 PM on December 2, 2006

'm sorry, ~what~ is a mac?

I know, I thought "how would i use my laptop to fix a hickey", too - and I'm a girl! MAC is a makeup brand. Their lipstick cover looks like a little bullet.
posted by echo0720 at 10:51 PM on December 2, 2006

Theoretically then a vibrator would do the job?
posted by A189Nut at 3:30 AM on December 3, 2006

fyi...Mac lipstick
posted by nimsey lou at 3:33 AM on December 3, 2006

I have many friends who are in the BDSM community (including renowned sexual educator Midori) who come across or deal with bruising much more often than your average folk. Many of them absolutely swear by the use of "Arnica Montana" (also known as "Leopard's Bane) on bruises; in that it reduces the appearance of them, as well as making them subside substancially quicker. It's use is also extremely popular with many athletes.

Arnica is made from the dried roots and flowers and is most often found as a cream; but occasionally can be found in "pillule" form, to let dissolve in your mouth. I hear the cream is the best. The use of Arnica dates back to the 16th century.

"Arnica works by stimulating the activity of white blood cells which process congested blood, and by dispersing trapped fluids from joints and muscles and bumped and bruised tissue. It also has anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial qualities and it is these that help to reduce pain and swelling as well as improving wound healing." Although an old-fashioned remedy, modern studies have shown it to be extremely effective.

You can find Arnica cream in many health food stores, phamacies or places that offer alternative medicines or homeopathic remedies.
posted by Jade Dragon at 3:51 AM on December 3, 2006 [3 favorites]

Papaya extract is taken for bruising. A very reputable surgeon recommended Papaya extract a couple years ago before a vein surgery I had.

Papaya extract comes in tablet form and can be found in health food stores. You can chew them if you like. They work best to prevent bruising and speed healing, but it wouldn't hurt to try post bruising.
posted by LoriFLA at 5:28 AM on December 3, 2006

surprised no one's mentioned the best solution: warm washcloth

placing it on the bruise helps local blood flow and get the clots moving out of there. Just keep the area warm for 20 minutes a few times a day and it'll be gone shortly
posted by slapshot57 at 7:56 PM on December 3, 2006