Am I obligated to find a replacement roommate?

November 27, 2006 4:44 PM

Do I have the common courtesy obligation (ie, this is NOT a legal question) to find a replacement roommate on a month to month lease? What if my current roommates are being picky in terms of who they are willing to live with? At what point am I free of courteous obligations to find someone?

I found appox 4 people who were interested. One of the people was really quiet and shy which is a clash of personality when compared with my current roommates. Another liked to smoke pot, which bothers my roommates and a third was generally disliked in my estimation for no reality-based reason (they were getting weird vibes from this individual). The fourth was perfect, but we offered and he decided to go with another place.

So I would like to keep these roommates as friends because they are cool. What is a fair way to determine who is financially responsible to pay for my room starting Jan 1 without getting lawyers involved?

I should state that the three people that we turned down were very much interested in the place. And while I probably would not have wanted to go out of my way to live with any one of them, I do believe that they were all capable people.

posted by |n$eCur3 to human relations (18 comments total)

You're done. You've already done more than is common courtesy.

What is a fair way to determine who is financially responsible to pay for my room starting Jan 1 without getting lawyers involved?

The other three can figure that out for themselves. Don't get involved. If it is a month-to-month lease, the other people are also free to leave if they feel that they cannot find an acceptable new roommate.
posted by grouse at 4:51 PM on November 27, 2006

If you give them fair notice, then they should be responsible for finding a roommate. If you do not, then you need to find someone or pay. Given that you have had the time to find and nix four people, and that you are not moving out till January 1, I think you have done your duty.

That said, if they disagree with me, then yes, you have to find them someone if you want to stay friends. Unless you can convince them they are wrong.
posted by dame at 4:52 PM on November 27, 2006

You've done your bit. If your roommates have known you'd be moving out for a while before the fact (which, obviously, they have), and you aren't breaking a lease, I'd say you've already gone above and beyond.

Thanks to Craigslist, the cost of advertising for roommates is the time it takes to type up the ad. And the roommates will have to vet the prospects anyhow. What more can you do?
posted by adamrice at 4:55 PM on November 27, 2006

I think that your responsibility is done. If they rejected three people who were willing to take your spot, then it's up to them now. They have plenty of time.
posted by number9dream at 4:56 PM on November 27, 2006

I assume you're asking a moral / guilt based question rather than a legal one. I'd say the answer, though, is probably somewhere around the same time frame you're legally obligated. If you give them two months notice that you're leaving, and an honest effort (and it seems fairly clear that you have) to find someone to take your place during those two months, then you should be able to walk away guilt free. If your roommates are friends, though, they might not see it quite the same way, and whatever definition they're using will likely dictate whether you're still friends after the fact.

Legally, the answer would depend very much on how your lease is written and what the grounds are for one of you breaking and forcing a re-writing of the original lease with the landlord.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:02 PM on November 27, 2006

Well, they knew that I was doing interviews for a job in another city at least 2 months before today. I told them Nov 1 that I was probably moving out at the end of the month, and two weeks ago, I told them for sure that I was in fact moving out.
posted by |n$eCur3 at 5:06 PM on November 27, 2006

Having been on the other end of this situation (the staying roommate), you've done more than my ex-roomies have in the past, and mine were people I still consider to have been courteous and mature about the situation. Specifically, since you've BOTH given plenty of notice and gone out of your way to find suitable replacements, I think your courtesy-obligations are satisfied. The only additional suggestion I might make is that (assuming you are not leaving because of a misdeed on the roomies' part, or other negative experience), you let the roomies know you're available as a reference or to answer any "how were they to live with?" type questions potential new-roomies may have.
posted by bunnycup at 5:07 PM on November 27, 2006

So in all estimation, I gave them a solid 2 weeks notice, and a not so solid yet general indication at 2 months and then again at 1 month.
posted by |n$eCur3 at 5:07 PM on November 27, 2006

Every group living situation I've known about, the remaining roommates are responsible for finding the new roommate.
posted by raf at 5:17 PM on November 27, 2006

Hrmm. If they only got a 'solid 2 weeks' (given that they can't invite anyone to move in on a general indication), I'd say you owe them at least a month after your departure.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:03 PM on November 27, 2006

I'd say you've fully met your obligations as a friend and roommate, with just this last step: state clearly to them that you're now turning the roommate hunt over to their capable hands.

You sound like a good roommate. We should all be lucky enough to live with someone so considerate. Good luck in your new job!
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 6:21 PM on November 27, 2006

It's been said a bunch of times, but in case one more straw helps: you already went beyond what was necessary to be considerate. You're done.
posted by rokusan at 6:29 PM on November 27, 2006

"What is a fair way to determine who is financially responsible to pay for my room starting Jan 1 without getting lawyers involved?"

"So in all estimation, I gave them a solid 2 weeks notice, and a not so solid yet general indication at 2 months and then again at 1 month."

These seem to contradict each other. If they know now, then they have at least a month's solid notice. You're done.
posted by jaysus chris at 6:31 PM on November 27, 2006

There's only one sure way to keep your friends, and that is to offer to pay December rent.

You have the right to leave, but they have the right to pick their next roommate. Friendships end over roommate break-ups every day. In a great many cases, you can get out of the deal with what you feel is owed you, or you can get out of the deal with your friendship intact, but you can't get out with both. That there is how it is.

p.s. If I was your roommate, I would say that you owed me a month's notice, period. Future roommates have nothing to do with it. They've only known for sure that you're leaving for a couple of weeks.
posted by bingo at 7:08 PM on November 27, 2006

I gave them a solid 2 weeks notice, and a not so solid yet general indication at 2 months and then again at 1 month.

Sorry, but two weeks "solid" notice is not enough; you should offer to give them part of your deposit to make up for the short notice. One month is the very least cordial roommates should offer, and two months "solid" notice is the minimum friends should do for each other.

"General indications" don't count in this kind of situation.
posted by mediareport at 9:41 PM on November 27, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I've had many roommates when I was in my twenties and at least half of the arrangements ended poorly, mostly due to a lack of communication. To avoid any hard feelings (or at least lessen the chances) I would make this clear to your roommates:

- If they want to move to a smaller place, you will honor whatever length of notice you're required to give to the landlord. If it's only a month and it takes your roommates two months to find a place, that's not your problem. However, if it's three months then you need to pony up the rent for December, January and February. Legally, I assume you would have to do this anyway. If you were still in a year-long lease, you would be obligated to buy out your share of the lease for the remaining months.

- You attempted to find a replacement and found several acceptable ones that they turned down. Technically, you're only required to find a warm body with a job that isn't an axe murderer. I would tell them that you'll keep looking for potential roommates, but you make no guarantees. I was in this situation before and my roommate came home with some guy and said "This is John, he's your new roommate. See ya.". Well, it turns out John was sort of an asshole but he paid his share of the rent.

I would just be clear that while it's not economically possible for you to carry your share of the rent after you move, you're willing to do anything to help out within reason.
posted by bda1972 at 11:01 PM on November 27, 2006

When I was moving out of my apartment that I shared with my best friend (we lived together for 3 years), I gave him 4 months notice. He actually ended up buying a place. I'm a bit confused about when you're moving out, since you say Jan 1 in your question, but then you imply that you're leaving as of Dec 1. Two weeks solid notice is not enough. "I might be moving out sometime soon" is not notice, period, because your roommates can't seriously look until you you give them actual notice. I'd say you're on the hook for at *least* December's rent if you want to stay friends, and technically I'd say that whatever the legal required notice is for your month to month lease (this ranges a lot from place to place), you should have given them that much solid notice. They could have given their notice to the landlord at the same time, and found a 3 bedroom place instead of being stuck with the 4 bed place.
posted by antifuse at 3:27 AM on November 28, 2006

To Nth all the previous folks and turn it around a bit - would you have been okay if you'd told them you "might" be leaving and they went ahead and rented your room to someone else... and you didn't end up leaving? They did the only thing your statement comfortably allowed them to do: nothing.

Pay December's rent and be done with it. If they can't find someone after 6 weeks and hold it against you then there's little you can do about that.
posted by phearlez at 11:08 AM on November 28, 2006