Child development advice?

December 1, 2006 2:33 PM

How can I influence the lives of my young nephew and niece in a positive way without being near them?

My sister is a little crazy (but I love her). She has two children, Griffyn (age 4) and Phenyx (age >1). She lives on the other side of the country and I never get to see my wee relatives. I'm looking for ideas to help me have a profound and beneficial impact on their young lives, though I can't be with them in person. She has completely different (and imho silly, but I won't push this) ideas about religion, she being a semi-practicing Seventh-Day Adventist and I being a semi-practicing Buddhist.

I'd like to spark their interests in music, art, literature, the sciences, mathematics, and help them to be critical thinkers about religion, politics, and philosophy. Given their age, I have some time to plan this. However, I would like to get a head start in areas where starting young is truly beneficial (i.e. learning other languages, music, and perhaps math?)

What are the best ways to do this?

posted by mullingitover to society & culture (14 comments total)

1. Books. They played an important role in my intellectual development from very young, and I think they will be a major contributor to sparking/shaping your relatives' interests and thought processes. Of course you'll have to find some way to cultivate in them a voracious reading habit to begin with.. but supplying books to them in the form of Christmas/birthday presents, etc, might help.

2. LEGO. I'm not kidding; it's a great intellectual stimulant for young children. Used to keep my cousins and I occupied for hours on end. Builds all sorts of useful skills and intellectual capacities which I do not know enough to talk about with any authority.

3. Give them simple tools associated with the areas you want to interest them in. E.g. a toy guitar, a kid's chemistry set, some paint, brushes, and paper. If you can interest them in these activities before they encounter the soulsucking seduction of the television screen, you might stand a chance.

Just my 2 cents worth.
posted by nihraguk at 2:40 PM on December 1, 2006

I have an 8 year old son who lives far away from me, so I have worked very hard to maintain a strong relationship and provide a positive influence as well.

I am very lucky to get about 2 months with him every year for visiting, and those months are amazing and precious, let me tell you. We have a unique, close, and, I think, rewarding relationship, given the circumstances. Is there any chance that you would get to have them visit for periods of time, say in summers? That is definitely one way of being close to them and being a positive and or alternative role model.

The other thing that I am careful to do is many phone calls, letters packages etc. This takes some effort with consistency, but is totally worth it. Little kids LOVE to get letters and packages in the mail. Even something as simple as a postcard, or sending them a picture will be thrilling.

And even though they may not be the best conversationalists at this young age, you can still let them know you are thinking of them and let them know they are important to you. Just call and say, "Hey, did you see the moon last night? I can see the moon, too" Things that spark their imagination in a very simple way, but also provide a definite connection.

Just know that the effort will have to be completely on your part, and keep it up, even if it doesn`t seem to be having an impact, because it really actually does.
posted by atlatl at 2:46 PM on December 1, 2006

An aunt used to subscribe magazines of the educational inclination for my sister and I when we were kids. Also Dr. Seuss books and audio books for car trips.

I'm unfamiliar with any print magazines still in existence but I seem to recall titles like Chickadee (?) and Boy's Life (?) and other magazine of that ilk.
posted by porpoise at 3:05 PM on December 1, 2006

Write them letters.

Call them on the phone.

Buy them fun, educational videos.

Take them on trips, or let them come visit you. When kids in my family turned 10, we got to go visit Grammy and Grampy for a week. That was fun.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:21 PM on December 1, 2006 [1 favorite]

and help them to be critical thinkers about religion, politics, and philosophy

Forgive me if I'm reading too much into this part but it sounds like you'd like to subvert your sister on these subjects to her kids. From experience I would recommend not doing this, at least until they become teenagers and rebel on their own.
posted by saraswati at 5:44 PM on December 1, 2006

I second bringing them out to visit you.

You might also consider buying them a family membership to their local children's museum or science center. These usually cost around $100 for a family of four and provide unlimited admission to the museum for a year, plus the opportunity to do fun "members only" activities. If she has the membership in hand, perhaps she'd be more likely to take the kids whenever a rainy day rolls around.

There are a lot of children's language instruction videos out there. Most of the parents I know would be overjoyed to recieve something that would give them license to plop their kids in front to the television guilt-free.
posted by chickletworks at 5:47 PM on December 1, 2006

I second the magazine subscription idea. They have them for all different ages, National Geographic has one,. You might want to buy some samples and look through them to see if it sends the sort of message you want to be sending.
Season tickets to a local childrens theatre.
When they get older you could offer to send them to day camp. If there is a local Arts Center they often have some great classes for kids.
Books on tape.
I used to send my nieces envelope presents, like a pen that folds flat or litlle bracelets. This year around Halloween I sent packages of gummy eyeballs. (I'm the wierd Auntie).
Don't expect spontaneous thanks, they won't write notes unless under dire threat and they'll forget when they're are talking to you, don't be insulted, they'll remember the guy that always sent them stuff.
posted by BoscosMom at 5:58 PM on December 1, 2006

saraswati writes "Forgive me if I'm reading too much into this part but it sounds like you'd like to subvert your sister on these subjects to her kids. From experience I would recommend not doing this, at least until they become teenagers and rebel on their own."

I can see how you'd get the impression that I'd like to indoctrinate them with my own ideas and convince them to reject those held by my sister. Rest assured, I only want them to understand religion as a whole. If they understand the history of and fundamentals of religion and still decide to be Seventh-Day Adventists I won't mind, I just don't want their choices to be made based on lack of knowledge.

Regarding the other comments: In the long run they will probably come to see me for a week or two, but this won't be for a few years. My sister has been exposing Griffyn to TV shows intended to help children learn Spanish, which I enthusiastically support.
posted by mullingitover at 6:41 PM on December 1, 2006

What about using Skype to help keep in touch? Then you can easily start natural conversations about what books they're reading, what they're studying in school, and so on.

Seconding letters, too - I have received letters from my grandpa for years, and inbetween bits about home and family he always mentions some play he's seen, or writes something in a foreign language, or refers to a museum exhibit he visited.

I think it's important to model this kind of thing as normal social behavior. They should grow up around people who show that it's normal (and even expected) to read books for pleasure and to discuss them, that broadening their minds is something to do for fun and not just for obligation at school. Keep it interactive and entertaining, not like some required book report that they'll do begrudgingly.
posted by cadge at 7:07 PM on December 1, 2006

Yes books! Once they are in school they will get book orders every 3-6 weeks. They know that Uncle Mullingitover will always buy them a book or two. Buy their birthday and Christmas toys from small independent toy stores-ask the clerks there for help--and you will always get them something unique and special.

Keep your expectations reasonable. If you don't see them in person much, you probably cannot have a "profound" influence.
posted by LarryC at 10:52 PM on December 1, 2006

As others have said, magazines such as 'Time for Kids' or 'Dig' (the archeology magazine for kids) or whatever else you can find that shows other cultures and covers current events in other countries. A wildlife magazine wouldn't hurt either.

I have also had some luck with a child who really likes old disco music. (because that was the only CD she had). I mail her CDs full of up-tempo music from all over the globe and then email her the song list with a two-sentence description of what country the artists are from and their 'outlook' on life. Nothing preachy - just hoping she'll go to the atlas now and again and notice that the world is a big, diverse place.
posted by loosemouth at 2:49 AM on December 2, 2006

Oh, how I feel your pain. This is not going to be easy.

You've gotten some great suggestions here. The only thing I'd add is that, when they're young teens, nurture your relationship with them (when you see them) by being a positive role model (so they'll listen to you) and then engage them in meaningful conversations while doing your best to respect your sister's authority.
posted by forensicphd at 6:07 AM on December 2, 2006

My kids like assorted science magazines. Oh, and we attend a church. Is your sister crazy in general, or just because she's an SDA?

Although I have differing beliefs than the adventists, when I lived in Micronesia they were the only denomination that was openly friendly and accepting regardless of our differences, unlike those who screamed at me.

I have a family member who tends to caricature our family culture because we happen to attend church. In her mind, we are all slack jawed mouth breathing red state fundamentalists who think dinosaurs are the fossilized bodies of demons planted by satan to confound the weak.

Of course we probably do the same thing with her.

Anyway, I bring this up to suggest that anything you send these kids that is overtly intended to send a message, i.e. "Heather has three mommies" will probably do more harm than good. We get some gifts that indicate that the giver thinks we are idiotic parents, on occasion. It's not that we don't realize that Barbie isn't the best role model for our daughter, and there are colors other than pink, it's just that Barbie is like crack and we can't keep her away from it.

And in a sense, it is ironic that supposing that sending "good" works of art and literature is going to save someone--it seems like an archaic notion, even if "save" in this sense=imbue them with critical thinking skills.

Still, if anything can save these children it's probably legos, science toys, and good music. TMBG No! is good. And like the previous posters suggested, if the mom is running a very tight ship they'll rebel on their own.
posted by mecran01 at 8:48 AM on December 2, 2006

mecran01 writes "Is your sister crazy in general, or just because she's an SDA?"

Oh, in general. She's not a hardcore SDA or anything, which is a big relief. I don't foresee any fights over exposing them to different ideas.

mecran01 writes "Although I have differing beliefs than the adventists, when I lived in Micronesia they were the only denomination that was openly friendly and accepting regardless of our differences, unlike those who screamed at me."

Hah! I lived in Micronesia too, for a bit. Chuuk. The Adventists do a lot of missionary work there, somewhat making up for the mismanagement the islands have suffered under the care of the US. They were mostly better off under the Japanese until the Japanese got all crazy and tried to take over the world.

/derail.

Thanks to all who gave advice. I'm certainly planning to give them generous supplies of reading materials and I have little doubt that my sister will do the same (she is a VORACIOUS reader). I'm considering trying to share the cost of getting them things like piano lessons and eventually I'll help my sister pay for extracurricular activities.
posted by mullingitover at 7:24 PM on December 2, 2006