Help me expel this unwelcome bigotry

November 30, 2006 10:39 AM

I've noticed a significant amount of bigotry emerging in my thinking. To be more specific, I find myself being irritated by people from a certain group and I find myself blaming their irritating-ness on their ethnicity. (Which ethnicity? I'd rather not say and I don't think it matters.) Any suggestions on how to nip this in the bud? Books? Healing your Inner Bigot? For the record, I don't think my perception is accurate. The thoughts persist though and are emerging more often to my dismay.
posted by Aghast. to human relations (32 comments total)

Try getting to know someone from that ethnicity. Probably getting to know more than one person would be better. You'll likely find that there is much variation within that group in regards to personality, behavior, attitude, beliefs, etc.
posted by sulaine at 10:46 AM on November 30, 2006

Because you admit that the perceptions are likely not accurate, they are probably learned mentations, and thus they might be eradicated by self-done cognitive therapy, similar to what you would do for other cognitive distortions. I would suggest Burns' "Feel Good Workbook" for an example of a cognitive therapy worksheet.
posted by lleachie at 10:51 AM on November 30, 2006

To some extent, I find that reminding myself of all the various annoying or infuriating things that members of my own group do can stem some of those thoughts. Getting rid of racism doesn't mean thinking all members of various ethnic groups are wonderful happy helpful people, just realizing that we're all occasionally incompetent assholes, regardless of race.

It may also help to take a larger view of why each person or this community might be engaging in behaviors that annoy you. Are they actually adaptive behaviors in this person's environment, either because the person is expecting to confront racist attitudes and is shielding himself ahead of time, or because societal racism has kept him from ever developing the comfort and confidence necessary to interact in another way? How does the behavior actually serve the person using it? A lot of behaviors adopted by less-dominant groups are actually survival mechanisms that historically have helped the less-powerful preserve their dignity, power, or life (by keeping the dominant group from seeing them as a threat, for instance), and I find that understanding that dynamic can help.

Otherwise, just generally staying aware of your thoughts, stopping them as soon as you realize you're having one of them, and explicitly saying to yourself something like, "That's not true; here is an example that contradicts that."
posted by occhiblu at 10:52 AM on November 30, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think sulaine has the right idea, though sometimes it's hard to just go out and meet someone from a particular ethnic group.
posted by chunking express at 10:56 AM on November 30, 2006

Shift the bigoted thoughts to something benign. If the irritating person is wearing a pink shirt, try to get angry at Pink Shirters. It will feel sort of ridiculous but it can derail that train of thought and keep it from getting worse; it forces you to look at the world through a different set of goggles.

This also has the beneficial side-effect of making the work day a lot funnier, at least internally. For example, you can try to figure out when all the people in pink shirts are communicating secretly to overthrow the government, etc.
posted by bcwinters at 11:03 AM on November 30, 2006 [2 favorites]

And as for books, read histories of the group. Just learn more about their culture and history, the forms that discrimination against them may have taken, the problems the community currently faces and how *they* work to address them (so, not mainstream culture ideas on how *we* should fix them, but ideas and solutions arising from that community's own value system).
posted by occhiblu at 11:06 AM on November 30, 2006

(The above supposes you are white; if you're not, then fix the various "we"s and "them"s as appropriate.)
posted by occhiblu at 11:08 AM on November 30, 2006

I don't think it's beyond the pale to ascribe certain tendencies of thought or behavior to a particular cultural group; in fact, the conventional wisdom of any self-identified group rests on its shared ideas or beliefs.

The trick is distinguishing between culturally accepted modes of behavior that are simply different from those of your own, and individual acts that can exist across all cultures, good and bad.

The problem here is your irritation at the perceived infraction of good conduct, and whether that is simply your response to this cultural difference, or misplaced indignation derived from confirmation bias of isolated misdeeds.

In other words, you do need to put yourself in the "other's" shoes a bit, and decide for yourself if it's acceptable behavior from that culture's point of view, or if the behavior is simply wrong, across all cultures. If the former, then, yes, you need to work on your own ethnocentrism and see from the other side more. If the latter, you can perhaps do as sulaine suggests and widen your network.
posted by war wrath of wraith at 11:13 AM on November 30, 2006

Hmmm...is "valley girl" an ethnic group?
posted by Deathalicious at 11:16 AM on November 30, 2006

I'm going to disagree with most people here.

There is no reason to "cleanse" your thoughts unless you see yourself taking specific actions which you think are wrong/misguided as a result of them. From the wording of your question, it sounds like you are self-aware enough that you are not a bigot.

Perhaps you can elaborate on "emerging more often"? Do you mean your thoughts manifest into unwelcome actions?
posted by vacapinta at 11:35 AM on November 30, 2006

Can you volunteer at a place where you will mingle with people of different ethnicities? In my experiences with different work and living environments, if you see "those people" often enough, they just become people. AND THEN you can become irritated at them for more individual nonethnic reasons. Which I guess is good?
posted by unknowncommand at 11:38 AM on November 30, 2006

You know, it's an open secret that everyone does this. People and cultures are different, and in many cases, stereotypes, even negative ones, are based on some grain of truth.

While it's true that under our skin we're all essentially the same, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't occasionally make sweeping generalizations to themselves. Such as ___________ people are too loud in a movie theater, or _________ religion are irrational or ______________ culture thinks it's ok to park the car on the lawn or those who hold _______________ political stance just aren't as smart as those who believe _____________.

Working to dispel them is a worthwhile pursuit, of course.
But I think as long as those beliefs don't influence your decisions or encounters with other people, and you don't find yourself actively hating a huge swath of people, then they're pretty much harmless. And kinda funny.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 11:42 AM on November 30, 2006

Just stay aware of it. Make note of it when you notice yourself thinking that way. And also see if you can remember to notice other things: someone of any ethnicity doing something annoying; someone of "that" ethnicity doing normal or positive things. I think that looking at patterns, as you've already started doing, leads the way toward breaking them or creating new ones.

I often have feelings similar to what you describe -- though not consistently. (I live in a very diverse city, so I have opportunities to feel superior to people of many backgrounds, including my own.) I suspect it's very common.
posted by wryly at 12:04 PM on November 30, 2006

The book " Im not a Racist But" by Larry Blum might help you out somewhat. You should look into his work as well, I saw him speak last week and he was ..well, insightful.
posted by Meemer at 12:20 PM on November 30, 2006

I agree with vacapinta inasmuch as I think that attempting to suppress or "cleanse" your thoughts isn't going to do much good.

I think it's normal to be annoyed by some behaviors which clash against your own cultural norms and/or values. I think the danger lies in failing to distinguish between culture and ethnicity.
posted by treepour at 12:20 PM on November 30, 2006

...we're all occasionally incompetent assholes, regardless of race.

Now we're getting somewhere.
posted by Aquaman at 12:29 PM on November 30, 2006

Actively seek out and befriend positive members of people of that group. You won't be able to listen to the little voice in your head moaning about the goddamn you-know-whos when your best friend is a you-know-who and maybe you're dating one and your kids play with a few of them. Join the Goddamn You-Know-Whos Society if you have to.
posted by pracowity at 12:58 PM on November 30, 2006

Stereotyping is something that human brains are extremely well-equipped to do. Being good at recognizing (or inventing) patterns can have downsides if you assume (consciously or not) that the presence of one element of a pattern means that the others will be there too. So stereotyping in and of itself isn't something to feel bad about -- but treating people as if they are that stereotype, in the absence of any evidence, is bad. I honestly think that the fact that you're concerned about your thoughts suggests that you're paying enough attention to avoid that.
posted by nickmark at 1:00 PM on November 30, 2006

People and cultures are different, and in many cases, stereotypes, even negative ones, are based on some grain of truth.

I hear this a lot; in my experience grains of truth of this kind are usually swimming in oceans of exceptions.

In any case, the fact that you're aware of it is the important thing. It's a natural human tendency to look for patterns, but it's also a natural human tendency to over-apply patterns (this is why we have double-blind tests). You may want to look into social psychology: things like outgroup homogeneity bias and trait ascription bais, for example, can be most informative.

On preview: what nickmark said.
posted by Paragon at 1:03 PM on November 30, 2006

Honestly, I just think it and then laugh about it. Like Ethnicity Q Gender R's are always really slow on the subway stairs. Like molasses slow. So whenever I notice that and notice myself saying it, I just laugh. I guess it helps that I have friends of the same ethnicity and gender who aren't slow and that I know it's just silly biases.
posted by dame at 1:30 PM on November 30, 2006

Along the same lines, check out the Implicit Association Test or read one of the many articles about it, such as this one from The Skeptic Society.
posted by matildaben at 1:32 PM on November 30, 2006

One of my guiding life principles is that you can't control how you feel, but you can control how you act. Don't beat yourself up for the fleeting bigoted thoughts--just notice them when they happen, reason with yourself enough to acknowledge that what's irritating you isn't due to the person's ethnicity, and then control your outward behavior so that you aren't acting on the negative stereotype.
posted by gokart4xmas at 1:40 PM on November 30, 2006

Every time it happens, try to remember to remind yourself: "The reason that person is acting in this annoying way isn't because they are a member of [ethnic group], which just dictates their physical appearance, but because they are a member of [socioeconomic class], which dictates how they act, their value system, etc."

And, keep in mind that it's one of the most deeply imbedded human mental tendencies to separate other people into groups and generalize about them on that basis, a mental shortcut.

i.e., cut yourself a break. They're probably doing it to you half the time as well. It's just what people do, in their heads. (How they act is another matter.)
posted by gottabefunky at 2:12 PM on November 30, 2006

I also have to disagree with many of the people here. I find the idea of you finding someone of X race to be pals with a little strange.

"Hey, my X friend! Come over to my house and destroy my preconcieved notions!"

I mean, do you tell X that's what you're doing, or do you lie to your differently-hued buddy? And what if friend X turns out to confirm the stereotype? Find another one?

Just remember, it's all cultural, not racial. The skin color just makes it easier to spot a pattern in certain cultures. So, as Dame suggests, laugh it off.
posted by Bookhouse at 2:14 PM on November 30, 2006

There are lots of techniques in meditation to deal with negative thought patterns. Most of them have to do with coming back to the present, aligning oneself with one's breath and so on. Negative thoughts are a projection of a possible future, one which actually doesn't exist. When you deal with the negative thoughts in yourself you attempt to cultivate a great peace in yourself. This also means not eradicating or committing violence against your self in dealing with the thoughts.

Instead, you breath, bring yourself back to the present, and watch the thoughts melt away. Eventually they will come less and less. I reccommend the techniques taught by Thich Nhat Hahn, you can find many books of his through a simple google search.
posted by zia at 2:18 PM on November 30, 2006 [2 favorites]

I think it's natural to lump people together. Human behavior, especially human behavior that is shared amongst cultural (not ethnic/racial) groups other than your own, is often nonsensical and irritating. It's comforting to look at these behaviors and attribute them to a person's membership in a group. Trying to make sense out of stimuli is what the brain does. The problem is that there are vast amounts of people in that group who are nothing like the people that irritate you, but once your brain is wired in that way, it can be difficult to rewire it.

Honestly, I am annoyed by most people, but as a half black, half Puerto Rican person who has spent the majority of her life consorting with white people, I don't really have the luxury of looking at people as caricatures or as embodiments of whatever racial group they belong to (though it would make my life as a misanthrope much easier). That being said, there are certain groups that people have chosen to align themselves with that I definitely have biases against.

Maybe it would help to take note of people who aren't in that particular group, but who also happen to irritate you. I don't know what race/ethnicity you are, but think about all of the irritating people you've known in your own group. And of course think about how irritating you might be to people. Would you want anyone to attribute your irritating behaviors to something as arbitrary as your ethnic background? Not any more than you would want them to do that for your pleasing behaviors, I imagine.

Also this comment is wrong:

Every time it happens, try to remember to remind yourself: "The reason that person is acting in this annoying way isn't because they are a member of [ethnic group], which just dictates their physical appearance, but because they are a member of [socioeconomic class], which dictates how they act, their value system, etc."

Socioeconomic class dictates none of those things. So please don't remind yourself that.
posted by eunoia at 4:43 PM on November 30, 2006

"Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race."
-- Avenue Q

In my opinion, the difference between a bigot and a non-bigot is that a non-bigot tries their hardest to rise above the racist preconceptions of their particular culture.
posted by Afroblanco at 4:52 PM on November 30, 2006

How come "trait ascription bias" is found mostly at Wikipedia and mirror sites in a Google search? Is it called something else by most social psychologists, or is the wiki writer making this up? It's interesting, but are you really helping this guy?
posted by raysmj at 5:14 PM on November 30, 2006

I think the whole racist/bigotry thing is a red herring.

When I find myself persistently annoyed by any person or people, I get down to some serious thinking about what part of myself they represent. Specifically I look at the traits that I'm ascribing to them, and follow up with a good, hard look at those traits in myself.

Hint: statements like "I absolutely nothing in common with that person/people" are a good sign that you're in denial. Humans have far more in common with each other than we have differences.
posted by tkolar at 5:49 PM on November 30, 2006

eerm, statements like "I absolutely nothing in common with that person/people" are also a good sign that your english skills are deteriorating rapidly.
posted by tkolar at 5:51 PM on November 30, 2006

A lot to chew on here. I'd say half of my friends are from this group so that isn't an issue. To me, thought and behavior are so intertwined that I can't concern myself only with action. Like some have recommended, I have given myself a break on this and I don't even blame myself for being bigoted since I live and learn in a bigoted environment. Still, I wouldn't mind not thinking like that. One negative action that I have taken is putting down a book by a member of that group that I otherwise would read. See? It's limiting. And THANKS for the thoughtful responses.
posted by Aghast. at 7:46 PM on November 30, 2006

How come "trait ascription bias" is found mostly at Wikipedia and mirror sites in a Google search? Is it called something else by most social psychologists, or is the wiki writer making this up?

I'm not an expert, but it seems to be in use (The Psychology of Stereotyping). The intent seems to be in much more current use than the terminology, however (Ingroup and outgroup stereotypes and selective processing).
posted by Paragon at 12:24 AM on December 1, 2006